Music to my Soul
Chapter XII
"Hey you heard me," Robbie answered angrily. "That bloody journalist stuck his nose in our business too many times already. I find it interesting that you'd be friends with him."
Cole thought it was his bad luck that Paul had been so curious about Fredo. Why couldn't he have concentrated on another of those gangsters? At any rate the damage might already be done and there was no point in dwelling on the subject. Not to mention that Cole realized he had better keep his wits about himself if he wanted to survive this.
"I must admit," Fredo added, confirming Cole's fears, "I'm interested in your explanations as well. What's more, it's not looking good for you that you were involved in the other night's raid."
Cole swallowed hard, looking at all the men present in turn before he answered. Again, he chose to continue with defiance, as well as denial, as a defense. While staring directly at Fredo with all the confidence he could muster, he exclaimed, "That's what I get for saving your butt? Not only are you having me followed everywhere I go, but now you're accusing me of what? Being a spy? Is that the kind of opportunity you were talking about when you offered me this job? I didn't ask anything from you and frankly I've got to tell you, this crap is quickly getting old…"
"You still haven't told us what you were doing with this Paul McKail," Robbie insisted from behind him, startling Cole. He didn't have time to answer this however, because Phoebe's voice caught all their attentions.
"What's going on here?" Phoebe questioned from the stairs.
In spite of the knot in his stomach, Cole couldn't help the little thrill he felt at the sound of her voice. However, Phoebe didn't meet his gaze when he turned toward her. In fact, she completely ignored him and instead, she went straight to Fredo.
"Are you talking about that nosy paper pusher Cole told me about last night?"
"What do you mean," Fredo questioned with sudden interest.
"Is it?" Phoebe insisted, finally turning a lazy gaze toward Cole.
"Huh…yeah," Cole managed hesitantly as he was rather surprised at her affirmation. He was certain he never mentioned Paul during their conversation.
"Oh then, this has nothing to do with me," Phoebe replied casually, while making a move to leave the room.
"Lara," Fredo called back imperatively. "I want an answer."
"About what?" Phoebe replied as if she couldn't imagine what he wanted from her.
"I asked you about the journalist. What did Cole tell you about him?"
"Oh that! He just told me that this guy had come to him thinking he'd get the goods on you. Apparently he's really insistent. "
Cole held his breath, still wondering what was going on. She was obviously lying for him, but he wondered why exactly. "Like she said," Cole uttered cautiously. "I just didn't wanna get into this…"
Fredo cast a cold glance his way and then he returned his attention toward Phoebe. "You and Cole must have gotten real close for him to tell you these things…" Fredo questioned again, this time with obvious suspicion directed as much at Phoebe as at Cole.
Phoebe stared back at her old lover confidently, still ignoring Cole. "I don't know what he thinks and I could not care less. He was just babbling about a bunch of things last night and I caught on that one because I believed it could be about my show… Anyway, he just said he was annoyed, that's all."
"That's all? So how come you're on a first name basis?"
"Oh come on Fredo. He's the help. If you're thinking that I'd…anyway, whatever ideas he got in his head, they don't concern me in the least..."
"So why did you bother telling me this?" Fredo pursued while staring intently at her.
Phoebe didn't even flinch as she gave him her answer. "I was just wondering if you were still mad about last night, that's all. And frankly, you've gotta trust me; if that one's a spy, he's not a very smart one."
"Hey," Cole couldn't help exclaiming. He stopped himself, as he realized that his pride was the least of his concerns at this point. Instead, he took a few quick breaths to calm himself and turned to Fredo. "Look, the other night, I went to the raid because I was curious to know what the police were doing there. I met this journalist through acquaintances and I might have mentioned your name by accident when I saw him the night of the raid… I was still thinking about your offer then…. Anyway, ever since, he's been bugging me for information… He even let himself in my apartment in spite of my protestations…"
"And what did you tell him?" Fredo asked, not at all mollified by Cole's explanation.
"Even if I had wanted to tell him anything, which I don't," Cole replied curtly, "what the hell was I supposed to tell? I'm just the driver here and not for long if you keep treating me like this." Cole finished with a heavy hint of indignation.
"Well…" Fredo began in a slightly more hesitant manner.
Before he could pursue however, Robbie interrupted. "Now wait a minute here. You're just full of shit. I saw you going inside a Café with that guy. You sure didn't look like you were running away from him."
"What's he talking about," Fredo asked Cole directly with renewed suspicion.
"Alright it's true," Cole replied as calmly as he could. "Look, the son of a bitch told me that if I didn't go with him, he'd come here and hint that I gave him information anyway. I wanted to come clean with you, Fredo. I just wasn't sure how you'd react."
"And is he gonna come here?" Fredo pursued coldly.
"Nah…he's the one who's full of shit. As soon as I saw that, I dumped him and I came straight here. I assure you, this guy knows nothing at all."
Fredo glanced at Robbie, but this one shrugged angrily since he had no way of knowing if this was true or not. He still intended to find out however.
During all this time, Saul had remained very silent behind Fredo. Cole only then noticed the man's eyes fixated on him. For some reason, he got more upset about that than he did under Fredo's inquisition. Maybe because Saul seemed to have judged him already… What was Saul gonna tell Fredo now? Even as Cole thought of that, he saw Saul moving toward the old gangster and he held his breath. No doubt the old man would listen more to his lieutenant than to a near stranger and the snake eyes Saul was training on Cole told of a vindictive personality. Without a doubt, if the former driver had truly been the victim of this gang, Saul must have been the one doing the deed; or at the very least, he orchestrated it. Suddenly, Paul's warnings weighed a lot on Cole's mind. Not only that, but he couldn't help worrying about his friend as well. As he saw Saul bending toward Fredo's ear, Phoebe interrupted again.
"Look Fredo, I don't know about you, but I don't think he's smart enough to invent a story like that. What's more, he came here to drive me to rehearsal and I'm late already. Can't you just finish this later? Tomorrow is my big night and you promised to do everything to help me with it…"
Fredo turned to her with obvious annoyance but he didn't protest. In the same movement, he noticed Saul beside him, but instead of motioning him closer, Fredo gestured dismissively, to Saul's obvious irritation. Nevertheless, Saul took a few steps back. "Alright…but Cole," he continued for him, "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you saved my life. However, if you see this journalist again and you don't tell me about it, I'll know and I won't be so magnanimous next time."
"I can assure you, I've got no intention of betraying you, Fredo. Why would I save you and then do that?"
"That's the question isn't it," Saul couldn't help adding then. That garnered him an irritated glare from his boss but he stared right back without flinching this time. However, he kept silent.
"Drive my girl and keep her safe. And remember…if you're trying to play me, I'll know soon enough."
The threat was implied and Cole didn't need it to be spelled out. He still wondered why Fredo would trust him with Phoebe, but maybe the answer lied in the fact that she came to his defense. That was in no way reassuring however. What if he was setting her up too? In spite of his deepening worry, Cole still stared back at Fredo with confidence while Phoebe grabbed her bag and headed for the door. When she realized that Cole wasn't following her, she called to him impatiently. "Hey you coming or do I have to drive myself?"
Cole gave one last look at the men assembled there and then, without a word he went to open the door for Phoebe. Only when they were outside did he start breathing normally again, but he knew he wasn't out of the woods just yet. Saul would talk to Fredo eventually. And besides, the fib about Paul wouldn't hold for long. All Cole could hope for was that Fredo was sincere about giving him a second chance. Still, Cole knew that he would have to act faster if he wanted to get the goods on Fredo before it was too late. If they dug any further in his life, it wouldn't take them long to see that Phoebe and him lied…
As Cole was thinking of all of this, he followed Phoebe distractedly to the car and only as he opened the door for her did he try to ask her about her intervention. However, as if she knew he was about to talk, Phoebe gave him a cold glance that froze the words in his throat. He couldn't understand why she would act like this after so obviously helping him back there and this discrepancy puzzled and worried him. As soon as she had taken a seat in the back of the car, unlike the previous night, Phoebe curtly gave him an address that was nowhere near the Pharaoh's Club. When Cole tried to question her about this, he got the same cold reaction from her and he dropped it for the time being.
For a long moment, Cole drove in silence, unsure of how he should feel. Phoebe remained very silent and apparently oblivious of him. This only deepened his unease and in the end, he surprised himself by worrying more about her attitude than about Fredo and his gang. Questions came to him non stop about this. Did Phoebe really put herself on the line for him? Or was it a selfish means to exonerate herself from a real or imagined offence? Was she pissed at him because she felt Cole forced her to lie for him? Granted, her tactic had put him off… However, in hindsight, he could see that it worked. Still, Cole couldn't help wondering what she was really thinking as he gave her another quick glance in the mirror. Although she didn't seem to pay him more attention than before, he thought that she looked jumpy. Had she been observing him until now? Was she also wondering about him the same way he was about her? Or had she been truthful before about how little she cared about him? For the umpteenth time, Cole opened his mouth, ready to ask her and then he closed it right back for fear that he would get the wrong answer. He was so troubled that he didn't even care about where they were going anymore. However, he wondered if the change in destination was a good or a bad sign, without finding any more answers about this than the rest. All this introspection, which was at the expense of the more important subject of their imminent jeopardy, began to irritate him. He knew there was only one reason why he would become so upset about her attitude and it wasn't too good at this point in time.
Cole shifted uncomfortably on the seat, mostly put off with himself for his weakness. It had been a long time since he felt this helpless with a woman. This wasn't bringing back good memories. However, as hard as he tried to fight it, he realized he was unable to think more reasonably. At last, Cole realized that Phoebe's silence was even more upsetting than anything she could have said and he was about to question her anyway when she finally spoke, although tensely. "You've gotta lose him," Phoebe suddenly announced.
Cole looked back at her briefly and he saw that she was staring at a car a short distance behind them. It didn't take a genius to figure out they were being followed again. Cole gave a good look at the driver in his rear mirror but the man was unknown to him. However, Phoebe's increasing nervousness told her that she knew him.
"I don't know," Cole uttered hesitantly. "If they're having us followed, won't that make Fredo even more suspicious when we try to lose our tail?"
"I don't care," Phoebe replied shortly. "You've got to lose him. You can do that, can't you," she added in a challenging fashion.
As much as Cole wanted to be reasonable about it, her provocation had an effect. "I could lose him in my sleep," he replied with too much bravado even for him. He knew he was showing off, but he couldn't help it.
"Well," Phoebe questioned when he still didn't act upon his claim.
"Hold on to your butt," Cole shot back, just before he accelerated suddenly and threaded dangerously though the traffic.
Cole gave many glimpses to their pursuers, who accelerated in turn to catch up. However, it was soon obvious that the man at the wheel wasn't as skilled as Cole was. He almost hit a car just as Cole looked back once more and at the same time, Cole saw that Phoebe was a little paler than before with some measure of satisfaction. When he estimated that he had put enough distance between them and their pursuers, he swerved onto a side road, and then turned again at the next intersection, this time heading in the opposite direction. They drove like this for a good fifteen minutes, going back and forth, until Cole was convinced that they had lost them. Then he backed up the car into an alley and observed the road for a long moment, in case they were still behind them. When he was satisfied that the driver of the other car had lost them, he turned an irritated stare toward Phoebe. "Now are you gonna tell me why we did something so stupid?"
Phoebe replied with a question of her own, and it was so abrupt that Cole was taken aback. "Who's this Paul McKail?"
Ever since she heard the name from the stairs, Phoebe found a new motive to get Cole quickly out of the house. This one was much less pleasant however. The combination of her sighting of the night before, of finding Cole in that bar and now hearing that he was acquainted with a guy named Paul had jolted her. Right then, she was observing Cole closely, wondering at his uneasiness. "So," She insisted when he didn't answer.
"What does it matter to you?"
"Just answer me…"
Cole detected tension in her voice; as if she wanted to know and dreaded it at the same time. "Well, it's just like I told Fredo… Thanks for the help by the way, but I really didn't need it," Cole uttered as calmly as he could. Her sudden interest in Paul didn't sit well with him any more than Fredo's.
"You're saying you don't know him that well," Phoebe questioned with a subtle softening to her voice.
"As well as one might know a guy with whom I shared a few drinks in the past. Just a vague acquaintance really…You still haven't told me what business it is of yours…"
Phoebe looked away instead of answering the repeated question. Maybe it was just a coincidence… Yet, she had to know. "Last night, I thought I recognized someone from my past…he was named Paul too and he was coming out of the same club where I found you…"
"What makes you think it's the same Paul? First of all, the fact that we were in the same bar means nothing at all. I mean, it's not like we were alone…" Cole was thinking furiously while trying to show a casual façade to Phoebe. Why was she interested in Paul? It was rather obvious that she knew him somehow. However, Cole had never heard Paul mentioning her before. In fact, considering how Paul felt about this adventure, Cole was certain that he would have told him about knowing Phoebe. "So why," He asked himself again in puzzlement.
"I just thought…" Phoebe started hesitantly. Then she stopped, realizing how ridiculous that was. There were many men named Paul in the city alone. Besides, now she even doubted what she saw the night before. "Never mind," she uttered irritably. Phoebe hated to have once more shown any sort of vulnerability to Cole. Last night had already been too much. All she wanted from this day was to satisfy an urge and put it behind her. Maybe then, she would stop thinking about Cole so much and go back to the way things were before. Also, she knew that she was seeking release from her remorse about Martin. Phoebe hated to even think about this and she resolutely set it aside, instead concentrating on the first reason why she had wanted Cole and her to be alone. Without wait, she switched into seduction mode, which was something she knew very well and was reassuring at the same time as a means to satisfy her needs. "No really," she told him in a throaty voice. "I was just a little upset about something. Nothing that concerns you; I'm sure it wasn't the same Paul anyway. We've got so much more pleasant things to think about right now."
Phoebe's sudden change in attitude confused Cole, not to mention that it reawakened his desire for her all at once. She was such a complex woman and yet, instead of fearing it, he was tempted to jump without a care for his own safety. Cole knew he was being unreasonable. Maybe it was a reaction to his remorse and his need to forget about it. At first, he was still vaguely compelled to probe further into her questions about Paul, but when he saw the way Phoebe seemed to soften, he forgot all about that. It was as if her earlier concerns had been of no importance and if Cole still wished he knew what it was about, he suddenly wasn't too anxious to make Phoebe angry again. "Then, we're ok with this business," he still asked uncertainly. Her smile was stirring him a lot more than Cole even cared admitting to himself.
"Yeah, I told you," Phoebe uttered in a sultry voice, "I was just overreacting to something. All this agitation, you know?"
"So then… why did we lose this guy?" Cole risked, while he stared at her in a manner that told Phoebe she had been right on the mark about the way he felt.
"It's a surprise…suffice to say I didn't want them to know where we're going."
Cole had one last moment of hesitation, mostly because he hated uncertainty, but since Phoebe seemed to be in such a joyous disposition all of a sudden, he set aside his own worries completely. With the beginning of a smile, he asked, "and when will I get this surprise of yours?"
"Get us to the address I gave you…" Phoebe simply answered.
Cole already imagined what his surprise would be and if he should have been weary of it, at this moment, he only wished he was already there. To hell with Fredo and Saul and anyone who might have been an obstacle. Without any more hesitation, he gave her one last smile and started the engine again. Cole still had the presence of mind to look about before leaving their hiding place, but he could see no suspicious car and he headed for their destination with renewed impatience.
It was only as he parked the car behind a discreet hotel at the edge of town that he experienced renewed scruples about this. As he hesitated at the wheel, Phoebe called to him with the same seductive voice. "Won't you open the door for me?"
Cole tightened his hold on the wheel slightly as he tried to reason with himself. This was totally wrong. He should be warning Paul at this moment, not contemplating making love to Phoebe.
"Come on, Cole… Don't you want your surprise," Phoebe added, this time almost against his neck. He felt her warm breath against his skin and all reason went out the window. Cole almost didn't bother getting out of the car, as he was tempted to turn to her and kiss her right then and there. However, even as he was about to, he felt her moving back and he hurried out. As soon as she was out herself, Phoebe came to lean against him suggestively and Cole couldn't keep his eyes off of her.
"See," Phoebe uttered with a teasing smile, "that's what I appreciate about men. They can't hide their true desires…" This she said as she pressed her hips against his and felt his obvious arousal.
Cole wanted to grab her right then and there, but he had another moment of clarity. "Look…" he uttered hoarsely, as Phoebe lifted her face toward his, while her lips already parted invitingly. "Look, Phoebe," Cole tried again, even while his hand came to rest on her hips almost of its own accord, "I have to know," he blurted as he jerked slightly away. "Why did you help me?"
Phoebe pouted unhappily, as she had obviously not planned to make conversation. "I just didn't think it was right that another driver should die so soon after the last one…" She uttered casually. "Besides, I don't believe you're a spy. You're not, are you?" She questioned with a sudden hint of suspicion.
"No…of course not…but…was that the only reason," Cole questioned again, slightly cooled off by her casual attitude.
"What other reason could there be? Well, besides the obvious," Phoebe continued as she grabbed his buttocks and began massaging them shamelessly. "Come on Cole," she insisted then, "you knew exactly what we were coming here for..."
"Yeah," Cole replied throatily while staring at her lips without even realizing it. "I guess yes, I knew, but…"
"But what," Phoebe exclaimed impatiently, letting go of him.
Cole felt a sudden emptiness that was none too pleasant at this. Yet, he couldn't help the little voice of his conscience nagging at him. "Alright, I won't tell you I don't want you. That would be a lie."
Phoebe gave an applied gaze toward his midsection, telling him that she had no doubts about that.
"But that doesn't mean we should," Cole pursued uncertainly.
"Why is that," Phoebe questioned again with mounting frustration.
"I don't want you to get upset, Phoebe," Cole replied. "It's just…" He had to look away. "It's just that for many years, I treated women rather badly…I used them and discarded them without a care…"
"I'm not reproaching that to you," Phoebe uttered edgily.
"You should…I know I do now," Cole admitted. "I don't want it to be like that with you," he trailed as he gazed back at her. When he did so, Cole thought that he read something unexpected in her eyes. He thought there was a trace of guilt of her own in her expression.
"What do you expect from me?" Phoebe still questioned. "A future? You think we'll run away together?"
"I…I don't know…"
"Well, I do," Phoebe pursued more firmly. "It's your choice Romeo. I'm offering myself to you, no strings attached…"
"I…" Cole swallowed hard, barely believing that he was about to refuse such a tempting offer. And for what? A principle? One he never cared to have until this very moment?
When seeing Cole's hesitation, Phoebe experienced a renewed fear of being rejected and even if she knew deep down that he was actually trying to show respect toward her, the pain this caused her blinded her to reason. Her anger flared and she suddenly headed back toward the car while she spat between her teeth, "well, you had your chance!"
Instinctively, Cole grabbed her arm before she could get in the car. "Please Phoebe…I just need to know if it means something to you…"
"Like what," Phoebe asked hesitantly without looking at him. In spite of her resolve, Phoebe felt the burning of tears threatening to flow unabashedly as she only then realized how much it did matter to her. Yet, she still worried that giving Cole any hint of this could lead to unexpected and unpleasant consequences.
"I don't know exactly," Cole admitted painfully. He couldn't take his hand off of her. He feared that if he let go of Phoebe, he would lose something infinitely more precious than anything he ever owned. Inside of him, desire mixed in with an intense emotion that he had pain to recognize. Cole only knew that it at once made him feel weak and strong. "I just know that I need it to mean something," he still managed.
"What if I have nothing more to offer," Phoebe questioned softly.
Even as she said this however, Cole felt her trembling and he became convinced that she was trying to keep her true feelings from him. "Why did you help me?" He questioned again.
"I told you," Phoebe said half-heartedly, as she turned halfway toward him. "There was nothing more to it."
Her eyes bright with tears told another story however. "Are you certain?" Cole asked again as he lifted his free hand toward her face and gently stroked her cheek.
Phoebe tried to resist, but the soft touch finished breaking her defenses. She closed her eyes while pressing her cheek against his hand, as she uttered hoarsely, "why would you reject me again?"
"I'm not, Phoebe," Cole replied quickly. I…" He could see such pain in her expression, and he only wanted to do something to erase it. "Resisting you is simply torture, Phoebe. You're so beautiful and desirable."
"Then please," Phoebe pleaded, as she opened her eyes and gazed directly at his. "Don't reject me again."
In her eyes, Cole saw the answer to his question expressed louder than any words. Whereas there had been a sensual invitation in them earlier, now there was a vulnerability that warmed him up inside; and if he could resist the seduction, this, on the other hand, he couldn't. Even as he reached behind her neck and took the lips so obviously offered to him, Cole vaguely wondered if it was what he had hoped for; but by then it didn't matter anymore. As their kiss deepened, Phoebe's response became more passionate and she again grabbed his buttocks, firmly pulling him to her. This time however, Cole sensed that it was more an instinctive reaction than a provocation and he wanted only to satisfy both of them on the spot. He pushed her against the still open door of the car, and it closed with a loud thud, although barely causing them to notice, it still was enough to remind Phoebe of where they were. Reluctantly breaking the kiss, she whispered against his lips, "far from me to be a prude, but shouldn't we get a room?"
The thought of having to let go of her even for the time it would take to rent the room was almost painful, but then, Phoebe pulled a key from her handbag and without the need for any explanation, he simply groaned, "lead the way…"
While Phoebe inserted the pass into the keyhole with hands trembling from anticipation, Cole wrapped his arms around her from behind and he began groping her belly, and then pulling up her dress just as the door unlocked. Cole then pushed her inside, closing the door behind them with a kick as he went on undressing Phoebe impatiently.
Neither one of them noticed a car parking a little ways from the hotel and the driver coming out of it just in time to see Cole and Phoebe rushing inside the room. The man congratulated himself on his patience. He had some trouble following them but eventually, he managed to catch up with them and now, he believed that Saul would be satisfied with his news. Convinced that they were in there for the long run, the man started walking toward the nearest public phone, which he had spotted on his way there.
Inside, neither Cole, nor Phoebe cared about the world outside or the danger that lurked. Just like in her sexy dream, Cole pressed her against the wall of a small sitting room, which was adjacent to the bedroom. By then, he had already taken off her dress and he grabbed her breasts firmly, while his lips trailed down Phoebe's back toward the only piece of clothing that remained. For every caress, for every touch of his soft and wanting lips on her skin, Phoebe felt tingling all over and she became totally lost in the moment, closing her eyes and drinking in every sensation. By the time he found the soft skin of her buttocks, after pulling down her undergarment with his teeth, and he began tracing lazy circles with his tongue that awakened a fire in her loins, Phoebe's only concern was to stay in this moment for as long as she possibly could.
Still, Phoebe's need for release was growing greater by the moment; but when she tried to turn toward him, Cole held her firmly against the wall, while his hands slowly, almost painfully, moved toward her lower belly. Phoebe groaned loudly when he found the soft hair between her legs and began toying with it, in her mind, teasing her mercilessly. "Please," she uttered in a barely audible voice. All it got her was for him to remove his caressing hands and her frustration grew at the same time as her desire. However, the rustling sound of clothing being dropped on the floor told her what he was up to and she held back another groan of frustration. Instead, she parted her legs and waited while her breath quickened, out of excitement as much as anticipation. Even knowing that he was coming back, a tremor shook Phoebe as his muscular body molded itself to hers and she felt his naked skin burning hers.
Cole enveloped her with his strong arms and she felt as if he meant to swallow her whole; at the same time, she was willing to give herself to him. Deep down, Phoebe was shocked at her own abandon but she didn't want to fight it. For the first time in years, she allowed herself to trust a man completely and didn't feel the need to control the situation, even if she had no idea why or how it happened. All she knew was that it felt great and she wanted the sensation to last.
While Cole nibbled on her earlobes, his body so tight against her that she could feel his heart racing against her back, his fingers found the warm opening in her loins and he began expertly stimulating her, without ever allowing her to reach complete ecstasy however. It was at once maddening and exciting.
When Cole was certain that he brought her to the limit, as she was groaning and rocking against him already, he suddenly whirled Phoebe toward him, covering her lips with his hungrily, while grabbing her buttocks and pulling her hips tighter against his. Phoebe instinctively threw her arms around him, planting her fingernails in his back as if she believed she could fall if she didn't hold on to him. Cole lifted her just enough so he could carry her to the bed, never stopping his intense exploration of her warm mouth, as Phoebe responded with the same ardour to his kiss. As he laid them both on the bed, he opened his eyes and released her lips while trailing a caressing hand inside her thighs, eliciting more groans from Phoebe. Until this moment, and in spite of the enjoyment he was taking in pleasuring Phoebe, Cole had avoided looking in her eyes. He vaguely understood that he feared seeing only lust in them. For the first time in almost twelve years, he wanted to feel more than just lust from a woman. He wanted her to return his affection.
In spite of all the affairs Cole had through the years, he consistently rejected any display of affection from the women he bedded. Most of these women believed that he felt something for them because of the great care he took in pleasuring them. Thus, they were always startled by his refusal of such demonstration. However, considering how good he was in bed, they soon accepted this apparent coldness as some eccentricity on his part, or even shyness.
In truth, Cole was actually gratifying himself a lot more by satisfying them. Rosalind, his first lover, had been very thorough in her teaching. The most important part of what she taught him was making him appreciate what men often deny themselves: anticipation. Instant gratification, according to Rosalyn, was what most men desired from women. She taught him that there could be much more to be had by pacing oneself and she was right. By giving those women all they could wish for, he was making certain that they would also give themselves to him completely and they did without fail. Until this very moment, he had believed that the possession of these women and their willingness to give in to him so completely was the best part of lovemaking. However, as Cole stared at Phoebe and watched her features so obviously expressing intense pleasure, he understood that he had missed out on the greatest sensation of them all. It wasn't enough that she was his at this moment; he wanted to see love in her eyes.
The thought shocked Cole so much that he stopped his caresses and almost pulled back, as he was suddenly paralysed by the fear of rejection. He remembered this pain too well. The fact that he was thinking of the young girl who caused him so much pain in life in this particular instant felt strange and unnerving to Cole.
Phoebe sensed an unpleasant change in Cole. He was pulling back, and this time, it wasn't the same as earlier, she was certain of it. Phoebe didn't know if she was getting angry or afraid as a disagreeable sensation coursed through her. She was about to protest aloud when, as she opened her eyes, she met his hesitant gaze and it removed all trace of anger in her. Instead, she found herself fearful without knowing of what. "What is it," she uttered uncertainly.
Cole was now peering intently at her without a word and her discomfort grew. "Cole?" Phoebe questioned.
What was it he saw in her eyes? Again he wondered if it was the feelings he had been hoping for mixing with the worry, or if she was simply being strangely solicitous. Yet, he thought he could recognize something in her gaze. It was the same fear he felt inside. "I…" he began, but stopped himself immediately. How could he voice such a fear and not appear weak to Phoebe?
"Have you changed your mind," Phoebe questioned with a hint of disbelief and disappointment to her voice that was unmistakable.
"No…" Cole trailed while looking away. "I mean…I don't know…"
"Now you're having scruples," Phoebe exclaimed incredulously. "Are you still trying to deny you want me?"
"No Phoebe," Cole replied intently, gazing back at her. "I want you more than you can even imagine," he voiced with the same intensity.
"Then what is your problem," Phoebe asked. She wanted to sound angry or even exasperated, but somehow, it came out as pleading and she was the first surprised by this.
"I told you," Cole answered. "I need it to mean something…" Cole closed his eyes, worried that he would see the rejection he feared in hers. Instead, he was startled when he felt her fingers caressing his cheek tenderly.
"Cole," Phoebe said again, this time very softly. "I'm not sure what you want from me…" Phoebe stopped for a second, as she was uncertain herself of what she felt. "But I do know that right now, I don't want this to end…I…" Rather than pursuing right away, Phoebe moved closer and her lips brushed against his. "I don't know what I feel, Cole. I just know that it does mean something to me…much more than I expected…" she whispered.
Cole knew it wasn't all that he wanted from her; but he also understood by the look in her eyes that it truly was much more than he might have expected from her. He knew that it must have been hard for her to admit this. He knew it because he knew her through his own fear of showing his emotions. At least, until recently…There was such warmth to her gaze now, as he had never seen there before. "Phoebe," he whispered hoarsely, before rolling her on her back impatiently. There wasn't any more direction to his desire as he moved on top of her and recaptured her lips hungrily. He only knew he wanted to be with her now, while this moment took place between them. Phoebe roped her legs around his lower back, pulling him closer to her impatiently and this time, there was no wait for her as he entered her quickly, almost forcefully.
Cole revelled in the sensation of complete rapture he got almost from the moment he was inside of her. All the while, both of them were staring at each other intently, as their kiss became only a breathless caress of each other's lips. Cole was certain that he had never experienced such a complete union with any woman before. As he lost himself in Phoebe's eyes, and sensed more than knew when she was ready, he felt that for this brief moment, they were sharing much more than just physical love. Her scream of intense pleasure mixed in with the music that he heard in his mind as he gave in to his overpowering need for relief and reached deeply inside of her. Long after they were spent, they still held on to each other, refusing to break the connection, as much physical as emotional between them. The sensation of bliss lingered while he was still gazing at her intently and Cole knew in his heart that he had been waiting for her all his life…
In that instant, Cole was so certain that Phoebe shared his feelings that he was about to try putting them into words as they were invading him irrepressibly. However, an insistent knock prevented him from doing so, breaking the moment as Phoebe fearfully turned her gaze toward the door leading to the sitting room.