Music to my Soul
Chapter XVI
Paul, Lydia and Cole were standing in the foyer of a small but tastefully decorated apartment. Paul brought them there the previous night and Lydia's first comment had embarrassed him.
~~~~~
"What the hell is this place, Paul? Your love nest…? Is this where you spend all those hours away from me?"
"Lydia," Paul exclaimed unhappily, "you know perfectly well…"
Lydia smiled mischievously as she interrupted him. "Get down from your high horse, cowboy. I was just pulling your chain. Although, I must admit that you're keeping some rather unsavoury company… and that includes you, Cole Turner."
"Hey, don't jump on my back. I've had a long day," Cole replied with a soft smile in spite of the rebuke.
"What makes you think this place is anything but legitimate," Paul tried without too much conviction.
"That would be the look of apology on your face all the way up here. That and the obvious romantic setup... Who's the lucky guy; or rather the sleaze bag…?"
"He ain't lucky anymore and he's only lending me his place because he's got it on lease for another two months and he has no use for it. What's more, he made me swear I wouldn't reveal his name, or he'll torture me… or well, blackball me across town. Take your pick."
"What does he think? That I won't torture you until you talk?"
"You know I could be persuaded with something less painful than torture," Paul replied slyly, which earned him a slap across the chest.
"Or I could withhold the "persuasion" until you fess up…" Lydia replied with an amused smile.
"Hum, not your lucky day, Paul," Cole quipped as he stepped away from them.
"You stay out of this," Paul answered in the same vein. "Anyway, none of those goons know about this place; so if you both stay put, you'll be safe."
"And you expect me to just hide in here?" Cole commented.
"I expect you to stay alive, Cole," Paul retorted more seriously.
"What about you? They've already come after you once…"
"And they only threatened to do something if I publish my story; which obviously, I won't. And don't go getting ideas. I'll stay right here tonight and make sure that if you leave, you won't go far."
"I see trust runs high."
"I just know you, Cole Turner."
Cole shrugged and went to take a look at the other rooms. The first thing he noticed had him wincing. In the sitting room, he found another piano. "Hey Paul, did it come with the love nest, or did you order it just to torture me?"
"A little of both," Paul answered behind him, startling Cole.
"Hey, don't sneak up on me."
"Don't change the subject," Paul replied. "The owner had it in storage, so I just asked the landlord to bring it back. No sense in letting a perfectly good instrument to gather dust in the storage room when it could help keeping you busy."
"I won't touch it," Cole replied stubbornly.
"Oh right. This afternoon you wanted to kill yourself and now, you're determined to make yourself miserable for the rest of your life. Figures!"
"Playing is what makes me miserable, Paul."
"I don't believe that for a moment. You were utterly down on yourself today and the first thing you did was to sit at the piano. That should tell you a lot."
"I also almost killed myself right afterwards. What does that tell you?"
"That you were upset for playing so badly?"
"Hey," Cole said irritably as he turned toward his friend. "And what the hell makes you think I was playing so badly?"
Paul smiled at the demonstration of pride. "Touchy…"
Cole shrugged anew, mostly upset that he was so transparent. He knew that Paul was trying to shake him out of the depression he was quickly falling back into.
"First off friend, that girl told me about it. I'd love to verify it for myself though…" In saying so, Paul indicated the piano insistently, but Cole turned away from it. "Cole," Paul pursued intently, "you've got to stop denying what's in you. I write for a living, but besides Lydia, writing is my life. Music is that for you; you know that as well as I do. You just forgot for a while…"
"Heavy on the while," Cole replied bitterly. "Plus what makes you think that me playing is gonna resolve anything?"
Paul sighed deeply before grabbing his friend's shoulder in a gesture of support. "I don't believe it'll make everything right, Cole. I just think that you need something real to hold on to; now more than ever. Music was always real for you."
"Not now, alright," Cole uttered hoarsely. The piano was only a reminder of all that was wrong in his life at the moment.
"Take your time buddy," Paul conceded. "Meanwhile, I've got to face my own music," he added with a grimace.
Lydia was coming toward them with drinks, and Paul's comment told Cole that she and Paul needed some time alone but that didn't keep him from teasing them a little. "Huh, I noticed that this place only has one bedroom…" he said, as he grabbed the drink from Lydia. "Are we supposed to threesome in there?"
"In your dreams, buster," Lydia answered.
"A guy can always try," Cole joked half-heartedly.
"Remember what we talked about the other night? I don't wanna have saved your butt just to have to kill you myself." Paul teased.
"Alright, alright! I got the message!" Cole replied while gesturing them away jokingly. "Still, where am I supposed to sleep?"
"Hey, your pick: the couch or the floor. Hell, if you want, you might even try the piano…"
"Paul," Cole warned affectionately.
"My turn to back off… The apartment is yours aside from the bedroom, which I think my wife and I are gonna go try right now."
"Again, some of us are dreaming wildly in here, and I claim the kitchen as well. It's off limits to you both…" Lydia said then, eliciting an amused grimace from her husband.
"Don't go anywhere," Paul added before turning his back to Cole.
Rather than acknowledging the last part, Cole replied, "Don't be too loud!"
Lydia only shook her head dejectedly. Those two could be really rowdy when they started, but in a way, she preferred that to the gloomy expression Cole harboured all the way there. Meanwhile, Paul gave another glance toward his friend, somehow wondering if he shouldn't stay with him. However, Lydia and he did have some stuff to sort out and besides he knew he couldn't watch Cole at all times. He shrugged uncertainly before following Lydia in the bedroom.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Cole turned toward the entrance uncertainly. For the time being, there was nothing he could do and he was certain that Paul was serious about sending the cops after him. Paul rarely joked about stuff like that. Besides, he knew he still had a lot to think about. That didn't mean he intended to stay there for very long. The thought of Phoebe came back to haunt him almost immediately and he sat on the comfy couch while giving in to yet another moment of discouragement. For every time Cole told himself that he should follow Paul's advice and just forget about her, the urge to see her would come back even stronger. Only the fact that he still didn't know enough about her to be certain she wasn't the monster he'd always believed her to be kept him where he was.
The next morning, Paul found Cole asleep in that same sitting position. "Hey buddy, glad you didn't bolt," he said as he was shaking him. When Cole only grumbled, he added, "Come on, I don't have all day and Lydia doesn't appreciate it when we allow her breakfast to grow cold."
Cole grimaced unhappily. Just then, he had been dreaming of Phoebe as he imagined her so long ago. In his dream, things were all wonderful and they had this beautiful life he used to hope for. Dejectedly, Cole reflected that if he had not been this stupid dreamer back then, he might have avoided making all those terrible mistakes. "The dragon has spoken," he finally uttered.
"I heard that," Lydia called from the kitchen.
~~~~~~
"So?" Paul insisted.
"If you fear I'll bolt the moment you leave…"
"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," Paul replied as he grabbed his attaché-case. Promise me you won't."
Cole rolled his eyes impatiently. "Alright, I'll be a good boy and try to seduce your wife instead," Cole replied a little too grudgingly considering the joke attempt.
"You're threading on dangerous ground, friend," Paul replied with a half-smile as he was only partially reassured. He could sense that Cole wanted to face his demons. He just didn't think that going back on this suicidal mission was the answer. However, Paul also understood that Cole was now struggling with an even more serious dilemma. He was convinced the reason Cole intended to go back was that girl. His friend's ambiguity about Phoebe was obvious.
For that at least, Paul planned to make a few inquiries that might shed some light on what made this Phoebe what she became. Paul still wasn't certain that she hadn't been the monster they had believed her to be all along. However, he'd seen something, not only in her eyes, but even more so in Cole's plea on her behalf. The previous night, after a long and tense discussion with his wife, even if it was followed by a rather pleasant reconciliation, Paul had not found sleep immediately. He had turned the conversations with both Phoebe and Cole in his mind every which way, trying to figure out what he was missing. That and the fact that he went to check on Cole a few times, half-expecting to see him gone each time and it didn't help him relax in the least. That day, he intended to figure out this mystery. However, he had to be certain that his friend wouldn't go running off before he had all the facts.
Cole, who saw Paul still hesitating, put him out of his misery. "I give you my word I won't leave…at least, not until your return…"
"I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with that," Paul replied with mild relief. "Well, I've gotta run. Don't do anything I would do," he warned affectionately before leaving the apartment.
As soon as he left, an awkward silence fell between Cole and Lydia. He finally broke it with another half-hearted joke. "Well, he's gone now. What are we gonna do to kill the time?"
"You might wanna consider keeping your distance," Lydia retorted with an amused smile.
"Hey, one might say a lot about me, but I never had to force myself on a girl…"
"Well Paul implied that you were going for it with anything that wore a skirt and no matter what."
Cole frowned, pretending annoyance. "I'm really gonna have to discuss Paul's notions of friendship."
"You can take comfort in the fact that he was saying this affectionately."
Although the exchange was light and relatively pleasant, Cole knew he was trying to run away from his issues. That simple thought darkened his mood almost instantly and Lydia noticed. "You shouldn't beat yourself up so much…"
"I see that my good friend didn't lose any time giving you a detailed account…"
"Maybe but he didn't really have to, Cole. I know you well enough to see you're not yourself."
"And here I thought I was doing such a great job at covering it," Cole answered, but without a trace of the good humored teasing he had relied upon so far. Without waiting for Lydia's answer, he headed toward the sitting room and stopped short at the sight of the piano. No matter what he told Paul, the urge was coming back stronger by the moment. The more troubling thoughts went through his mind, the more tempted he was to give in and play. He thought it was strange how quickly his old pattern was coming back to him. Music had always been the one thing that calmed him down. That was, until yesterday…Even now he wondered if it truly was the piano which plunged him into this deep despair, or the fact that he was already so close to the edge when he sat at the instrument.
"Why don't you," Lydia said from beside him. She had followed him quietly and Cole was a little startled.
"What for?"
"If only because it's so obvious you want to…"
Cole didn't even bother denying it. However, he made no move toward the piano either. Lydia observed him for a moment longer and simply added, "I'll leave you two alone." This just before she headed out of the room…
Cole gave a short gaze toward her, but his attention quickly returned to the piano and his thoughts firmly on Phoebe. Soon he found himself sitting on the bench and playing before he had really made the conscious decision.
~~~~~~~
Paul was pouring over old newspapers at the public library. He concentrated his search to the years surrounding the drama Cole, Phoebe and he had lived through. After almost an hour of painstakingly sifting through useless articles, Paul caught sight of a small headline: "Victor Halliwell nearly killed by his own daughter."
The details included the street address and from that, Paul knew he had possibly found his first clue. The journalist who wrote the piece was mainly on the side of the purported victim, saying that Victor's ungrateful and spoiled teenage daughter was described as a rebel and generally troubled child, whom the businessman's entourage was convinced would turn out badly even before the tragic event. The house staff was questioned about the girl and nearly all of them said that she was a shame to her father. All but one young maid, who declined to answer the journalist's questions. Paul noted her name, Sandy Lassiter. The teenager's name was withheld from the report but Paul was certain that he was getting close to something. In conclusion to the article, the journalist made his own suppositions, no doubt inspired by some of the comments he gathered. It seemed that the girl's mother died when she was nine and it told the scribe that it could have been a strong factor in her turn for the worst.
Paul jotted down all the pertinent details, and then he searched through the following months without much luck until he found Victor Halliwell's obituary. He was astonished and troubled to learn that the old man left everything he owned to the very orphanage where Cole and he had lived for a while.
Almost two hours after entering the library, Paul found the last clue and the confirmation that he was on the right track. A Phoebe Halliwell made the news when she escaped from the Reform School where she had spent at least two years for assaulting her father. At least, if Paul put the two events together, it appeared to be the right timeframe. There was mention of improprieties on the part of a matron, but no details on what actually transpired. As for the girl, she was still at large at press time and now Paul was convinced that her escape was indeed a success, considering her present tenure.
Armed with this knowledge, Paul's next stop was the neighbourhood which had seen their drama unfolding.
After a few unfruitful inquiries with close neighbors, Paul finally knocked at the mansion which had housed the Halliwell family. The new tenant was rather clueless as to what went on, but she had one piece of good news for Paul. The maid, whose name had caught his attention, worked for the current owner of the house, as he learned after only a few minutes of conversation. "Is Sandy working now?" He immediately inquired
"She's on her day off…" The middle age Lady that opened the door told him. "You say you're a journalist? Why this sudden interest in such an old story?"
"I'm investigating the Reform School where Phoebe Halliwell spent some time and this is only for a background check." Paul saw that the lady of the house was still a little reticent, so he pursued almost conspiratorially, "there has been reports of very ugly behaviours on the part of the staff there and my newspaper ordered an in depth investigation."
"Really," the Lady questioned with obvious interest. Curiosity for the unpleasantness of the world was a common trait to most people. This woman was no exception.
"Yes and I'd be grateful for your help in uncovering the truth of the matter."
"Well, I'm still not sure what Sandy can help you with, but…she lives two blocks from here. I'll give you the exact address." She hesitated a moment. "Will we get to read about this soon?"
"Madame, since you've been so helpful, I'll have a copy sent to you directly before the official publication." Paul said pleasantly. It garnered him a warm smile from the Lady, who then diligently gave him the address he needed.
~~~~~~~~
"Do you have a clue where this journalist is?" Saul said in the phone. He was getting antsy as hours after he witnessed Lara's betrayal, there was still no news. The driver had not shown up and Lara was staying in her room, claiming she needed time to prepare mentally for her performance. He had one of his men listening in for any possible phone call, but so far, Lara only rehearsed a few numbers and stayed silent the rest of the time. Saul could have waited a little longer, even a few days, but he felt this had lasted too long already. "I told you. From what I heard, if you find this McKail, you'll soon find Turner and that's who I want. Stakeout the newspaper building." He remained silent for a moment as he listened in to his interlocutor, and then severely pursued, "No! You leave the driver be. On the other hand, I want to know the moment you learn anything new. I'll give you more instructions then. Don't disappoint me."
Saul hung up irritably. They had lost trace of both men since yesterday. When he sent someone to find the driver in the hotel room, this one had vacated the premises. Their only clue came from the bellboy who was accosted by a man accompanying Cole late in the afternoon. The man, who from the description Saul was convinced was Paul McKail, asked about any phone calls or visitors to or from the room Cole was staying in. The bellboy assured Saul's man that he said nothing as promised. This information told the lieutenant that Turner and this McKail were even closer than he suspected since the journalist came to Turner's rescue. For him, it was another useful bit of information, of which he intended to take advantage if the need arose.
~~~~~~
Lydia stood in the threshold to the sitting room, and she knew that as far as Cole was concerned, she might have been in another country. For the past two hours, he'd been playing non-stop. At first awkwardly, but then with increasing ease as time went by. She ended up coming back to listen in and now she stood almost spell bound by a sweet and soulful tune, which Cole was working on. When he stopped, Lydia felt as if pulled out of a sweet dream and she looked up to find Cole staring at her uncertainly.
"You must have loved her tremendously," she said then, almost without thinking.
"Why on earth would you say that," Cole replied with the same lack of assurance.
"That music…I've never heard it anywhere before. This has to be the one Paul told me about. The one you wrote for her."
"Well…it was a long time ago…and I can't even do it justice anymore."
"Are you kidding?" Lydia protested as she came in and took a seat facing him. "I wouldn't get tired of listening to you. Why didn't you play before?"
"If Paul told you everything, I really don't see how you can ask me that."
"It's a shame, Cole…"
Cole stood up, still unsure if she was simply being nice, as he avoided looking at Lydia.
"Don't think for a minute I'm just saying this, Cole. I mean it. Paul was right. It's hard to believe though…"
Cole turned a sad smile toward her. "I guess I didn't make much of an impression on you, did I?"
"Well…I'm not stupid Cole. It's pretty much obvious you didn't like me either."
"That's too strong a conclusion. I just…it wasn't really…"
"No…it was all the women."
"Just about…"
"What if you were wrong about that girl?"
Cole had been asking himself the same question for a while already. By moments, like when he defended her to Paul, he was convinced that Phoebe couldn't have been as bad as he had assumed before. However, at other times, the vivid memory of his pain was enough to bring back the resentment. "What if I wasn't?" He finally uttered.
Lydia didn't answer the question immediately. She observed her husband's friend a moment longer, knowing instinctively that he was weighing this dilemma in his mind, and probably had for the better part of the last few hours. "You'll never know unless you try talking to her again," Lydia finally said.
"What? Didn't Paul tell you what he thinks of me going back there?"
"Well… I didn't mean right now…I just meant that at some point, you'll have to clear the air; if only to free yourself."
"And if I was right…what then?"
"Then again," Lydia added pensively, "maybe she's not the problem at all…"
"What the hell do you mean?"
"You're a rather stubborn man, aren't you?"
Cole didn't deign answer that.
"Look Cole, whether or not she was the bad person you assumed she was," Lydia pursued when she saw that Cole wouldn't answer, "it doesn't mean that all women are bad. If you weren't so narrow minded on just about everything, you'd have seen that long ago…"
"Is that supposed to be a pep talk," Cole replied irritably.
"I'm just saying…if you were prepared to compromise a little more…"
"And what makes you think I'm not?"
"Your first reaction to disappointment was to try to…"
"Let's not talk about that," Cole interrupted a little nervously. He didn't want to rehash his over the top reaction of the previous day. However, deep down, he had to admit that Lydia made a valid point, as painful as it was. He was rather intransigent. Cole didn't know if that was a personal trait or something born out of the misery he'd lived through, but he had always needed a strict order in his life. The return of those deep feelings had been rather overwhelming and they still caused a serious turmoil in him. "I don't think Paul would agree with your views about Phoebe and I…"
"Like I said, I'm not telling you to rush there now; or even that you should be with her. I just believe that when things have calmed down, it might be good for you to see her point of view."
Cole uttered a derisive laughter. "You know, I might not be the only intolerant one in this mess. Phoebe told me in no uncertain terms she didn't want anything to do with me. She even wanted Paul to make sure I knew she didn't change her mind later on."
"Maybe she's just as afraid as you are…"
"I'm not afraid of anything," Cole protested a little too loud.
"Are you sure?" Lydia questioned softly.
~~~~~~
Phoebe clutched the papers that were still tucked in her pocket. Nervously, she turned toward the door, half-expecting someone to burst in, guns blazing. For a moment, she wondered if that wouldn't be the answer. The pain and confusion she was experiencing at this point were close to unbearable. For all those years, she had managed to avoid any emotional involvement. Feelings were only something that other people had. She had goals and plans and so far they had served her well. However, now she was filled with doubts and she feared that she was falling apart.
Over and over, Phoebe was reliving what happened between Cole and her; and every time, she couldn't help wondering whether he was sincere about his feelings for her. This added to her newly acquired insight about the past only made things harder to put in perspective. What if she'd been wrong all those years? After all, Paige told her often enough that her father was the way he was because it was in his nature and not because of those boys' prank. Sure, her cousin admitted that what they did probably triggered her father's worse behavior. However, Phoebe was increasingly convinced that if it hadn't been for them, something else would have set him off. Still, that didn't explain the way Cole had tried to humiliate her, or so it seemed at the time. Or was it really that? A knock on the door interrupted her inner debate and almost threw her for a loop as she practically jumped out of her skin. She took a few seconds to regain some countenance before she answered. "What is it," she managed almost normally.
"Mr Turello is being detained longer than he anticipated. He's asking that you meet him at the club. Saul is going to drive you there."
"Alright," Phoebe answered to the closed door with more than mild relief. She didn't like the idea of going anywhere with Saul, but the thought of facing her lover alone was even more disturbing right then. Sighing, she realized it was almost time to leave and she hurried to prepare as all this introspection set her back.
~~~~~~
Marco was walking briskly toward the home of his current girlfriend. Until now, he had stayed hidden in a cheap hotel, but now he felt the need for some company among other things. He had time to think since he arranged the meeting between Saul and Ricardo. Nothing had transpired from it yet, but it wasn't hard to guess that no one would see Ricardo alive again. However, that wasn't what Marco worried about. He believed that Saul's reaction to his inquiry about Ricardo was off. In truth, the simple fact that Fredo's rival had even tried to have him killed was already a puzzle for Marco. As things stood, there was a relatively good atmosphere between the various factions and they wanted to keep it that way. This sudden attack on the most powerful among them without apparent cause seemed illogical. Marco knew Ricardo from before and he was aware that the gangster was a smart one. At least too smart to believe he could get away with this. The other bosses would have immediately considered him a threat and gone after him. No, there was something that didn't add up and the more Marco thought about it, the more obvious the answer became.
That was why he had stayed in hiding. If he was right, he knew his life wasn't worth much because his suspicions would have painted a target on his back. He had been pacing like a caged animal most of the night and now, he was turning toward the only person he believed he could trust. Maybe she could help him skip town, even if Marco didn't entertain too many illusions about his chances. He had almost reached his destination when he heard an engine roaring behind him. Instinctively, he threw himself behind a fence just before the distinctive sound of a machine gun was heard.
~~~~~~
Paul sat in his car in front of the Newspaper and debated where he should go from there. What he'd learned was appalling. His interview with the maid had been the first blow. She was utterly reticent to talk about the past at first. In the end, Paul told her the truth about his motivations and the girl immediately changed attitude. She became almost hostile and only collaborated after Paul gave her more details about his side of the story. Paul even got the distinct impression that the only reason she told him anything was because she felt like vindicating the young girl she used to know as Phoebe Halliwell.
"You really don't know," she began sadly. "The poor girl… Her father…"
As she interrupted herself, Paul was convinced that Phoebe wasn't the only victim of this man; and she soon confirmed it for him.
"That bastard," she started again painfully. "I remember that night. He beat her up so bad that I had to put a pillow over my head not to hear the sounds of the belt hitting her. She barely screamed, but I knew why…"
"How is that?" Paul asked softly. He knew this was just the beginning of a very unpleasant tale. What's more, he sensed that the maid never told anyone what she was recounting to him.
"He did it to me. He would beat me up and say that if I screamed or complained, he would hurt me more. I was just seventeen then. I was so scared and I can only imagine how scared Phoebe was…"
"What do you mean, he beat you up?"
The girl swallowed hard at this. She was obviously hesitating about telling her whole story. However, her expression changed suddenly. There was hatred in her eyes when she looked up. "He was coveting Phoebe but he couldn't bring himself to take her. When his need was too strong, he came into my room and…"
"Oh…" Paul said with sincere horror to his voice. "I'm so sorry…"
"You had nothing to do with this. When he died, I cheered. God help me, I did."
Paul understood this very well. However, even if he knew that was very painful for the maid, he had to learn everything he could about Phoebe. And that even though it seemed very obvious that Phoebe's youth must have been hell. "Why didn't you say anything at the time?"
"I was too scared. Victor swore he'd kill me if I opened my mouth to defend Phoebe and I believed him. After the night when he beat her up so hard, he never did again that I know of. However, the damage was done and Phoebe became a shadow of herself for months. That is until she began rebelling against him."
Paul saw the maid wince at this memory. "How did she rebel?" He questioned to encourage Sandy.
"She began sneaking out of the house and then, she had an affair with one of the men on staff. She defied Victor every chance she got. I should have been glad about it considering, but…"
"But what?" Paul insisted.
"He got worse with me because of it. Every night, he came into my room, and…he would…well you know; and called her name while doing it. Then he would hit me, telling me that I was a whore just like her… Sometimes, I think he didn't know whether it was her or me. The more ashamed he became about his desire, the more violent he got."
She stopped talking and Paul swallowed hard at the harsh images this tale evoked. "Did he ever touch Phoebe in this manner," he finally asked when the maid remained silent.
"I don't know for sure. I just know that she became aware of his desire because once or twice, I heard her telling him off. Then…that night…"
"When she supposedly assaulted him…?"
"Yeah…they were screaming and there was a struggle in the room. I didn't understand what it was about at the time, but I was told later that Phoebe was pregnant… I'm sorry I didn't try to help her," The maid suddenly exclaimed guiltily.
"I don't think you could have done much," Paul replied solicitously, although he still believed that she should have told the authorities. However, he could really imagine how scary this must have been for the maid. Most likely, she didn't see any other choice but to keep quiet. "I'm sorry I forced you to relive this. I never imagined…"
"I should've said something. But sometimes I think I hated her for my own misery…god forgive me," she pursued painfully. Sandy stopped talking as the remorse and pain seemed to overwhelm her. Then she took a few deep breaths before she pursued, "her poor cousin tried to help Phoebe but…"
"What?"
"Phoebe was too proud to tell her everything…at least, that's what I think. Paige was a strong girl. She might have done something if she heard the whole truth sooner. I think that in the end she guessed at what happened but when they found Victor badly beaten, it was too late… Paige tried to speak up then, but nobody believed her. No more than they believed poor Phoebe."
Paul stood up at this, knowing he got all he could from this poor woman. As he was thanking her, she grabbed his arm. "Please, don't publish this. I don't have much besides my job and if they heard…"
Paul knew how cruel people could be. They would blame her no matter what. "I promise I won't do that. However, I think I need to talk to this Paige person…Do you know where I might find her?"
Sandy nodded weakly and then she wrote down the address for him.
When Paul got to Paige's door, at first he also tried the article story on her and that got him inside. She seemed eager to blame the Reform School. As she told Paul, she was never certain of what happened to her cousin there, but she suspected terrible things. When Paul began to question her about Phoebe's past however, Paige gave him a suspicious glare. "What does Phoebe's past have to do with the mistreatment she received at the Reform School?"
"I just need some background information…"
Paige suddenly stood up and pointed at him accusingly. "Wait a minute! You're that guy. You're the one who did this to her! I remember seeing you!"
Paul immediately tried to defend himself and Cole. "You don't understand," he began. "We never meant…"
"We? Who's "we"? Are you including those other stupid boys who tried to humiliate Phoebe? As if she didn't have enough grief as it was!"
"I swear to you, it wasn't like that at all…"
"Phoebe went through hell after this little prank of yours. I don't think she'll ever be the same again."
"That goes for my friend too," Paul suddenly exploded. "Not everything is as it seems and I really wanna know how she could destroy his life and not give a damn; that no matter how much pain she was in."
"What the hell are you talking about," Paige asked loudly.
Paul realized he had reacted too forcefully and he took a few deep breaths to regain some control over himself. Her accusations had seemed so unfair to him. Yet, it was obvious that he was missing something.
"That night, your cousin wasn't the only one who saw her life destroyed. What she did to my friend was unspeakable."
Without questioning his apparent knowledge of Phoebe's tragedy, Paige rather went on angrily, "What could she have done to anyone that could be so terrible? Phoebe was a sensitive and shy girl, who believed in prince charming. And that no matter how many times I tried to emancipate her. I think she was hoping he'd come on his white horse and take her away from the prison her father built around her."
"Then why did she push him off that wall? He only wanted to know her…"
Paige seemed to ponder this for a moment. "How can you think that? Phoebe had nothing to do with whatever happened to your friend. Her father had to be the one who did that. Afterward, he cut her off from the world completely. He was obsessed with her and keeping her away from any outside influence; even mine."
"She sent him after us," Paul tried.
"She couldn't have done that. She was afraid of telling him anything at all. She was devastated that he found out about those boys and she paid a terrible price for it. You have no idea, do you?"
By now, Paul had a pretty good idea and his denial was more self-defence than anything else. As he kept silent, Paige questioned him further.
"Were you the one? Did you lead her on with that stupid letter?"
"No…huh…well, I didn't send it to her…if I had known…"
"Do you know how much she liked you? She was convinced you were the love of her life…"
"That wasn't me," Paul finally managed. "That was a friend of mine who probably felt the same about her… actually he did…this was all a tragic misunderstanding."
"Tragic is a mild word for it," Paige replied severely. "What are you doing here?"
"Just…"
"Wait…if it wasn't you…that driver who played the piano. Was that him?"
"Yeah," Paul trailed.
"Did he know about Phoebe?"
At this point, Paul didn't think telling her of Cole's revelations about his foreknowledge was a good idea. In fact, it was obvious that neither Cole nor Phoebe really understood clearly what attracted them to each other at first. Now though, Paul understood that Phoebe might have a lot more in common with Cole than he had anticipated. He couldn't believe it. How could two people who never met other than through the music be so similar? How could they have both reacted with this same emotional shut down?
"Did he know," Paige insisted angrily when she didn't get a response.
"Not at the time…their meeting now was only a strange coincidence. Or maybe it was fate," he added for himself, although not quite believing it.
"He hurt her again, you know that?"
"How is that?" Paul questioned even though he knew what was coming.
"Maybe in the past he didn't do it maliciously, but now his mere presence caused her tremendous pain."
"I assure you…Cole is just as miserable about this whole mess."
"Maybe he should have thought of that before getting involved with her…"
~~~~~
Sitting in the car, Paul tried to think of what he could have told her that would have made her understand. He had been tempted to tell her what Cole went through, but he changed his mind when he realized it was pointless and in no way helping. That woman might have sympathized with Cole's plight, but at the same time, her cousin had suffered just as much. What's more, he had trouble excusing Cole in this as well. After all, his friend's motives for seeing Phoebe again had been less than honourable at first. But much more than this, Paul felt the weight of his own guilt more than he ever did before. This letter he wrote started a chain reaction that brought them all to this tragic crossroad. No matter that his intentions were good, the end result was terrible. Now his best friend was in mortal danger but didn't really care about it. And from what Paige told him, she feared for Phoebe as much as Paul did for Cole, which would certainly not go smoothly with his friend. "Cole…" Paul sighed heavily. How could he tell him about all of this? How would his friend react when he learned that throughout those years he blamed an innocent girl who had suffered a fate even worse than his own? Or was there any comparison at all? On the other hand, Paul debated, if I don't tell him, will Cole ever forgive me if he is to find out on his own later on? Maybe his reaction would be worse if the truth came from someone else. He couldn't help worrying about all of this in light of Cole's near fatal gesture of self-destruction.
While he pondered all of this, Paul didn't notice a man observing him intently from the sidewalk across the street. In his disturbed state of mind, Paul had considered asking for Rodney's advice, but now he saw that this was too personal a matter to involve his mentor. Sighing, he started the engine and again missed noticing when the observer signalled to another man sitting in a car just behind Paul's. The latter began discreetly following Paul while the former set out to find a phone.
~~~~~~
Phoebe got into the car besides Saul and she couldn't help a shiver at the thought of what was in her hand bag. For a moment, she considered leaving the incriminating papers in her personal chest, but she didn't know how much she could trust that no one would look in it. Saul gave her a cold glance, which only deepened her malaise, but she sustained his stare for a second before looking ahead with apparent detachment.
"Big day isn't it," Saul questioned, surprising Phoebe. There was something in his voice that put Phoebe even more ill-at-ease.
"Yes," she answered laconically as she was afraid to give away her anxiety.
Saul remained silent for a while as they got under way. Then he started again. "What did this Turner do to you?"
The fact alone that Saul was making conversation was already unsettling, but the mention of Cole was even more damning.
"It's none of your business. Suffice for you to know he won't be back…"
"Hum…I got the feeling that he might," Saul uttered then.
Phoebe was tempted to turn to him but she forced herself to look ahead. "You're mistaken."
"We'll see," Saul only replied.
However short this had been, it worried Phoebe tremendously. What if he already knew, she questioned herself as she had pain controlling the trembling in her hands. Afterward, she resolutely tried to ignore Saul, but by then, he'd already instilled fear in her and the trip to the club became utter torture.
~~~~~~
"I've got to go back now," Cole suddenly said as he quickly downed the drink Lydia served him and took a few steps toward the doorway to the sitting room.
"Wait, you can't!" Lydia exclaimed.
"Something is wrong," Cole replied firmly. "I know it."
"How the hell would you know that?"
"I'm not sure. I just feel it. Something bad is gonna happen."
"I think you're just projecting Cole," Lydia tried. That didn't keep Cole from leaving the room however and he only stopped as the door to the apartment opened and Paul came in with a gloomy expression.
"What is it?" Cole asked anxiously.
"Cole…"