Title: This is:
Author: Kerry (NDKerry@optonline.net)
Rating: PG-13 (Just to be safe)
Spoilers: Seriously? Everything up through, including, and especially, Double Agent.
Category: Post-Ep, Romance (S/V), 1st person POV, Series of Vignettes.
Summary: Different thoughts from different sources during and after Double Agent.
Archive: That would be lovely, just please let me know where.
Feedback: Crave it like I want Michael Vartan.
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Damn.
Author's Notes: Special thanks to super-beta Lisa! Love and shout-outs to Dani & Flip.


This is: Real (Vaughn POV)

I know that in most situations the man falls asleep first, normally right after the love-making. But I can only imagine how draining these past few days have been on Sydney, because right now, she's up against me, fast asleep. Her head is on my chest, her legs are entwined with mine, and never have I felt as much a desire to protect her as I do right now. I try and scoot in a little more underneath her, to move her closer to me. My one hand is softly stroking her hair, and I bring my other arm up and rest it on her hip.

She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but until now, even I couldn't see the depth of her beauty. Since she took down SD-6, she just seemed to glow more and more. The morning after, when I found her in the destroyed headquarters, I'd never seen her smile quite that bright. It was like her face lit up. The sun seemed to dim in comparison to her.

When I came to pick her up to go on the trip, there was a serenity in her features. She just seemed more relaxed than I had ever seen her, and the peace with which she told me, "This is where I live," I never wanted her more. She came up and held my hand. I wonder if she was thinking the same thing I was as I was looking around her place. I was wondering if we would ever have a place of our own, a home full of peace, and simple lighting, and things that make Sydney happy. I wondered if she would let me be that much a part of her life. If she would be willing to spend her life with me.

Oh, I know it's far too early to start talking of things like forever and eternity in our relationship. I just know that I've spent the past two years trying to keep this woman safe, to help her get through the hell she was living in, and to help her bring down SD-6 so that she could live the life she wanted. Somewhere along the way (I'll admit, somewhere pretty early on), I found myself wondering if she would ever want me to be part of that life. And then she asked me out. I knew we couldn't do it, but I also knew I screwed that play. The observatory would have been so much more romantic at night, but we didn't have the luxury of selecting romantic places for our secret rendez-vous. So even in the foggy haze of that LA day, I wanted her to know exactly how much she had infiltrated my life, and my dreams. That was right around the time I had enough sense to break up with Alice. I never wanted to lead her on, and it almost caught me by surprise when I realized how much I wanted Alice to be Sydney. I don't even want to think about why I got back together with Alice. There were really only two reasons: I realized there was a good chance we'd never be able to be together, and Noah.

I pull her a little closer still as I think about the man who caused both of us so much pain. God, I hated hearing about him. I could tell, in her eyes, that there was far more to their relationship than she was telling me. It was the first thing since we had met that she wasn't sharing with me, and that hurt enough, but to know that there was another man who was at the heart of it...that hurt me far more than I had imagined it would. I always knew she wasn't mine, yet in my heart she has been for quite some time. And then when he turned out to be the Snowman... I felt a certain sense of vindication...that it was alright, because I'm certainly better than a professional murderer. Of course, he was still hurting me, because Sydney was hurt. And he caused her to lose sight of her goals, even if just for a moment. Didn't he have any idea that she lived to take down SD-6 and the ability to have a normal life? Well, obviously, he didn't. The only thing about Noah that causes me to be grateful is the idea that I was able to comfort her, to bring her a little bit of solace from her pain. Those are the days when everything else in my life fades away--when I know that for one brief instant, I've alleviated some of the misery in Sydney's life.

And now that I've had the opportunity to be with her, to share in her joy, to be able to love her, I can't imagine ever having to live without it. I want to be able to wake up each day next to her, to see her smiling, glorious face, and to be able to be a reason that she is smiling. I want to be the constant love in her life. I want to be the person that she wants to be with, night and day.

I'm awed that I have this chance now, to just look at her, to just be here with her, and hold her. To kiss her, if I wanted to. And though I do want to, I don't want to take the chance to wake her up. Because she's even more beautiful when she's asleep and resting peacefully. I feel her breath steady on my chest, as a lock of hair falls across her face. That won't do at all, so I move it back, gently, providing me again with an unobstructed view of that tiny smile that she's got, this look of utter peace and contentment.

I just want to pinch myself to make sure it's not a dream--Sydney Bristow really is asleep in my arms, and that I am part of the reason she is finally at peace.

But it's not a dream. This is real.

END (3/4)

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