Last time We were here, the whole gang was..well.....not so much of a whole gang anymore, with Link, Citan, and Crono...removed (in the least possible macabre terms) . Only Cloud (having the support of Aeris the drunk) and Sephiroth (who has an IRS agent following him around trying to indeit him) were the only ones left. But mysterious people were about to come into the bar..let's continue on
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Cloud: [he turned his head, the spikey hair flailing in the air] The hell..?
Sephiroth: [he turned as well, pushing Cloud back slightly, who regained balance] No..It can't be
Cloud and Sephiroth: OH MY GOD!! THEY'RE FROM THE SEQUELS! [in a state of panic]
[Both watch as Squall..and Seifer walk into the door]
Squall: This is the place..the place on the card [to Seifer] It took us long enough
Seifer: I told you that shortcut was a bad idea...
Squall: That was your idea...idiot [smirked over at him]
Seifer: [ignores Squall] I thought this place would be bigger [sneer] And look who it is...it's the prequel boys.. [comment directed towards Cloud and Seph]
Cloud: What're we going to do? They're better than us!
Sephiroth: Don't worry..I heard the sales of the game were horrible compared to most Final Fantasies! and the plot wasn't half as good as ours! [He laughed his maniacal laugh, clutching the Masmune]
Cloud: You're right Sephiroth..You've been right about a lot of things...Your next drink is on me! [sheathing the Ultima Weapon and sitting down upon the bar] Have a seat buddy..
Sephiroth: I'm your mortal enemy retard. [prods at him gently with the end of the Masamune]
Cloud: Uh..oh yeah...I'll pay for your tombstone.. [gets up and unsheathes his Ultima Weapon, standing in a battle pose again, then knocking the Masamune away with his blade]
Sephiroth: Fair enough. [he drew back slightly, as if expecting Cloud to strike any moment, but turned to see Aeris]
Everyone (except Aeris): [turn to watch Aeris move towards the newbies]
Aeris: [she made her way over to Squall, very slowly in fact, as she seemed to weave like being sowed by god] Hey..big boy
Squall: [he looked down at his card, then at Aeris, and then he shook his head] The girls go downhill with the part of the neighborhood
Aeris: [being a bit off, but still intelligent at the least] Heeeey...I'm not a slut..I've only slept with him...[pointed to Cloud]
And..him..[she pointed to Sephiroth, Cloud gasps]
And him...[she pointed to the bartender, Cloud clutches his heart]
and him! [she pointed to Seifer, Cloud just shrugs]
Squall: [he turned to Seifer, a dark brow being raised]
Seifer: Whoa..I just got here with you man...don't ask me!
Sephiroth: What? I never slept with you...did I? Oh..It's all a big blur to me!!!!
Aeris: Yes..you remember [as the Bartender, Squall, Seifer, and Sephiroth, AND the IRS Agent gather around her] You started to kiss my neck. and then you took me to your room, and we went into your hot tub....and you got out a---
Cloud: That's enough! [interrupting Aeris]
IRS Agent: Heh heh heh..yeah Sephiroth...you scored..heh heh
Sephiroth: Yeah.. I did!
IRS Agent: I have to um...go to the bathroom for a few minutes [his eyes shift around, then he runs off to the men's room]
Cloud: Sephiroth...for sleeping with my Aeris..you must die! [he charged over to Seph, holding his Ultima Sword in hand]
Sephiroth: For Aeris sleeping with Seifer..you must die Cloud! [he charged at Cloud, bringing back the Masamuné---stops---shrugs---and continues running]
High-pitched voice: No Sephiroth..you cannot!! [a sudden clang was heard, and Sephiroth fell to the ground]
Seifer and Squall: [Both raised brows]
High-pitched voice: [steps into the light, wearing a green tunic and carrying a wooden shield and a small sword] T'is I..Link..back from the past!
Squall: You know...where I come from..they have this movie called "Back to the Future"
Child Link: NO! I did not say "Back to the future", I said back from the past! [grumbles]
(NOTE: Younger Link will furthermore be referred to both Link and Child Link, same character)
Squall: It's the same really.
Child Link: [he pouted over at Squall] Would you disagree with this face?
Seifer: Kid..don't you know anything? We're hardasses with little emotion from the future..sheesh..
Squall: Yes [he added in] As far as I'm concerned, you are a sorceress...I'm in SeeD..you must die
Child Link: Idiots. I'm a guy.
Aeris: I'm a guy! No I'm not! [she stumbles off into the corner, possibly to continue searching for her white materia]
Child Link: Anyway..I'm here to avenge my older self! Sephiroth will pay! [he charges over to the fallen Seph, holding his Kokiri blade]
Sephiroth: [he shot up and held out a hand, putting it against Link's forehead, keeping him a few good feet from him]
Child Link: Grrr..you meanie! [swiped his sword harmlessly out of range]
Squall: Heh...[he tucked his card into his pocket, and swung up his gunblade, the Lionheart]
Seifer: [drew his gunblade up as well, dashing next to Squall]
Cloud: [make a quick step towards Seifer, and leapt into the air, coming for a downward slash]
Seifer: [he parried the blow with his own blade, then took a slash towards Cloud's aerial body]
Cloud: [returned with his own block, causing himself to be propelled into the ground, he grunted and stood up]
Sephiroth: [seeing his arch nemesis off-guard, he let go of Child Link and dashed off towards Cloud]
Seifer: Women and Children first! [he dashed toward Link, arcing his gunblade down at him]
Child Link: [turns around and slams his fist into Seifer's crotch]
Seifer: [keeled over, holding himself] For the love of god!
Child Link: I'm a kid..I can break the rules! [he ran off holding his sword and shield in defensive position]
Squall: [seeing Cloud open as well, he moved in for the kill]
Cloud: [took notice of both of the people running at him, and quickly stepped out of the way]
[Sephiroth and Squall collided, sword against sword, growling at each other as they pushed, trying to overpower the other]
Sephiroth: You're not Cloud!
Squall: You're right..I'm not! [as if he had an epiphany, and both turned to Cloud]
Cloud: [he ran to both of them, sliding down to his knees as he came next to them, holding his weapon out to allow it to slash across their legs, then jumping to his feet]
Sephiroth: [clutched his legs for a moment, then fell to the ground, convulsing in pain]
Squall: [stood there for a moment, then leaned over, pulling out a Bible, a cut through its cover, from his left pants leg, and in the right, the book of mormon] Hehehehe...
Cloud: Why would anybody keep religious books in their pants?! [shook his head as he made a charge towards Link]
Squall: [whispered quietly outloud] They don't let you have religion in Final Fantasy games..so I hide them. [he tossed the two books aside, and went on with the battle]
Child Link: [having been freed from Sephiroth's restraining hold, he took to his vendetta again with a dash at Seph]
Cloud: [he lowered his sword down, read to cleave Link's neck as he ran by]
Child Link: [having great agility as a child, he ducked the blade of Cloud, and slammed a fist into his crotch]
Cloud: [fell over and clutched himself as well]
Seifer: [relatively near Cloud] You too?
Cloud: Yea.... [falls over, clutching himself with his legs spread, obviously in pain.
Seifer: It never stops..the pain.....but I..must go on! [he stood up finally, grasping his gunblade handle as tight as he had been holding himself before, and took a run at Link] I'm gonna kill that kid!
Child Link: AIEEEE! [made his mad rush at Sephiroth, running right past him] Oops...[he turned around and ran back the other direction just as quickly, bringing his blade down towards Seph]
Sephiroth: I can't move, it's the en-Wait a second, I can float! [he telekinetically lifted himself into the air]
Child Link: Ahhh! [he slid down onto a sliding kick position to go right beneath Sephiroth]
Cloud: The pain, it's gone! I'm better! [he sat up, leaning over to pick up his sword]
Child Link: [he slid along the floor, slamming his foot into Cloud's now unprotected crotch]
Cloud: Oh my god! [he fell over, clutching himself again] It never ends... why don't you just kill me? End my life! I can never have children again! [the lights dim..a spotlight on Cloud, laying there] There is no hope for me, my eternity damaged. My body wrecked... [the lights reverted, action started]
Child Link: [he got up and scarmbled away as Seifer came running at him]
Seifer: [he began to slide to a stop, going directly at Cloud's crotch again] ....Uh..
Cloud: [his eyes widened as Seifer came running towards him, and leaned up, just as Seifer was about to reach him, and punched him square where the sun don't shine] ...Crisis Averted
Seifer: [collapsed onto the floor] Crisis Iminent!
Cloud: [he got up and looked over at Seifer, sneering] You wuss, take it like a man.
Squall: Yeah, Seifer. [he stood there, and then made a rush to Link] Try your best
Child Link: [whipped around and stood there for a moment, then shoved his fist into Squall's crotch]
Squall: [stood there, unharmed]
Child Link: [shook his hand] Owwie...
Squall: [pulled out the FF8 Strategy Guide from his pants] Ahahahaahahahahaha..
Sephiroth: [floating and raised a brow] That's nothing religious!
Squall: Sure it is..It tells my future, may as well be! [he delivered a vicious blow to the arm of Link with his GunBlade]
Child Link: [he cradled his flesh for a moment, glancing up at Squall] Hey you big meanie!
Sephiroth: Ahahahahaha...Now for the second Link [he levitated over towards the injured child, raising the Masmume overhead]
[the bathroom door is heard opening and closing]
IRS Agent: Now I remember...YOU! [he ran over to Sephiroth, tackling him down to the ground] You are a tax fraud!
Sephiroth: No..I swear!
Child Link: [he scurried quickly away, towards Cloud and Seifer]
IRS Agent: ha! 23 children...tell me their names...
Sephiroth: Well, there's Rufus, and Vincent, and Tifa, and Yuffie, and Cait Sith, Cid, Barret, and Little Seph, and let's not forget President ShinRa.
IRS Agent: Why would anybody name their kid President ShinRa?
Sephiroth: Nobody knows his real name..they never mention it!
[several sword clangs are heard in the backround, suddenly Cloud goes sliding past them on his back, soon Seifer, Squall, and Link go running past]
IRS Agent: You're not his father?!
Sephiroth: How many times have I said this?! It's Jenova..Jenova I tell you!
IRS Agent: This Jenova eh? I'll check on her. [he dropped Sephiroth and ran from the bar]
(Don't worry loyal fans of the IRS..he'll be back)
Squall: I've got you now! [he slammed his gunblade towards Cloud]
Cloud: [pushed up his blade to block it, and then exerted enough force to knock Squall back]
Seifer: [he dashed past Squall, sending his GunBlade into his shoulder]
Squall: [he held his shoulder, as blood began to leak, then shrugged it off]
Aeris: [she came over to Squall] Here..lemme help you with that..
Squall: No way..I'm a big boy.
[snickers were heard from Sephiroth, Cloud, and Seifer. Link just stood there confused]
Aeris: I know..I know..why don't you come with me? [she took of hold of him and began to pull him away]
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Will Squall score?
Will Seifer get jealous?
Will Cloud even care?
Has Aeris been drinking more without us knowing?
How many times can Link hit somebody in the crotch before it gets old?
Should I find something else to do besides ask these stupid questions?
Tune in Next time..!
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Cloud: [he turned his head, the spikey hair flailing in the air] The hell..?
Sephiroth: [he turned as well, pushing Cloud back slightly, who regained balance] No..It can't be
Cloud and Sephiroth: OH MY GOD!! THEY'RE FROM THE SEQUELS! [in a state of panic]
[Both watch as Squall..and Seifer walk into the door]
Squall: This is the place..the place on the card [to Seifer] It took us long enough
Seifer: I told you that shortcut was a bad idea...
Squall: That was your idea...idiot [smirked over at him]
Seifer: [ignores Squall] I thought this place would be bigger [sneer] And look who it is...it's the prequel boys.. [comment directed towards Cloud and Seph]
Cloud: What're we going to do? They're better than us!
Sephiroth: Don't worry..I heard the sales of the game were horrible compared to most Final Fantasies! and the plot wasn't half as good as ours! [He laughed his maniacal laugh, clutching the Masmune]
Cloud: You're right Sephiroth..You've been right about a lot of things...Your next drink is on me! [sheathing the Ultima Weapon and sitting down upon the bar] Have a seat buddy..
Sephiroth: I'm your mortal enemy retard. [prods at him gently with the end of the Masamune]
Cloud: Uh..oh yeah...I'll pay for your tombstone.. [gets up and unsheathes his Ultima Weapon, standing in a battle pose again, then knocking the Masamune away with his blade]
Sephiroth: Fair enough. [he drew back slightly, as if expecting Cloud to strike any moment, but turned to see Aeris]
Everyone (except Aeris): [turn to watch Aeris move towards the newbies]
Aeris: [she made her way over to Squall, very slowly in fact, as she seemed to weave like being sowed by god] Hey..big boy
Squall: [he looked down at his card, then at Aeris, and then he shook his head] The girls go downhill with the part of the neighborhood
Aeris: [being a bit off, but still intelligent at the least] Heeeey...I'm not a slut..I've only slept with him...[pointed to Cloud]
And..him..[she pointed to Sephiroth, Cloud gasps]
And him...[she pointed to the bartender, Cloud clutches his heart]
and him! [she pointed to Seifer, Cloud just shrugs]
Squall: [he turned to Seifer, a dark brow being raised]
Seifer: Whoa..I just got here with you man...don't ask me!
Sephiroth: What? I never slept with you...did I? Oh..It's all a big blur to me!!!!
Aeris: Yes..you remember [as the Bartender, Squall, Seifer, and Sephiroth, AND the IRS Agent gather around her] You started to kiss my neck. and then you took me to your room, and we went into your hot tub....and you got out a---
Cloud: That's enough! [interrupting Aeris]
IRS Agent: Heh heh heh..yeah Sephiroth...you scored..heh heh
Sephiroth: Yeah.. I did!
IRS Agent: I have to um...go to the bathroom for a few minutes [his eyes shift around, then he runs off to the men's room]
Cloud: Sephiroth...for sleeping with my Aeris..you must die! [he charged over to Seph, holding his Ultima Sword in hand]
Sephiroth: For Aeris sleeping with Seifer..you must die Cloud! [he charged at Cloud, bringing back the Masamuné---stops---shrugs---and continues running]
High-pitched voice: No Sephiroth..you cannot!! [a sudden clang was heard, and Sephiroth fell to the ground]
Seifer and Squall: [Both raised brows]
High-pitched voice: [steps into the light, wearing a green tunic and carrying a wooden shield and a small sword] T'is I..Link..back from the past!
Squall: You know...where I come from..they have this movie called "Back to the Future"
Child Link: NO! I did not say "Back to the future", I said back from the past! [grumbles]
(NOTE: Younger Link will furthermore be referred to both Link and Child Link, same character)
Squall: It's the same really.
Child Link: [he pouted over at Squall] Would you disagree with this face?
Seifer: Kid..don't you know anything? We're hardasses with little emotion from the future..sheesh..
Squall: Yes [he added in] As far as I'm concerned, you are a sorceress...I'm in SeeD..you must die
Child Link: Idiots. I'm a guy.
Aeris: I'm a guy! No I'm not! [she stumbles off into the corner, possibly to continue searching for her white materia]
Child Link: Anyway..I'm here to avenge my older self! Sephiroth will pay! [he charges over to the fallen Seph, holding his Kokiri blade]
Sephiroth: [he shot up and held out a hand, putting it against Link's forehead, keeping him a few good feet from him]
Child Link: Grrr..you meanie! [swiped his sword harmlessly out of range]
Squall: Heh...[he tucked his card into his pocket, and swung up his gunblade, the Lionheart]
Seifer: [drew his gunblade up as well, dashing next to Squall]
Cloud: [make a quick step towards Seifer, and leapt into the air, coming for a downward slash]
Seifer: [he parried the blow with his own blade, then took a slash towards Cloud's aerial body]
Cloud: [returned with his own block, causing himself to be propelled into the ground, he grunted and stood up]
Sephiroth: [seeing his arch nemesis off-guard, he let go of Child Link and dashed off towards Cloud]
Seifer: Women and Children first! [he dashed toward Link, arcing his gunblade down at him]
Child Link: [turns around and slams his fist into Seifer's crotch]
Seifer: [keeled over, holding himself] For the love of god!
Child Link: I'm a kid..I can break the rules! [he ran off holding his sword and shield in defensive position]
Squall: [seeing Cloud open as well, he moved in for the kill]
Cloud: [took notice of both of the people running at him, and quickly stepped out of the way]
[Sephiroth and Squall collided, sword against sword, growling at each other as they pushed, trying to overpower the other]
Sephiroth: You're not Cloud!
Squall: You're right..I'm not! [as if he had an epiphany, and both turned to Cloud]
Cloud: [he ran to both of them, sliding down to his knees as he came next to them, holding his weapon out to allow it to slash across their legs, then jumping to his feet]
Sephiroth: [clutched his legs for a moment, then fell to the ground, convulsing in pain]
Squall: [stood there for a moment, then leaned over, pulling out a Bible, a cut through its cover, from his left pants leg, and in the right, the book of mormon] Hehehehe...
Cloud: Why would anybody keep religious books in their pants?! [shook his head as he made a charge towards Link]
Squall: [whispered quietly outloud] They don't let you have religion in Final Fantasy games..so I hide them. [he tossed the two books aside, and went on with the battle]
Child Link: [having been freed from Sephiroth's restraining hold, he took to his vendetta again with a dash at Seph]
Cloud: [he lowered his sword down, read to cleave Link's neck as he ran by]
Child Link: [having great agility as a child, he ducked the blade of Cloud, and slammed a fist into his crotch]
Cloud: [fell over and clutched himself as well]
Seifer: [relatively near Cloud] You too?
Cloud: Yea.... [falls over, clutching himself with his legs spread, obviously in pain.
Seifer: It never stops..the pain.....but I..must go on! [he stood up finally, grasping his gunblade handle as tight as he had been holding himself before, and took a run at Link] I'm gonna kill that kid!
Child Link: AIEEEE! [made his mad rush at Sephiroth, running right past him] Oops...[he turned around and ran back the other direction just as quickly, bringing his blade down towards Seph]
Sephiroth: I can't move, it's the en-Wait a second, I can float! [he telekinetically lifted himself into the air]
Child Link: Ahhh! [he slid down onto a sliding kick position to go right beneath Sephiroth]
Cloud: The pain, it's gone! I'm better! [he sat up, leaning over to pick up his sword]
Child Link: [he slid along the floor, slamming his foot into Cloud's now unprotected crotch]
Cloud: Oh my god! [he fell over, clutching himself again] It never ends... why don't you just kill me? End my life! I can never have children again! [the lights dim..a spotlight on Cloud, laying there] There is no hope for me, my eternity damaged. My body wrecked... [the lights reverted, action started]
Child Link: [he got up and scarmbled away as Seifer came running at him]
Seifer: [he began to slide to a stop, going directly at Cloud's crotch again] ....Uh..
Cloud: [his eyes widened as Seifer came running towards him, and leaned up, just as Seifer was about to reach him, and punched him square where the sun don't shine] ...Crisis Averted
Seifer: [collapsed onto the floor] Crisis Iminent!
Cloud: [he got up and looked over at Seifer, sneering] You wuss, take it like a man.
Squall: Yeah, Seifer. [he stood there, and then made a rush to Link] Try your best
Child Link: [whipped around and stood there for a moment, then shoved his fist into Squall's crotch]
Squall: [stood there, unharmed]
Child Link: [shook his hand] Owwie...
Squall: [pulled out the FF8 Strategy Guide from his pants] Ahahahaahahahahaha..
Sephiroth: [floating and raised a brow] That's nothing religious!
Squall: Sure it is..It tells my future, may as well be! [he delivered a vicious blow to the arm of Link with his GunBlade]
Child Link: [he cradled his flesh for a moment, glancing up at Squall] Hey you big meanie!
Sephiroth: Ahahahahaha...Now for the second Link [he levitated over towards the injured child, raising the Masmume overhead]
[the bathroom door is heard opening and closing]
IRS Agent: Now I remember...YOU! [he ran over to Sephiroth, tackling him down to the ground] You are a tax fraud!
Sephiroth: No..I swear!
Child Link: [he scurried quickly away, towards Cloud and Seifer]
IRS Agent: ha! 23 children...tell me their names...
Sephiroth: Well, there's Rufus, and Vincent, and Tifa, and Yuffie, and Cait Sith, Cid, Barret, and Little Seph, and let's not forget President ShinRa.
IRS Agent: Why would anybody name their kid President ShinRa?
Sephiroth: Nobody knows his real name..they never mention it!
[several sword clangs are heard in the backround, suddenly Cloud goes sliding past them on his back, soon Seifer, Squall, and Link go running past]
IRS Agent: You're not his father?!
Sephiroth: How many times have I said this?! It's Jenova..Jenova I tell you!
IRS Agent: This Jenova eh? I'll check on her. [he dropped Sephiroth and ran from the bar]
(Don't worry loyal fans of the IRS..he'll be back)
Squall: I've got you now! [he slammed his gunblade towards Cloud]
Cloud: [pushed up his blade to block it, and then exerted enough force to knock Squall back]
Seifer: [he dashed past Squall, sending his GunBlade into his shoulder]
Squall: [he held his shoulder, as blood began to leak, then shrugged it off]
Aeris: [she came over to Squall] Here..lemme help you with that..
Squall: No way..I'm a big boy.
[snickers were heard from Sephiroth, Cloud, and Seifer. Link just stood there confused]
Aeris: I know..I know..why don't you come with me? [she took of hold of him and began to pull him away]
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Will Squall score?
Will Seifer get jealous?
Will Cloud even care?
Has Aeris been drinking more without us knowing?
How many times can Link hit somebody in the crotch before it gets old?
Should I find something else to do besides ask these stupid questions?
Tune in Next time..!