BoTS is BACK! Last time, Squall and Seifer had traveled back in time with Young Link to correct his mistake of killing Aeris. But Squall and Seifer from the future (chapter 4) met an untimely end when meeting up with their past forms (chapter 1.) Young Link is taken along anyway, and they hitch a ride on an IRS van.
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[the IRS van suddenly came to a hault, causing Young (Child) Link, Squall, and Seifer to lurch foward, barely holding on]
Seifer: What's going on?
Squall: Shut up, they probably know I missed form 47A-3 (Author's note: Those of you who read chapter 4, there's your answer to the third question!)
Seifer: That's your tax refund!
Squall: ......Dammit, I choose not to do ONE page....
Seifer: Will you shut up?
Young Link: Yeah..shh
Squall: ["Stars and Stripes" plays, Squall jumps off the back of the truck, the others follow] Only in America.....can your government give you 1000 tax forms...
Squall: only in AMERICA, are you free enough to walk across the state line with a duck on your head [he walks to the side of the road]
[Young Link and Squall follow, just as they do, agents pop out of the back of the truck]
Young Link: Actually, that's illegal in Minnesota. [blinks]
Seifer: quiet Link, just let him have his moment. [puts his hand over Young Link's mouth]
Squall: [raises his hand to the air] Only IN AMERICA! can you see every race, and ethnic group together!
Squall: ONLY IN AMERICA, can you cheat your taxes and still get screwed over by the government when they don't even know it yet!
Seifer: [holds back a tear] That's beautiful man...
Young Link: Okay, okay, can we just hurry up and g--[suddenly interrupted]
Sephiroth: I admit it! I'm the one who keeps taking Tax Refunds every year claiming I have 23 children! [breaks down] It wasn't me! It was Jenova I tell you!
[Squall, Seifer, and Young Link walk around the van]
Seifer: Geez Squall, this guy is worse than you
Squall: [runs up to the IRS agent, and slumps down in front of him]] I DID IT! I STOLE A PEN FROM THE POST OFFICE. A-A-AND I DIDN'T FILL OUT FORM 47A-3! [he starts crying, pulling out a pen as well]
IRS agent 1: Uh...We were here to take Mr. Force away [looks at Sephiroth and Squall crying]
Sephiroth: [jumps up] Forget I said that
Squall: [stands up, whistles, glances askew for a few brief moments, then nonchalantly slides the pen into his pocket]
IRS agent 2 + 3: [cuffs Luke and throw him into the back of the van]
IRS agent 1: Let's go [locks the back doors of the van and all 3 of the IRS agents jump in the front and speed off]
Citan: Now where were we?
Link: I believe we were all at each others faces about to battle over who's sword was better at the bar.......[trails off as he sees Young Link]
Young Link: ME! You're okay! [began to run towards Link]
[Sappy music plays, The two links began to run at each other]
Link: Kid that looks like me! [bounds]
Young Link: MEE!
Link: YOUUUU!
Young Link: ......MEE!
[Suddenly Link is hit by a truck]
Young Link: SHIT! NOT AGAIN!
Citan: [he moves past everyone, to Link, who's laying on the side of the road now] Get back I'm a doctor.
Cloud: Doctor of what?
Citan: Oh pretty much everything, I've even handled schizophrenia cases. especially with Id
Sephiroth: Cloud! Finally, somebody we can see for Family Counseling!
Cloud: ................................ [backs away]
Sephiroth: What? You didn't know we were clones, we're brothers man!
Cloud: ..................... [backs away further]
Sephiroth: SHIT! I ruin everything!
Crono: Yes, you do..
Citan: [checking Link's vital signs] I'm afraid he's......dead
Link: No, I'm not assfuck. [sits up]
Citan: ....[slams Link's head against the sidewalk before anybody notices]
Young Link: Oh god why! [kneels down next to his older self]
Citan: it's true..Link is dead.
Cloud: Can I have that tunic? I think green looks good on me.
Sephiroth: This is Final Fantasy 7, no bright colors.
Cloud: ....Final what?
Sephiroth: oh crap, why do I always do that?
Seifer: Final Fantasy 7??! How can it be the seventh final fantasy? doesn't final mean last?! How can you have more than one?!
Squall: QUIET! We're from Final Fantasy 8
Seifer: Crap.....don't tell me that. [bites his lip]
Young Link: [still wailing] I'M DEAD..I'M DEAD! AGAIN!
Citan: [he stood up, leaning against the handle of his sword] Here lies a great man, sure he wore spandex, and sure he wore a skirt, but are any of YOU man enough to do that?
Sephiroth: Oooh oohh! CLOUD IS!
Cloud ........?
Sephiroth: DAMMIT! AGAIN! [begins hitting his head against the nearby wall]
Crono: HEY! Don't do that!
Sephiroth: [he looks over at Crono, dropping the Masamune] SOMEBODY THAT CARES! THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED! I'M DONE WITH EVIL!
Crono: Actually, I just wanted to make sure the wall was alright. [he moves past Sephiroth and slowly begans to stroke the bricks] There there...
Seifer: Is anybody else as disturbed as I am? [watching Crono]
Aeris: [exited the bar, and sees Crono stroking the wall] .. [she sat there for a moment, then hurried over, well, as best as she could without falling over] ooh..did somebody hurt the wall...?
Crono: Yes, Sephiroth hurt my wittle mally wally.
Aeris: [she began to stroke the wall as well] Ohh...so big and strong.
Cloud: Why thank you Aeris, I do appreciate your comme-
Aeris: I was talking to the BRICK WALL, you're so inconsiderate Cloud
Cloud: Maybe I do need that counseling with Sephiroth.....[watches Sephiroth go to the wall]
Sephiroth: I'm sorry wall..I didn't mean to hurt you
Cloud: ...
Seifer: Aww..c'mere big guy [he tries to hug the wall]
Cloud: .....
Squall: [sniffles a few times] I love you wall..... [he moves over and puts a hand shyly upon it, blushing]
Cloud: ..........
Citan: [leaves the two Links' sides, and comes over to the wall] Stand aside, I'm a doctor!
Cloud: .....................
Crono: What's the diagnosis doc? TELL ME, I CAN HANDLE IT!
Sephiroth: CAN YOU? YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Aeris: It's true, that's why you go crazy and kill everybody.
Sephiroth: ..............................................................................................................what did you say?
Aeris: nothing [she began to touch the wall more intimately] don't leave me my love.
Cloud: ..............................
Citan: No pulse, not breathing...I'm afraid this wall........is dead...
Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, and Seifer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cloud: ................................................................... Screw it, I'm not the one that needs counseling, You guys are.
Squall: HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS? (Author's Note: Haha Squall, you should talk)
Young Link: That's just a stupid wall, Link is a real person and he's dead.
[Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, Seifer, and Citan all glare at Link]
Link: No I'm not....
Young Link: MEE!! [hugs him]
Citan: It's a MIRACLE, Link came back to life. [coughs]
Link: [hugs Young Link back] I was fine, but you grabbed me an- [Citan punches him in the face]
Citan: Sorry, it was best for his condition.
Young Link: ...............
Sephiroth: What about the Wall doctor?!
Citan: I think we can save it, DEFIB STAT! [points valiantly towards Crono]
Crono: LIGHTNING! [casts magic upon the wall]
Citan: It's not enough! we need more!
Sephiroth: Stand aside Amateur, BOLT3 [A huge bolt of lightning strikes down and hits the wall]
Citan: [feels the wall a bit more] He's alive!
[Squall and Seifer hug, Crono and Citan shake each others hands, Cloud just stands there, utterly astonished]
Aeris: Oh, don't ever leave me again..I'm so making love to you tonight
[Everybody stops and looks over at Aeris, except for Young Link, who was around in chapter 3 to hear about Aeris' promiscuous behavior, and frankly just isn't surprised]
Link: [he finally regains consciousness again] I'm gonna kill him.
Young Link: MEE! [hugs him again]
Link: [gets up to his feet, and glares over at Citan]
Young Link: Whoa there big fella, save it for the bar [he drags Link into the mentioned place]
Cloud: [follows shortly after, mumbling something about how he hates walls]
Everybody else: [They spent a few more minutes comforting the wall. Some phrases mentionable were "I'm so glad you're back" and "Don't ever scare me like that again." They all run back to the bar and jump into the exact same spot they were before the force incident]
Cloud: [looks around for Aeris, not seeing her, and then glances towards the door]
Aeris: Oh Mr. Wall, you're so fine, so fine you blow my mind. [outside still, this time sitting, she was holding a glass of wine, and there was one in front of the wall as well]
Young Link: [shakes his head sadly, and then glances around] I think there's a more important task at hand..The Battle of the Swords!
Cloud: [glares at the wall]
Sephiroth [glares at Cloud and then turns to Seifer]
Seifer: [glares at Sephiroth, then turns to Squall]
Squall: [looks hurt, and then glares at Link]
Link: [glares at Squall, then turns to Citan]
Citan: [glares at Link and then smiles to Crono]
Crono: [winks at Citan and then turns to Cloud]
Citan: .....
Cloud: [turns back to the rest of the sword gang] It's time...to find out who's the best
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Can a wall and a human being have a relationship?
Is Crono homosexual?
Will Sephiroth give anymore of the plot of FF7 away before it happens?
What's with more than one Final Fantasy?
Is Link traumatized forever?
Who the hell gave Citan his PhD?
Tune in Next Time!
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[the IRS van suddenly came to a hault, causing Young (Child) Link, Squall, and Seifer to lurch foward, barely holding on]
Seifer: What's going on?
Squall: Shut up, they probably know I missed form 47A-3 (Author's note: Those of you who read chapter 4, there's your answer to the third question!)
Seifer: That's your tax refund!
Squall: ......Dammit, I choose not to do ONE page....
Seifer: Will you shut up?
Young Link: Yeah..shh
Squall: ["Stars and Stripes" plays, Squall jumps off the back of the truck, the others follow] Only in America.....can your government give you 1000 tax forms...
Squall: only in AMERICA, are you free enough to walk across the state line with a duck on your head [he walks to the side of the road]
[Young Link and Squall follow, just as they do, agents pop out of the back of the truck]
Young Link: Actually, that's illegal in Minnesota. [blinks]
Seifer: quiet Link, just let him have his moment. [puts his hand over Young Link's mouth]
Squall: [raises his hand to the air] Only IN AMERICA! can you see every race, and ethnic group together!
Squall: ONLY IN AMERICA, can you cheat your taxes and still get screwed over by the government when they don't even know it yet!
Seifer: [holds back a tear] That's beautiful man...
Young Link: Okay, okay, can we just hurry up and g--[suddenly interrupted]
Sephiroth: I admit it! I'm the one who keeps taking Tax Refunds every year claiming I have 23 children! [breaks down] It wasn't me! It was Jenova I tell you!
[Squall, Seifer, and Young Link walk around the van]
Seifer: Geez Squall, this guy is worse than you
Squall: [runs up to the IRS agent, and slumps down in front of him]] I DID IT! I STOLE A PEN FROM THE POST OFFICE. A-A-AND I DIDN'T FILL OUT FORM 47A-3! [he starts crying, pulling out a pen as well]
IRS agent 1: Uh...We were here to take Mr. Force away [looks at Sephiroth and Squall crying]
Sephiroth: [jumps up] Forget I said that
Squall: [stands up, whistles, glances askew for a few brief moments, then nonchalantly slides the pen into his pocket]
IRS agent 2 + 3: [cuffs Luke and throw him into the back of the van]
IRS agent 1: Let's go [locks the back doors of the van and all 3 of the IRS agents jump in the front and speed off]
Citan: Now where were we?
Link: I believe we were all at each others faces about to battle over who's sword was better at the bar.......[trails off as he sees Young Link]
Young Link: ME! You're okay! [began to run towards Link]
[Sappy music plays, The two links began to run at each other]
Link: Kid that looks like me! [bounds]
Young Link: MEE!
Link: YOUUUU!
Young Link: ......MEE!
[Suddenly Link is hit by a truck]
Young Link: SHIT! NOT AGAIN!
Citan: [he moves past everyone, to Link, who's laying on the side of the road now] Get back I'm a doctor.
Cloud: Doctor of what?
Citan: Oh pretty much everything, I've even handled schizophrenia cases. especially with Id
Sephiroth: Cloud! Finally, somebody we can see for Family Counseling!
Cloud: ................................ [backs away]
Sephiroth: What? You didn't know we were clones, we're brothers man!
Cloud: ..................... [backs away further]
Sephiroth: SHIT! I ruin everything!
Crono: Yes, you do..
Citan: [checking Link's vital signs] I'm afraid he's......dead
Link: No, I'm not assfuck. [sits up]
Citan: ....[slams Link's head against the sidewalk before anybody notices]
Young Link: Oh god why! [kneels down next to his older self]
Citan: it's true..Link is dead.
Cloud: Can I have that tunic? I think green looks good on me.
Sephiroth: This is Final Fantasy 7, no bright colors.
Cloud: ....Final what?
Sephiroth: oh crap, why do I always do that?
Seifer: Final Fantasy 7??! How can it be the seventh final fantasy? doesn't final mean last?! How can you have more than one?!
Squall: QUIET! We're from Final Fantasy 8
Seifer: Crap.....don't tell me that. [bites his lip]
Young Link: [still wailing] I'M DEAD..I'M DEAD! AGAIN!
Citan: [he stood up, leaning against the handle of his sword] Here lies a great man, sure he wore spandex, and sure he wore a skirt, but are any of YOU man enough to do that?
Sephiroth: Oooh oohh! CLOUD IS!
Cloud ........?
Sephiroth: DAMMIT! AGAIN! [begins hitting his head against the nearby wall]
Crono: HEY! Don't do that!
Sephiroth: [he looks over at Crono, dropping the Masamune] SOMEBODY THAT CARES! THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED! I'M DONE WITH EVIL!
Crono: Actually, I just wanted to make sure the wall was alright. [he moves past Sephiroth and slowly begans to stroke the bricks] There there...
Seifer: Is anybody else as disturbed as I am? [watching Crono]
Aeris: [exited the bar, and sees Crono stroking the wall] .. [she sat there for a moment, then hurried over, well, as best as she could without falling over] ooh..did somebody hurt the wall...?
Crono: Yes, Sephiroth hurt my wittle mally wally.
Aeris: [she began to stroke the wall as well] Ohh...so big and strong.
Cloud: Why thank you Aeris, I do appreciate your comme-
Aeris: I was talking to the BRICK WALL, you're so inconsiderate Cloud
Cloud: Maybe I do need that counseling with Sephiroth.....[watches Sephiroth go to the wall]
Sephiroth: I'm sorry wall..I didn't mean to hurt you
Cloud: ...
Seifer: Aww..c'mere big guy [he tries to hug the wall]
Cloud: .....
Squall: [sniffles a few times] I love you wall..... [he moves over and puts a hand shyly upon it, blushing]
Cloud: ..........
Citan: [leaves the two Links' sides, and comes over to the wall] Stand aside, I'm a doctor!
Cloud: .....................
Crono: What's the diagnosis doc? TELL ME, I CAN HANDLE IT!
Sephiroth: CAN YOU? YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! I CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Aeris: It's true, that's why you go crazy and kill everybody.
Sephiroth: ..............................................................................................................what did you say?
Aeris: nothing [she began to touch the wall more intimately] don't leave me my love.
Cloud: ..............................
Citan: No pulse, not breathing...I'm afraid this wall........is dead...
Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, and Seifer: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cloud: ................................................................... Screw it, I'm not the one that needs counseling, You guys are.
Squall: HOW CAN YOU BE SO HEARTLESS? (Author's Note: Haha Squall, you should talk)
Young Link: That's just a stupid wall, Link is a real person and he's dead.
[Crono, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, Seifer, and Citan all glare at Link]
Link: No I'm not....
Young Link: MEE!! [hugs him]
Citan: It's a MIRACLE, Link came back to life. [coughs]
Link: [hugs Young Link back] I was fine, but you grabbed me an- [Citan punches him in the face]
Citan: Sorry, it was best for his condition.
Young Link: ...............
Sephiroth: What about the Wall doctor?!
Citan: I think we can save it, DEFIB STAT! [points valiantly towards Crono]
Crono: LIGHTNING! [casts magic upon the wall]
Citan: It's not enough! we need more!
Sephiroth: Stand aside Amateur, BOLT3 [A huge bolt of lightning strikes down and hits the wall]
Citan: [feels the wall a bit more] He's alive!
[Squall and Seifer hug, Crono and Citan shake each others hands, Cloud just stands there, utterly astonished]
Aeris: Oh, don't ever leave me again..I'm so making love to you tonight
[Everybody stops and looks over at Aeris, except for Young Link, who was around in chapter 3 to hear about Aeris' promiscuous behavior, and frankly just isn't surprised]
Link: [he finally regains consciousness again] I'm gonna kill him.
Young Link: MEE! [hugs him again]
Link: [gets up to his feet, and glares over at Citan]
Young Link: Whoa there big fella, save it for the bar [he drags Link into the mentioned place]
Cloud: [follows shortly after, mumbling something about how he hates walls]
Everybody else: [They spent a few more minutes comforting the wall. Some phrases mentionable were "I'm so glad you're back" and "Don't ever scare me like that again." They all run back to the bar and jump into the exact same spot they were before the force incident]
Cloud: [looks around for Aeris, not seeing her, and then glances towards the door]
Aeris: Oh Mr. Wall, you're so fine, so fine you blow my mind. [outside still, this time sitting, she was holding a glass of wine, and there was one in front of the wall as well]
Young Link: [shakes his head sadly, and then glances around] I think there's a more important task at hand..The Battle of the Swords!
Cloud: [glares at the wall]
Sephiroth [glares at Cloud and then turns to Seifer]
Seifer: [glares at Sephiroth, then turns to Squall]
Squall: [looks hurt, and then glares at Link]
Link: [glares at Squall, then turns to Citan]
Citan: [glares at Link and then smiles to Crono]
Crono: [winks at Citan and then turns to Cloud]
Citan: .....
Cloud: [turns back to the rest of the sword gang] It's time...to find out who's the best
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Can a wall and a human being have a relationship?
Is Crono homosexual?
Will Sephiroth give anymore of the plot of FF7 away before it happens?
What's with more than one Final Fantasy?
Is Link traumatized forever?
Who the hell gave Citan his PhD?
Tune in Next Time!