Author's note: Ugh, I'm having something of a writer's block here. I
hate writing Carter's POV, coz he's supposed to b the saddest person in the
fic, but I have NO idea how to make him sad. I'm going insane. I'll try my
best to make this sound realistic but then, I'm not making any guarantees!
Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer: Due to the fact that Warner Bros will sue me if I don't write this annoying little sentence, I'm repeating once more. I don't own anyone in ER. And I don't own the song 'Two Rivers' by Avril Lavigne either.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++
5. Once is enough
Carter's POV
I stood there, standing on the cold hard tiles of the hospital floor, staring at her pretty face as the machines go haywire around me. Her eyelids closed and the machines all sang out a high screech, a monotone. A cold gust of wind blew, sweeping away my love together with it. I bit my lip, hard. It was all I can do to stop myself from screaming out loud.
I knew I should call for help, I knew there is still a chance that she'll live, that I'll wake up and find her next to me, watching me sleep, wearing a tiny little smile on her face. She is my goddess. She can't just leave like this. Not without saying a real goodbye.
I reached over and rang the bell to call for help. I knew, in a few moments, a crowd of people would rush in and help Abby, all of them trying to keep her from deteriorating even more. So I merely stood there, listening to the wailing of the machines and holding her hand, savoring the moment of peace we have together.
Grains of sand slip through your hands
Never ceasing time
Fold you hands in silent prayer
Eternal peace you'll find.
As I had expected, the door burst open and Susan, Luka, Chuny and Malik rushed in. The looks on their faces were easy to read. Fear, hope, grief and pain. All of what I'm experiencing inside. I turned my head away from them, unable to watch, unable to take any of this anymore. I've had enough drama for one day.
"Oh my god. What happened?" Susan asked, watching the straight green line that ran across the monitor. That's right, Abby flat-lined. I told her silently.
"You've got to help her." I said softly. Emotions inside me had somehow found a way out, and suddenly, I found myself panicking. "Help her! Don't stand there. You've got to do something!"
They all rushed over to her side, doing CPRs, bagging her, shocking her, doing everything they could possibly do to help her. But the line showed by the heart monitor remained stubbornly flat.
"We have to move her to the ER." Luka said to me. Luka, a man that Abby had fell in love with. Normally I should hate him, but today, with Abby dying, I don't feel a thing against him. Hell, I would make up with him and befriend him even, if only Abby would live.
"Then move her." They rolled her out, taking her way from me. Why don't you move me too? I found myself asking, why don't you move me to be with her? Why don't you take me to where she is?
Like two rivers flow
To the open sea
Someday we'll unite
For all eternity.
Susan stayed behind, not going with them to the ER.
"What are you doing here? Help her." I screamed at her. This is all I could do, screaming at innocent people, blaming them for everything. I'm sorry Susan; I hope you'll understand.
"I stayed to check up on you. For all I know, you may be suffering for post-dramatic shock. Scream at me if you want to, I don't mind." Oddly, she didn't seem to be angry.
"God, I'm sorry." How pathetic did I sound? Abby is dying, and all I could do is staying in this room, saying I'm sorry to somebody I screamed at.
Suddenly, I realized one thing that I can do to save me from the overwhelming sense of guilt in my heart. "Susan, I want to help save her."
Let the rain falling on your face
Run in to your eyes
Can you see the rainbow now?
Through the stormy skies
"You can't." I felt as though I was shot.
"What do you mean I can't?" I asked angrily. "She's my wife Susan, and she's dying. And you're telling me I can't prevent her from dying, that I can't go and save her?"
"Yes. You can't help Carter. Remember that policy?"
"What policy? Susan, I can't afford the time to talk about policies while my wife may be dead in another room!"
"Carter, it is hospital policy that you can't tend for family. You know that."
I slammed my fist into the bed. "I don't care about these god damn policies. I want to help her and that's what I'll do. Nothing is going to stop me from going over there to help her and you know that too Susan."
I jumped up and strode over to the door, walking into the corridor and went over to the ER to look for Abby. Susan tried to hold me back, but I was too strong. She gave up and decided to go with me.
"If Kerrie asks about this I have nothing to do with this." she muttered.
"Thanks Susan."
"Carter, she's my friend too."
"Where is she?"
"Trauma Green I guess."
Just as we were about to burst into Trauma Green, a gurney rolled out. It was Abby.
"What? What happened?" I asked Luka, taking note of his bloody gown.
"Calm down Carter. She's okay. We saved her.."
Relief washed over me like a huge wave. I felt as though I'm filled with helium. Abby, my goddess, my princess, my wife, is alive. I'm not going to wake up alone every morning, finding no one sleeping beside me. My gift is not lost after all, and from now on, I'll treasure it, as if it's the most precious thing on earth. For the first time today, I smiled a real smile. I had come so close to losing her, and now that I know that she pulled through it, every cell in my body is screaming with joy.
Like two rivers flow
To the open sea
Someday we'll unite
For all eternity.
".. Though we're still not sure if she's going to live or not."
My heart instantly dropped to my toes. "What do you mean?"
"When we were doing a sonogram to check on any internal injuries Abby might have had, we found a dark shadow in her lower abdomen. We're not sure whether if it's a blood clot, a tumor or anything else. But before the test results come back, we're not sure about anything.." he trailed on and on, like a rushing river, never ending, never ceasing.
The happiness I felt a moment before was gone. I felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. She came so close, so close to dying before me, and I don't want to loose her again. Ever.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++
I know this chapter sucked big time, but then, as I said, I'm experiencing a major writer's block. So, u gotta put up with this crap for a couple of days until I figure out what to do!
And, did u guys think Abby's gonna die at the beginning? I tried to make it sound that way, but if it didn't, it's okay. The thing is she didn't die! But then, don't rule out the possibility that she may.
Haha, I'm mean.
Thanks for all those who reviewed :
CarbyZonefan -- um. ..coz u reviewed on chapter 3 after I had posted Chapter 4, therefore I didn't thank u for reviewing in Chapter 4, and so, I'd like to thank you here. Thanks.
MaggieMay -- Oh well, there can't BE enough Carby stories out there. And even though I like calling my own work 'crap' doesn't mean that you can call my work crap. And I doubt the ship would sink. but oh well, titanic sank, so I'll keep your advice in mind. Well, thx for putting up with Chapter 1 anyway.
Becky -- Isn't it? Cool I mean. Well, I can't say I really mind them really my story if they would leave a review! hehe. Nope. I don't think Noah Wyle will laugh at your idiocy (yeah, come to think of it, I love this word.) coz u're not idiotic. By the way, which ones are your stories?
Amanda -- Meanie suits me doesn't it? Thank you for saying that it's beautiful! Thank you!!!
Ocean eyes -- It is totally sad. I'll break down if somebody kills Abby off in their fic. though if I don't get enough reviews from all of you, I'm gonna kill Abby off just for revenge. Hehe. lol. Thanks!
SpookyAnne -- Hey I don't mind it's u again! leave as many reviews as u want to! Thanks!
Laura -- Crying like mad? really? haha, thanks for saying that it's good. Thank you for reviewing. And you don't need to thank me =)
Annie -- Haha. So far I'm a meanie and I'm cruel. It's kinda fun reading these comments. (Don't think I'm a psycho or something.) No need to be sorry, I don't mind. Thanks.
carbygirl05-- Thank you! Did Maura say that? Really? When did she say that? What's is there to be afraid of? Well, she's afraid that we will kill off her character and then the writers will think.'oh well. That plot is GOOD' and then basically just kill her off the show.' I'll die if that happens. Yeah, I totally hope that she'll some and read our stories. Oh and don't worry about the long message thing. I like leaving loooong messages too, and I love it when ppo leave long messages, and as you can c, this reply is even longer, so I got to stop. Thanks again.
Ashelle -- Thanks. Well, I kinda like Lucy back when she was on the show, so I thought it would be cool to relate to it a little, Carter will not jus 4get about her right? Yeah, the ER writers may need a little ideas, the show is not as good as it used to be, still good, but not great.
Alyssa -- I'll try not to kill her, but I like sad endings. Well, I would curl up in a corner and die if they really kill Abby off the show! Thanks.
Kaz and the scali -- Thank you both of you. Yeah, I think it'll be interesting. does that help with ur little debate? hehe thanks again.
Dani -- Well, I doubt about that talented part, coz I have absolutely no talent to speak of, but thanks anyway. Yeah, you really gotta appreciate what u got. Thanks.
After all your opinions, I still really want the actual cast to leave a review here, though we would never know that it's actually from them, coz even if they use their real name eg : Noah or Maura or Sherry or Goran. we'll never assume it's REALLY from them. * sigh *
~JeSs~
Disclaimer: Due to the fact that Warner Bros will sue me if I don't write this annoying little sentence, I'm repeating once more. I don't own anyone in ER. And I don't own the song 'Two Rivers' by Avril Lavigne either.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++
5. Once is enough
Carter's POV
I stood there, standing on the cold hard tiles of the hospital floor, staring at her pretty face as the machines go haywire around me. Her eyelids closed and the machines all sang out a high screech, a monotone. A cold gust of wind blew, sweeping away my love together with it. I bit my lip, hard. It was all I can do to stop myself from screaming out loud.
I knew I should call for help, I knew there is still a chance that she'll live, that I'll wake up and find her next to me, watching me sleep, wearing a tiny little smile on her face. She is my goddess. She can't just leave like this. Not without saying a real goodbye.
I reached over and rang the bell to call for help. I knew, in a few moments, a crowd of people would rush in and help Abby, all of them trying to keep her from deteriorating even more. So I merely stood there, listening to the wailing of the machines and holding her hand, savoring the moment of peace we have together.
Grains of sand slip through your hands
Never ceasing time
Fold you hands in silent prayer
Eternal peace you'll find.
As I had expected, the door burst open and Susan, Luka, Chuny and Malik rushed in. The looks on their faces were easy to read. Fear, hope, grief and pain. All of what I'm experiencing inside. I turned my head away from them, unable to watch, unable to take any of this anymore. I've had enough drama for one day.
"Oh my god. What happened?" Susan asked, watching the straight green line that ran across the monitor. That's right, Abby flat-lined. I told her silently.
"You've got to help her." I said softly. Emotions inside me had somehow found a way out, and suddenly, I found myself panicking. "Help her! Don't stand there. You've got to do something!"
They all rushed over to her side, doing CPRs, bagging her, shocking her, doing everything they could possibly do to help her. But the line showed by the heart monitor remained stubbornly flat.
"We have to move her to the ER." Luka said to me. Luka, a man that Abby had fell in love with. Normally I should hate him, but today, with Abby dying, I don't feel a thing against him. Hell, I would make up with him and befriend him even, if only Abby would live.
"Then move her." They rolled her out, taking her way from me. Why don't you move me too? I found myself asking, why don't you move me to be with her? Why don't you take me to where she is?
Like two rivers flow
To the open sea
Someday we'll unite
For all eternity.
Susan stayed behind, not going with them to the ER.
"What are you doing here? Help her." I screamed at her. This is all I could do, screaming at innocent people, blaming them for everything. I'm sorry Susan; I hope you'll understand.
"I stayed to check up on you. For all I know, you may be suffering for post-dramatic shock. Scream at me if you want to, I don't mind." Oddly, she didn't seem to be angry.
"God, I'm sorry." How pathetic did I sound? Abby is dying, and all I could do is staying in this room, saying I'm sorry to somebody I screamed at.
Suddenly, I realized one thing that I can do to save me from the overwhelming sense of guilt in my heart. "Susan, I want to help save her."
Let the rain falling on your face
Run in to your eyes
Can you see the rainbow now?
Through the stormy skies
"You can't." I felt as though I was shot.
"What do you mean I can't?" I asked angrily. "She's my wife Susan, and she's dying. And you're telling me I can't prevent her from dying, that I can't go and save her?"
"Yes. You can't help Carter. Remember that policy?"
"What policy? Susan, I can't afford the time to talk about policies while my wife may be dead in another room!"
"Carter, it is hospital policy that you can't tend for family. You know that."
I slammed my fist into the bed. "I don't care about these god damn policies. I want to help her and that's what I'll do. Nothing is going to stop me from going over there to help her and you know that too Susan."
I jumped up and strode over to the door, walking into the corridor and went over to the ER to look for Abby. Susan tried to hold me back, but I was too strong. She gave up and decided to go with me.
"If Kerrie asks about this I have nothing to do with this." she muttered.
"Thanks Susan."
"Carter, she's my friend too."
"Where is she?"
"Trauma Green I guess."
Just as we were about to burst into Trauma Green, a gurney rolled out. It was Abby.
"What? What happened?" I asked Luka, taking note of his bloody gown.
"Calm down Carter. She's okay. We saved her.."
Relief washed over me like a huge wave. I felt as though I'm filled with helium. Abby, my goddess, my princess, my wife, is alive. I'm not going to wake up alone every morning, finding no one sleeping beside me. My gift is not lost after all, and from now on, I'll treasure it, as if it's the most precious thing on earth. For the first time today, I smiled a real smile. I had come so close to losing her, and now that I know that she pulled through it, every cell in my body is screaming with joy.
Like two rivers flow
To the open sea
Someday we'll unite
For all eternity.
".. Though we're still not sure if she's going to live or not."
My heart instantly dropped to my toes. "What do you mean?"
"When we were doing a sonogram to check on any internal injuries Abby might have had, we found a dark shadow in her lower abdomen. We're not sure whether if it's a blood clot, a tumor or anything else. But before the test results come back, we're not sure about anything.." he trailed on and on, like a rushing river, never ending, never ceasing.
The happiness I felt a moment before was gone. I felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. She came so close, so close to dying before me, and I don't want to loose her again. Ever.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++
I know this chapter sucked big time, but then, as I said, I'm experiencing a major writer's block. So, u gotta put up with this crap for a couple of days until I figure out what to do!
And, did u guys think Abby's gonna die at the beginning? I tried to make it sound that way, but if it didn't, it's okay. The thing is she didn't die! But then, don't rule out the possibility that she may.
Haha, I'm mean.
Thanks for all those who reviewed :
CarbyZonefan -- um. ..coz u reviewed on chapter 3 after I had posted Chapter 4, therefore I didn't thank u for reviewing in Chapter 4, and so, I'd like to thank you here. Thanks.
MaggieMay -- Oh well, there can't BE enough Carby stories out there. And even though I like calling my own work 'crap' doesn't mean that you can call my work crap. And I doubt the ship would sink. but oh well, titanic sank, so I'll keep your advice in mind. Well, thx for putting up with Chapter 1 anyway.
Becky -- Isn't it? Cool I mean. Well, I can't say I really mind them really my story if they would leave a review! hehe. Nope. I don't think Noah Wyle will laugh at your idiocy (yeah, come to think of it, I love this word.) coz u're not idiotic. By the way, which ones are your stories?
Amanda -- Meanie suits me doesn't it? Thank you for saying that it's beautiful! Thank you!!!
Ocean eyes -- It is totally sad. I'll break down if somebody kills Abby off in their fic. though if I don't get enough reviews from all of you, I'm gonna kill Abby off just for revenge. Hehe. lol. Thanks!
SpookyAnne -- Hey I don't mind it's u again! leave as many reviews as u want to! Thanks!
Laura -- Crying like mad? really? haha, thanks for saying that it's good. Thank you for reviewing. And you don't need to thank me =)
Annie -- Haha. So far I'm a meanie and I'm cruel. It's kinda fun reading these comments. (Don't think I'm a psycho or something.) No need to be sorry, I don't mind. Thanks.
carbygirl05-- Thank you! Did Maura say that? Really? When did she say that? What's is there to be afraid of? Well, she's afraid that we will kill off her character and then the writers will think.'oh well. That plot is GOOD' and then basically just kill her off the show.' I'll die if that happens. Yeah, I totally hope that she'll some and read our stories. Oh and don't worry about the long message thing. I like leaving loooong messages too, and I love it when ppo leave long messages, and as you can c, this reply is even longer, so I got to stop. Thanks again.
Ashelle -- Thanks. Well, I kinda like Lucy back when she was on the show, so I thought it would be cool to relate to it a little, Carter will not jus 4get about her right? Yeah, the ER writers may need a little ideas, the show is not as good as it used to be, still good, but not great.
Alyssa -- I'll try not to kill her, but I like sad endings. Well, I would curl up in a corner and die if they really kill Abby off the show! Thanks.
Kaz and the scali -- Thank you both of you. Yeah, I think it'll be interesting. does that help with ur little debate? hehe thanks again.
Dani -- Well, I doubt about that talented part, coz I have absolutely no talent to speak of, but thanks anyway. Yeah, you really gotta appreciate what u got. Thanks.
After all your opinions, I still really want the actual cast to leave a review here, though we would never know that it's actually from them, coz even if they use their real name eg : Noah or Maura or Sherry or Goran. we'll never assume it's REALLY from them. * sigh *
~JeSs~