Authors note: Oh god, I'm in NO mood of writing anything..I just got into a
terrible row with my mother. Apparently, she wants me to take part in a
scheme, something to do with flying planes and writing compositions and
stuff, says it will look good on my university applications. Well, well
whatever, I just wish parents wouldn't barge into our life so often.
So as I said, I'm in a cranky mood, but come to think of it, I want to write, not those silly compositions but I want to continue on this story. I think it would relieve some of my stress, so guys, here's the sixth chapter of my 'oh so wonderful' story.
(Yea, I knew I sound all bitter, and sorry guys, I don't mean to sound like that, it's just that I'm really, really mad. I promise I'll get better soon.)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in ER.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++
6. Have you got a secret to tell?
Carter's POV
I had never understood why, when husbands know that their wives have an incurable disease, they all just flee from their wives, even if the disease they got weren't contagious. As if they all suddenly decided that they don't love their wives anymore, all decided to run away from their wives. I had seen a lot of cases like this while I worked in the ER, but had never understood why. Until now.
The reason they ran away wasn't because they don't love their wives anymore; it was because they still loved them. They loved them so much that they couldn't bear to watch them slowly fading away, to watch them being tortured by the horrible disease. They ran away from the hideous fact that their wives will die in the soon future.
At least, that was what I felt when Susan told me that Abby probably wouldn't live through today. I wanted to run away from this, to go home and take a long shower and go to bed, pretending that this had never happened, to wake up and find Abby cooking breakfast or making coffee, looking beautiful and radiant under the sunlight that shone into the room through the windows. But no, I was forced to stay, forced to see Abby come so close to falling into the hands of death. It was during the period of time when Abby flat-lined when I realized that I couldn't shed away from reality forever. Sometime later, I'm going to have to face it. Better now than never.
Now that I know that Abby still wasn't safe, and that she may crash again, I decided to be brave. If she could be brave to accept that fact that she may die, why couldn't I? After all, I'm supposed to be the strong one, and I promised to look after her forever and ever. I decided to stay by Abby's side this time, whether if she lives or dies, it doesn't make a difference, I'll always love her, no matter what.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The steady beating of the machines sounded like a sweet lullaby, gently luring me to sleep. I felt my head drooping and my eyelids started to close, it took every once of energy in me just to try and stay awake, I couldn't afford to sleep for Abby might wake while I'm still in dreamland. Stay conscious, I kept ordering myself, when you work, you can stay awake, why can't you do that now? Hell, you're an ER doctor; ER doctors don't sleep at all!
In order to prevent myself from sleeping, I decided to focus all my attention on Abby. I raised my hand and traced her delicate features, her perfect eyebrows, her cute button nose, and her teasing lips that always managed to be so sexy when she wanted to kiss me. I shook my head, and stopped tracing her features, for I know I would have a mental breakdown if I keep thinking about the fact that I may never see her face again. I allowed myself to close my eyes for just a second; ignoring my subconscious mind telling me that closing my eyes is a big mistake.
"Carter." A hoarse whisper cut into my head. Is it a dream, or is it real? I don't know, doesn't matter. Why is the bed so hard? Maybe it's time to get a new one. I turned over to make myself comfortable. Instead of feeling relaxed, I felt a sharp pain in my side and heard giggling followed by coughing. I opened my eyes and instead of finding a nice bed, I found myself lying on the cold hospital floor.
"What the.." I left my sentence trailing in the air as I realized the reason why I was in the hospital. I snapped my head towards the direction of the coughing and saw that Abby was awake, even trying to sit up. They must have gotten the tubes out of her while I was sleeping. I take that as a good sign.
"Be careful." I jumped up to help her, only to fall back on the floor when a flare of pain shot up my ankle. Must have twisted it. Abby smiled, showing her cute dimples that I missed so much. Gingerly, I stood up and limped towards her.
"How are you?" I asked, concerned about her. I know she often hid things from me, not wanting me to help her, masking her emotions from me. I have to be sure that she's okay, that she's not hiding any pain or discomfort from me.
"I think I'm okay, though my stomach feels weird. How are you? Looks like you need help more than I do." She joked, grinning at me.
"I'm so glad that you're still here." I couldn't resist kissing her; I would even climb into bed with her if this weren't a hospital.
"I'm glad too," she whispered into my ear, her lips grazing the tip of it. A sharp volt of electricity ran through me. "I thought I'd never see you again."
I though so too, that's why I'm glad that you're here, glad that you changed your mind and decided to be here for me.
"What did they say?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Didn't they do a check on you after you woke up?"
"They don't know that I woke."
"What?" It is such a risk not to take a test to check if you're in good health immediately after you wake up from a coma, for a person might suffer from a lot of other injuries after a coma.
"Don't freak Carter, I'm fine."
"No you're not, Abby, no way." I said firmly, remembering about the shadow in her abdomen.
"What?" she crossed her arms over her chest, "What are you trying to say Carter."
Oops. I thought. I let it slip. I had thought I would keep the fact that they found something in her abdomen from her, not wanting to scare her after what she had been through. Hell, it had been hard for her. "Nothing, everyone have a risk of having post-coma injuries. You know that." I was lying through my teeth, but she doesn't need to know that.
"Carter." she said demandingly, raising an eyebrow, not buying my explanation. God, why does every woman on earth process the ability to read my mind?
"Abby, I told you, there's nothing wrong with you!"
"What did they find in me?" she asked. Oh no. There, that's it, there's only one explanation to all this, that she had known that there was a tumor or something deadly in her all along.
"You know?"
"Know about what Carter? Do you expect me to read my mind?"
Couldn't you? I thought.
"Well, they found a dark shadow in your abdomen when they were doing a sonogram.." I stopped as I saw Abby had started to turn very, very pale. "It may not be anything serious." I added quickly.
"Oh my god." she said softly.
"Abby, it may be nothing! Do you know about this? Tell me please, tell me if it's a tumor, or is it anything that may be deadly, you can't keep me away from something this important. Abby, tell me, I love you, I'll never leave you." I coaxed gently.
"Oh my god. No Carter, it's nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
She remained silent, her face as pale as a ghosts under the white lights..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++
I was right, I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm never going to take part in that stupid program, I don't even like planes. Oh right, I'm gonna calm down. Sorry if I freaked anybody out because of my grumbling. I didn't mean to act like that. Normally, I'm not a person who's angry all the time! ;-)
The episode yesterday was great. well, every episode is great *stop to think. and realized that I had said something about the show being not that great yesterday * Forget about it. I mean what I said yesterday.
And how can you make words appear in italics? When I make the words italic, they appear to be normal in ff.net. why??
And sorry if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes, I'm not perfect! Hehe.
After all these apologies, I'm gonna start thanking people.
Rebecca B Bush --- Thanks for reviewing! Yeah I know that it's dark, but that's what makes it fun! Erm. if you had read the replies I made before, or if you even read this reply to you, u may notice that my mind is a little twisted. lol. Thanks again.
Pissed off poet -- I made this Chapter happy! Yay. Cheers for me!! Here's the update. Thanks for reviewing.
Becky -- So you mean I can find your stories if I searched for a writer with a pen name of 'Becky'? * After some time * There are so many Becky (s) that had registered!! I don't know who you are!! Tell me plz. I wanna read what you wrote! Haha. Thanks for loving this chapter. and yes, pregnancy IS a possibility. Everything is. Thanks
Laura -- Hee, I feel good now, coz I cheered you up, but then I like sad fics. basically, I'm the kind of person who needs a good weep now and then =) You lost sleep? Wow, never knew fics have such a huge effect on people!
Loco -- Thanks for reading this. Aw, that's not true! I believe you write perfectly good fics! Thanks
Carbygirl05 -- I fully intended to send an e-mail to you to reply your message but then I didn't get your email address! I checked my mail- box just now just in case but there was nothing. I wasn't THAT surprised for I know how crappy the whole email system is. I lost about um. 100 letters via email, so I'm never gonna trust that thing. hehe. but then email me just the same!
You mean you talked to Maura? Is she you friend? I don't understand... oh... did you talk to her in those chat rooms where they have a whole bunch of fans to talk with a celebrity? I always wanted to get into those chat rooms but then something always came up to prevent me from doing that, tell me in full details about what happened kay?
Oh my, I think you'd better send me ur email quick, I'm not sure I'm gonna reply or write everyday, but this reply took up way too much space. Hee. =)
CARBYfan -- Don't worry about the accident, it's better to get more reviews than less, but don't you guys start to send me two copies of all your reviews just coz I said this! Thanks for loving this Chapter and yes, there's a chance that Abby may be pregnant, read on to find out!
Um. and I'm not sure who is this and whether if this review is dedicated to me.
To Mr or Mrs or Miss Blank -- I know about as much as you do. and I want to know that too!! Be sure to tell me Carbygirl05. you probably start to think that I'm a nosy girl but hey, I can't resist from a good piece of gossip!! hehe.. And is this message really for me?
I'm gonna go now, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.. and I feel sad for those who didn't, coz I can do nothing to help you. hehe. C ya soon...
Oh yeah, I'd just like to say that maybe the next chapter will be the last chapter or maybe the next next chapter will be the last one.. tell me if you guys would like me to do a sequel, I kinda have an idea what to write about but if you guys don't like the idea, then I won't write any sequel to this fic. *~JeSs~*
So as I said, I'm in a cranky mood, but come to think of it, I want to write, not those silly compositions but I want to continue on this story. I think it would relieve some of my stress, so guys, here's the sixth chapter of my 'oh so wonderful' story.
(Yea, I knew I sound all bitter, and sorry guys, I don't mean to sound like that, it's just that I'm really, really mad. I promise I'll get better soon.)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in ER.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++
6. Have you got a secret to tell?
Carter's POV
I had never understood why, when husbands know that their wives have an incurable disease, they all just flee from their wives, even if the disease they got weren't contagious. As if they all suddenly decided that they don't love their wives anymore, all decided to run away from their wives. I had seen a lot of cases like this while I worked in the ER, but had never understood why. Until now.
The reason they ran away wasn't because they don't love their wives anymore; it was because they still loved them. They loved them so much that they couldn't bear to watch them slowly fading away, to watch them being tortured by the horrible disease. They ran away from the hideous fact that their wives will die in the soon future.
At least, that was what I felt when Susan told me that Abby probably wouldn't live through today. I wanted to run away from this, to go home and take a long shower and go to bed, pretending that this had never happened, to wake up and find Abby cooking breakfast or making coffee, looking beautiful and radiant under the sunlight that shone into the room through the windows. But no, I was forced to stay, forced to see Abby come so close to falling into the hands of death. It was during the period of time when Abby flat-lined when I realized that I couldn't shed away from reality forever. Sometime later, I'm going to have to face it. Better now than never.
Now that I know that Abby still wasn't safe, and that she may crash again, I decided to be brave. If she could be brave to accept that fact that she may die, why couldn't I? After all, I'm supposed to be the strong one, and I promised to look after her forever and ever. I decided to stay by Abby's side this time, whether if she lives or dies, it doesn't make a difference, I'll always love her, no matter what.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The steady beating of the machines sounded like a sweet lullaby, gently luring me to sleep. I felt my head drooping and my eyelids started to close, it took every once of energy in me just to try and stay awake, I couldn't afford to sleep for Abby might wake while I'm still in dreamland. Stay conscious, I kept ordering myself, when you work, you can stay awake, why can't you do that now? Hell, you're an ER doctor; ER doctors don't sleep at all!
In order to prevent myself from sleeping, I decided to focus all my attention on Abby. I raised my hand and traced her delicate features, her perfect eyebrows, her cute button nose, and her teasing lips that always managed to be so sexy when she wanted to kiss me. I shook my head, and stopped tracing her features, for I know I would have a mental breakdown if I keep thinking about the fact that I may never see her face again. I allowed myself to close my eyes for just a second; ignoring my subconscious mind telling me that closing my eyes is a big mistake.
"Carter." A hoarse whisper cut into my head. Is it a dream, or is it real? I don't know, doesn't matter. Why is the bed so hard? Maybe it's time to get a new one. I turned over to make myself comfortable. Instead of feeling relaxed, I felt a sharp pain in my side and heard giggling followed by coughing. I opened my eyes and instead of finding a nice bed, I found myself lying on the cold hospital floor.
"What the.." I left my sentence trailing in the air as I realized the reason why I was in the hospital. I snapped my head towards the direction of the coughing and saw that Abby was awake, even trying to sit up. They must have gotten the tubes out of her while I was sleeping. I take that as a good sign.
"Be careful." I jumped up to help her, only to fall back on the floor when a flare of pain shot up my ankle. Must have twisted it. Abby smiled, showing her cute dimples that I missed so much. Gingerly, I stood up and limped towards her.
"How are you?" I asked, concerned about her. I know she often hid things from me, not wanting me to help her, masking her emotions from me. I have to be sure that she's okay, that she's not hiding any pain or discomfort from me.
"I think I'm okay, though my stomach feels weird. How are you? Looks like you need help more than I do." She joked, grinning at me.
"I'm so glad that you're still here." I couldn't resist kissing her; I would even climb into bed with her if this weren't a hospital.
"I'm glad too," she whispered into my ear, her lips grazing the tip of it. A sharp volt of electricity ran through me. "I thought I'd never see you again."
I though so too, that's why I'm glad that you're here, glad that you changed your mind and decided to be here for me.
"What did they say?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Didn't they do a check on you after you woke up?"
"They don't know that I woke."
"What?" It is such a risk not to take a test to check if you're in good health immediately after you wake up from a coma, for a person might suffer from a lot of other injuries after a coma.
"Don't freak Carter, I'm fine."
"No you're not, Abby, no way." I said firmly, remembering about the shadow in her abdomen.
"What?" she crossed her arms over her chest, "What are you trying to say Carter."
Oops. I thought. I let it slip. I had thought I would keep the fact that they found something in her abdomen from her, not wanting to scare her after what she had been through. Hell, it had been hard for her. "Nothing, everyone have a risk of having post-coma injuries. You know that." I was lying through my teeth, but she doesn't need to know that.
"Carter." she said demandingly, raising an eyebrow, not buying my explanation. God, why does every woman on earth process the ability to read my mind?
"Abby, I told you, there's nothing wrong with you!"
"What did they find in me?" she asked. Oh no. There, that's it, there's only one explanation to all this, that she had known that there was a tumor or something deadly in her all along.
"You know?"
"Know about what Carter? Do you expect me to read my mind?"
Couldn't you? I thought.
"Well, they found a dark shadow in your abdomen when they were doing a sonogram.." I stopped as I saw Abby had started to turn very, very pale. "It may not be anything serious." I added quickly.
"Oh my god." she said softly.
"Abby, it may be nothing! Do you know about this? Tell me please, tell me if it's a tumor, or is it anything that may be deadly, you can't keep me away from something this important. Abby, tell me, I love you, I'll never leave you." I coaxed gently.
"Oh my god. No Carter, it's nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
She remained silent, her face as pale as a ghosts under the white lights..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++
I was right, I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm never going to take part in that stupid program, I don't even like planes. Oh right, I'm gonna calm down. Sorry if I freaked anybody out because of my grumbling. I didn't mean to act like that. Normally, I'm not a person who's angry all the time! ;-)
The episode yesterday was great. well, every episode is great *stop to think. and realized that I had said something about the show being not that great yesterday * Forget about it. I mean what I said yesterday.
And how can you make words appear in italics? When I make the words italic, they appear to be normal in ff.net. why??
And sorry if I made any grammar or spelling mistakes, I'm not perfect! Hehe.
After all these apologies, I'm gonna start thanking people.
Rebecca B Bush --- Thanks for reviewing! Yeah I know that it's dark, but that's what makes it fun! Erm. if you had read the replies I made before, or if you even read this reply to you, u may notice that my mind is a little twisted. lol. Thanks again.
Pissed off poet -- I made this Chapter happy! Yay. Cheers for me!! Here's the update. Thanks for reviewing.
Becky -- So you mean I can find your stories if I searched for a writer with a pen name of 'Becky'? * After some time * There are so many Becky (s) that had registered!! I don't know who you are!! Tell me plz. I wanna read what you wrote! Haha. Thanks for loving this chapter. and yes, pregnancy IS a possibility. Everything is. Thanks
Laura -- Hee, I feel good now, coz I cheered you up, but then I like sad fics. basically, I'm the kind of person who needs a good weep now and then =) You lost sleep? Wow, never knew fics have such a huge effect on people!
Loco -- Thanks for reading this. Aw, that's not true! I believe you write perfectly good fics! Thanks
Carbygirl05 -- I fully intended to send an e-mail to you to reply your message but then I didn't get your email address! I checked my mail- box just now just in case but there was nothing. I wasn't THAT surprised for I know how crappy the whole email system is. I lost about um. 100 letters via email, so I'm never gonna trust that thing. hehe. but then email me just the same!
You mean you talked to Maura? Is she you friend? I don't understand... oh... did you talk to her in those chat rooms where they have a whole bunch of fans to talk with a celebrity? I always wanted to get into those chat rooms but then something always came up to prevent me from doing that, tell me in full details about what happened kay?
Oh my, I think you'd better send me ur email quick, I'm not sure I'm gonna reply or write everyday, but this reply took up way too much space. Hee. =)
CARBYfan -- Don't worry about the accident, it's better to get more reviews than less, but don't you guys start to send me two copies of all your reviews just coz I said this! Thanks for loving this Chapter and yes, there's a chance that Abby may be pregnant, read on to find out!
Um. and I'm not sure who is this and whether if this review is dedicated to me.
To Mr or Mrs or Miss Blank -- I know about as much as you do. and I want to know that too!! Be sure to tell me Carbygirl05. you probably start to think that I'm a nosy girl but hey, I can't resist from a good piece of gossip!! hehe.. And is this message really for me?
I'm gonna go now, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.. and I feel sad for those who didn't, coz I can do nothing to help you. hehe. C ya soon...
Oh yeah, I'd just like to say that maybe the next chapter will be the last chapter or maybe the next next chapter will be the last one.. tell me if you guys would like me to do a sequel, I kinda have an idea what to write about but if you guys don't like the idea, then I won't write any sequel to this fic. *~JeSs~*