* Author: blue
* Email: blueweber@hotmail.com
* Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance
* Summary: Born in a war torn era in Japan, a young girl witness the death of her family and
clan to the hands of hatred, greed and power. Taken in by a mountain shrine, she becomes a
miko of healing. That is, until a wondering and disillusioned assassin breaks through her
peaceful world. Wounded and seeking revenge, he unwittingly finds himself depending on the
aid of the priestess to help heal him from his wounds. There an adventure begins and a
story that echoes through time with magick and mystery. (Sesshoumaru/Kagome)
* Rated: PG-13 (for violence and other contents)
The Kimono She Wore
******************
.blue.
The mountain streams flows,
Breaking through the ice.
The strength of fluid steel
Carries the scent of winter
through the lands.
.Part IV.
(Secrets, Unraveling A Spider's Thread)
"kioku no hako wo
ima sugu akete
setsunai kako wo
towa ni keshitai"
("I want to open the box of memory
right now
and erase the painful past
for eternity.")
-- Kanae Anisu
("Kibou no Sora e"/"To the Sky of Hope"
Evangelion)
Drip.
The soft splash that a single water drop made in its descent down into the bamboo
pipe. The stone dragon's head stared out into empty space, a fearsome scowl across its
face, eyes slanted and narrowed as it watched and guarded over the shrine. A sparkle of fat
water drop, unable to contain more of itself against the dragon's teeth, slipped and flew
towards its brothers and sisters that pooled beneath the dragon's claws.
Drip.
It was the only sound under that few hours just before noon when the sun would be
too hot for any more water drops to form at the mouth of the guardian of the temple. Then,
the crystal drops would simply emerge before shimmering under the heat and evaporating
before reaching the water pooled under the stone dragon's shadow.
For now, under the shade of the bough of the cherry trees, Kagome sat in a relaxed
pose, concentrating on her own soft breathing. The wind stirred her long, ebony hair,
causing it to shift along her shoulders. It was the only movement from her still form. Her
strange, blue-grey eyes were closed and her mouth was now relaxed into a soft line of pink
brush stroke against pale skin.
If she was in turmoil, her face betrayed nothing.
Overhead, green and vibrant leaves wavered as well in the early summer breeze. A
soft rustle settle over the peaceful shrine. Many in the courtyard paused to enjoy the cool
breeze, warm and gentle before the burning sun could rule over the skies and like a
punishing fist, crush and still that lingering wind to nothingness. Yet, for now, the sun
was still lingering over the tops of trees, brightening the day with promise as the morning
air permeated the grounds, stirring up the dust and leaves and grass.
If the Chiisai Kawa noticed any of these small comforts, that too she did not show.
It was a ritual forever practiced by all Chiisai Kawa's, before and possibly after
Higurashi Kagome's terms of service. The mantal of duties needed one of strong disposition
to handle such matters and to keep that demeanor, one's mind and heart must be at peace.
The last Chiisai Kawa had taught her that the greatest power lays in when one is not in
conflict from within, that harmony brings the greatest of all things together, be it love or
hate, joy or sorrow.
The balance must be maintained, always.
Yet, since the arrival of Sesshoumaru into Kagome's life, she felt the scale tip
dangerously from one emotion to the next. He had an unsettling force about him that she
found both pleasant and disturbing all at once. So her own ritual began, mediating in the
morning to calm herself before reentering into his presence once more. Sometimes she
wondered if the wounded stranger would ever stop being an enigma to her, wondered too if she
truly desired to discover his secrets. However, it was not only his presence that disturbed
her, it was the air of the past he carried around his shoulders. Those tormenting chains
that he could not escape trapped her as well.
Sesshoumaru made her remember, and she liked that least of all.
In the darkness behind her eyes, the constant fire burned itself into her mind.
Souta's cries echoed in her ears as Kagome fought to keep the image of total relaxation and
coolness. The nightmare continued, on and on it went. Image of all she loved and all who
were gone went on throughout her mind.
Kagome's fingers twitched, wanting to clutch together to lessen the pain in her
chest that had been building with each passing moment, compounding into layers of
inescapable waves that crashed into her. She stood it all. Stood the tear-streaked face of
her baby brother reaching for her burnt hands. Stood the bandits hovering over her mother,
ripping at her clothes. Still, she would not bend as her memories flashed the face of her
grandfather lying in a pool of his own blood while strangers stood over him, gloating at his
death. And then she remembered the dark and shadowed face of the priest that saved her,
dragging her away from the only home she had ever known, the home that burned away before
her tear-blurred eyes.
Still she would not bend and her insides felt as if it would break.
It was in that single moment she felt the eyes of another on her, studying her every
movement. Her fingers stilled and she froze, for a moment forgetting where she was as the
fear and self-consciousness drowned out all other concerns. Then her body began to relax
once more once she realized who it was that was watching her.
Sesshoumaru, the name that was a curse and a gift. A man of mystery and irony,
inescapable to her as was her past. She wondered if she would ever be the same after he had
stepped into her life, searching for help that he did not wish to receive, reluctantly
taking as little as he possibly could.
Under the shade of the sakura trees, Kagome felt her soul waver with the leaves.
There a peace returned to her, running through her body and spreading like a soft blanket of
warmth. Her breathing steadied and slowed as she gently swayed ever so slightly with the
push and pull of the summer breeze.
There was something in his gaze that calmed her, even if she could not see it and
only sense it ever so slightly within herself. Still, it was enough to calm the nightmares
within her heart and for now, it was enough.
* * *
Sesshoumaru paused as he passed the courtyard from his return from the nearby pine
forest. The spicy scent of the earth and the trees still clung to his body and clothing.
There he had been practicing and stretching out his body that had almost finished healing
completely. The tingle on his belly reminded him of the itch that always accompanied
healing. A slight annoyance, but something he could deal with nonetheless. He ran his hand
along his silver-white mane, after he undid the knot that held it back during his hours
training.
He had paused on his way back to his room when he had saw the Chiisai Kawa sitting
under the shade of the cherry trees. Her back had been turned to him, her black hair a
flowing river, set against the sharp contrast of her white and red miko robes. And as he
watched her, he noticed a sadness that radiated throughout her body to the point that it
became a cord of tension, wrapped around her aura. In that moment, he sensed a magnitude of
unshed tears so strongly forced upon him that he founded his body instinctively taking a
step back, trying to physically escape her piercing presence. The realization froze him
in his place, and there he stayed, rooted to the ground as he was bathed in a pain so
powerful he feared that any movement made on his part would shatter the tenacious control he
had over himself.
Very slowly the waves of despair ebbed and slowly disappeared. Sesshoumaru turned
his head, glancing to see if anyone else had felt this deep, hidden darkness within the
Chiisai Kawa, but no one else in the courtyard seemed to have been affected. They moved on
as if nothing had happened, having missed her overwhelming aura. Sesshoumaru turned his
eyes back to the woman who no longer seemed troubled by whatever it was that had caused her
great pain but moments ago, as if their silent sharing had lessened a burden he could not
imagine seeing her carry, at least not in her gentle smile. Though, Sesshoumaru himself
would be a fool to deny that there had been a graveness in her stare that he had never seen
any woman, so young of age, carry within them. Not even in that corrupt and filthy world
that he lived in had he ever met anyone who was so open with her affections and yet so
closed about her heart.
That pain had felt familiar to him though, and the feeling disturbed him greatly.
In that moment, the head of Chiisai Kawa rose as if in a trance, looking up to the blue
skies before one leg drew up and then another as she slowly rose from the ground. He
watched all of this with a sense of unexplainable dread, wanting to turn and walk away, and
yet, unable to. Whatever had happened between them had linked him to her in a most
unexplainable way.
It was in that moment the Chiisai Kawa turned her body slowly in his direction,
rocking gracefully on her heels as her body shifted through the air with a fighter's grace.
Their eyes met across the distance that separated them and Sesshoumaru drowned in the
perfect blue of her eyes.
* * *
Father was the one great admiration of his existence, the rock of his world, so to
speak. If anyone was to have asked him who he would want to be like when he became the
leader of their clan those long years ago, Sesshoumaru would have looked at them haughtily
in the eye at their incompetence and repeated his father's name with unmasked pride.
Father's name.
Funny that in the end even that was lost to him.
At the age of fourteen, his younger brother was conceived. He had watched with
fascination as father's second wife's belly stretched till she could no longer walk in her
sandals. It had hurt to see mother crying though, under the rain. It was painful to watch
father and mother quarrel in mother's room, their shadows shifting against the paper screens
like a shadow play. And he, Sesshoumaru, eldest son and most beloved, watched them duel
from the other side. Solemn and quiet, his heart broke at the angry flame that sparked
between the two people he loved more dearly than anyone else in the world.
It was then that his younger brother's mother came to stand next to him, her hand
resting on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. But in his own pain, he had lashed out
and slapped her hand away. He believed then that this woman alone caused all of the
tension, pain and petty jealousy. She, who he had once thought of as a second mother had
betrayed them all by causing such turmoil within the family.
She had betrayed him.
And younger brother remained undisturbed in her belly as she stood in silence next
to him. "I'm sorry," she had whispered that night under the starry skies as the shadows
continue to quarrel before them. He almost didn't hear what she had whispered in the dark,
her own agony clear in her voice. For the first time in Sesshoumaru's life he had learned
the innocent cruelty of another's presence and lashed out with his own uncheck words that
were meant to prick and sting.
"It is not enough," he said. His voice then was already changing ever so slightly
as he began to shed the boyishness of his body and slowly becoming a man. Sesshoumaru was
estranged by the sound of his own voice breaking soft and clear in the cool night, standing
by his father's new lover as he watched his household go asunder. "It will never be
enough."
And it was then that he began to see the great gap in his heart before it broke and
shattered completely, into a million pieces of glass. There, grounded into a shining powder
of sparkling black under the weakened light of the candle's flame, he stood hating his
father's lover, his tiny brother whom he had yet to greet, and most importantly, himself.
After all, was it not Sesshoumaru's fault that he had not been good enough as a son to keep
the honor of his father's gaze turned to him? Was it not his fault that he was unable to
protect his mother's heart from being crushed under the weight of that cruel emotion that
the adults called "love"?
In that single, piercing moment of harsh realization, Sesshoumaru vowed to make his
father proud at whatever the cost. One day, he would be able to overcome this "love". For
as the son of his lordly father, he shall never make that mistake and hurt another for his
own precious pleasures.
It was a promise he had kept until that fatal night where another's betrayal and a
knife wound changed his life, forever.
* * *
The message sent to the mountains came in the form of a white dove.
The Chiisai Kawa held the trembling bird in her hand, stroking it to a cooing
calmness that he had never seen anyone done before. The moment was soon broken as she
extracted the message and in a flick of her delicate wrist, the bird burst into motion from
in between her palms and fluttered away into the cerulean sky. Turning to his questioned
gaze to her, the Chiisai Kawa smiled and answered his silent curiosity. "No one can enter
without a great need or desire," she said as she swept past him in her red and white robes.
Gliding under the darkening, evening sky as the courtyard still echoed faintly of the humid
day that past, she climbed onto the walkway before turning to him expectantly. "It is our
way to help those in need when they need it."
Sesshoumaru shrugged at this and walked towards her, climbing the same steps she had
climbed earlier. He reached her side before turning his head to look down at her with a
slightly amused raise of his brow, "Yet a dove can make it to where not even humans can
tread?"
A mysterious smile came upon her soft lips, pulling up into another smile. "A dove
does not seek to gain power as man seeks to gain it."
"The power of healing?" Sesshoumaru looked disgusted at the idea, "There is no use
for that."
Now it was the Chiisai Kawa's turn to look amused as her eyes traveled down from his
gaze to stop at his mid-section, "No use, huh?"
A grim line came across his mouth, and he refused to answer or correct his earlier
error. Sesshoumaru only shrugged at this, dismissing the subject as he turned his back to
her and walked down the wooden walkway. She followed behind him quietly as they approached
the dining hall, sliding open the rice-paper doorway to be greeted by friendly, smiling
faces of apprentices and mikos alike.
The buzz of conversation resumed once the two were seated. As always Sesshoumaru
did not join the conversation, not even when spoken to. At first, many thought him rude and
so ignored him, but now used to his habits, others still spoke to him even if knowing he
would not answer. In fact, it has become somewhat of a game during dinnertime to see who
would be the first to get a rise out of him. Through it all, the Chiisai Kawa glanced to
him with a strange amusement dancing in her eyes, unsettling Sesshoumaru with her sidelong
stares before she would turn to another apprentice or miko who would speak to her with
amiable laughter and jokes.
"Really, Chiisai Kawa-sama," a young girl with large brown eyes that were filled
with laughter, scratched the bridge of her nose in thought as she snuck another glance at
Sesshoumaru, much to his annoyance. "I don't believe I've ever met a man more groomed than
our guest here," obviously she would be the one to put out the bait this night, Sesshoumaru
thought to himself wearily. Thankful, at least, that the Chiisai Kawa had not told any of
the others his name. Perhaps she thought that he would eventually do the deed himself and
left it at that. Her respect to never speaking to him directly when in front of others had
surprised him at first, being that he had sensed a stubbornness in her when he first met her
that he had never seen matched by any other woman. Yet, something between them had changed
that night when he had told her his name and he had an unsettling feeling that he knew why
and did not like the reason.
However, there was the annoyance of having everyone call him a guest now whenever
they spoke of him.
"Why?" The Chiisai Kawa was not about to aid her apprentices in their foolish games
at least.
The girl sighed in disappointment but pushed on nonetheless, there was a determined
gleam in her eyes that told Sesshoumaru that there was probably a wager of great importance
here. "Well, he does possess a feminine quality about him, wouldn't you say?"
It was a bold statement, too bold for the Chiisai Kawa's liking for the miko frowned
at her student till the other bowed her head in shame. "There will be no more wagers on
this," for they all knew what "this" meant. "The little game is sickening and as Miya-san
pointed out, he is our guest." The whole room was in a hush now as the miko looked about
her expectantly, "If you want to have entertainment, find something that is less leaning
towards cruelty."
The girl named Miya was the first to raise her head, "I'm sorry, Chiisai Kawa-sama."
She murmured in sincerity. Whatever the power Chiisai Kawa held, her forgiveness was
unbounded as her kindness, and all who resided at the Mountain Stream loved her in some way
that surpassed loyalty.
The dark-haired miko next to him smiled at the younger girl and nodded an acceptance
and there was a softness in the air that had not been there before. Sesshoumaru watched the
woman beside him cautiously, unsure of the powers she commanded still and why it affected
those around her so. Still he remained silent, trying to ponder out the mystery of it all,
here at the Mountain Stream.
* * *
Under the fragile light of dusky evenings, Kagome stood beneath the slopping roof of
her home. She had sensed his presence before he had stepped out of the shadows, but did not
speak. She had helped him today at dinner when even she had found the comment made by Miya
slightly disturbing and definitely rude. Not that Sesshoumaru was unmindful about his
looks, but Kagome had been fascinated that day when he had borrowed her comb to try to brush
away the tangles in his hair. When she saw that reaching up caused him greater pain then he
was willing to admit, Kagome quietly knelt down behind him and gently plucked the comb from
his fingers to accomplish the task for him. His hair fell in silver waves down his back,
smooth and silky under her fingers. He had, of course, at first tried to stop her, but when
she persistently moved the comb out of his reach and pointed out to him that it obviously
caused him pain to do it himself, he retreated into a sulky silence that had amused her to
watch. It had embarrassed her greatly when he had caught her staring after she had finished
the task and braided the strands to ensure it would not tangle up once more, but he did not
say anything about it to her great relief.
Returning to the present time, where that same old silence had settled between them,
it did startle her when he was the one who finally chose to speak. Sesshoumaru was not one
for small talk, it would have been a small wonder had unraveling his past and profession not
become favorite pastime for those who resided at the shrine. After all, danger hung over
him like a protective cloak, mystifying those around him into a quiet awe. Still, Kagome
did not tell the secret of his name, for she would rather her students not fear him.
Intrigue was better than misunderstanding, Kagome decided.
"You never told me your name," he said at last.
His statement took her by surprise and it was moments later that she was able to
shake it off and collect herself before answering, "I am the Chiisai Kawa," she said at
last. "That is who I am and have become."
"That is not what I am asking of you," he dismissed her excuses easily as he stepped
up next to her, his eyes turned to the velveteen sky.
It was she who averted her face to study his sharp and piercing beauty, once again
caught in the web of her own admiration of those clean sweeps of lines that accented his
features under the coming darkness. Somewhere a star sparked overhead, defying the dying
sun. She knew that it was time to erect her barriers for she had no desires for Sesshoumaru
to get close to her any more than he desired for her to be close to him. "It is better that
you did not know," she said at last, forcing herself to turn away from the strange
fascination she had discovered within herself whenever she looked to him.
The shadows made him hauntingly more beautiful, she thought with despair. Why did
such a man with blood on his hands, in the very utterance of his name, have such cutting
beauty? Why did it hurt her so to look at him? And why does she still feel trapped by this
dangerous beauty he possessed, time and again?
"So thought I," he agreed, "until tonight." She blinked at this, looking to him in
silent question. "Chiisai Kawa, they call you with adoration in their eyes," he looked at
her then, forcing the air from her lungs to be caught in her throat. Ah, but the pain was
sweet, she thought. "I want to know why, I want to know what it is they see in you." She
felt as if there was more he did not say. "Tell me," he commanded her gently, as if he was
trying to trap a butterfly so that he study the color patterns on those fragile wings, only
it was her he was trying to trap and at the thought her heartbeat quickened in nervous
excitement. No man had ever looked at her like that, and the feeling he was arousing in her
made her weary of him all the more.
Her hesitation was her undoing as he bore the force of his gaze onto hers and when
her speechlessness passed, her eyes turned into a shadowed grey as the light of the last
rays of the sun faded and the stars suddenly seemed to light the skies with their faint and
brilliant shine. "Kagome," she whispered. Her gasp betrayed her feelings of surprise and
she looked to him with half masked horror.
"Kagome," he repeated the name to himself, his golden eyes still searching her own
with a pensiveness she had seen only a few times before, when he wasn't being cold or
resentful. "No wonder," he said at last, "No wonder you cannot heal me." His gentle tone
was soothing even though his words broke through her like the cold, rushing water under the
shaded trees of spring.
Kagome's watched him turn and walk away with her wide blue-grey eyes, shining with
slight confusion. Even then she could not help but admire the smooth line of his back and
the faint starlight that was caught by his strange and striking hair. Even then, she
realized, she could not help the ache within her as she touched her hand to her to her lips
that she had wished stayed silent.
Somehow, she felt suddenly very vulnerable and bare, as if in that moment she had
given away more than her name but a part of herself that she might never be able to retrieve
from him, again. The feeling left her drained, as she leaned against the slim red pillar
supporting both the roof and her. In the sudden darkness she stayed, for a long time
immersed in her own thoughts as she looked into the shadows for answers she could not find
in herself.
"Kagome," he had said her name with such familiarity that she had to blink back the
tears that suddenly sprung up into her eyes at the memory. "Kagome," how long has it been
since anyone murmured her name like that? She couldn't remember as she wrapped her arms
around herself, suddenly chilled by the night air.
She remained there, where he had left her to watch the moon rise. When at last the
pale and silvery light lifted the shadows, she was nowhere to be seen.
to be continued...
********************************************************************************************
The poem at the beginning is mine.
* Sakura means cherry blossoms in Japanese
* -san is a formal way of addressing others, not as formal as -sama but much more so than -chan
For the Reviewers:
*****************
Kai - arigatou :) Glad that the scenery brings peace to you like it does to Sesshoumaru
Kimmy - Here it is! But I'm not finished with the next one yet...
ladyrissa - dun dun dun! *drum rolls* and the next chapter has arrived!
Winter - hehehe, I just think that Sesshoumaru and Kagome makes the cutest couple ;)
nanashi 3 - the reason will be revealed in the next chapter ;) I already written that part
lunla - thanks for your help! I really appreciate it :)
demon-heiress - Oh, I'm soooo glad! :) I love Inuyasha though, so I will one day write a
romance between him and Kagome-chan, only not right now :D I think Fluffy's so cold and
ruthless :D But with a soft inside... hehehe... I just wanna glomp him
Voldersnort - Hmmm, I like Sesshoumaru/Kagome fics too, but there seems to be a lack of
those around so I must fill the void with more of 'em :D
Alyson Metallium - I'm dying to brush his hair... but that's another story ne? ^-^;; *blue
gleefully adds more tension to the story* hehehehe ]:D
Inu-Baby - I won't tell you, but the story will explain it. It does a little in the chapter
after this one and it'll go deeper as the story progresses :) You'll find out all the
answers soon enough ;) Patience, after all, is a virtue... that and I love the mystery of
it all, it's so fun to tease O:)
Hope you enjoyed the fic!
.blue.
blueweber@hotmail.com
* Email: blueweber@hotmail.com
* Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance
* Summary: Born in a war torn era in Japan, a young girl witness the death of her family and
clan to the hands of hatred, greed and power. Taken in by a mountain shrine, she becomes a
miko of healing. That is, until a wondering and disillusioned assassin breaks through her
peaceful world. Wounded and seeking revenge, he unwittingly finds himself depending on the
aid of the priestess to help heal him from his wounds. There an adventure begins and a
story that echoes through time with magick and mystery. (Sesshoumaru/Kagome)
* Rated: PG-13 (for violence and other contents)
The Kimono She Wore
******************
.blue.
The mountain streams flows,
Breaking through the ice.
The strength of fluid steel
Carries the scent of winter
through the lands.
.Part IV.
(Secrets, Unraveling A Spider's Thread)
"kioku no hako wo
ima sugu akete
setsunai kako wo
towa ni keshitai"
("I want to open the box of memory
right now
and erase the painful past
for eternity.")
-- Kanae Anisu
("Kibou no Sora e"/"To the Sky of Hope"
Evangelion)
Drip.
The soft splash that a single water drop made in its descent down into the bamboo
pipe. The stone dragon's head stared out into empty space, a fearsome scowl across its
face, eyes slanted and narrowed as it watched and guarded over the shrine. A sparkle of fat
water drop, unable to contain more of itself against the dragon's teeth, slipped and flew
towards its brothers and sisters that pooled beneath the dragon's claws.
Drip.
It was the only sound under that few hours just before noon when the sun would be
too hot for any more water drops to form at the mouth of the guardian of the temple. Then,
the crystal drops would simply emerge before shimmering under the heat and evaporating
before reaching the water pooled under the stone dragon's shadow.
For now, under the shade of the bough of the cherry trees, Kagome sat in a relaxed
pose, concentrating on her own soft breathing. The wind stirred her long, ebony hair,
causing it to shift along her shoulders. It was the only movement from her still form. Her
strange, blue-grey eyes were closed and her mouth was now relaxed into a soft line of pink
brush stroke against pale skin.
If she was in turmoil, her face betrayed nothing.
Overhead, green and vibrant leaves wavered as well in the early summer breeze. A
soft rustle settle over the peaceful shrine. Many in the courtyard paused to enjoy the cool
breeze, warm and gentle before the burning sun could rule over the skies and like a
punishing fist, crush and still that lingering wind to nothingness. Yet, for now, the sun
was still lingering over the tops of trees, brightening the day with promise as the morning
air permeated the grounds, stirring up the dust and leaves and grass.
If the Chiisai Kawa noticed any of these small comforts, that too she did not show.
It was a ritual forever practiced by all Chiisai Kawa's, before and possibly after
Higurashi Kagome's terms of service. The mantal of duties needed one of strong disposition
to handle such matters and to keep that demeanor, one's mind and heart must be at peace.
The last Chiisai Kawa had taught her that the greatest power lays in when one is not in
conflict from within, that harmony brings the greatest of all things together, be it love or
hate, joy or sorrow.
The balance must be maintained, always.
Yet, since the arrival of Sesshoumaru into Kagome's life, she felt the scale tip
dangerously from one emotion to the next. He had an unsettling force about him that she
found both pleasant and disturbing all at once. So her own ritual began, mediating in the
morning to calm herself before reentering into his presence once more. Sometimes she
wondered if the wounded stranger would ever stop being an enigma to her, wondered too if she
truly desired to discover his secrets. However, it was not only his presence that disturbed
her, it was the air of the past he carried around his shoulders. Those tormenting chains
that he could not escape trapped her as well.
Sesshoumaru made her remember, and she liked that least of all.
In the darkness behind her eyes, the constant fire burned itself into her mind.
Souta's cries echoed in her ears as Kagome fought to keep the image of total relaxation and
coolness. The nightmare continued, on and on it went. Image of all she loved and all who
were gone went on throughout her mind.
Kagome's fingers twitched, wanting to clutch together to lessen the pain in her
chest that had been building with each passing moment, compounding into layers of
inescapable waves that crashed into her. She stood it all. Stood the tear-streaked face of
her baby brother reaching for her burnt hands. Stood the bandits hovering over her mother,
ripping at her clothes. Still, she would not bend as her memories flashed the face of her
grandfather lying in a pool of his own blood while strangers stood over him, gloating at his
death. And then she remembered the dark and shadowed face of the priest that saved her,
dragging her away from the only home she had ever known, the home that burned away before
her tear-blurred eyes.
Still she would not bend and her insides felt as if it would break.
It was in that single moment she felt the eyes of another on her, studying her every
movement. Her fingers stilled and she froze, for a moment forgetting where she was as the
fear and self-consciousness drowned out all other concerns. Then her body began to relax
once more once she realized who it was that was watching her.
Sesshoumaru, the name that was a curse and a gift. A man of mystery and irony,
inescapable to her as was her past. She wondered if she would ever be the same after he had
stepped into her life, searching for help that he did not wish to receive, reluctantly
taking as little as he possibly could.
Under the shade of the sakura trees, Kagome felt her soul waver with the leaves.
There a peace returned to her, running through her body and spreading like a soft blanket of
warmth. Her breathing steadied and slowed as she gently swayed ever so slightly with the
push and pull of the summer breeze.
There was something in his gaze that calmed her, even if she could not see it and
only sense it ever so slightly within herself. Still, it was enough to calm the nightmares
within her heart and for now, it was enough.
* * *
Sesshoumaru paused as he passed the courtyard from his return from the nearby pine
forest. The spicy scent of the earth and the trees still clung to his body and clothing.
There he had been practicing and stretching out his body that had almost finished healing
completely. The tingle on his belly reminded him of the itch that always accompanied
healing. A slight annoyance, but something he could deal with nonetheless. He ran his hand
along his silver-white mane, after he undid the knot that held it back during his hours
training.
He had paused on his way back to his room when he had saw the Chiisai Kawa sitting
under the shade of the cherry trees. Her back had been turned to him, her black hair a
flowing river, set against the sharp contrast of her white and red miko robes. And as he
watched her, he noticed a sadness that radiated throughout her body to the point that it
became a cord of tension, wrapped around her aura. In that moment, he sensed a magnitude of
unshed tears so strongly forced upon him that he founded his body instinctively taking a
step back, trying to physically escape her piercing presence. The realization froze him
in his place, and there he stayed, rooted to the ground as he was bathed in a pain so
powerful he feared that any movement made on his part would shatter the tenacious control he
had over himself.
Very slowly the waves of despair ebbed and slowly disappeared. Sesshoumaru turned
his head, glancing to see if anyone else had felt this deep, hidden darkness within the
Chiisai Kawa, but no one else in the courtyard seemed to have been affected. They moved on
as if nothing had happened, having missed her overwhelming aura. Sesshoumaru turned his
eyes back to the woman who no longer seemed troubled by whatever it was that had caused her
great pain but moments ago, as if their silent sharing had lessened a burden he could not
imagine seeing her carry, at least not in her gentle smile. Though, Sesshoumaru himself
would be a fool to deny that there had been a graveness in her stare that he had never seen
any woman, so young of age, carry within them. Not even in that corrupt and filthy world
that he lived in had he ever met anyone who was so open with her affections and yet so
closed about her heart.
That pain had felt familiar to him though, and the feeling disturbed him greatly.
In that moment, the head of Chiisai Kawa rose as if in a trance, looking up to the blue
skies before one leg drew up and then another as she slowly rose from the ground. He
watched all of this with a sense of unexplainable dread, wanting to turn and walk away, and
yet, unable to. Whatever had happened between them had linked him to her in a most
unexplainable way.
It was in that moment the Chiisai Kawa turned her body slowly in his direction,
rocking gracefully on her heels as her body shifted through the air with a fighter's grace.
Their eyes met across the distance that separated them and Sesshoumaru drowned in the
perfect blue of her eyes.
* * *
Father was the one great admiration of his existence, the rock of his world, so to
speak. If anyone was to have asked him who he would want to be like when he became the
leader of their clan those long years ago, Sesshoumaru would have looked at them haughtily
in the eye at their incompetence and repeated his father's name with unmasked pride.
Father's name.
Funny that in the end even that was lost to him.
At the age of fourteen, his younger brother was conceived. He had watched with
fascination as father's second wife's belly stretched till she could no longer walk in her
sandals. It had hurt to see mother crying though, under the rain. It was painful to watch
father and mother quarrel in mother's room, their shadows shifting against the paper screens
like a shadow play. And he, Sesshoumaru, eldest son and most beloved, watched them duel
from the other side. Solemn and quiet, his heart broke at the angry flame that sparked
between the two people he loved more dearly than anyone else in the world.
It was then that his younger brother's mother came to stand next to him, her hand
resting on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. But in his own pain, he had lashed out
and slapped her hand away. He believed then that this woman alone caused all of the
tension, pain and petty jealousy. She, who he had once thought of as a second mother had
betrayed them all by causing such turmoil within the family.
She had betrayed him.
And younger brother remained undisturbed in her belly as she stood in silence next
to him. "I'm sorry," she had whispered that night under the starry skies as the shadows
continue to quarrel before them. He almost didn't hear what she had whispered in the dark,
her own agony clear in her voice. For the first time in Sesshoumaru's life he had learned
the innocent cruelty of another's presence and lashed out with his own uncheck words that
were meant to prick and sting.
"It is not enough," he said. His voice then was already changing ever so slightly
as he began to shed the boyishness of his body and slowly becoming a man. Sesshoumaru was
estranged by the sound of his own voice breaking soft and clear in the cool night, standing
by his father's new lover as he watched his household go asunder. "It will never be
enough."
And it was then that he began to see the great gap in his heart before it broke and
shattered completely, into a million pieces of glass. There, grounded into a shining powder
of sparkling black under the weakened light of the candle's flame, he stood hating his
father's lover, his tiny brother whom he had yet to greet, and most importantly, himself.
After all, was it not Sesshoumaru's fault that he had not been good enough as a son to keep
the honor of his father's gaze turned to him? Was it not his fault that he was unable to
protect his mother's heart from being crushed under the weight of that cruel emotion that
the adults called "love"?
In that single, piercing moment of harsh realization, Sesshoumaru vowed to make his
father proud at whatever the cost. One day, he would be able to overcome this "love". For
as the son of his lordly father, he shall never make that mistake and hurt another for his
own precious pleasures.
It was a promise he had kept until that fatal night where another's betrayal and a
knife wound changed his life, forever.
* * *
The message sent to the mountains came in the form of a white dove.
The Chiisai Kawa held the trembling bird in her hand, stroking it to a cooing
calmness that he had never seen anyone done before. The moment was soon broken as she
extracted the message and in a flick of her delicate wrist, the bird burst into motion from
in between her palms and fluttered away into the cerulean sky. Turning to his questioned
gaze to her, the Chiisai Kawa smiled and answered his silent curiosity. "No one can enter
without a great need or desire," she said as she swept past him in her red and white robes.
Gliding under the darkening, evening sky as the courtyard still echoed faintly of the humid
day that past, she climbed onto the walkway before turning to him expectantly. "It is our
way to help those in need when they need it."
Sesshoumaru shrugged at this and walked towards her, climbing the same steps she had
climbed earlier. He reached her side before turning his head to look down at her with a
slightly amused raise of his brow, "Yet a dove can make it to where not even humans can
tread?"
A mysterious smile came upon her soft lips, pulling up into another smile. "A dove
does not seek to gain power as man seeks to gain it."
"The power of healing?" Sesshoumaru looked disgusted at the idea, "There is no use
for that."
Now it was the Chiisai Kawa's turn to look amused as her eyes traveled down from his
gaze to stop at his mid-section, "No use, huh?"
A grim line came across his mouth, and he refused to answer or correct his earlier
error. Sesshoumaru only shrugged at this, dismissing the subject as he turned his back to
her and walked down the wooden walkway. She followed behind him quietly as they approached
the dining hall, sliding open the rice-paper doorway to be greeted by friendly, smiling
faces of apprentices and mikos alike.
The buzz of conversation resumed once the two were seated. As always Sesshoumaru
did not join the conversation, not even when spoken to. At first, many thought him rude and
so ignored him, but now used to his habits, others still spoke to him even if knowing he
would not answer. In fact, it has become somewhat of a game during dinnertime to see who
would be the first to get a rise out of him. Through it all, the Chiisai Kawa glanced to
him with a strange amusement dancing in her eyes, unsettling Sesshoumaru with her sidelong
stares before she would turn to another apprentice or miko who would speak to her with
amiable laughter and jokes.
"Really, Chiisai Kawa-sama," a young girl with large brown eyes that were filled
with laughter, scratched the bridge of her nose in thought as she snuck another glance at
Sesshoumaru, much to his annoyance. "I don't believe I've ever met a man more groomed than
our guest here," obviously she would be the one to put out the bait this night, Sesshoumaru
thought to himself wearily. Thankful, at least, that the Chiisai Kawa had not told any of
the others his name. Perhaps she thought that he would eventually do the deed himself and
left it at that. Her respect to never speaking to him directly when in front of others had
surprised him at first, being that he had sensed a stubbornness in her when he first met her
that he had never seen matched by any other woman. Yet, something between them had changed
that night when he had told her his name and he had an unsettling feeling that he knew why
and did not like the reason.
However, there was the annoyance of having everyone call him a guest now whenever
they spoke of him.
"Why?" The Chiisai Kawa was not about to aid her apprentices in their foolish games
at least.
The girl sighed in disappointment but pushed on nonetheless, there was a determined
gleam in her eyes that told Sesshoumaru that there was probably a wager of great importance
here. "Well, he does possess a feminine quality about him, wouldn't you say?"
It was a bold statement, too bold for the Chiisai Kawa's liking for the miko frowned
at her student till the other bowed her head in shame. "There will be no more wagers on
this," for they all knew what "this" meant. "The little game is sickening and as Miya-san
pointed out, he is our guest." The whole room was in a hush now as the miko looked about
her expectantly, "If you want to have entertainment, find something that is less leaning
towards cruelty."
The girl named Miya was the first to raise her head, "I'm sorry, Chiisai Kawa-sama."
She murmured in sincerity. Whatever the power Chiisai Kawa held, her forgiveness was
unbounded as her kindness, and all who resided at the Mountain Stream loved her in some way
that surpassed loyalty.
The dark-haired miko next to him smiled at the younger girl and nodded an acceptance
and there was a softness in the air that had not been there before. Sesshoumaru watched the
woman beside him cautiously, unsure of the powers she commanded still and why it affected
those around her so. Still he remained silent, trying to ponder out the mystery of it all,
here at the Mountain Stream.
* * *
Under the fragile light of dusky evenings, Kagome stood beneath the slopping roof of
her home. She had sensed his presence before he had stepped out of the shadows, but did not
speak. She had helped him today at dinner when even she had found the comment made by Miya
slightly disturbing and definitely rude. Not that Sesshoumaru was unmindful about his
looks, but Kagome had been fascinated that day when he had borrowed her comb to try to brush
away the tangles in his hair. When she saw that reaching up caused him greater pain then he
was willing to admit, Kagome quietly knelt down behind him and gently plucked the comb from
his fingers to accomplish the task for him. His hair fell in silver waves down his back,
smooth and silky under her fingers. He had, of course, at first tried to stop her, but when
she persistently moved the comb out of his reach and pointed out to him that it obviously
caused him pain to do it himself, he retreated into a sulky silence that had amused her to
watch. It had embarrassed her greatly when he had caught her staring after she had finished
the task and braided the strands to ensure it would not tangle up once more, but he did not
say anything about it to her great relief.
Returning to the present time, where that same old silence had settled between them,
it did startle her when he was the one who finally chose to speak. Sesshoumaru was not one
for small talk, it would have been a small wonder had unraveling his past and profession not
become favorite pastime for those who resided at the shrine. After all, danger hung over
him like a protective cloak, mystifying those around him into a quiet awe. Still, Kagome
did not tell the secret of his name, for she would rather her students not fear him.
Intrigue was better than misunderstanding, Kagome decided.
"You never told me your name," he said at last.
His statement took her by surprise and it was moments later that she was able to
shake it off and collect herself before answering, "I am the Chiisai Kawa," she said at
last. "That is who I am and have become."
"That is not what I am asking of you," he dismissed her excuses easily as he stepped
up next to her, his eyes turned to the velveteen sky.
It was she who averted her face to study his sharp and piercing beauty, once again
caught in the web of her own admiration of those clean sweeps of lines that accented his
features under the coming darkness. Somewhere a star sparked overhead, defying the dying
sun. She knew that it was time to erect her barriers for she had no desires for Sesshoumaru
to get close to her any more than he desired for her to be close to him. "It is better that
you did not know," she said at last, forcing herself to turn away from the strange
fascination she had discovered within herself whenever she looked to him.
The shadows made him hauntingly more beautiful, she thought with despair. Why did
such a man with blood on his hands, in the very utterance of his name, have such cutting
beauty? Why did it hurt her so to look at him? And why does she still feel trapped by this
dangerous beauty he possessed, time and again?
"So thought I," he agreed, "until tonight." She blinked at this, looking to him in
silent question. "Chiisai Kawa, they call you with adoration in their eyes," he looked at
her then, forcing the air from her lungs to be caught in her throat. Ah, but the pain was
sweet, she thought. "I want to know why, I want to know what it is they see in you." She
felt as if there was more he did not say. "Tell me," he commanded her gently, as if he was
trying to trap a butterfly so that he study the color patterns on those fragile wings, only
it was her he was trying to trap and at the thought her heartbeat quickened in nervous
excitement. No man had ever looked at her like that, and the feeling he was arousing in her
made her weary of him all the more.
Her hesitation was her undoing as he bore the force of his gaze onto hers and when
her speechlessness passed, her eyes turned into a shadowed grey as the light of the last
rays of the sun faded and the stars suddenly seemed to light the skies with their faint and
brilliant shine. "Kagome," she whispered. Her gasp betrayed her feelings of surprise and
she looked to him with half masked horror.
"Kagome," he repeated the name to himself, his golden eyes still searching her own
with a pensiveness she had seen only a few times before, when he wasn't being cold or
resentful. "No wonder," he said at last, "No wonder you cannot heal me." His gentle tone
was soothing even though his words broke through her like the cold, rushing water under the
shaded trees of spring.
Kagome's watched him turn and walk away with her wide blue-grey eyes, shining with
slight confusion. Even then she could not help but admire the smooth line of his back and
the faint starlight that was caught by his strange and striking hair. Even then, she
realized, she could not help the ache within her as she touched her hand to her to her lips
that she had wished stayed silent.
Somehow, she felt suddenly very vulnerable and bare, as if in that moment she had
given away more than her name but a part of herself that she might never be able to retrieve
from him, again. The feeling left her drained, as she leaned against the slim red pillar
supporting both the roof and her. In the sudden darkness she stayed, for a long time
immersed in her own thoughts as she looked into the shadows for answers she could not find
in herself.
"Kagome," he had said her name with such familiarity that she had to blink back the
tears that suddenly sprung up into her eyes at the memory. "Kagome," how long has it been
since anyone murmured her name like that? She couldn't remember as she wrapped her arms
around herself, suddenly chilled by the night air.
She remained there, where he had left her to watch the moon rise. When at last the
pale and silvery light lifted the shadows, she was nowhere to be seen.
to be continued...
********************************************************************************************
The poem at the beginning is mine.
* Sakura means cherry blossoms in Japanese
* -san is a formal way of addressing others, not as formal as -sama but much more so than -chan
For the Reviewers:
*****************
Kai - arigatou :) Glad that the scenery brings peace to you like it does to Sesshoumaru
Kimmy - Here it is! But I'm not finished with the next one yet...
ladyrissa - dun dun dun! *drum rolls* and the next chapter has arrived!
Winter - hehehe, I just think that Sesshoumaru and Kagome makes the cutest couple ;)
nanashi 3 - the reason will be revealed in the next chapter ;) I already written that part
lunla - thanks for your help! I really appreciate it :)
demon-heiress - Oh, I'm soooo glad! :) I love Inuyasha though, so I will one day write a
romance between him and Kagome-chan, only not right now :D I think Fluffy's so cold and
ruthless :D But with a soft inside... hehehe... I just wanna glomp him
Voldersnort - Hmmm, I like Sesshoumaru/Kagome fics too, but there seems to be a lack of
those around so I must fill the void with more of 'em :D
Alyson Metallium - I'm dying to brush his hair... but that's another story ne? ^-^;; *blue
gleefully adds more tension to the story* hehehehe ]:D
Inu-Baby - I won't tell you, but the story will explain it. It does a little in the chapter
after this one and it'll go deeper as the story progresses :) You'll find out all the
answers soon enough ;) Patience, after all, is a virtue... that and I love the mystery of
it all, it's so fun to tease O:)
Hope you enjoyed the fic!
.blue.
blueweber@hotmail.com