~A Once and Again Series~
Life is what you make of it
Chapter 12// It hurts
Augustus Dmitri was surprised by the empty chair in his fifth hour advanced English class. He taught the class, his mouth mechanically forming the words. Finally after what seemed like forever the bell rung and Augustus looked at the chair again. There was no reason for him to be this worried, students missed school all the time. But Grace wasn't just any student, and less than 24 hours ago she had been safely in his arms. Something else about her absence bugged him too, and he realized with surprise that tonight was the last performance of the play. He hadn't even thought about it all day, but Grace wouldn't miss today unless something horrible happened.
Augustus' stare on the sad empty chair was disrupted by a student walking past it. Augustus looked up and saw it was Katie. He had seen Katie talking to Grace before and had seen Katie in the halls with Jessie, so maybe she might know what was going on. "Katie."
Katie stopped in surprise, "Yeah, Mr. Dmitri?"
Augustus hesitated, waiting for the last student to leave the room. "Did you talk with Jessie today?"
Katie furrowed her brow in confusion, wondering what her teacher was getting at. "No, she didn't come to school today."
A chill went over Augustus, "She didn't?"
Katie nodded.
"Grace didn't come either, don't you think that's odd?"
Katie's eyes widened. "Yeah, I do," She whispered.
"Especially since we have the last performance of the play tonight," Augustus added. He and Katie looked at each other, both letting their fears rise up.
Katie fumbled in her backpack and pulled out a cell phone. Augustus' eyebrows slightly raised, but he didn't say anything. It was strictly forbidden for students to have cell phones on campus. If a teacher saw one he was supposed to take it away immediately. Katie looked up and saw his look, "Mr. D, I don't usually bring it to school, I just forgot.."
"Yeah, yeah, just call them." Augustus said impatiently.
Katie pressed a few keys, drawing up Jessie's number in her phone memory. Augustus watched as she put it to her ear. Katie waited and waited. Finally she said, "Hi. Is Jessie.. Oh, oh my god.. oh, no." Katie stepped back and sat down hard on top of Augustus' desk. Her hand fell away from her ear as tears formed in her eyes.
"Katie?" Augustus asked. Katie didn't answer, just held the phone out to him. "Hello?" Augustus said cautiously into the phone.
"Augustus?" Grace's voice greeted him.
"Oh, Grace, oh you're okay.. what happened?"
"Jessie's mom got hit by a car yesterday. They tried everything they could, but she didn't make it. She's gone."
Augustus felt tears forming in his own eyes, poor Jessie, poor Grace. "I'm so sorry Grace."
"She never regained consciousness after it happened. They never got to say goodbye to her." Grace drew a deep breath, "It's been hard for everyone. It was so unexpected. Everyone's lives are so fragile, too fragile."
"Grace, do you need me? I can come be with you." Augustus offered, wishing he was holding her in his arms at that very moment.
"No, no. I'll be o..k.. It's too risky if you came. Too many questions."
"Grace, fuck the risks!" Augustus exclaimed. He felt Katie's eyes on him, but he didn't bother to lower his voice. "I love you Grace, and if you need me, I want to be with you."
"No, Augustus, I'm just glad I can talk to you over the phone. Hearing your voice helps. But right now I just need to be here for my family, and I love you too, but I don't want to make things worse on them."
"I understand. Grace, I'm so sorry. I love you." Augustus glanced at Katie who was watching him with wide-eyed wonder.
"I love you too." Grace said into the phone.
Katie reached out for the phone again, her tears had stopped.
"Grace, Katie wants to talk to you." He handed the phone to Katie and listened to her, wishing he could still be hearing Grace's voice.
"Grace? How's Jessie?" A long pause. "Oh, can I come see her?" Katie began tapping her leg with her free hand. Augustus reached, to calm the fidgety hand and Katie's hand gratefully took his. "But, I want to be there for her." Katie looked up into Augustus' eyes, and they shared a moment. Augustus realized this girl was going through the same thing he was going through. They both loved a girl who was in pain, because the world was cruel. Even before Katie spoke the words, Augustus already knew what she was going to say, "I love her, Grace." Katie took a deep breath and listened to Grace. Her grip on Augustus' hand tightened. "Yeah, okay. I guess. Bye, Grace."
Katie dropped the phone from her ear and looked up at Augustus again. Tears still hung from her eyelashes and her cheeks were wet. They didn't have to say anything; they both knew how the other felt. Augustus pulled Katie into a hug. It was a long hug, and Katie cried a few more tears. Finally they broke.
"What did Grace say to you?" Augustus asked.
"She said it would be best if I didn't go there until after school. Give Jessie some more time. Jessie's in bad shape, she said." Katie kicked at the garbage can. "Why did it have to happen?"
Augustus sighed, "I don't know."
Katie looked at the clock. They were both missing their lunch hour, but neither cared about much about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and potato chips right now. Katie looked back at him, seeming to survey his face and go deeper than that and look into him. "So, you love her?"
"And you love her?"
There was silence as they both digested this new information. Then they both managed a pained smile and at the same time said, "Yeah."
* * *
Grace hung up the phone. She walked over to the living room entrance. Her mother was holding Zoe and rocking her as Zoe asked tough questions, Judy and Sam sat together on the couch, whispering and hugging each other. Rick sat in the corner on the floor with Jessie curled up in his lap. Jessie was sleeping, after crying herself to sleep, and in her difficult sleep, Jessie had resorted to sucking her thumb like a child. Grace had been with her mother and Zoe before the phone rang and she had offered to answer it. It had been difficult to be the person who answered, knowing that she would have to be the bearer of bad news. It had been so wonderful to hear Augustus and know he cared so much about her. But it had been hard to tell them the news, so hard.
Grace looked at her grieving family and then at the door to the garage. Since they came home this morning at four am, Eli had been tucked away in his garage apartment, separate from the rest of them. Her mother and Rick probably thought he was sleeping, but Grace didn't believe it. It had been so hard on all of them last night, in that waiting room, given updates on Karen every half-hour, each one becoming harder and harder as the doctors said she wasn't going to make it. Grace was scared for Eli. He shouldn't be alone right now. Grace took one last look into the living room and headed towards the garage.
She had been afraid the door would be locked and that Eli wouldn't let her or anyone in, but the knob turned easily under her grasp. She hesitated and then pushed it open. She found Eli on his bed. His eyes stared, unblinking up at the ceiling. His shirt was off and one of his shoes, like he had been getting undressed and had just collapsed. Grace didn't like the look of his blank eyes, just staring into nothingness.
"Eli?" He didn't answer. Grace went to him and sat on the bed next to him. She looked down at him, but he still stared up at the ceiling. Grace felt tears forming in her own eyes after she had thought she was all cried out. "Eli." She shook him but he didn't move, didn't blink. His stomach rose in and out and Grace was grateful for that at least. "Eli, you can't do this, you can't hide from the world because the pain is too much. Jessie needs you, your dad needs you, I need you. You can't keep this wall up between you and the world. Come back to us, Eli. Even though it hurts," Grace said, but now she couldn't hold back her tears. She lay down next to him and cried onto his bare chest. She didn't know how to fix Eli. She was scared he was broken for good. She cried for Eli, and for Karen and for Jessie curled up in her dad's lap, sucking her thumb. She cried for Rick, her mother, her sister, for Judy and Sam and for all those people that had known Karen in some way. And she cried for herself.
Only after her tears were dried up, did Grace realized Eli had moved his arms around her. Grace looked up, glancing at the wetness her tears had left on Eli's skin. Eli's eyes were focused, he wasn't staring at the ceiling anymore. He was looking at the bedside table, where a picture of him, Jessie and Karen sat.
"Eli?"
Eli turned to her, his eyes were blinking and there were tears. "It hurts." Grace took him in her arms as he cried, comforting him the best she could. Eventually the two fell asleep, holding each other.
* * *
Rick was glad when Jessie stopped sucking her thumb and crawled out of his arms and left to go to the bathroom. He took it as a good sign that she might be doing better. But then she came downstairs, having gone to the bathroom and to her room, and Rick saw she was clutching pictures in her hands and her eyes were rimmed with tears. He got up to go to her, when another person entered the picture. Rick watched as Katie rushed from the front door to Jessie and the two girls hugged. Rick looked down at himself, standing there, unsure of what to do. All night and all day he had been the comforter and now he didn't have to be. He turned to Lily who was recognizing this too and Lily took him in her arms and it was his turn to be comforted.
* * *
The adults and Zoe were picking at their spaghetti when Jessie entered the kitchen alone. Rick turned and was ready for anything. Jessie looked at them and asked, "Where's Eli?"
"I think he's still in the garage." Rick answered.
"Are you hungry, dear?" Lily asked gently.
Jessie shook her head, "No.. maybe later." Rick took this as another good sign and he looked at his daughter and he realized that they were going to make it out of this.
Jessie made her way to the garage, wanting to be with Eli. She was surprised when she opened the door and found him and Grace sleeping, holding each other. She walked to the edge of the bed and stared down at them, not sure of how she was supposed to feel. She saw the picture on the table next to the bed and went to it. Eli, her mother and her. They all looked so happy, so carefree. Jessie began crying again.
"Jessie?" Grace sat up and saw the crying girl in the corner by the bedside table. She went to Jessie and took her in her arms. They hugged. They both looked at Eli, who was still asleep. Grace took Jessie's hand and led her to the bed and still sniffling Jessie climbed into the bed between Grace and Eli. Jessie cried herself to sleep, sandwiched between her brother and her stepsister. She was clutching the picture in her hand. Grace waited until Jessie's crying stopped and her breathing became regular and deep and then she allowed herself to sleep too.
Lily came and opened the door to check on them. She found the three of them asleep in each other's arms and it was such a beautiful moment that came to be because of such a tragedy. She looked over them and smiled a sad smile. Gently she closed the door, and headed upstairs to her bedroom, where Rick was going about the terrible business of making phone calls.
* * *
Life is what you make of it
Chapter 12// It hurts
Augustus Dmitri was surprised by the empty chair in his fifth hour advanced English class. He taught the class, his mouth mechanically forming the words. Finally after what seemed like forever the bell rung and Augustus looked at the chair again. There was no reason for him to be this worried, students missed school all the time. But Grace wasn't just any student, and less than 24 hours ago she had been safely in his arms. Something else about her absence bugged him too, and he realized with surprise that tonight was the last performance of the play. He hadn't even thought about it all day, but Grace wouldn't miss today unless something horrible happened.
Augustus' stare on the sad empty chair was disrupted by a student walking past it. Augustus looked up and saw it was Katie. He had seen Katie talking to Grace before and had seen Katie in the halls with Jessie, so maybe she might know what was going on. "Katie."
Katie stopped in surprise, "Yeah, Mr. Dmitri?"
Augustus hesitated, waiting for the last student to leave the room. "Did you talk with Jessie today?"
Katie furrowed her brow in confusion, wondering what her teacher was getting at. "No, she didn't come to school today."
A chill went over Augustus, "She didn't?"
Katie nodded.
"Grace didn't come either, don't you think that's odd?"
Katie's eyes widened. "Yeah, I do," She whispered.
"Especially since we have the last performance of the play tonight," Augustus added. He and Katie looked at each other, both letting their fears rise up.
Katie fumbled in her backpack and pulled out a cell phone. Augustus' eyebrows slightly raised, but he didn't say anything. It was strictly forbidden for students to have cell phones on campus. If a teacher saw one he was supposed to take it away immediately. Katie looked up and saw his look, "Mr. D, I don't usually bring it to school, I just forgot.."
"Yeah, yeah, just call them." Augustus said impatiently.
Katie pressed a few keys, drawing up Jessie's number in her phone memory. Augustus watched as she put it to her ear. Katie waited and waited. Finally she said, "Hi. Is Jessie.. Oh, oh my god.. oh, no." Katie stepped back and sat down hard on top of Augustus' desk. Her hand fell away from her ear as tears formed in her eyes.
"Katie?" Augustus asked. Katie didn't answer, just held the phone out to him. "Hello?" Augustus said cautiously into the phone.
"Augustus?" Grace's voice greeted him.
"Oh, Grace, oh you're okay.. what happened?"
"Jessie's mom got hit by a car yesterday. They tried everything they could, but she didn't make it. She's gone."
Augustus felt tears forming in his own eyes, poor Jessie, poor Grace. "I'm so sorry Grace."
"She never regained consciousness after it happened. They never got to say goodbye to her." Grace drew a deep breath, "It's been hard for everyone. It was so unexpected. Everyone's lives are so fragile, too fragile."
"Grace, do you need me? I can come be with you." Augustus offered, wishing he was holding her in his arms at that very moment.
"No, no. I'll be o..k.. It's too risky if you came. Too many questions."
"Grace, fuck the risks!" Augustus exclaimed. He felt Katie's eyes on him, but he didn't bother to lower his voice. "I love you Grace, and if you need me, I want to be with you."
"No, Augustus, I'm just glad I can talk to you over the phone. Hearing your voice helps. But right now I just need to be here for my family, and I love you too, but I don't want to make things worse on them."
"I understand. Grace, I'm so sorry. I love you." Augustus glanced at Katie who was watching him with wide-eyed wonder.
"I love you too." Grace said into the phone.
Katie reached out for the phone again, her tears had stopped.
"Grace, Katie wants to talk to you." He handed the phone to Katie and listened to her, wishing he could still be hearing Grace's voice.
"Grace? How's Jessie?" A long pause. "Oh, can I come see her?" Katie began tapping her leg with her free hand. Augustus reached, to calm the fidgety hand and Katie's hand gratefully took his. "But, I want to be there for her." Katie looked up into Augustus' eyes, and they shared a moment. Augustus realized this girl was going through the same thing he was going through. They both loved a girl who was in pain, because the world was cruel. Even before Katie spoke the words, Augustus already knew what she was going to say, "I love her, Grace." Katie took a deep breath and listened to Grace. Her grip on Augustus' hand tightened. "Yeah, okay. I guess. Bye, Grace."
Katie dropped the phone from her ear and looked up at Augustus again. Tears still hung from her eyelashes and her cheeks were wet. They didn't have to say anything; they both knew how the other felt. Augustus pulled Katie into a hug. It was a long hug, and Katie cried a few more tears. Finally they broke.
"What did Grace say to you?" Augustus asked.
"She said it would be best if I didn't go there until after school. Give Jessie some more time. Jessie's in bad shape, she said." Katie kicked at the garbage can. "Why did it have to happen?"
Augustus sighed, "I don't know."
Katie looked at the clock. They were both missing their lunch hour, but neither cared about much about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and potato chips right now. Katie looked back at him, seeming to survey his face and go deeper than that and look into him. "So, you love her?"
"And you love her?"
There was silence as they both digested this new information. Then they both managed a pained smile and at the same time said, "Yeah."
* * *
Grace hung up the phone. She walked over to the living room entrance. Her mother was holding Zoe and rocking her as Zoe asked tough questions, Judy and Sam sat together on the couch, whispering and hugging each other. Rick sat in the corner on the floor with Jessie curled up in his lap. Jessie was sleeping, after crying herself to sleep, and in her difficult sleep, Jessie had resorted to sucking her thumb like a child. Grace had been with her mother and Zoe before the phone rang and she had offered to answer it. It had been difficult to be the person who answered, knowing that she would have to be the bearer of bad news. It had been so wonderful to hear Augustus and know he cared so much about her. But it had been hard to tell them the news, so hard.
Grace looked at her grieving family and then at the door to the garage. Since they came home this morning at four am, Eli had been tucked away in his garage apartment, separate from the rest of them. Her mother and Rick probably thought he was sleeping, but Grace didn't believe it. It had been so hard on all of them last night, in that waiting room, given updates on Karen every half-hour, each one becoming harder and harder as the doctors said she wasn't going to make it. Grace was scared for Eli. He shouldn't be alone right now. Grace took one last look into the living room and headed towards the garage.
She had been afraid the door would be locked and that Eli wouldn't let her or anyone in, but the knob turned easily under her grasp. She hesitated and then pushed it open. She found Eli on his bed. His eyes stared, unblinking up at the ceiling. His shirt was off and one of his shoes, like he had been getting undressed and had just collapsed. Grace didn't like the look of his blank eyes, just staring into nothingness.
"Eli?" He didn't answer. Grace went to him and sat on the bed next to him. She looked down at him, but he still stared up at the ceiling. Grace felt tears forming in her own eyes after she had thought she was all cried out. "Eli." She shook him but he didn't move, didn't blink. His stomach rose in and out and Grace was grateful for that at least. "Eli, you can't do this, you can't hide from the world because the pain is too much. Jessie needs you, your dad needs you, I need you. You can't keep this wall up between you and the world. Come back to us, Eli. Even though it hurts," Grace said, but now she couldn't hold back her tears. She lay down next to him and cried onto his bare chest. She didn't know how to fix Eli. She was scared he was broken for good. She cried for Eli, and for Karen and for Jessie curled up in her dad's lap, sucking her thumb. She cried for Rick, her mother, her sister, for Judy and Sam and for all those people that had known Karen in some way. And she cried for herself.
Only after her tears were dried up, did Grace realized Eli had moved his arms around her. Grace looked up, glancing at the wetness her tears had left on Eli's skin. Eli's eyes were focused, he wasn't staring at the ceiling anymore. He was looking at the bedside table, where a picture of him, Jessie and Karen sat.
"Eli?"
Eli turned to her, his eyes were blinking and there were tears. "It hurts." Grace took him in her arms as he cried, comforting him the best she could. Eventually the two fell asleep, holding each other.
* * *
Rick was glad when Jessie stopped sucking her thumb and crawled out of his arms and left to go to the bathroom. He took it as a good sign that she might be doing better. But then she came downstairs, having gone to the bathroom and to her room, and Rick saw she was clutching pictures in her hands and her eyes were rimmed with tears. He got up to go to her, when another person entered the picture. Rick watched as Katie rushed from the front door to Jessie and the two girls hugged. Rick looked down at himself, standing there, unsure of what to do. All night and all day he had been the comforter and now he didn't have to be. He turned to Lily who was recognizing this too and Lily took him in her arms and it was his turn to be comforted.
* * *
The adults and Zoe were picking at their spaghetti when Jessie entered the kitchen alone. Rick turned and was ready for anything. Jessie looked at them and asked, "Where's Eli?"
"I think he's still in the garage." Rick answered.
"Are you hungry, dear?" Lily asked gently.
Jessie shook her head, "No.. maybe later." Rick took this as another good sign and he looked at his daughter and he realized that they were going to make it out of this.
Jessie made her way to the garage, wanting to be with Eli. She was surprised when she opened the door and found him and Grace sleeping, holding each other. She walked to the edge of the bed and stared down at them, not sure of how she was supposed to feel. She saw the picture on the table next to the bed and went to it. Eli, her mother and her. They all looked so happy, so carefree. Jessie began crying again.
"Jessie?" Grace sat up and saw the crying girl in the corner by the bedside table. She went to Jessie and took her in her arms. They hugged. They both looked at Eli, who was still asleep. Grace took Jessie's hand and led her to the bed and still sniffling Jessie climbed into the bed between Grace and Eli. Jessie cried herself to sleep, sandwiched between her brother and her stepsister. She was clutching the picture in her hand. Grace waited until Jessie's crying stopped and her breathing became regular and deep and then she allowed herself to sleep too.
Lily came and opened the door to check on them. She found the three of them asleep in each other's arms and it was such a beautiful moment that came to be because of such a tragedy. She looked over them and smiled a sad smile. Gently she closed the door, and headed upstairs to her bedroom, where Rick was going about the terrible business of making phone calls.
* * *