~A Once and Again series~
Life is what you make of it
Chapter 15// People make mistakes
Grace lay on her bed. She knew she was hurting Augustus, but she was just so confused right now. She loved him, but was that enough? Was that a good enough reason to lie to her mother, to hide her relationship with Augustus from the world and to never be able to be seen with him in public? After Karen's death, Grace realized her mother might not be there forever. She could lose her in a blink of an eye. So, was it right to exclude her mother from knowing about the love of her life? She thought there might be a chance that her mother might understand, but it was a slim chance. No mother could ever feel perfectly fine with a man in his thirties dating her teenager. And the whole thing about him being her teacher. Grace knew all it would take was a few words about the two of them as a couple to spread and the school board would take away his teaching license. What Augustus had said made sense, wait until she was 18 and he was no longer her teacher before telling anyone. But Grace didn't know if she could take six more months of silence and lies to the ones she loved most. Maybe she had gotten in too deep too fast. Maybe it was time she found her way out, so things could be easier on the both of them.
For the past week, Grace had been thinking these thoughts, and avoiding Augustus. She was the first to rush out of the classroom and the last to enter. She didn't stop by his classroom after school or on lunch breaks and she didn't go to his house. She could see the hurt, pain and confusion on his face when he allowed his mask to slip. But Grace needed time; she needed to think things over. She needed to make a decision.
Grace sighed and rolled off her bed. She went to her desk and opened the drawer to take out one of her computer disks with the short stories she wrote on it. Instead she noticed a paper and pulled it out.
Dearest Augustus,
I can't begin to think of how to tell you what we shared today (yesterday by the time you get this letter) meant to me. You are an amazing man and when I was with you, I was an amazing woman. You and I have something special. Others may not think it right, but how could something that feels this good be wrong? I
It was the letter she had written only a few weeks ago, the day of their first kisses, in the auditorium and then in his car. Only Eli had interrupted her and she had never finished it. Grace looked the letter over, her fingers running over the words. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't really. And now she was thinking of ending things with him.
A knock at her door. Grace tore up the unfinished letter and dropped it in her trash. She looked down at it, regretting having done that to it.
"Grace?" It was Eli. Grace went and opened the door for him. He looked good as usual, in a gray tee shirt with a long sleeved blue shirt layered underneath. His hair was spiked and messy and he wore jeans and white socks.
"Don't your socks get dirty?" Grace asked, letting him in.
"Huh?" Eli entered her room and closed the door behind him.
"Well, from going back and forth from the house to the garage?" Grace sat down on her bed; Eli sat in her desk chair.
"Do you really care about my socks?" Eli asked, a half smile on his face.
Grace shook her head, "No, not really." They smiled at each other. "So, what's up?"
Eli just looked at her. "Huh?"
"Why did you come to see me?" Grace asked.
"Oh," Eli shrugged. "I just was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by." He joked.
Grace smiled, and waited. There had to be a real reason he stopped by. The two of them weren't exactly friends. Although, after you kiss someone and then tell them you can't date them, doesn't that qualify you as something more than a friend? Grace didn't know. All she knew was that Eli had something on his mind.
"I've been thinking," Eli began, "I don't think Mr. Dimitri is good for you. I don't like how your relationship with him is stressing you out." Eli moved next to her on the bed, and Grace looked up at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't kid yourself, Grace. I can tell you are confused and stressed about your relationship with him. You've been distracted for the past few days and well, you seem depressed. I heard your mother talking about it to my dad, even. They're starting to see it too. I knew it was him making you feel this way, and so that's why I came up here tonight. I don't think you're happy in your relationship with him and you maybe just think things will get better, but I think they will just get worse. I don't want to see you hurting like this."
Grace sighed, "You're just saying this because you want me to move from him to you."
"Well, maybe a little, but I'm not lying about how you've seemed depressed lately. Your mother is getting worried. She thought at first it was because of.. my mother's death, but now she's beginning to wonder. I don't doubt that soon she'll be coming to talk to you. Just, think about it Grace, is he really worth all this pain?" Eli leaned a little closer and Grace was afraid at first that he was going to try to kiss her but he was only getting up off the bed. "Just think about it, Grace."
Grace watched him leave her room. What he didn't know was that she was thinking about it. She had been thinking about it all week. She had been struggling with trying to make a decision and hadn't realized her family was noticing how stressed she had been lately. She needed to decide something soon, before her mother decided to put her on anti-depressants or something.
* * *
Grace drove to his house that night. She had lied to her mother once again, telling her she was going to be going to the library. But, after tonight, hopefully it will be the last lie she'd have to tell her mother. She was going to do it, she had to do it. She was ready.
"Grace." Augustus greeted at his back door in a guarded tone. But, that wasn't surprising after she ignored him all week. Augustus studied her, trying to read her motives, finally he stepped aside and let her in.
"I came here to talk, about us." Grace told him.
Augustus nodded, "I figured. Let me guess.. you can't do this anymore."
Grace nodded, not liking how he was removed of any emotions as he said this. "I'm sorry."
Augustus shrugged, "Oh, well, life happens. If you'll let yourself out, I have papers to grade."
Grace stared angrily at him, "That's it? You don't care? You're not even going to ask why?"
His cool green eyes met hers, "Could anything I say change your mind?"
"Well, no, I don't think so.." Grace said uneasily.
"So, why go through the motions?" Augustus headed into his living room, Grace hesitated, then followed.
"Please, Augustus, just.."
He turned at the sound of his name on her lips, "We should go back to using Mr. Dimitri. After all, I'm just your teacher now and you're just my student."
"You can't be this way!" Grace demanded.
"Oh, I thought you'd be happy to have a clean break. I knew what you intended to so since you left my house last week, I've just been waiting for you to make it official." Augustus sat on his couch, the same one she had cuddled with him on during their one and only date.
"Why are you so cold? Don't you have any emotions about this?" Grace asked.
"I'm sorry to say that I don't. You're better off without me anyways, Grace. I should have known better than to get involved with a student." Augustus reached for the stack of papers on the coffee table.
Grace watched him, her fists clenched. She had come ready for a fight, for him to argue with her, she didn't expect this. "Augustus.."
"Call me Mr. Dimitri, remember?" Augustus smiled up at her, and that's when Grace couldn't take any more.
"Fine! If you want to play it this way, then I'll go! I'm sorry you thought we were a mistake. I never ever felt that way about us. I liked what we had, but I just couldn't go on with it anymore. I needed.."
Mr. Dimitri cut her off, "Is this necessary? I told you that you didn't have to give me a reason."
Grace couldn't believe this, "I thought you loved me."
Mr. Dimitri shrugged, "People make mistakes."
Grace left, tears fresh in her eyes. Augustus watched her go. He listened for her car to roar to life and then pull away. Only then did he allow his face to fall into his hands, only then did he cry. He had acted in plays in high school and college. He was a pretty good actor and he had just put on the show of his life.
* * *
Life is what you make of it
Chapter 15// People make mistakes
Grace lay on her bed. She knew she was hurting Augustus, but she was just so confused right now. She loved him, but was that enough? Was that a good enough reason to lie to her mother, to hide her relationship with Augustus from the world and to never be able to be seen with him in public? After Karen's death, Grace realized her mother might not be there forever. She could lose her in a blink of an eye. So, was it right to exclude her mother from knowing about the love of her life? She thought there might be a chance that her mother might understand, but it was a slim chance. No mother could ever feel perfectly fine with a man in his thirties dating her teenager. And the whole thing about him being her teacher. Grace knew all it would take was a few words about the two of them as a couple to spread and the school board would take away his teaching license. What Augustus had said made sense, wait until she was 18 and he was no longer her teacher before telling anyone. But Grace didn't know if she could take six more months of silence and lies to the ones she loved most. Maybe she had gotten in too deep too fast. Maybe it was time she found her way out, so things could be easier on the both of them.
For the past week, Grace had been thinking these thoughts, and avoiding Augustus. She was the first to rush out of the classroom and the last to enter. She didn't stop by his classroom after school or on lunch breaks and she didn't go to his house. She could see the hurt, pain and confusion on his face when he allowed his mask to slip. But Grace needed time; she needed to think things over. She needed to make a decision.
Grace sighed and rolled off her bed. She went to her desk and opened the drawer to take out one of her computer disks with the short stories she wrote on it. Instead she noticed a paper and pulled it out.
Dearest Augustus,
I can't begin to think of how to tell you what we shared today (yesterday by the time you get this letter) meant to me. You are an amazing man and when I was with you, I was an amazing woman. You and I have something special. Others may not think it right, but how could something that feels this good be wrong? I
It was the letter she had written only a few weeks ago, the day of their first kisses, in the auditorium and then in his car. Only Eli had interrupted her and she had never finished it. Grace looked the letter over, her fingers running over the words. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't really. And now she was thinking of ending things with him.
A knock at her door. Grace tore up the unfinished letter and dropped it in her trash. She looked down at it, regretting having done that to it.
"Grace?" It was Eli. Grace went and opened the door for him. He looked good as usual, in a gray tee shirt with a long sleeved blue shirt layered underneath. His hair was spiked and messy and he wore jeans and white socks.
"Don't your socks get dirty?" Grace asked, letting him in.
"Huh?" Eli entered her room and closed the door behind him.
"Well, from going back and forth from the house to the garage?" Grace sat down on her bed; Eli sat in her desk chair.
"Do you really care about my socks?" Eli asked, a half smile on his face.
Grace shook her head, "No, not really." They smiled at each other. "So, what's up?"
Eli just looked at her. "Huh?"
"Why did you come to see me?" Grace asked.
"Oh," Eli shrugged. "I just was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by." He joked.
Grace smiled, and waited. There had to be a real reason he stopped by. The two of them weren't exactly friends. Although, after you kiss someone and then tell them you can't date them, doesn't that qualify you as something more than a friend? Grace didn't know. All she knew was that Eli had something on his mind.
"I've been thinking," Eli began, "I don't think Mr. Dimitri is good for you. I don't like how your relationship with him is stressing you out." Eli moved next to her on the bed, and Grace looked up at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't kid yourself, Grace. I can tell you are confused and stressed about your relationship with him. You've been distracted for the past few days and well, you seem depressed. I heard your mother talking about it to my dad, even. They're starting to see it too. I knew it was him making you feel this way, and so that's why I came up here tonight. I don't think you're happy in your relationship with him and you maybe just think things will get better, but I think they will just get worse. I don't want to see you hurting like this."
Grace sighed, "You're just saying this because you want me to move from him to you."
"Well, maybe a little, but I'm not lying about how you've seemed depressed lately. Your mother is getting worried. She thought at first it was because of.. my mother's death, but now she's beginning to wonder. I don't doubt that soon she'll be coming to talk to you. Just, think about it Grace, is he really worth all this pain?" Eli leaned a little closer and Grace was afraid at first that he was going to try to kiss her but he was only getting up off the bed. "Just think about it, Grace."
Grace watched him leave her room. What he didn't know was that she was thinking about it. She had been thinking about it all week. She had been struggling with trying to make a decision and hadn't realized her family was noticing how stressed she had been lately. She needed to decide something soon, before her mother decided to put her on anti-depressants or something.
* * *
Grace drove to his house that night. She had lied to her mother once again, telling her she was going to be going to the library. But, after tonight, hopefully it will be the last lie she'd have to tell her mother. She was going to do it, she had to do it. She was ready.
"Grace." Augustus greeted at his back door in a guarded tone. But, that wasn't surprising after she ignored him all week. Augustus studied her, trying to read her motives, finally he stepped aside and let her in.
"I came here to talk, about us." Grace told him.
Augustus nodded, "I figured. Let me guess.. you can't do this anymore."
Grace nodded, not liking how he was removed of any emotions as he said this. "I'm sorry."
Augustus shrugged, "Oh, well, life happens. If you'll let yourself out, I have papers to grade."
Grace stared angrily at him, "That's it? You don't care? You're not even going to ask why?"
His cool green eyes met hers, "Could anything I say change your mind?"
"Well, no, I don't think so.." Grace said uneasily.
"So, why go through the motions?" Augustus headed into his living room, Grace hesitated, then followed.
"Please, Augustus, just.."
He turned at the sound of his name on her lips, "We should go back to using Mr. Dimitri. After all, I'm just your teacher now and you're just my student."
"You can't be this way!" Grace demanded.
"Oh, I thought you'd be happy to have a clean break. I knew what you intended to so since you left my house last week, I've just been waiting for you to make it official." Augustus sat on his couch, the same one she had cuddled with him on during their one and only date.
"Why are you so cold? Don't you have any emotions about this?" Grace asked.
"I'm sorry to say that I don't. You're better off without me anyways, Grace. I should have known better than to get involved with a student." Augustus reached for the stack of papers on the coffee table.
Grace watched him, her fists clenched. She had come ready for a fight, for him to argue with her, she didn't expect this. "Augustus.."
"Call me Mr. Dimitri, remember?" Augustus smiled up at her, and that's when Grace couldn't take any more.
"Fine! If you want to play it this way, then I'll go! I'm sorry you thought we were a mistake. I never ever felt that way about us. I liked what we had, but I just couldn't go on with it anymore. I needed.."
Mr. Dimitri cut her off, "Is this necessary? I told you that you didn't have to give me a reason."
Grace couldn't believe this, "I thought you loved me."
Mr. Dimitri shrugged, "People make mistakes."
Grace left, tears fresh in her eyes. Augustus watched her go. He listened for her car to roar to life and then pull away. Only then did he allow his face to fall into his hands, only then did he cry. He had acted in plays in high school and college. He was a pretty good actor and he had just put on the show of his life.
* * *