~A Once and Again series~
Life is what you make of it
Wow, this story just keeps on going! Chapter 19 already! Thanks for reading!
Chapter 19// I'm so confused
Grace knew Eli was mad at her. She had been avoiding him ever since Augustus had come to the house yesterday afternoon. She couldn't help it. She was so confused and she was afraid that maybe she had only slept with Eli because she had been upset about Augustus. She knew she loved him, but she knew she still loved Augustus. And yesterday Augustus had said he wanted her back, but it had been too late. She was with Eli now.. only she was avoiding him. She couldn't face his questions and she was afraid that she'd realize she had made a mistake being with him. She hoped that wasn't true, but all she could think about was Augustus and how he had been willing to tell her mother about them, even if that meant that Lily might freak and forbid him to see Grace, just so he could have a chance to be with her. Augustus still loved her, he hadn't meant what he had said to her in the kitchen the day they had broken up. Grace didn't know how to deal with that and deal with Eli. So, she had avoided Eli, and was still avoiding him. She waited until she heard his car drive away this morning as he left for work at Booklovers before she went downstairs to leave for school, even though she was ready and ended up sitting on her bed for twenty minutes, waiting.
"Grace!" Her mother called out, "I'm leaving now, you better hurry-- " Lily stopped shouting as Grace finally appeared in the kitchen. "Running late this morning?" Lily asked as she shoved a bagel at her daughter.
Grace took the bagel and nodded, "Yeah."
"Come on, or we'll be late!" Lily ordered and they headed out to the car.
* * *
Grace had been dreading fifth hour and also looking forward to it. She wanted to see Augustus, she wanted to talk to him, to ask him more questions. She didn't know exactly what those questions would be or what she'd say, all she knew was that she wanted to talk to him so bad. She knew she'd have to wait till after class until she'd get a chance to speak to him alone, though.
Grace entered the room and smiled at Mr. Dimitri as she made her way to her seat. He didn't smile back, but Grace chalked that up to him trying to hide their relationship.. wait, did she really just think that? Did she really just think about them having a relationship when they had broken up? Was she being hopeful? And what about Eli? At the thought of Eli, Grace's smile fell and her stomach turned over. She shouldn't be doing this! She shouldn't be thinking about Augustus and remembering each kiss they had shared. And she shouldn't try to talk with Augustus alone. It was too dangerous right now. She knew one small step and she could fall back on Augustus' side of the fence.
It wasn't right to Eli that she walked the fence, instead of being safely on his side. She should have talked to him yesterday; she should have secured her position as his girlfriend and not have spent the night thinking about if the grass was greener on the other side. She was a bad person. She was being cruel to Eli. And the worse thing was no matter how many times she considered that, she knew she was still going to try to talk to Augustus. She just had to, or her head would burst. Where the talk would lead.. she didn't know.
Grace listened to Augustus's words as he talked about the poems they had read. She jotted down notes, but her mind wasn't there. She was waiting for the bell to ring, waiting for her chance to talk to him.
Finally the bell did ring and Grace slowly packed up her stuff, waiting for the last person to leave the room. "Augustus?"
"Grace?" Augustus looked up in surprise, "You shouldn't call me that, not here."
"I know," Grace said softly. She moved closer to him, knowing her time with him was limited. Any moment a student could walk in wanting help on their homework or something. Augustus stared at her, his green eyes looking blue under these lights.
"What is it, Grace?" He asked in a teacherly voice.
Grace sighed, "I don't know. I'm so confused. I.. Ever since you came to my house yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you and me. I still.."
"Grace, you can't do this." Augustus said firmly.
"What?" Grace asked in surprise. She thought he'd be happy to hear she was still thinking about him. That maybe she still wanted him. That maybe she still loved him.
"Grace, we can't do this. We can't play this game anymore. We've run out of chances. There is no future for us. I meant what I said about wanting you to be happy. And I think you'd be happiest with him."
Grace shook her head, "No, you don't mean that. You're only pretending again, because you're hurt. I'm sorry I hurt you. Don't we have a chance? Can't you just give us a chance?"
"Oh, Grace, I wished I could. I still love you and I think I always will, but we don't belong together. I can't, Grace. I just want you to be happy. I know I won't make you happy." Augustus sighed.
"But you will! You did make me happy! I loved being with you. I love you, I still do. No matter what happened with Eli, I still loved you." Grace said.
"Grace, don't. I know you love Eli too." Augustus insisted.
"Yeah, I love him, but.."
Augustus cut her off, "No, buts. It's not right for you to do this to him. Did you think about that?"
"Of course I did!" Grace told him.
"No, Grace. I don't think you thought about it enough. You love him, so don't hurt him. You don't need me, you only think you do. You may love me, but that's something you can put away, like putting old furniture in the attic. You should be with Eli. I'm no good for you." Augustus turned away.
"No, that's not true!" Grace argued. "Please don't do this."
"I'm sorry, Grace," Augustus looked deeply at her and then picked up his briefcase and exited the classroom.
Grace watched him go, for the second time in two days and wondered what went wrong. How did things end up like this? And she realized it was Eli. Eli was the deciding factor that made Augustus change his mind about the two of them. Augustus thought she'd be happiest with Eli and that was noble of him and everything, but Grace didn't know if it was true. All she knew was that she had to go back to her house and that she couldn't avoid Eli forever. She had to talk to talk to him. But she didn't know what she would say. Would Eli hate her if she told him that she tried to get back with Augustus? Yes, that was the only answer. But could she.. would she lie to Eli?
Life is what you make of it
Wow, this story just keeps on going! Chapter 19 already! Thanks for reading!
Chapter 19// I'm so confused
Grace knew Eli was mad at her. She had been avoiding him ever since Augustus had come to the house yesterday afternoon. She couldn't help it. She was so confused and she was afraid that maybe she had only slept with Eli because she had been upset about Augustus. She knew she loved him, but she knew she still loved Augustus. And yesterday Augustus had said he wanted her back, but it had been too late. She was with Eli now.. only she was avoiding him. She couldn't face his questions and she was afraid that she'd realize she had made a mistake being with him. She hoped that wasn't true, but all she could think about was Augustus and how he had been willing to tell her mother about them, even if that meant that Lily might freak and forbid him to see Grace, just so he could have a chance to be with her. Augustus still loved her, he hadn't meant what he had said to her in the kitchen the day they had broken up. Grace didn't know how to deal with that and deal with Eli. So, she had avoided Eli, and was still avoiding him. She waited until she heard his car drive away this morning as he left for work at Booklovers before she went downstairs to leave for school, even though she was ready and ended up sitting on her bed for twenty minutes, waiting.
"Grace!" Her mother called out, "I'm leaving now, you better hurry-- " Lily stopped shouting as Grace finally appeared in the kitchen. "Running late this morning?" Lily asked as she shoved a bagel at her daughter.
Grace took the bagel and nodded, "Yeah."
"Come on, or we'll be late!" Lily ordered and they headed out to the car.
* * *
Grace had been dreading fifth hour and also looking forward to it. She wanted to see Augustus, she wanted to talk to him, to ask him more questions. She didn't know exactly what those questions would be or what she'd say, all she knew was that she wanted to talk to him so bad. She knew she'd have to wait till after class until she'd get a chance to speak to him alone, though.
Grace entered the room and smiled at Mr. Dimitri as she made her way to her seat. He didn't smile back, but Grace chalked that up to him trying to hide their relationship.. wait, did she really just think that? Did she really just think about them having a relationship when they had broken up? Was she being hopeful? And what about Eli? At the thought of Eli, Grace's smile fell and her stomach turned over. She shouldn't be doing this! She shouldn't be thinking about Augustus and remembering each kiss they had shared. And she shouldn't try to talk with Augustus alone. It was too dangerous right now. She knew one small step and she could fall back on Augustus' side of the fence.
It wasn't right to Eli that she walked the fence, instead of being safely on his side. She should have talked to him yesterday; she should have secured her position as his girlfriend and not have spent the night thinking about if the grass was greener on the other side. She was a bad person. She was being cruel to Eli. And the worse thing was no matter how many times she considered that, she knew she was still going to try to talk to Augustus. She just had to, or her head would burst. Where the talk would lead.. she didn't know.
Grace listened to Augustus's words as he talked about the poems they had read. She jotted down notes, but her mind wasn't there. She was waiting for the bell to ring, waiting for her chance to talk to him.
Finally the bell did ring and Grace slowly packed up her stuff, waiting for the last person to leave the room. "Augustus?"
"Grace?" Augustus looked up in surprise, "You shouldn't call me that, not here."
"I know," Grace said softly. She moved closer to him, knowing her time with him was limited. Any moment a student could walk in wanting help on their homework or something. Augustus stared at her, his green eyes looking blue under these lights.
"What is it, Grace?" He asked in a teacherly voice.
Grace sighed, "I don't know. I'm so confused. I.. Ever since you came to my house yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you and me. I still.."
"Grace, you can't do this." Augustus said firmly.
"What?" Grace asked in surprise. She thought he'd be happy to hear she was still thinking about him. That maybe she still wanted him. That maybe she still loved him.
"Grace, we can't do this. We can't play this game anymore. We've run out of chances. There is no future for us. I meant what I said about wanting you to be happy. And I think you'd be happiest with him."
Grace shook her head, "No, you don't mean that. You're only pretending again, because you're hurt. I'm sorry I hurt you. Don't we have a chance? Can't you just give us a chance?"
"Oh, Grace, I wished I could. I still love you and I think I always will, but we don't belong together. I can't, Grace. I just want you to be happy. I know I won't make you happy." Augustus sighed.
"But you will! You did make me happy! I loved being with you. I love you, I still do. No matter what happened with Eli, I still loved you." Grace said.
"Grace, don't. I know you love Eli too." Augustus insisted.
"Yeah, I love him, but.."
Augustus cut her off, "No, buts. It's not right for you to do this to him. Did you think about that?"
"Of course I did!" Grace told him.
"No, Grace. I don't think you thought about it enough. You love him, so don't hurt him. You don't need me, you only think you do. You may love me, but that's something you can put away, like putting old furniture in the attic. You should be with Eli. I'm no good for you." Augustus turned away.
"No, that's not true!" Grace argued. "Please don't do this."
"I'm sorry, Grace," Augustus looked deeply at her and then picked up his briefcase and exited the classroom.
Grace watched him go, for the second time in two days and wondered what went wrong. How did things end up like this? And she realized it was Eli. Eli was the deciding factor that made Augustus change his mind about the two of them. Augustus thought she'd be happiest with Eli and that was noble of him and everything, but Grace didn't know if it was true. All she knew was that she had to go back to her house and that she couldn't avoid Eli forever. She had to talk to talk to him. But she didn't know what she would say. Would Eli hate her if she told him that she tried to get back with Augustus? Yes, that was the only answer. But could she.. would she lie to Eli?