Title: Miss Congeniality
Summary: A/U...based on the movie, well, Miss Congeniality. Buffy Summers is a no-nonsense FBI agent, who is given the assignment to go undercover at the Miss America pageant.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine...don't sue.
Pairing: Spuffy...as always.
~
"Clem? Clement Longbower? You've got to be joking!" Giles laughed as Buffy questioned him on the MC's moral merits inside the dressing room during a rehearsal break, "That man is far from evil. Actually, on the other hand, there is a great chance that he very well * may * be...evil, I mean, but he most certainly does not have the intellect. That man couldn't pull off one of those inane gas balloon things-"
"Whoopee Cushion?" Buffy offered.
"Yes, thank you. He couldn't pull that off, let alone citizen letters and a bomb scare at the Miss United States Pageant." Giles finished, before giving Buffy's roots some extra "fluff" by running his fingers through them and then pulling upward.
"Um, hello? Whatcha doin'?"
"Your roots are sagging."
"That would be from the blood and sweat brought on by the torture out there." Buffy jutted her thumb to the stage, "I'm an FBI agent, I've been through the Academy, not to mention a boot camp-like training for the Bureau, okay? Yet * that * is killing me!"
"Don't be so dramatic." Giles replied, who had moved onto frizz smoothing.
"They are playing Abba, Giles! And, and they are not only just playing Abba, they are playing Abba incessantly!"
"Abba is fun...delightful...spunky...what have you. It's an aspect of Miss United States which I'm afraid may never be reawakened within you." Giles bent down in front of Buffy and tied her sneakers.
"Hey! I can be fun, delightful, and spunky! I just choose not to be. For example, I- I made a really funny joke the other day about the "Miss Lamaze Pageant,"" Buffy began to laugh at the memory, "Cuz Spike's first choice was on maternity leave and..." She trailed off when she noticed the puzzled look Giles was giving her, "Maybe you had to be there."
"Perhaps. Now, go out there and dance your little buttocks off. We'll have a meeting tonight so that I can properly teach you the steps and also how to walk and move in a gown." Buffy's eyes widened.
"Tonight? Giles , I haven't slept in 48 hours, there is no freakin' way I'm gonna-"
"Agent Raleigh will come to your room around midnight. Good day." Giles glided off, not giving Buffy another look.
"Jerk." Buffy muttered, before dragging herself back to the stage.
~
"Buffy!" Willow yelled out, waving her arm and catching up with her new best friend, "Hey!"
"Hi Willow." Buffy said, running her fingers * through * her hair.
"That was a pretty tough work out, huh?" Willow asked, popping a water bottle open.
* Pretty * tough?!? Maybe if you're Wonder Woman...
"It was no big." Buffy lied fluidly, draining the last sip of her water. Willow took the first sip of hers.
"Are you coming to the Orientation Party tonight? It's a thing Miss California and Miss Montana set up."
"Miss Montana? The mute girl?" Buffy asked, stretching her arm across her chest.
"Oh, no. She's not mute. Just really shy. But yeah, that's her!" Buffy cocked her head to the side and considered it.
"What time?"
"Oh, early. Believe me, we * all * understand the importance of beauty sleep." Willow replied cheerfully, "We're meeting in the exercise room around 4-ish."
"Wow. That is early."
"Well, a lot of the girls want to be in bed by 6. And some just really, really like socializing and want to stay until 11, which is curfew." Willow explained.
"4-11?" Buffy asked, not sure if she was hearing right, "The party is 7 hours long?"
"Yeah! Pretty cool huh?"
"Um, sure. I'll probably make a cameo around 9. Will you still be up?" Buffy said, somewhat glad for the time to go over the agenda with Spike and the others.
"Totally!" Willow said excitedly, "So will Cordelia, Tara, Anya, and Miss Massachusetts. I forget her name."
"It's, like, Hope or Charity or something." Buffy said.
"Faith." A male voice said in her ear suddenly.
"Ooh! Faith!" Buffy said, pretending she had just thought of it.
"That's it!" Willow snapped her finger, "Good memory."
"Well, I try."
~
"What do ya have for me, Summers?" Spike asked as Buffy walked into the surveillance room.
"What are you talking about, * Raleigh*? You saw everything I did." Spike shrugged.
"Doesn't mean I'm in your head. Er, I'm not in your brain, anyway. Any leads?" Buffy sighed and sat down next to Oz.
"I thought I did, but Giles dismissed it. Longbower, the retirement/getting fired guy? Apparently, he's pissed, but he doesn't have the smarts to do anything about it. At least that's what I got from Giles. It's kind of hard to tell what he's talking about between his British jumble. No offense." She added as a quick side note to Spike who just waved it off.
"I can't really tell what you all are talking about half the time through your * American * jumble." He replied.
"Do you still want me to do a check on him?" Oz asked Buffy.
"I'm not sure." Buffy said, looking to Spike.
"Better safe than sorry." Spike said nodding to Oz, who made a quick note. Buffy exhaled and stood up.
"Any word from Riley?" Spike rolled his eyes.
"Negatory." Xander said, "He's been uncharacteristically stand-offish."
"In lay terms...?" Buffy asked sarcastically.
"He's been keeping out. Which he never does." Oz explained, leaning back in his chair.
"That's weird." Buffy said, scrunching her eyebrows.
"And a blessing. Let's move on." Spike stood up and walked over to the computer, "We've got a new suspect. 2 actually."
"2 suspects?" Buffy bent down next to Spike, not realizing that her hand had fallen on his forearm.
"Uh...yeah..." Spike stared down at the intrusion of his personal space, and didn't like the sparks he felt inside him just from her hand Get a grip, you wanker. "Cordelia Chase and Tara Maclay. Chase is Longbower's distant relative, but apparently their relationship is not so much. He's a bloody surrogate father to her."
"And Tara?"
"Tara is part of a Gay and Lesbian organization, a sub-organization, actually, of a larger one. One which isn't exactly known for playing well with others and one which isn't too big on Miss United States Pageant either not mentioning lesbianism, never giving the title to a lesbian, or maybe for just brushing aside the whole issue. Whatever the case, it definitely does not make sense why a member of that particular group would join this pageant."
"Hold up. Miss Montana likes girls?" Xander asked, stopping the whole conversation, "Hello wet dreams."
"Okay, first? Ew." Buffy pointed to Xander and then turned back to Spike, "And second, Tara? She's so shy and cute though. Hardly a hardened criminal. Hardly a hardened. Huh. Try saying that 10 times fast. Anyway, she's not." Buffy pleaded.
"Could all be an act, Summers. Which is why your friendship with these girls is extremely important for this entire op." Buffy nodded, accepting orders, looking at her watch.
"I'm gonna go take a nap, head over to the party around 9, then I'll pretend to go to sleep around 11, and Spike, you can come get me at midnight." Spike nodded and smiled.
"Now, shoo. Go get your beauty sleep or whatever it is you girls call it."
~
Buffy sat against the wall, crying.
"Everything is so confusing. I just feel so..." She was suddenly stopped by a tight embrace pulling her in, deeper and deeper.
"Buffy..." A soft, gentle voice murmured.
"Who are you?" She asked, whispering. She couldn't make out his face.
"Buffy, do you love me?" He asked.
"I don't know." She replied, mournfully, "I don't know who you are."
"Please. Find out." The voice manifested itself as it leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, "I love you."
"Who are you?" She asked again.
"Miss Massachusetts, who do you think?" Buffy bolted upright and blinked. Faith, the contestant from Massachusetts, sat at the foot of Buffy's bed.
"Well, well, B. Have a nice dream?" Faith raised her eyebrows suggestively, "Seemed a bit too No Children Under 17 for me, hate watchin' that shit. Doesn't do anything as far as I'm concerned."
"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about and I really don't think I want to." Buffy finally said, throwing her legs out of the bed. Faith laughed at this and gave Buffy a hand at standing up.
"Don't worry, B. Now, Willow wanted me to come and get ya. It's 9:20; ya slept in." Buffy nodded and smoothly, covertly, place in her microphone and hidden camera. When Faith was safely out of any possible earshot, walking ahead to the party, Buffy tapped the side of her ear.
"Wake up, boys. I'm about to enter Barbie's Malibu Beach Bash!" She joked sardonically, tossing her hair back. She stifled a laugh when she heard Spike sigh exasperatingly.
"Summers...what have I told you about the Barbie thing?"
Summary: A/U...based on the movie, well, Miss Congeniality. Buffy Summers is a no-nonsense FBI agent, who is given the assignment to go undercover at the Miss America pageant.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine...don't sue.
Pairing: Spuffy...as always.
~
"Clem? Clement Longbower? You've got to be joking!" Giles laughed as Buffy questioned him on the MC's moral merits inside the dressing room during a rehearsal break, "That man is far from evil. Actually, on the other hand, there is a great chance that he very well * may * be...evil, I mean, but he most certainly does not have the intellect. That man couldn't pull off one of those inane gas balloon things-"
"Whoopee Cushion?" Buffy offered.
"Yes, thank you. He couldn't pull that off, let alone citizen letters and a bomb scare at the Miss United States Pageant." Giles finished, before giving Buffy's roots some extra "fluff" by running his fingers through them and then pulling upward.
"Um, hello? Whatcha doin'?"
"Your roots are sagging."
"That would be from the blood and sweat brought on by the torture out there." Buffy jutted her thumb to the stage, "I'm an FBI agent, I've been through the Academy, not to mention a boot camp-like training for the Bureau, okay? Yet * that * is killing me!"
"Don't be so dramatic." Giles replied, who had moved onto frizz smoothing.
"They are playing Abba, Giles! And, and they are not only just playing Abba, they are playing Abba incessantly!"
"Abba is fun...delightful...spunky...what have you. It's an aspect of Miss United States which I'm afraid may never be reawakened within you." Giles bent down in front of Buffy and tied her sneakers.
"Hey! I can be fun, delightful, and spunky! I just choose not to be. For example, I- I made a really funny joke the other day about the "Miss Lamaze Pageant,"" Buffy began to laugh at the memory, "Cuz Spike's first choice was on maternity leave and..." She trailed off when she noticed the puzzled look Giles was giving her, "Maybe you had to be there."
"Perhaps. Now, go out there and dance your little buttocks off. We'll have a meeting tonight so that I can properly teach you the steps and also how to walk and move in a gown." Buffy's eyes widened.
"Tonight? Giles , I haven't slept in 48 hours, there is no freakin' way I'm gonna-"
"Agent Raleigh will come to your room around midnight. Good day." Giles glided off, not giving Buffy another look.
"Jerk." Buffy muttered, before dragging herself back to the stage.
~
"Buffy!" Willow yelled out, waving her arm and catching up with her new best friend, "Hey!"
"Hi Willow." Buffy said, running her fingers * through * her hair.
"That was a pretty tough work out, huh?" Willow asked, popping a water bottle open.
* Pretty * tough?!? Maybe if you're Wonder Woman...
"It was no big." Buffy lied fluidly, draining the last sip of her water. Willow took the first sip of hers.
"Are you coming to the Orientation Party tonight? It's a thing Miss California and Miss Montana set up."
"Miss Montana? The mute girl?" Buffy asked, stretching her arm across her chest.
"Oh, no. She's not mute. Just really shy. But yeah, that's her!" Buffy cocked her head to the side and considered it.
"What time?"
"Oh, early. Believe me, we * all * understand the importance of beauty sleep." Willow replied cheerfully, "We're meeting in the exercise room around 4-ish."
"Wow. That is early."
"Well, a lot of the girls want to be in bed by 6. And some just really, really like socializing and want to stay until 11, which is curfew." Willow explained.
"4-11?" Buffy asked, not sure if she was hearing right, "The party is 7 hours long?"
"Yeah! Pretty cool huh?"
"Um, sure. I'll probably make a cameo around 9. Will you still be up?" Buffy said, somewhat glad for the time to go over the agenda with Spike and the others.
"Totally!" Willow said excitedly, "So will Cordelia, Tara, Anya, and Miss Massachusetts. I forget her name."
"It's, like, Hope or Charity or something." Buffy said.
"Faith." A male voice said in her ear suddenly.
"Ooh! Faith!" Buffy said, pretending she had just thought of it.
"That's it!" Willow snapped her finger, "Good memory."
"Well, I try."
~
"What do ya have for me, Summers?" Spike asked as Buffy walked into the surveillance room.
"What are you talking about, * Raleigh*? You saw everything I did." Spike shrugged.
"Doesn't mean I'm in your head. Er, I'm not in your brain, anyway. Any leads?" Buffy sighed and sat down next to Oz.
"I thought I did, but Giles dismissed it. Longbower, the retirement/getting fired guy? Apparently, he's pissed, but he doesn't have the smarts to do anything about it. At least that's what I got from Giles. It's kind of hard to tell what he's talking about between his British jumble. No offense." She added as a quick side note to Spike who just waved it off.
"I can't really tell what you all are talking about half the time through your * American * jumble." He replied.
"Do you still want me to do a check on him?" Oz asked Buffy.
"I'm not sure." Buffy said, looking to Spike.
"Better safe than sorry." Spike said nodding to Oz, who made a quick note. Buffy exhaled and stood up.
"Any word from Riley?" Spike rolled his eyes.
"Negatory." Xander said, "He's been uncharacteristically stand-offish."
"In lay terms...?" Buffy asked sarcastically.
"He's been keeping out. Which he never does." Oz explained, leaning back in his chair.
"That's weird." Buffy said, scrunching her eyebrows.
"And a blessing. Let's move on." Spike stood up and walked over to the computer, "We've got a new suspect. 2 actually."
"2 suspects?" Buffy bent down next to Spike, not realizing that her hand had fallen on his forearm.
"Uh...yeah..." Spike stared down at the intrusion of his personal space, and didn't like the sparks he felt inside him just from her hand Get a grip, you wanker. "Cordelia Chase and Tara Maclay. Chase is Longbower's distant relative, but apparently their relationship is not so much. He's a bloody surrogate father to her."
"And Tara?"
"Tara is part of a Gay and Lesbian organization, a sub-organization, actually, of a larger one. One which isn't exactly known for playing well with others and one which isn't too big on Miss United States Pageant either not mentioning lesbianism, never giving the title to a lesbian, or maybe for just brushing aside the whole issue. Whatever the case, it definitely does not make sense why a member of that particular group would join this pageant."
"Hold up. Miss Montana likes girls?" Xander asked, stopping the whole conversation, "Hello wet dreams."
"Okay, first? Ew." Buffy pointed to Xander and then turned back to Spike, "And second, Tara? She's so shy and cute though. Hardly a hardened criminal. Hardly a hardened. Huh. Try saying that 10 times fast. Anyway, she's not." Buffy pleaded.
"Could all be an act, Summers. Which is why your friendship with these girls is extremely important for this entire op." Buffy nodded, accepting orders, looking at her watch.
"I'm gonna go take a nap, head over to the party around 9, then I'll pretend to go to sleep around 11, and Spike, you can come get me at midnight." Spike nodded and smiled.
"Now, shoo. Go get your beauty sleep or whatever it is you girls call it."
~
Buffy sat against the wall, crying.
"Everything is so confusing. I just feel so..." She was suddenly stopped by a tight embrace pulling her in, deeper and deeper.
"Buffy..." A soft, gentle voice murmured.
"Who are you?" She asked, whispering. She couldn't make out his face.
"Buffy, do you love me?" He asked.
"I don't know." She replied, mournfully, "I don't know who you are."
"Please. Find out." The voice manifested itself as it leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, "I love you."
"Who are you?" She asked again.
"Miss Massachusetts, who do you think?" Buffy bolted upright and blinked. Faith, the contestant from Massachusetts, sat at the foot of Buffy's bed.
"Well, well, B. Have a nice dream?" Faith raised her eyebrows suggestively, "Seemed a bit too No Children Under 17 for me, hate watchin' that shit. Doesn't do anything as far as I'm concerned."
"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about and I really don't think I want to." Buffy finally said, throwing her legs out of the bed. Faith laughed at this and gave Buffy a hand at standing up.
"Don't worry, B. Now, Willow wanted me to come and get ya. It's 9:20; ya slept in." Buffy nodded and smoothly, covertly, place in her microphone and hidden camera. When Faith was safely out of any possible earshot, walking ahead to the party, Buffy tapped the side of her ear.
"Wake up, boys. I'm about to enter Barbie's Malibu Beach Bash!" She joked sardonically, tossing her hair back. She stifled a laugh when she heard Spike sigh exasperatingly.
"Summers...what have I told you about the Barbie thing?"