Not So Normal Chapter 2: Disturbing the Peace, a song of the lioness fanfic

Not So…Normal…
by Zenin

Being unconscious actually felt rather nice. Everything was very floaty…but I couldn't feel my toes, and I happen to take great concern over toe sensitivity. There was a disturbing lack of ice cream as well, so that ruled out the "I'm in heaven" option. Besides, heaven probably wouldn't feel anything like a log wedged between my vertebrae.

I finally began coming back to the wonderful world that we all know and love; firmly believing that my sparring partner had — for once — seriously decked me. What else was I to think? Everything else must've been a dream. And anyway, the people who get sucked into portals end up in a much better condition. As in, no broken bones.

I tentatively cracked one eye open, thoroughly expecting to see Michael standing over me with his usual smirk. Instead, I found myself staring up into a canopy of lush green leaves, sunlight prickling through to assist my pounding headache. Throwing an arm over my face, I groaned…then removed the arm with distaste. I was sopping wet, muddy and freezing cold…not to mention the incredible pain I was in. My entire left leg felt like it was on fire and I could feel the smallest trickle of wetness streaming down my foot. Blood, most likely.

"Hey look, it's moving."

It? Hello, I'm a girl.

Whoever had spoken suddenly found it necessary to poke me with what felt like a steel-toed boot. "Hey… Hey you… Wake up."

I flailed my good leg out in a feeble attempt to kick…and missed, unsurprisingly. At that moment, all I wanted was to go back into my floaty sleep. Unfortunately, whoever was prodding me wasn't a quitter.

"Hey…"

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke…

Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke—

"Stoppit!"

The poking stopped abruptly as the voice cleared its throat importantly. "We come in peace, O creature of the deep…"

A sharp exclamation of pain followed that remark. I got the vision that his companion had just elbowed him in the ribs. It was a very satisfying thought. The second voice sighed with exasperation.

Finally, I forced both of my eyes open, staring bleakly at my surroundings…well, to be truthful; mostly I stared at the young man who knelt beside me. Dark hair tossed in the wind, complimented by dark eyes that studied me; half curious, half bored. Altogether, it was a very attractive young man. Something clicked in my mind. I suddenly scrambled upright, my eyes huge.

"Faleron? Faleron of King's Reach?"

He looked confused; then quickly dismissed it with a flick of his wrist. Clearing his throat, he began to speak.

"Ahem…You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say can and will be used against you in the Tortallan Court of Law. You have the right to an attorney…"

Here, Faleron paused as the other man — one featuring orangey-red hair — nudged him, whispering in his ear for a moment. Faleron shrugged.

"Oh, quite right. You have the right to an attorney only if you have enough money. Otherwise, you don't have that right. Erm, let's see… You have the right to —"

I could not believe what was happening. Frowning, I could feel anger stirring within me as I shifted less weight of my bad leg. "Now, wait just a minute!" I snapped. "I haven't done anything! Why am I being arrested?"

"You were disturbing the peace."

"Disturbing the peace?" I exploded. "I fell into the freaking river! By accident! I don't even belong here in this cliché of a country!"

Mr. Fluffy Orange Hair cast a doubtful look my way, his eyes giving me a measuring once over. Cocking his head, he raised one eyebrow dubiously. He finished his survey with a rather bemused expression on his face and turned to Faleron, who was now inspecting his hair with a small hand mirror. "Is it a boy or girl?"

Faleron coolly pocketed the hand mirror. "A cocotte, obviously."

And that was when I dove on top of him, trying to throttle that poor excuse of a homo sapien. Unfortunately, something was wrong. I could barely make a proper fist, much less use the powerful trademark lung punch of mine. Everything that I had once known about fighting had fled from my mind…leaving nothing there except for the occasional thought of "Keep your damned toes up!"

Faleron lifted me easily from on top of himself and set me aside, as if I were a naughty child. He stood and glowered as he busily brushed bits of dirt off of his uniform, his companion chuckling humourlessly.

"Mithros… Mary's going to kill you for ruining that one. Wasn't that the dress uniform she had made for Midwinter's Feast?"

"Yes," Faleron muttered, shooting a resentful glance towards me. "Lalasa can probably fix it…with luck."

He's worried about a bloody dress uniform? I can't even make a proper fist!

The two men walked over to the other side of the forest clearing, waving their hands expressively as they began debating on what to do with me. I glared at them, at their horses, at their medical supplies, at their food and back around again. Men. Horses. Medical supplies. Food. Horses. Medical supplies. Men. Food. Food. Men. Horses—

This isn't helping anything.

I decided to focus my mind on the lost martial arts skills. I curled my hand into something resembling a fist and leaned over to punch the solid oak beside me. My arm wound up as I released the blow with as much power as I could muster.

CRACK!

"DAMN!"

Other choice descriptive words accidentally slipped out as I immediately stuffed my hand into my mouth. The men stopped arguing with each other and now watched me with great interest.

"What did she say?"

"I dunno. Sounded like 'ducky frapper'— I forget the rest."

"How very odd."

I made a mental note to never keep my thumb on the inside ever again. And as for escaping…well, for one, I'm injured. The chances of defeating two sword swiping knights when hobbling around on a broken leg — now complete with matching broken thumb — is about one hundred to nil. And let's not dwell on the fact that I can't fight in the first place. The Portal Person who lives way up in the sky must have messed with my head. Everything's gone.

Even if I did throw myself at them, it'd only give them more reason to lock me up. Do you know what Faleron called me?

A cocotte. In other words, they think that I'm a whore.

How bloody thick can they get? Oh yes, I'm a mangled, half drowned girl that they themselves rescued from the river…it is so obvious that I'm a girl of ill repute.

Before I could open my mouth to set things straight, something hard hit me on the back of my head. I crumpled to the ground, vaguely aware that someone was slinging me over their shoulder. A black haze covered my mind, and one last thought rattled around ceaselessly.

I'm fainting. Again. Can it get much worse? Ooh…better not think that. The Portal Person who lives way up in the sky will hear, and then who knows what could save me then.

Can it get much worse?

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(Smiles) I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Leave a review if you deem this worthy enough. Grazi!

~Zenin