If you could see into the future,
You think life would be a breeze
Seeing trouble from a distance
But its not that easy!
I try to save a situation
But then I end up misbehaving!
That's so Peggy!
It's the future I can see!
That's so Peggy!
So mysterious to me!
THAT'S SO PEGGY!
Chapter 1: The Dangers of Joey Gas
Pegasus JANE Crawford walked toward the WB Studios. He went past the entrance, scaring off the dude at the gate, and continued his way. He came up to the Yu-Gi-Oh studio and walked in.
"Good morning, happy people!" he greeted everyone.
"Peggy-Jane! Darling!" Kaiba answered. He walked up to Pegasus, and they kissed each other on each cheek. "How good to see you! You look marvelous!"
"Why thank you dear, I'm on that new Mai Diet."
"Oh? The one where you eat nothing, drink everything?"
"Oh please, that's my diet. The Mai Diet's the one where you eat nothing, drink everything alcoholic. It's in Glamour Girl for Men." Peggy and Kaiba started walking deeper into the studio.
"Ah, I see, I see… For some reason I didn't get my copy… Didn't show up…" Kaiba said as he and Peggy passed Mokubert reading an issue of Glamour Girl for Men.
"PEGGY-JANE! You're here!" Tristen yelled as he spotted Peggy, he ran over at once, arms raised. An odd odor suddenly filled the room and the staff began to pass out. Peggy covered his nose with a handkerchief.
"Oh, TRISTA! When was the last time you bathed? YOU SMELL GHASTLY! Be rid of you, YOU HORRID CREATURE!" Kaiba scoffed.
"But-"
"NO! BE RID!" Tristen burst into tears and ran off crying. He ran out of the studio and behind a dumpster. He sat down, and wiped his eyes before taking a locket out of his pocket. He opened it, and inside was a picture of Peggy.
"Oh, Pegasus Jane Crawford, my love. Won't you ever see how strong my love for you is? My love is as deep as the ocean, as bright as the sun, and as eternal as that of which is holy. I swoon at your presence into a dazed trance, awaiting for you to notice me. But do you ever? Someday I know I will have you and all your beauty… Someday…" Tristen stopped as he heard a harsh breathing behind him. He turned and saw Bakura standing behind him, listening. A dull look came on Tristen's face and then he punched Bakura in the face with the back of his hand. Bakura passed out and Tristen walked away with mild interest.
Meanwhile, back in the studio…
"Kaiba, where's Joey? I'd like some of his delightful stench to overcome Trista's…"
"There's only ONE place Joey can be… THE SNACK TABLE!" Peggy nodded, still covering his nose with his handkerchief, a frown on his face, and took off. Kaiba followed close behind.
Pegasus led him through a door into a fairly large room with only a table in the center. The table was covered with food, oddly. Apparently Joey was taking his time for once… the miracle of the century.
"Oh God…" Pegasus said as he leaned against the wall
"PEGGY! What's wrong? Are you alright?! TELL KAIBA WHAT'S THE MATTER!" Kaiba screeched, hugging Peggy and helping him stand.
"My nose… it smells something horrible…" Joey ran up to Pegasus and Kaiba with a small pot he held up to Peggy's nose.
"WANT SOME REFRIED BEANS?!" he asked eagerly.
"HOLY MOKUBERT POOP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! GET AWAY!" Peggy ran out of the room in a spasm. He bumped into several people and knocked them down. He even ran through a few walls in true fear. He stopped when he found the bar on the other side of the studio, where he ordered a glass of wine perfectly calm. Kaiba found him easily enough.
"Peggy! Why'd you leave like that? I thought we had our eye on Joey for a threesome…"
"Hmm?" Pegasus took a sip of wine. "Oh, yes, we do. It's just the beans… I can't stand them refried… the stench is enough to put me in the hospital for months… I'm lucky Trista's odor was still in my nose, or I'd be dead right now from such close contact…"
"Oh, I understand… Anyway, as long as we're here… Bartender?" The man cleaning glasses with his back turned, turned around. It was Yami Yugi. Pegasus spit up his wine in Kaiba's face.
"YAMI YUGI?!?!" he blurted.
"SHHHH! Not so loud! It's just a summer job… don't tell Yugi about it… he might cut off my allowance…" Yami Yugi quickly explained.
"Yugi doesn't know?! Damn… I never knew you were such a bad boy… I must admit, I'm quite turned on…" Kaiba said, blinking rapidly at Yami Yugi.
"Uhh… right… How did you see through my disguise?!" Yami Yugi asked, pointing to his name tag which read 'Bob'. Peggy shrugged.
"It's a gift I s'ppose." he answered, taking another sip of wine.
"Why didn't you recognize me when you ordered your drink then?" Peggy put down his glass on the counter and crossed his leg, staring off into another direction.
"I was busy checking out that man over there… Mmm… absolutely delicious, isn't he?"
"… I don't think that's a man, Peggy…" Kaiba informed.
"Really?"
"… That's a mirror you're looking at." Yami Yugi stated, as he started cleaning the counter with a rag.
"Oh? It is?! My, my… I do look good… Hi there, Peggy-Jane! Aren't we looking sexy today? Come on babe… work it… WORK IT! Oh yeah, da's right…" Pegasus got up and started making several poses that made Kaiba drool and Yami Yugi temporarily flee Japan. Since he left, Kaiba simply helped himself to a bottle of tequila.
Once he had it, he laid back in a chair beside Peggy and dug in his pocket. Out of it he took a piece of crumpled paper he began to read.
AMAZINGLY, Pegasus took notice and stopped posing for himself.
"What's that?"
"Some paper Selenee dropped when she came to take Joey away."
"Away where?"
"Training she said."
"Well, what's the paper say?"
"Something about a refried bean competition."
"WHAT?! LET ME SEE THAT, BITCH!" Peggy snatched the paper and saw that it was indeed a flyer for a refried bean competition. Time seemed to stop as shock filled Peggy's face, which was suddenly zoomed in on…
"And the winner of this year's competition is… JOEY WHEELER!" announced a fat man in an apron on a stage. Joey walked up onto it with joy on his face to take the trophy in the mans hands, and knock him over off the stage.
"I knew you could do it, Joey! I COMMANDED IT! It was bound to happen." Selenee said.
"Uhh… actually… I dun feel so good, 'Lena…" Joey grasped his stomach and dropped the trophy.
"What's wrong? DID YOU EAT A BABY BY ACCIDENT AGAIN?!"
"Uhhh… No… tummy… pain… bubbley… feeling…" Pegasus suddenly came running into the room.
"Jonnouchi! Stop!" he called out. "Noooooo!" Joey groaned one last time, and a green smoke blast came from behind filling the stage, the room, the studio, Japan, Asia, and eventually the world. Pegasus and everyone else was blasted against the wall.
Slowly all around them, the universe was dissolving and lives all over the planet were being claimed and taken by the deadly fumes. Even Pegasus could feel his heart and brain slowly failing from the aroma…
Time suddenly seemed to start moving once more. Peggy looked stunned as he started breathing again.
"What's the matter now?" Kaiba asked. "Did you have a vision?" Pegasus nodded. "… Well?"
"Joey was there… he won the competition…"
"Well that's great! The prize is apparently a nice pink scooter…"
"Who cares? The world's gonna end… The beans are… they're actually too much for his stomach…"
"… Liar. Joey's stomach's like... Really strong… and stuff…"
"APPARENTLY NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THE EVIL THAT IS BEANS!"
"Blah, whatever. Who cares?" Kaiba sipped from the bottle of tequila. At least he thought he did… Yugi had swung by on a vine and stolen the bottle while Kaiba had been paying attention to Peggy.
"I DO! I haven't found the perfect thong yet! I haven't seen myself with breasts! Oh, now that I think about it there's so much I haven't done… I haven't… I haven't…"
"Haven't what?" Kaiba prodded.
"It's nothing… Hurry, we have to stop Joey."
"Blah. You do it… I'm lazy…"
"Aww, come with me!" Kaiba hissed.
"I'm TIRED, CRANKY, AND LAZY! BACK OFF MY CASE FOR GOODNESS SAKE!" Kaiba started rampaging around the bar terrorizing everyone. Pegasus made a quick get away.
Once he was out of the bar, he started running toward the set. He had learned from the flyer that Grandpa Moto had put all this together and was apparently broadcasting it. He understood quite well. Who wouldn't want to see Joey Wheeler eat? So sexy.
"Peggy! Whatcha doin?!" yelled Marik. He approached Pegasus with his Millennium Rod in his ear like an ear cleany thingy. Pegasus stopped to talk to him.
"Saving the world. You?"
"Burping Hippos? What? I'm sorry, speak up son. I can't hear you."
"SAVING THE WORLD."
"What's that? Modeling Boogers? Huh? I've talked to you about using the right voice level before Pegasus Jane Crawford… Speak up now."
"… RAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!" Pegasus grabbed Tea and Yugi by the ankles. He twirled Tea in his hand, then show him at Marik and knocked him over. When Marik was on the floor, he took off, Yugi's ankles still in his hands.
"AND YOUR NAME SOUNDS LIKE A CAT NOISE!" he called back.
"What's that? Fuzzy orange thongs? You bought me a pair? SPEAK UP!" Pegasus ignored Marik and continued running. He could see the set door. He charged at it, and entered triumphantly. There was the fat man on a stage that had been set up, with a table next to him. At the table Mai and Joey were sitting with bibs around their necks. Bowls of refried beans sat in front of them as they waited for the start.
Pegasus felt sick to his stomach all of a sudden. The smell of the beans was hovering heavily in the room. But he suddenly thought about his thongs… then of Joey… then he suddenly saw Mokubert… He knew what he had to do now.
The fat man raised a gun and shot it, screaming, "GO!"
"NOOOOOO! JONNOUCHI!" Pegasus responded. He put the arm holding a happy Yugi back like he was a Frisbee and shot him at Joey's bowl of beans.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yugi hollered as he twirled and knocked over Joey's bowl of beans. Meanwhile, Mai was already through with 5 bowls O.O'.
"PEGGY-JANE! What have you done?! YOU'VE RUINED OUR CHANCES!" Selenee scolded. She was a girl with her black hair back in a long braid.
"I saved the world! Joey was going to fart big time and kill us all! I SAVED YOUR ASS, GIRL!"
"Oh… Peggy... You're such a hero!" Mokubert ran toward him from the audition and hugged him. Peggy blushed, surprised.
"Heh… no… problem…"
"… AHEM! Joey hungry! Beans not in tummy! MUST EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" Joey stood up tossing over the table, and started chewing at anything. Everyone ran in chaos. Peggy smiled. He had saved the day. His smile suddenly faded though…
"HOLY SHIT! I left my wine at the bar! HEADS WILL ROLL!" Pegasus turned and ran past everyone back to the bar.
A/n: A little fast that was, but blah! AT LEAST IT'S STARTED! It'll get better as things get explained more and the characters get more lines and such. Review now!