Crais stood; his only concession to weariness was evident in the strain
around his eyes. "I believe it is time for us to return to Talyn."
"Could you delay your departure for a moment? I need to see Rainne."
Ashan was showing the strain more vividly than Crais. His eyes were sunken
with strain and fatigue, his hands were shaking. Crais looked at Rainne
with questioning eyes.
"I will meet you at the docking bay shortly." Rainne said to Crais. He turned and left with barely a nod to acknowledge his departure. In the hallway he paused. The healer's haggard appearance bothered him. He had found himself watching him, weighing his absurd claim. He had the tenacity and stubbornness that Crais prided himself on possessing. They would have been friends if circumstances had been different. But they were not. Dismissing the misgivings in his mind, he headed for the docking bay.
"Are you well?" Ashan asked Rainne. He walked up to her and put his hand on her abdomen. The tiny light began to glow and pulse in the rhythm to the new life's heart. Even though she knew what to expect, it thrilled her to see it. He removed his hand. "I wanted to make sure the healing with D'Argo did not harm you two."
Rainne smiled through watery tears.
"We are fine. We are tired and need to go tell this little one's father. But before I go, can I take a look at that little cut you claim is nothing?"
"If you don't let her, I am going to tie you down and do it myself." K'Tahli added.
"Dream come true." He quipped. The pain was still evident on his features though. He had taken off his jacket working on Crichton and the volume of blood had startled K'Tahli. She knew Sebaceans healed well, but they were not omnipotent. He pulled the bloody t-shirt off over his head.
K'Tahli and Rainne looked at each other behind Ashan's back. Something had punctured through his side and come out the front of his body, just under the ribs.
"What happened?" K'Tahli asked him.
"I fell on something sharp when we were carrying John out of the bay. I knew I was cut." Ashan was shocked at the extent of the injury. His body had already begun its healing process. He could not do for himself what he did for others, but he generally healed quickly. This wound was not closing.
"Just dress it, please. The strain of the day must have taken its toll. I will be fine."
"I can finish here Rainne. Go see to your news." K'Tahli's smile replaced her concern for Ashan momentarily. This baby, and the potential joy of it, was another testament to the resiliency to all life. It was too bad that Crais' upbringing was so steeped in racial purity. The girls embraced for a moment, and Rainne turned to leave
"Wait." Ashan's voice stopped her. Rainne turned.
"Crais is a Sebacean, Rainne. They are trained from the cradle that racial purity is vitally important, crucial to survival. That may put a damper on his enthusiasm."
Rainne had not considered that. There were so many things about this strange place that were so different, despite seeming similarities. She thanked Ashan for his warning, but nothing could really dim how she felt. She left the bay to join Crais.
K'Tahli silently cleaned the burned debris from Ashan's side. She liberally applied a salve to aid the healing and cool the jagged flesh as it healed.
"Why didn't you let me do this earlier?"
"There were others that needed me more, C'thha."
She knew that, but when it was your own family in your care, your training and intelligence were useless. She let the fear and fatigue wash over her and choked back the tears that threatened.
He turned to look at her. "Hey," he put his hand to her face, "I am fine K'Tahli."
"I know." She said in a small voice, managed a smile. "I am allowed to have a moment of weakness when it is you who is injured." She was reassured, and she leaned toward him for a quick kiss. She finished covering the wound and gave him his shirt back.
"Go get some rest. I will sit with Crichton. You can spell me in six arns or so."
Ashan started to protest, but K'Tahli put her fingertips to his lips.
"Shh, love. You need sleep to heal. I don't want Crichton to awaken alone. I am fairly certain he has never experienced an assisted regenerative healing. Or a near-fatal thickness burn either."
"You are the sweetest women I know. I should marry you."
"You did marry me."
"How could I forget that? I must be tired." She gave him a mock punch in the shoulder for his impertinence then held him tight.
"I love you, sweet man, never forget that."
"Never." Briefly they touched foreheads and he walked slowly from the room.
K'Tahli went over to John. He was sleeping peacefully. The bond she felt after she assisted in healing was hard to let go. Ashan had seen it before, and finally understood it. They had gone through some bitter fights, jealous accusations in the early days. They learned from those times. Being inside someone's mind in such a vulnerable state, soothing pain and suffering was intimate, familial and almost maternal.
She found herself humming a tune she had learned as a child. It was her mother who had started her interest in history. She had studied the music and stories passed down through generations of as many races of people as she could. John's memories of his home had made her remember a tune. The people were from an unidentified planet. Their artifacts suggested a place of wild beauty, awash in lush green. Situated on the cliffs of a vast ocean, it was rich with stories of magic. The people were forced to migrate due to a great famine and although spread all over, they maintained a deep love for their home.
She continued to hum softly, and the words from her childhood seeped back. She began to sing softly, as much to herself as to John.
"Silent sleep is calling
I feel so all alone.
How many miles behind me
How many left to go
My last humiliation rests upon the shame I've sown
Will they let me stay, will they turn me away?
Will I be allowed to call this place my own?
Now I long for home.
How I long for home.going home.
They say that once gone, you can't return
Find your heart's path and love, and live
Though you long for home."
She had closed her eyes as the words from her childhood mingled with the memories from John. She opened them to find Crichton staring at her through the filmy pads covering his eyes.
"I am sorry I woke you. I got a little lost there."
"I had heard that angels had wings to go with that kind of voice." He gave her a half smile. He was weary, but he didn't feel any pain. "Did you give me drugs?"
"No, John. Our approach to healing is a little different, but you need to sleep."
"I am alive?"
"Yes!" K'Tahli was surprised at the question. For a moment Crichton had believed he was dead. She must not have dampened the memory of the fire well enough. She removed the filmy dressing from his eyes. The corneas were clear.
"Queen tut! I thought you were an angel."
K'Tahli did not know what an angel was, but the reference was obviously a pleasant one to John so she accepted his statement without asking for elaboration.
"No. I am not an angel. But I am going to have to be the sleep queen. You need rest."
Before he could protest, she put her hands on his face and went into the sleep center in his brain. A gentle nudge and he was once again breathing deep and even.
"The song was very John Crichton. Where did you learn it?"
K'Tahli spun around to see Aeryn in the doorway. She was uneasy around the former Peacekeeper. Aeryn was a complex woman, but one who guarded herself and her emotions with a meticulous tenacity. That sort of emotional armor was frightening to telepaths who rely heavily on reading people.
Right now though, Aeryn was very open. She looked better for a bit of rest. Perhaps it was as much the rest as the self-discovery that had changed her visage and her demeanor.
"My mother was an amateur historian of eclectic peoples and their spoken heritage. Much of the unrecorded history is in the form of music. She was deposed from her home for loving someone outside her race. She loved that song, because it talked of starting over without losing the sweetness of the longing for home."
Aeryn was unable to meet K'Tahli's eyes when she talked about the racial impurity deportment.
"It was perfect for John."
"It woke him."
"I saw that too." Aeryn shifted uncomfortably.
"You could have come in, spoken with him."
"I am still getting used to the idea that I did not lose him to death."
"Now you are worried you may lose him to your own indecision and uncertainty."
Aeryn's eyes widened in shock.
"The events of the day have left you very open, Aeryn Sun. I am sorry to intrude."
"No, don't apologize. You are correct. It was startling to hear it spoken aloud. May I sit with him?"
"Of course. He should not wake for the night's term. He won't remember much when he does wake. One of the effects of telepathic healing, we dampen the memory of the event that caused the injury. The reliving of a trauma before the body is well healed is not good for recovery. The memories will come back fully, but in a few solar days."
"Thank you. I owe you my own life for saving John Crichton."
K'Tahli nodded and left Aeryn holding John's hand, the soft expression looking both sad and lovely on her face. At that moment she looked nothing like a Peacekeeper.
Rainne and Crais returned to Talyn, who was extraordinarily pleased to have his crew back. They were fatigued by the fighting and had no plans beyond a quiet meal and rest.
Rainne was preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to tell Crais about the baby. He sensed her preoccupation but attributed it to the strain. Battle was stressful, even for trained combatants. She picked at her food, listlessly.
"I thought I was hungry. I should be."
"You have been through much today, C'thha." Crais responded.
"So have you, and your appetite seems unaffected."
"Today was like any other." He dismissed. Acknowledgement of emotional upheaval was weakness. He knew part of what she referred to was his dealings with Ashan. He refused to give the claims any credence.
Abruptly she got up from the table and ran from the room. She just made it to the bathroom when the food made its way back up. Pale and shaking, she sat on the cool floor. She could hear Crais' footsteps coming to the door. At the same time, Talyn was expressing his concern. She leaned back against the door. She needed a minute.
"Crais, I am all right. I think it is just a reaction to stress."
"Let me in." he demanded.
"Not right now." She answered. She couldn't get her emotions under control. She felt giggly and weepy.
"Talyn! Release this door."
"Belay that order Talyn!" She shouted.
Crais was rocked back on his heels by her countermanding his order. He had slipped back into battle mode easily to be useful today, so this.insubordination enraged him.
"Rainne!" He bellowed at the closed door.
Approximately a half microt after shouting at her, Talyn gave a low whistle, a warning. He was dangerously close to threatening Crais.
"Talyn! Stand Down!" Crais snapped at the young Leviathan. Talyn complied, reluctantly.
"Listen Crais. I am tired, my stomach is upset and I've seen more death and near death than I want to in this lifetime. All I wanted was some quiet time with you, but you've gone all..Peacekeeper on me!"
Crais balled his fists at his side. He was angry, confused and unsure of how to proceed.
"Perhaps I have found the mantle of battle captain difficult to shed this evening. I apologize, deeply." He said, quietly.
She opened the door. "Rainne, can you forgive me?" He asked.
She was powerless to remain angry. She stepped into his arms; he held her close for a long time. Her emotions were still unstable, but the circle of his arms felt perfect.
"Bialar?"
"Yes?"
"Are you happy?" Rainne asked. Had he and Crichton been friends, he would have been able to warn him about pregnant human women. He could have told him that their minds devised questions that no man could ever answer satisfactorily.
"What makes you ask? Are you unhappy? With me, here?"
"I am not unhappy with you, with my life on Talyn. I am actually very happy."
"I don't understand why you ask of my happiness. I am very content to have you here on Talyn with me."
"I have something to tell you." She said, quickly.
Crais was suddenly apprehensive. Was she leaving? Did the soldier still within him repulse her? His expression was grim.
"Don't look at me like that! It is not a bad thing.I don't think."
"Rainne. Tell me." He prompted. This indecisive behavior was out of character for her.
"We are going to have a baby."
Crais went still. He frowned; he then quickly masked his features. She saw the familiar shuttering and her heart lurched.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yes. I am most assuredly pregnant."
"It is my child?"
The sound of her open hand cracked on his cheek. The angry red imprint of her palm rose on his face.
"How dare you ask! I have been with no one but you! You KNOW that!"
"That you remember."
That statement confused Rainne. She knew a little about pregnancy from the computer files she had accessed before she escaped her earthen existence. She knew nothing about Sebacean gestation. The only remote comfort was that his tone was not accusing.
"I am not sure, but I think human beings carry children a little different than Sebaceans. I would have to ask Crichton."
"Tell no one!" Crais snapped.
"Why not?" this was not going at all as she had hoped or even expected.
Crais did not want to try to explain his reluctance. She would not understand how deep the cross breeding taboo ran in his culture.
"You are ashamed of me! I am good enough to recreate with but not to have mixed blood children with?" Her hands began their familiar burning sensation. "I think you had best step aside, Captain. I am returning to Moya." Her determination turned steely.
"No! Please!" Talyn begged.
"Talyn, I need time to think."
"About our baby? Or us?"
Rainne closed her eyes and felt the sweet acceptance wash over her. Sometimes Talyn was every inch the gunship. But times like these, his sentience and innocence was nothing short of beautiful. The burning in her hands cooled. Marginally the anger cooled as well, but she still needed a little time away.
"Rainne. I can explain to the captain that the child carries his genetic signature."
"Talyn, he did not believe you about Ashan."
"He does. He does not want to."
Crais stood and watched as she put her hands on the wall of the corridor. He realized that she was communicating with Talyn, and Talyn was not allowing him to hear.
"I made an error, Rainne. I once fabricated information to try and influence his decision. He has the right to doubt me."
"Is this fabricated to sway me?"
"Fair enough question. No, I learned from the unforeseen consequences of deception with the captain. I no longer utilize fabrication."
"I have to go to Moya. Contact her if you need me."
She felt bolstered by Talyn's acceptance, but still needed to be away.
"Take me to Moya."
The coldness and the underlying desperation gave no room for noncompliance.
Crais turned on his heel and strode into the neural cluster.
"I will meet you at the docking bay shortly." Rainne said to Crais. He turned and left with barely a nod to acknowledge his departure. In the hallway he paused. The healer's haggard appearance bothered him. He had found himself watching him, weighing his absurd claim. He had the tenacity and stubbornness that Crais prided himself on possessing. They would have been friends if circumstances had been different. But they were not. Dismissing the misgivings in his mind, he headed for the docking bay.
"Are you well?" Ashan asked Rainne. He walked up to her and put his hand on her abdomen. The tiny light began to glow and pulse in the rhythm to the new life's heart. Even though she knew what to expect, it thrilled her to see it. He removed his hand. "I wanted to make sure the healing with D'Argo did not harm you two."
Rainne smiled through watery tears.
"We are fine. We are tired and need to go tell this little one's father. But before I go, can I take a look at that little cut you claim is nothing?"
"If you don't let her, I am going to tie you down and do it myself." K'Tahli added.
"Dream come true." He quipped. The pain was still evident on his features though. He had taken off his jacket working on Crichton and the volume of blood had startled K'Tahli. She knew Sebaceans healed well, but they were not omnipotent. He pulled the bloody t-shirt off over his head.
K'Tahli and Rainne looked at each other behind Ashan's back. Something had punctured through his side and come out the front of his body, just under the ribs.
"What happened?" K'Tahli asked him.
"I fell on something sharp when we were carrying John out of the bay. I knew I was cut." Ashan was shocked at the extent of the injury. His body had already begun its healing process. He could not do for himself what he did for others, but he generally healed quickly. This wound was not closing.
"Just dress it, please. The strain of the day must have taken its toll. I will be fine."
"I can finish here Rainne. Go see to your news." K'Tahli's smile replaced her concern for Ashan momentarily. This baby, and the potential joy of it, was another testament to the resiliency to all life. It was too bad that Crais' upbringing was so steeped in racial purity. The girls embraced for a moment, and Rainne turned to leave
"Wait." Ashan's voice stopped her. Rainne turned.
"Crais is a Sebacean, Rainne. They are trained from the cradle that racial purity is vitally important, crucial to survival. That may put a damper on his enthusiasm."
Rainne had not considered that. There were so many things about this strange place that were so different, despite seeming similarities. She thanked Ashan for his warning, but nothing could really dim how she felt. She left the bay to join Crais.
K'Tahli silently cleaned the burned debris from Ashan's side. She liberally applied a salve to aid the healing and cool the jagged flesh as it healed.
"Why didn't you let me do this earlier?"
"There were others that needed me more, C'thha."
She knew that, but when it was your own family in your care, your training and intelligence were useless. She let the fear and fatigue wash over her and choked back the tears that threatened.
He turned to look at her. "Hey," he put his hand to her face, "I am fine K'Tahli."
"I know." She said in a small voice, managed a smile. "I am allowed to have a moment of weakness when it is you who is injured." She was reassured, and she leaned toward him for a quick kiss. She finished covering the wound and gave him his shirt back.
"Go get some rest. I will sit with Crichton. You can spell me in six arns or so."
Ashan started to protest, but K'Tahli put her fingertips to his lips.
"Shh, love. You need sleep to heal. I don't want Crichton to awaken alone. I am fairly certain he has never experienced an assisted regenerative healing. Or a near-fatal thickness burn either."
"You are the sweetest women I know. I should marry you."
"You did marry me."
"How could I forget that? I must be tired." She gave him a mock punch in the shoulder for his impertinence then held him tight.
"I love you, sweet man, never forget that."
"Never." Briefly they touched foreheads and he walked slowly from the room.
K'Tahli went over to John. He was sleeping peacefully. The bond she felt after she assisted in healing was hard to let go. Ashan had seen it before, and finally understood it. They had gone through some bitter fights, jealous accusations in the early days. They learned from those times. Being inside someone's mind in such a vulnerable state, soothing pain and suffering was intimate, familial and almost maternal.
She found herself humming a tune she had learned as a child. It was her mother who had started her interest in history. She had studied the music and stories passed down through generations of as many races of people as she could. John's memories of his home had made her remember a tune. The people were from an unidentified planet. Their artifacts suggested a place of wild beauty, awash in lush green. Situated on the cliffs of a vast ocean, it was rich with stories of magic. The people were forced to migrate due to a great famine and although spread all over, they maintained a deep love for their home.
She continued to hum softly, and the words from her childhood seeped back. She began to sing softly, as much to herself as to John.
"Silent sleep is calling
I feel so all alone.
How many miles behind me
How many left to go
My last humiliation rests upon the shame I've sown
Will they let me stay, will they turn me away?
Will I be allowed to call this place my own?
Now I long for home.
How I long for home.going home.
They say that once gone, you can't return
Find your heart's path and love, and live
Though you long for home."
She had closed her eyes as the words from her childhood mingled with the memories from John. She opened them to find Crichton staring at her through the filmy pads covering his eyes.
"I am sorry I woke you. I got a little lost there."
"I had heard that angels had wings to go with that kind of voice." He gave her a half smile. He was weary, but he didn't feel any pain. "Did you give me drugs?"
"No, John. Our approach to healing is a little different, but you need to sleep."
"I am alive?"
"Yes!" K'Tahli was surprised at the question. For a moment Crichton had believed he was dead. She must not have dampened the memory of the fire well enough. She removed the filmy dressing from his eyes. The corneas were clear.
"Queen tut! I thought you were an angel."
K'Tahli did not know what an angel was, but the reference was obviously a pleasant one to John so she accepted his statement without asking for elaboration.
"No. I am not an angel. But I am going to have to be the sleep queen. You need rest."
Before he could protest, she put her hands on his face and went into the sleep center in his brain. A gentle nudge and he was once again breathing deep and even.
"The song was very John Crichton. Where did you learn it?"
K'Tahli spun around to see Aeryn in the doorway. She was uneasy around the former Peacekeeper. Aeryn was a complex woman, but one who guarded herself and her emotions with a meticulous tenacity. That sort of emotional armor was frightening to telepaths who rely heavily on reading people.
Right now though, Aeryn was very open. She looked better for a bit of rest. Perhaps it was as much the rest as the self-discovery that had changed her visage and her demeanor.
"My mother was an amateur historian of eclectic peoples and their spoken heritage. Much of the unrecorded history is in the form of music. She was deposed from her home for loving someone outside her race. She loved that song, because it talked of starting over without losing the sweetness of the longing for home."
Aeryn was unable to meet K'Tahli's eyes when she talked about the racial impurity deportment.
"It was perfect for John."
"It woke him."
"I saw that too." Aeryn shifted uncomfortably.
"You could have come in, spoken with him."
"I am still getting used to the idea that I did not lose him to death."
"Now you are worried you may lose him to your own indecision and uncertainty."
Aeryn's eyes widened in shock.
"The events of the day have left you very open, Aeryn Sun. I am sorry to intrude."
"No, don't apologize. You are correct. It was startling to hear it spoken aloud. May I sit with him?"
"Of course. He should not wake for the night's term. He won't remember much when he does wake. One of the effects of telepathic healing, we dampen the memory of the event that caused the injury. The reliving of a trauma before the body is well healed is not good for recovery. The memories will come back fully, but in a few solar days."
"Thank you. I owe you my own life for saving John Crichton."
K'Tahli nodded and left Aeryn holding John's hand, the soft expression looking both sad and lovely on her face. At that moment she looked nothing like a Peacekeeper.
Rainne and Crais returned to Talyn, who was extraordinarily pleased to have his crew back. They were fatigued by the fighting and had no plans beyond a quiet meal and rest.
Rainne was preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to tell Crais about the baby. He sensed her preoccupation but attributed it to the strain. Battle was stressful, even for trained combatants. She picked at her food, listlessly.
"I thought I was hungry. I should be."
"You have been through much today, C'thha." Crais responded.
"So have you, and your appetite seems unaffected."
"Today was like any other." He dismissed. Acknowledgement of emotional upheaval was weakness. He knew part of what she referred to was his dealings with Ashan. He refused to give the claims any credence.
Abruptly she got up from the table and ran from the room. She just made it to the bathroom when the food made its way back up. Pale and shaking, she sat on the cool floor. She could hear Crais' footsteps coming to the door. At the same time, Talyn was expressing his concern. She leaned back against the door. She needed a minute.
"Crais, I am all right. I think it is just a reaction to stress."
"Let me in." he demanded.
"Not right now." She answered. She couldn't get her emotions under control. She felt giggly and weepy.
"Talyn! Release this door."
"Belay that order Talyn!" She shouted.
Crais was rocked back on his heels by her countermanding his order. He had slipped back into battle mode easily to be useful today, so this.insubordination enraged him.
"Rainne!" He bellowed at the closed door.
Approximately a half microt after shouting at her, Talyn gave a low whistle, a warning. He was dangerously close to threatening Crais.
"Talyn! Stand Down!" Crais snapped at the young Leviathan. Talyn complied, reluctantly.
"Listen Crais. I am tired, my stomach is upset and I've seen more death and near death than I want to in this lifetime. All I wanted was some quiet time with you, but you've gone all..Peacekeeper on me!"
Crais balled his fists at his side. He was angry, confused and unsure of how to proceed.
"Perhaps I have found the mantle of battle captain difficult to shed this evening. I apologize, deeply." He said, quietly.
She opened the door. "Rainne, can you forgive me?" He asked.
She was powerless to remain angry. She stepped into his arms; he held her close for a long time. Her emotions were still unstable, but the circle of his arms felt perfect.
"Bialar?"
"Yes?"
"Are you happy?" Rainne asked. Had he and Crichton been friends, he would have been able to warn him about pregnant human women. He could have told him that their minds devised questions that no man could ever answer satisfactorily.
"What makes you ask? Are you unhappy? With me, here?"
"I am not unhappy with you, with my life on Talyn. I am actually very happy."
"I don't understand why you ask of my happiness. I am very content to have you here on Talyn with me."
"I have something to tell you." She said, quickly.
Crais was suddenly apprehensive. Was she leaving? Did the soldier still within him repulse her? His expression was grim.
"Don't look at me like that! It is not a bad thing.I don't think."
"Rainne. Tell me." He prompted. This indecisive behavior was out of character for her.
"We are going to have a baby."
Crais went still. He frowned; he then quickly masked his features. She saw the familiar shuttering and her heart lurched.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yes. I am most assuredly pregnant."
"It is my child?"
The sound of her open hand cracked on his cheek. The angry red imprint of her palm rose on his face.
"How dare you ask! I have been with no one but you! You KNOW that!"
"That you remember."
That statement confused Rainne. She knew a little about pregnancy from the computer files she had accessed before she escaped her earthen existence. She knew nothing about Sebacean gestation. The only remote comfort was that his tone was not accusing.
"I am not sure, but I think human beings carry children a little different than Sebaceans. I would have to ask Crichton."
"Tell no one!" Crais snapped.
"Why not?" this was not going at all as she had hoped or even expected.
Crais did not want to try to explain his reluctance. She would not understand how deep the cross breeding taboo ran in his culture.
"You are ashamed of me! I am good enough to recreate with but not to have mixed blood children with?" Her hands began their familiar burning sensation. "I think you had best step aside, Captain. I am returning to Moya." Her determination turned steely.
"No! Please!" Talyn begged.
"Talyn, I need time to think."
"About our baby? Or us?"
Rainne closed her eyes and felt the sweet acceptance wash over her. Sometimes Talyn was every inch the gunship. But times like these, his sentience and innocence was nothing short of beautiful. The burning in her hands cooled. Marginally the anger cooled as well, but she still needed a little time away.
"Rainne. I can explain to the captain that the child carries his genetic signature."
"Talyn, he did not believe you about Ashan."
"He does. He does not want to."
Crais stood and watched as she put her hands on the wall of the corridor. He realized that she was communicating with Talyn, and Talyn was not allowing him to hear.
"I made an error, Rainne. I once fabricated information to try and influence his decision. He has the right to doubt me."
"Is this fabricated to sway me?"
"Fair enough question. No, I learned from the unforeseen consequences of deception with the captain. I no longer utilize fabrication."
"I have to go to Moya. Contact her if you need me."
She felt bolstered by Talyn's acceptance, but still needed to be away.
"Take me to Moya."
The coldness and the underlying desperation gave no room for noncompliance.
Crais turned on his heel and strode into the neural cluster.