Nothing's Changed
"It was a day just like this.
In a laughable times.
You sure decided there's no chance for us,
It's not mine to decide."
When you're standing by yourself, not quite sure of what
you're doing or why you're in the place you're in.... you remember things.
Despite of yourself, you remember things. You know that, don't you? Well, of
course you do. You were the one that told me that. You were the one who told me
to avoid that.
So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not avoiding that right now, as I
unconsciously remember and start thinking of the past. Yes, the past. You
know, the days with you. The days that are gone.
"--No hope right now, boy, no hope. Keep your attitude up in the
mean time, and speak not a word about the Dark Lord--"
Well, is this world so hopeless now, Father? Maybe for you, it is. Or rather, it was. But for me, it's not. It wasn't. We're winning, Father, if we haven't already. Tomorrow we set out for the last part of the war. I just wish you hadn't given up as easily as you did. I know what you did, you insufferable prat. I know what you did. You gave up. Too early and too easily. You gave up.
"You never listened to what I said.
You never thought I'd succeed, well...
Now I'm giving you all I can.
You show no faith in me."
You know something, Father? You gave up. You
thought that it was I who would die. You thought I wouldn't
make it anywhere. You never listened to me when I talked
about....anything. But guess what? Who was it who died? Who was it that didn't
really make it anywhere? Who was it that had others' faith on his shoulders but
damn well failed them? ...You.
"Well even when I was young,
And the pressure was on,
You always told me to do my thing,
So what the hell went wrong?"
I remember, when I was just a little boy. I had a lot of pets. They're all dead, now, too, except for my Tobias. They died because of you, didn't they? But that's another story, isn't it? When I was young...you put a lot of pressure on me. You still did when I was older, true, but it was worst before. I had to be this or that, I had to do this or that... for this or that. And it's always this AND that, so why am I even saying OR?
I had too much to do. Too much was expected of me. I was brainwashed, maybe, into thinking that I had to do them all and pass 'em with flying colours. But I was the only one, wasn't I? I was the only one, out of all the Death Eaters' children, who was expected to excel in every single damn thing I was told to do.
But I guess I shouldn't really complain. Because I knew you well enough, Father, to know that underneath all those pain you caused me, behind all those threats and lectures...I knew that there was caring. You always told me to do my best, but you did it in different ways. I guess it was the time you told me to do my thing--that summer after my fifth year, do you remember? When I got the mark?--and you did it so nicely...so encouragingly, and so....not harshly.... You remember that time? That was when I really got the motivation to be the best that I was capable of.
You cared, but you didn't show it enough, even with that one time. And a lot of things went wrong with me that did with you, too. I guess your father and his father and the father of that father should be blamed as well, but you had a choice. You were just too afraid to take it, you damn imbecile. I'm not going be afraid, too, though. I'm going to be a father, did you know? I think you do, because mother has never really been good at keeping secrets of that nature, but I never got around to telling you myself.
"Life has come and gone,
You couldn't stay the same,
You spinned around and spinned me right back to the door,
The louder that we scream,
The more invisible we seem.
Is it gonna last forever?"
You noticed that even now, people are prejudiced against us. We worked hard, we really did, to be able to pass information to that old--I mean, to Dumbledore, to act as double-agents properly, to not get caught, and to still seem like loyal Death Eaters. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough, and Weasley still had to take the bait and...and kill you. That ignorant git is going down tomorrow, Father. That's what I think I owe you, in the least. I don't care that we're on his side; he's going to die in a personal matter and not in war.
"We all have to fall,
And nothing's changed at all...
Is it gonna last forever?
Forever...?"
You're mortally gone, but you're still here. You can't hurt--discipline?--me
physically, anymore. But you still torment me in my mind. And I as I stand here,
looking down at your tombstone, it's become clear.
You're gone, but you're still here. You're not trying to
anymore, but you still hurt me. You're not telling me anymore, but I know what
you still expect of me. I know what you still want me to be.
"And I remember,
And I recall,
And I can see that
Nothing's Changed at all..."
I'm walking away now. I'm turning my back on you. At least
for the moment. I might be back. I probably will. I'll come back to talk to you
again--to tell you of the consequences of what you did.
But you know something? You're gone, away,
non-existant, and whatever the hell else. But as I walk away, I've come to
realize, that despite all that, nothing's changed at all.
"....Nothing's changed at all."
... finite incantatem ...
A/N: Actually, Draco, I think "Nothing else has changed at all" fits better into the plot-- but what you said was good for dramatic effect. I think. ;_; Eh. Okay. Goodbye. xD