A/N: It occurred to me that in all the time that Oz was on the show, we
never learned much about his parents. Sure, we know he has a cousin Jory
who bit him and turned him into a werewolf, and an Uncle Ken and an
Aunt.aw, crud.what was her name again? Anyway, we have no clue who his
parents were.I'm not really answering that question here, but a few things
are implied.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or subsequent characters; they all belong to Joss Whedon and UPN. The song "Take Me as I am" is by Tonic.
It didn't take him long to find her. Sitting by herself, idly stirring her drink. 'Probably a mocha latte,' he mused to himself. What he found odd was the fact that the once vibrant Slayer was alone. In the years that Oz had known her, she had always been surrounded by her friends. Something must have happened to put that despondent look in her eyes. Only the deepest kind of pain could cause someone to have that look on her face. And Oz knew pain. He had experienced every kind of pain imaginable during his life, but he never said a word about it. They all wondered why he was 'stoic-guy', why he always seemed to take things as they came. It was just the way he was raised. The only life he had ever known was one where he couldn't say a word against anyone. To get emotional would have cost him his life.
Oz shook his head to rid himself of the painful memories. He had moved past all of that. Instead, he walked over and stood next to Buffy, listening to the last lyrics of the song that the Bronze's newest venue was playing.
Life is good and life is grand
When you're sitting on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands
And nobody can change your world
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
It wasn't until the song ended that Buffy saw the young man standing to her right. "Oz?"
"Hmmm." The lycanthrope had never been much with words as Buffy well remembered.
"Yeah." Oz felt, more than saw, Buffy studying him carefully. She probably saw the lines that now marred his face. Lines that hadn't been there before. "Hey, Oz, want to sit and talk to me?" Oz heard the neediness in the young woman's voice and his heart went out to her. He had never thought that he and Buffy had much in common, but it seemed that the one thing they shared was pain.
Oz turned and looked at the Slayer as though surprised that she was standing next to him. "Buffy. Yeah, that'd be cool."
"So, Oz, how have you been?" Buffy asked softly as they sat down at the table Buffy had been seated at earlier. "Where have you been?"
"Here and there," Oz replied. "Trying to find a cure for this werewolf thing, you know."
The band was starting a new song. Oz turned to face the stage for a moment, trying to get a feel for their sound. While they weren't the Dingoes, ok, they were better than the Dingoes, they had some pretty powerful lyrics.
I never knew my father
I never knew his pain
With an empty home life
Looking down again
So when I feel like running
I have to look inside
I wanna find the answers
I wanna break my life
"Hmmm," he turned back to Buffy. "These guys are actually pretty good."
"Yeah. Do you.relate at all to what they're singing?" Buffy asked this question with a little hesitation. She wasn't sure if she was getting too personal.
Oz thought for a moment, listening to the lyrics. "I suppose. The part about running, for sure. I mean, that's what I've been doing for the last few years, isn't it?"
Buffy nodded. "It's not your fault though. And God knows I've been doing my share of running too." She took a sip of her latte, enjoying the sweet flavor passing over her tongue.
Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain
"When you were gone, did you ever get scared?"
Oz nodded firmly. "Oh yeah. You wanna know what I was frightened of the most?" He didn't wait for her to reply. "Losing you guys. See, I was so scared that the wolf would take over; that I wouldn't be able to control it one time and I would hurt you. That was why I left."
"I know. It was really hard on Willow right after you left the first time. She tried a spell to have her will be done, but it went all wonky." Buffy smiled faintly, remembering. "Spike and I were engaged, if you can believe it."
Oz raised an eyebrow, looking at the Slayer out of the corner of his eye.
"Yeah, I know. You've missed a lot, being gone."
He didn't miss the pain her voice. He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. "Tell me about it."
Buffy turned her attention to the band on stage. She wasn't sure that she could talk to him about everything that had happened since he left. But Oz had always been a fantastic listener, so she figured she could take a chance.
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
Pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"God, these lyrics really cut me to the quick," Buffy remarked. "I died again, you know."
"Wow."
Buffy chuckled. Leave it Oz to react like that. "Wow, Oz, that was almost an expression."
"Yeah, well, what can I say? How did you die?"
And so Buffy launched into her story. About finding out that Dawn was the Key, and Glory going after her friends and family. About her mom dying, and finally realizing what her guide had meant by 'death is your gift'. She told him about Willow bringing her back and the strain it had brought to all her relationships.
"Sounds like they couldn't accept the fact that you were really gone. Kind of like when I left."
"Yeah. It's like this song they're playing. They wouldn't take me as I am. I'm not just some toy that they can play with, to control my life like I'm a puppet on a string." Buffy paused, swallowing a lump in her throat. "And they don't know how hard it is. I've tried to forgive them, and I'm trying to learn to love them again, but it seems like the harder I try, the more that I can't."
"You know, it took me a long time to learn how to love," Oz told her. "It wasn't until Willow and I were together that I realized how wonderful it can be. The place I grew up wasn't exactly overflowing with the stuff, if you know what I mean."
Buffy stared at him in shock. Oz was so gentle, well, except for when he was a wolf, but she couldn't imagine him having a violent home life.
Oz chuckled at the look on her face. "Yeah, hard to believe, I know. But I've moved on. That part of my life is in the past. It's part of the reason I was so afraid of causing you guys pain. I've read the statistics. Most people who come from abusive homes will end up being abusive themselves. And with the wolf inside me, there was no telling what I might do."
I wanna roll my darkness
Into a million suns
I need to find forgiveness
When all the pain is done
I wanna hear I'm sorry
I wanna let you go
I have to find my own life
I wanna learn to grow
"So why did you come back?"
"I guess I came back looking for forgiveness. And now that I've heard everything that's happened, I feel more guilty for leaving when you guys needed me."
"Oz, look at me." She caught his gaze with her own. "None of that was your fault. You had things to figure out. We all understood why you left."
"I just hate this darkness in me, Buffy. Sometimes I feel like the wolf has the control, not me."
"I know. God, Oz, I know. I feel it in me too. Not the wolf, but the Slayer. I know I hold some degree of darkness in me, to go out every night and kill demons. And a part of me loves the thrill of the hunt. It's almost what I live for."
Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain
"I get scared sometimes that the dark part of me will take over one of these days," Oz confessed. "That I'll lose control and hurt someone."
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
Pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
That I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"Oz, no matter what happens, you know that we're here for you, right? I mean, no matter what you could possibly do to hurt us, we will always accept you for who you are. We don't see you as the wolf full time, or even the majority of the time. To us, you're Oz. You-you, not wolf-you."
And it makes me whole again
That was all he really wanted. To be whole again. But something was standing in his way. He was afraid that he would always fight with this feeling of emptiness. Maybe it just came with having the wolf inside of him. Ironic, to be sharing his soul with that of a wolf and yet feel so bare.
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
The pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"I know, Buffy. And don't think that I don't appreciate it. But I think I have some more things to learn about being a werewolf. And about being Oz. I still haven't figured out where the line is."
Buffy nodded. "So you're leaving again, then?"
"Yeah. Tell Willow.tell her I'll be waiting for her and that she's always with me, wherever I go."
"I will."
They stood up and embraced tightly. "Goodbye, Buffy."
"Bye, Oz." Buffy whispered into his ear before letting go. She felt a tear snake down her face as she watched him disappear into the night. She would always be saying goodbye to the ones that she loved.
"Goodbye, Sunnydale," Oz whispered. He too felt a tear making tracks on his cheeks. He really hated saying goodbye.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or subsequent characters; they all belong to Joss Whedon and UPN. The song "Take Me as I am" is by Tonic.
It didn't take him long to find her. Sitting by herself, idly stirring her drink. 'Probably a mocha latte,' he mused to himself. What he found odd was the fact that the once vibrant Slayer was alone. In the years that Oz had known her, she had always been surrounded by her friends. Something must have happened to put that despondent look in her eyes. Only the deepest kind of pain could cause someone to have that look on her face. And Oz knew pain. He had experienced every kind of pain imaginable during his life, but he never said a word about it. They all wondered why he was 'stoic-guy', why he always seemed to take things as they came. It was just the way he was raised. The only life he had ever known was one where he couldn't say a word against anyone. To get emotional would have cost him his life.
Oz shook his head to rid himself of the painful memories. He had moved past all of that. Instead, he walked over and stood next to Buffy, listening to the last lyrics of the song that the Bronze's newest venue was playing.
Life is good and life is grand
When you're sitting on top of the world
Life is good when it's in your hands
And nobody can change your world
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting for the light to change
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
I'm just waiting
It wasn't until the song ended that Buffy saw the young man standing to her right. "Oz?"
"Hmmm." The lycanthrope had never been much with words as Buffy well remembered.
"Yeah." Oz felt, more than saw, Buffy studying him carefully. She probably saw the lines that now marred his face. Lines that hadn't been there before. "Hey, Oz, want to sit and talk to me?" Oz heard the neediness in the young woman's voice and his heart went out to her. He had never thought that he and Buffy had much in common, but it seemed that the one thing they shared was pain.
Oz turned and looked at the Slayer as though surprised that she was standing next to him. "Buffy. Yeah, that'd be cool."
"So, Oz, how have you been?" Buffy asked softly as they sat down at the table Buffy had been seated at earlier. "Where have you been?"
"Here and there," Oz replied. "Trying to find a cure for this werewolf thing, you know."
The band was starting a new song. Oz turned to face the stage for a moment, trying to get a feel for their sound. While they weren't the Dingoes, ok, they were better than the Dingoes, they had some pretty powerful lyrics.
I never knew my father
I never knew his pain
With an empty home life
Looking down again
So when I feel like running
I have to look inside
I wanna find the answers
I wanna break my life
"Hmmm," he turned back to Buffy. "These guys are actually pretty good."
"Yeah. Do you.relate at all to what they're singing?" Buffy asked this question with a little hesitation. She wasn't sure if she was getting too personal.
Oz thought for a moment, listening to the lyrics. "I suppose. The part about running, for sure. I mean, that's what I've been doing for the last few years, isn't it?"
Buffy nodded. "It's not your fault though. And God knows I've been doing my share of running too." She took a sip of her latte, enjoying the sweet flavor passing over her tongue.
Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain
"When you were gone, did you ever get scared?"
Oz nodded firmly. "Oh yeah. You wanna know what I was frightened of the most?" He didn't wait for her to reply. "Losing you guys. See, I was so scared that the wolf would take over; that I wouldn't be able to control it one time and I would hurt you. That was why I left."
"I know. It was really hard on Willow right after you left the first time. She tried a spell to have her will be done, but it went all wonky." Buffy smiled faintly, remembering. "Spike and I were engaged, if you can believe it."
Oz raised an eyebrow, looking at the Slayer out of the corner of his eye.
"Yeah, I know. You've missed a lot, being gone."
He didn't miss the pain her voice. He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. "Tell me about it."
Buffy turned her attention to the band on stage. She wasn't sure that she could talk to him about everything that had happened since he left. But Oz had always been a fantastic listener, so she figured she could take a chance.
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
Pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"God, these lyrics really cut me to the quick," Buffy remarked. "I died again, you know."
"Wow."
Buffy chuckled. Leave it Oz to react like that. "Wow, Oz, that was almost an expression."
"Yeah, well, what can I say? How did you die?"
And so Buffy launched into her story. About finding out that Dawn was the Key, and Glory going after her friends and family. About her mom dying, and finally realizing what her guide had meant by 'death is your gift'. She told him about Willow bringing her back and the strain it had brought to all her relationships.
"Sounds like they couldn't accept the fact that you were really gone. Kind of like when I left."
"Yeah. It's like this song they're playing. They wouldn't take me as I am. I'm not just some toy that they can play with, to control my life like I'm a puppet on a string." Buffy paused, swallowing a lump in her throat. "And they don't know how hard it is. I've tried to forgive them, and I'm trying to learn to love them again, but it seems like the harder I try, the more that I can't."
"You know, it took me a long time to learn how to love," Oz told her. "It wasn't until Willow and I were together that I realized how wonderful it can be. The place I grew up wasn't exactly overflowing with the stuff, if you know what I mean."
Buffy stared at him in shock. Oz was so gentle, well, except for when he was a wolf, but she couldn't imagine him having a violent home life.
Oz chuckled at the look on her face. "Yeah, hard to believe, I know. But I've moved on. That part of my life is in the past. It's part of the reason I was so afraid of causing you guys pain. I've read the statistics. Most people who come from abusive homes will end up being abusive themselves. And with the wolf inside me, there was no telling what I might do."
I wanna roll my darkness
Into a million suns
I need to find forgiveness
When all the pain is done
I wanna hear I'm sorry
I wanna let you go
I have to find my own life
I wanna learn to grow
"So why did you come back?"
"I guess I came back looking for forgiveness. And now that I've heard everything that's happened, I feel more guilty for leaving when you guys needed me."
"Oz, look at me." She caught his gaze with her own. "None of that was your fault. You had things to figure out. We all understood why you left."
"I just hate this darkness in me, Buffy. Sometimes I feel like the wolf has the control, not me."
"I know. God, Oz, I know. I feel it in me too. Not the wolf, but the Slayer. I know I hold some degree of darkness in me, to go out every night and kill demons. And a part of me loves the thrill of the hunt. It's almost what I live for."
Fear falls down like rain
And it makes me whole again
Fear falls like rain
"I get scared sometimes that the dark part of me will take over one of these days," Oz confessed. "That I'll lose control and hurt someone."
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
Pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
That I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"Oz, no matter what happens, you know that we're here for you, right? I mean, no matter what you could possibly do to hurt us, we will always accept you for who you are. We don't see you as the wolf full time, or even the majority of the time. To us, you're Oz. You-you, not wolf-you."
And it makes me whole again
That was all he really wanted. To be whole again. But something was standing in his way. He was afraid that he would always fight with this feeling of emptiness. Maybe it just came with having the wolf inside of him. Ironic, to be sharing his soul with that of a wolf and yet feel so bare.
Take me as I am
I'm not broken
The pieces of my life
Are not tokens
I wanna let you know
I'm still learning
How to love again
And stop hurting
"I know, Buffy. And don't think that I don't appreciate it. But I think I have some more things to learn about being a werewolf. And about being Oz. I still haven't figured out where the line is."
Buffy nodded. "So you're leaving again, then?"
"Yeah. Tell Willow.tell her I'll be waiting for her and that she's always with me, wherever I go."
"I will."
They stood up and embraced tightly. "Goodbye, Buffy."
"Bye, Oz." Buffy whispered into his ear before letting go. She felt a tear snake down her face as she watched him disappear into the night. She would always be saying goodbye to the ones that she loved.
"Goodbye, Sunnydale," Oz whispered. He too felt a tear making tracks on his cheeks. He really hated saying goodbye.