AN: A bit spoiler for 'Divide and Conquer' and 'Entity'

Part 8: Question From A Friend

~*~

It is quiet here. No sound, no light, no nothing. Just darkness.

...

I can see a vision.

There was a man, he was wearing a grey uniform.

His eyes were pleading.

He was begging.

To me.

To do something.

And then I did it.

A blue bolt of light struck him down.

I ran to his side, catching him in my arms before his body reached the floor.

He was gone, I took his life away.

He had a special place in my heart.

I care about him.

But somehow I knew that the feeling was not real.

Why did his death sadden me so much? And yet I could feel that it was not really me who was affected so badly. Like there was another part of me who had its own mind.

Who is he?

Why did I feel the way I did?

Why did I do what I did?

Why?

...

I can see a vision.

There was a man. The man that I knew.

He pointed a weapon at me.

His eyes were troubled.

He begged me to stop.

But I couldn't.

Something was holding me back.

A blue bolt of light struck me.

It was painful, but I was still standing on my feet.

Once again he begged me to stop.

Once again I couldn't.

He had to do something.

He hesitated.

I knew that he had to do it.

And I knew that he knew.

I wanted to reach out to him.

But something was holding me back.

So he did it.

I could see a blue bolt of light head towards me for the second time.

I never saw it reach me.

I didn't feel the pain.

I was somewhere else.

Why did I understand his actions? What was holding me back? Why couldn't I reach him? I can feel that he meant a lot to me, that he had a special place in my heart. My true own heart.

I know him.

Or I once knew

We are linked.

~*~

The dreams have changed again. It is strange, but I don't feel like sharing it with the others. It almost feels like a forgotten memory. Only I know that it isn't a memory at all, it is called 'Existent Hallucination', a side-effect of the medication that I take. But I have stopped taking it for almost 5 planet cycles now, so why do I still have it? The hallucinations can show me a very real dream, and I have to admit that they feel very true.

Hunsa had voiced his concern when I said that I wanted to take a walk around the city. He said that the city was dangerous and I needed to rest. Yanu, my Healer, agreed with him, but I felt bored of doing nothing but sleep and sleep and sleep. When the Tamen was still broken, at least I had something to do. So, yesterday, I snuck out and managed to do it without anyone noticing that I was gone. I'm kinda proud of that fact and it's ... addictive, so once again I find myself roaming around the city.

I scrutinize the crowd, and satisfied that no one seems familiar, I take a deep breath. Then, I walk inside the pack of people. It's refreshing out here, fresh outdoor air accompanied by the presence of the busy city's atmosphere. People walking and talking at the same time, drowned in the routine of life, ignoring the strangers around them. I head to where my legs take me, my brain needs an escape from doing any kind of activity. It's been working for days and now it demands a holiday, which I grant it easily.

I feel free ...

No concerned eyes are pointed towards me, no one stops talking when they see me, no one is treating me like I'm some kind of fragile glass. Outside the building, I'm just a pedestrian, an ordinary person who has the same treatment as any other individual. And that soothes me, more than anything. The feeling of being normal.

***

The Cargo ship was in hyperspace, travelling through the galaxy on its way to Cayan. Inside the ship, Jacob was steering, Jack was sitting on the floor on his own, and Daniel and Teal'c were having a conversation near the transporter rings.

Jacob was perturbed; Jack O'Neill was calm, too calm. He knew that it was Jack's way to deal with things, it was his way as well. He knew Jack, he knew how he felt about his team, but there was something more than a concern for his team that Jacob could sense from him. What did his daughter mean to this man? They were good friends, he realised that. Together with Teal'c and Daniel, they were a good team, even the Tok'ra High Council acknowledged that.

You think too much, Jacob.

Do I? he questioned his other half.

Yes.

Maybe I do, but this is Sam we're talking about. Sam, the daughter that he thought he lost once, the very same daughter who gave him a second chance at life, one of the things in his life that he was proud of.

Exactly. Because it is Sam, you don't need to worry. Selmac reasoned.

I can't help it.

You raised her well. She's a good woman, you need to learn to trust her more. The praise made him smile sadly.

I raised her too well, Selmac. That's the problem.

I don't understand.

Selmac, even a blind man can see that they care about each other, you read Anise's report on the Za'tarc.

With what they are doing for a living, it is only natural if they developed affectionate feelings towards each other.

It's more than that.

I never really understood you Earthlings.

I taught her through my own actions that there are things more important than your own happiness. But now, after I've seen what's 'out there', I really wish she had never followed my example. Life is short, Selmac. It's an irony that I realised that after we joined, after I was given the opportunity to double my life span.

Carry on.

She should get whatever life can offer for her. There's nothing more I want to see than to see her happy. Jacob looked to his side, where Jack was. He was concentrating on his Baretta, disassembling and assembling it with perfect precision, the regular act that was practised over and over again. His fingers fiddled instinctively, but Jacob knew that he was hiding his angst. If he hadn't known Jack better, he would've been fooled, He can make her happy.

I thought you don't want them to be together.

I don't. It would ruin her career.

Jacob, save me from my misery here. Do you want them to be together or not? Jacob smiled, he loved it when he made Selmac confused. She always bragged the fact that she was older and wiser than him.

I don't brag. I merely state the truth. and she was over-sensitive too sometimes.

Jacob, I can hear your mind, you know.

Sorry. You know that all those 'insults' are just an expression of my fondness for you. he said affectionately.

I know ... So, what's the answer?

Jacob had been asking that question himself, I'm not sure Selmac. I just have the questions, not the answers.

And then both entities joined in the same body shared the silence.

---

Jacob walked steadily towards Jack, Teal'c had just relieved him from the cockpit.

"Jack." he called the man. Jack raised his head, his fingers and his Baretta were still interacting.

"Jacob."

Jacob sat himself next to him, so that they were on the same level. Jack finally gave his Baretta a rest and stared at it as he weighed it with his hands.

"I'm sorry Jacob." he was avoiding Jacob's eyes.

Jacob looked at the man in front of him, "What for?"

"For letting this happen."

"It's not your fault."

"It is."

"It's not."

"I should've been there."

There was the blame, and there was nothing that Jacob could say to make it disappear. But he had to try anyway, "Do you blame Daniel and Teal'c for this?"

Jack turned his head to face him at last, "No, there was nothing else that they could of done."

"Do you believe that if you were there, you could of done something about it?"

There was pause for a while, "No, but at least I would be there ..."

The two men stared at each other.

"Jack, I want to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

"Do you consider me a friend?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Then the question comes from a friend, not from a Tok'ra, not from an Air Force General, not from Sam's father. Just from a friend."

Jack eyed Jacob carefully, tried to look for any other indication that Jacob would ask a different question that he thought Jacob would. But there was none.

"I care about her, Jacob. A lot." Jack provided the answer even before the question was asked.

Jacob was a little bit shocked, he had expected Jack to shun the question or maybe hide behind his military mask. But he opened up straight away, and there was a pang of satisfaction to know that it was his daughter that made Jack do that. This man loved his daughter. Jacob knew that he could trust the man in front of him. And he would be damned if he was in the way of their happiness.

"Thanks, Jack."

Jack looked at him questioningly, "What for?"

"For not treating her like she is just one of your subordinates."

Both men smiled in understanding.

"It's not hard Jacob. Believe me, it's not hard."

---

Jack was checking their supplies when Daniel came in.

"Jack."

Jack turned his head to see him, "Yes, Daniel."

"Jacob said that we'll be there in four days time. I just wanted to let you know."

"Thanks."

And then, Jack busied himself with the supplies once again, turning his back against him. Daniel was worried, Jack had been very polite. No sarcastic comment, no lame quip, and no joke. He knew the reason why.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Daniel?" Jack still had his back on him.

"We all miss her."

"I know."

"We're going to get her back."

"We will, Daniel."

"Jack."

"Yes ..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either."

Jack turned around and faced him, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'll get her back."

"Don't you mean, 'we'll get her back'?"

"No, I mean 'I'LL get her back'."

to be continue

AN: To shiplover: Damn, I should've though about that 'propose' idea. Anyway, do send review and feedback … :)

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