Betrayal

Part 8~ Should I Stay or Should I Go

If you're feeling for both Monica and Chandler then that's probably because I am, too, lol. I don't even hate Chandler…I'm just mad at him. Wow, talking about characters as if they were real…maybe I need some help. And in the last chapter I wanted to make you feel for Chandler…that was the point of that for whoever said they felt for Chandler even though they thought they were supposed to be thinking of Monica…wow, that was confusing, lol.

Monica picked up the phone, hating that whoever was calling was interrupting her wallowing in hurt and self-pity. "Hello?"

"Mon?"

"Joe?"

"Hey."

"Hey, um, what's up?"

Joey paused. "Um, Chandler's here."

"Oh."

"I just…thought you might want to know. You know, if you decide that you want to talk to him or anything."

"Yeah, um, thanks," Monica said quietly.

"No problem," Joey paused. "Well, I guess I'd better go."

"Wait, Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"What do I do?" Monica almost pleaded, and Joey could tell she was crying from the desperation in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Mon, but I don't think I can tell you what to do here," Joey replied, really feeling bad. "But how much you guys have…is it worth losing all of that?"

Monica sniffed. "I-I don't know," she admitted. She'd been going over everything in her head over and over, but she'd gotten nowhere. "H-how is he?" Monica finally asked despite herself.

Joey paused for a second before answering. "I'd never seen that man break down crying before and I never care to again," he finally answered, not sure of whether he should have told her that, but it was the truth.

~*~

Chandler squinted at the alarm clock on the bedside table in Joey's guest bedroom. It was almost 11. He hadn't slept that late in god knows how long. Reluctantly, he got out of bed, realizing that his cell phone ringing was what had woken him up in the first place.

"Hello?" he answered it quickly without even looking to see who it was, knowing that one more ring and his voice mail would pick up.

"Hey."

"Monica," he said, stating it more than asking, but in shock. It'd been two days and he wasn't sure if he would ever actually hear from her or if the next he would hear from her would be divorce papers from a lawyer.

"Look, I-I think we need to talk," she started in a shaky voice.

"Me, too," Chandler returned quietly.

"And I'm not saying that I'm forgiving you, it's just…"

"Yeah, I know."

"But Josh is spending the night at Eric's and Megan at Kate's, so if you want to come over tonight and we can…talk."

"Okay, um, 6:30?"

"6:30," Monica repeated.

"Well…bye, Mon."

"Bye."

Chandler sighed, hanging up the phone. Monica had sounded calm over the phone, but he wasn't sure she would be in person. Not that he didn't deserve whatever was coming, he was sure that he did.

~*~

Chandler paused, looking at the door, not sure whether he should just walk in or not. He finally decided on ringing the doorbell just to be safe.

Monica opened the door a minute later, and was surprised to see that Chandler looked just as bad as she felt. Blood-shot eyes from crying and lack of sleep, and unshaven, wearing one of Joey's sweatshirts.

"Hey," he offered quietly.

"Hey," Monica returned, opening the door for him to come in,

"Look, before you say anything, can I…can I just…say something?" Chandler asked hesitantly, and Monica nodded, so he continued. "I love you, Monica. And I know that I fucked up, but, Mon, I'm sorry. And I know that the past two years have been shit, but I've been letting myself think that that's all we ever had…But it's not. I've spent the past couple of nights thinking…remembering," he paused. "I've known you my entire adult life, and, as it turns out, you're all I know. Every memory I have, you're a part of it. And I have no idea why I remember some of them," he chuckled to himself. "Rachel and Phoebe arguing over relaxi-taxi or relaxi-cab, or something like that…but what I remember is you in my arms. And we weren't even together yet, but, Mon, that's what I remember about it.

"We were good, Mon, real good for a really long time. Hell, 18 years later and I'm still on London time," he offered a small smile, and Monica just wiped the tears falling down her cheek. "And I know the last couple of years have been hell, but you have still made me happier than I ever thought I could be, and I swear to god, I will still try with everything I am to make you feel the same way," he some-what quoted his own proposal, taking a step forward, feeling braver as he got tears in his own eyes, memory after memory flooding back. "I love you. And any surprises that come our way, it's okay because I will always love you," he finished quietly, repeating what he'd vowed to her years before.

Monica looked down, fighting tears. All of that mixed with everything he'd done…it was all too much. "You don't deserve to be forgiven," she finally whispered.

"I know."

"But," Monica continued. "If it were easy…If you could walk out of here tonight and I'd never have to see you again…If one of us could just leave and never come back…"

"But real life is never that simple," Chandler looked at her.

"Exactly."

"What'd you tell Josh and Megan?"

"That we needed some time apart to think," Monica looked up at him. "I don't want them to hate you. Though I doubt I could tell Megan anything that would make her think anything less than the world of you."

"Josh is another story," Chandler mumbled.

"You know he loves you, Chandler."

Chandler smiled slightly. "And that's why this isn't simple. They are why this isn't simple."

"Not just them, Chandler," Monica looked at him before closing her eyes, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I still love you. I've loved you for so long that I don't know how to stop," she looked back to him.

"Mon-"

"But," Monica cut him off. "But I still can't just forgive you. You hurt me, you screwed up. Big time. And I just…I can't, Chandler. Not yet, at least."

Chandler studied Monica's face for a second, watching as she wiped away her tears before bothering to wipe away his own. He'd cried more in the past few days than he had in his entire life.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Chandler looked her in the eye. "Do you want me to leave?"

To

Be

Continued…

Do you want her to want him to leave? LOL, I'm really not sure. But I do know what she wants…and you don't. Ha. But review and you'll know soon…