Part 10: Knowing You
Ba'ek could feel Jack's emotions and his attempts to repress them. He admired the man, even though he saw her in someone's arms, he did not turn away. He watched them ... he watched her. It was painful, Ba'ek could feel Jack's anguish; but in his desolation, he kept watching. It took great courage and determination to do that ... something was driving him, forcing him to stand still and observe. Ba'ek couldn't work out what it was, nor had he ever encountered such a thing.
Earthlings were different from the Cayans, and Ba'ek couldn't help comparing the two worlds. Major Carter and Jack were ... unique, they chose the hard way when in fact there was an easy way out. They chose to fight and walk down the winding road when they could just give up and settle down for something more. Why? For what reason? A thousand questions were running through Ba'ek's mind.
Slowly, Jack turned around to face him. "Bring me to the Tamen."
Ba'ek was startled, he was so drowned in his musings that he lost track of time. He could see that Hunsa and Major Carter had already left the Garden.
"No," he said firmly. He could read Jack's mind, he could not let him do as he intended, no matter how much he wanted to help the man next to him.
"Why?"
Ba'ek saw Jack's fist was clenched, "The Cayans need the Tamen, I could not let you destroy it."
"I won't destroy it. I just need to turn it off for a while, so that Carter and I can get off this rotten planet." Jack was irritated; sabotaging the Tamen was the only way out from Cayan. Jacob's cargo ship could not pick them up with the shield on.
Ba'ek shook his head, "Do you love her?"
Jack frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Do you love her? Do you care about her?"
"What I feel about her is not important."
"On the contrary, it is the most important thing."
"What do you mean?"
Ba'ek needed to see how much she meant to him, "She has a life here. A life that she could not have back on Earth. She is happy here; can you guarantee that she would be happier back on Earth?"
"It's not her LIFE. It's not her HAPPINESS. It's someone else. How can you be so blind?" Jack was half-shouting.
"Am I really the one who is blind? You saw for yourself how she feels about Hunsa."
"Hunsa? Is that the guy's name?" Jack could not help but snicker at the silly name.
"Yes." Ba'ek confirmed.
"Okay, that was Hunsa's wife. It's not Carter."
"But now, they are the same."
"No, they are not."
"Whether you like it or not, they are the same."
"They ARE NOT." Jack insisted.
"Then prove it." Ba'ek did not want to do this, but it had to be done.
"How?"
"Ask her to go with you. To leave Hunsa behind. If they really are not the same women, then she would do that willingly."
Jack paused for a while, thinking about his condition, "Deal ... but we still need to get off of this planet."
Ba'ek smiled, this was going according to his plan, "Don't worry. I will provide you with a way."
"How?"
"Do not concern yourself with it. If she says 'yes' then I'll make sure you are going back to Earth."
Jack sighed, he knew that he couldn't get any more information out of this guy, "But, my friends are waiting up there," he pointed out absently to the sky, "with a ship."
"Then I suggest you tell them to hide. The Goa'uld will arrive in the Cayan's orbit in 7 planet cycles." Ba'ek advised.
Something just clicked, "Let me guess, just a wild guess. Weapon testing time?"
"Yes."
Jack muttered under his breath, "Oh joy."
***
I lay in my bed.
My dream has changed again. It was not as blurry as all the others, but it was not as intense as well. This time, it's me and him only – the man that was constantly in my dream – we did nothing but stare at each other. I didn't know how much time passed, we just stood still, lost in each other's presence. I couldn't see his face clearly, but his eyes were brown. Warm, gentle, full of emotion, full of care. No one had ever looked at me that way. He didn't say a thing, I could not speak a word. He didn't budge, I could not move a muscle. In the end, I just let the moment overwhelm me.
I found peace there.
I found comfort there.
I found strength there.
I found ... love?
...
I shake my head, try to clear all the thoughts from my head. I have a love ... haven't I? It's here, just right next to me.
I glance at the man laying on my right side. He's still sleeping, his breathing is slow and regular. His short brown hair frames his face perfectly, his strong arms are draped on his sides. Our love is perfect, a match made in heaven. A charismatic leader and a brilliant scientist. Young, successful, brilliant and respected. Both working for our people, both devoted to each other. Couples envy us, lovers want to be like us, parents want their children to grow up like us. We are an icon, a wonderful picture of a happy family.
But I don't want a love that's perfect ... I want one that's sincere. Even though it brings tears and only lasts for a second. Is it too much to ask? Is that what the dream is all about? The interpretation of my desire to have a real love? That because I can't have it with Hunsa then I dream about a man who could give me just that?
Jeez ... how sad am I.
Creating an imaginary hunk to compensate for my lack of a love life.
I sigh, and then slowly get up from the bed and head towards the window, where I know that the faithful stars are waiting for me.
---
After doing my daily check up on the Tamen, I went to the Garden. Hiding myself inside one of the glass houses, I sit on the floor, effectively blocking people from spying on me. I don't care if my clothes get dirty. Hunsa is in the Grands meeting, apparently a ship was spotted in orbit. I don't see what the fuss is all about, the Tamen is in working order after all. We are safe.
I read the title of the book that I have just borrowed without permission from the Reading Room. It's a book about stars, about their constellations and the science behind it. I immensely enjoy it and soon find myself lost in the book. Halfway through the book, I could hear the rain pounding the rooftop of the glass house. I look up to see the water droplets hit the glass. I love rain, it has its own special scent. Fresh and alluring, exiting and natural. I abandon the book for a while, and head towards the door. Seriously considering playing under the rain, it's always fun. Besides, the weather is not too cold, in fact it's quite warm.
Before I can decide, I notice something. Someone. He is standing in the rain, drenched, it seems like he is looking for something. His head is moving around, scanning his surroundings. When he sees me, he walks towards my direction slowly, using his hand to shield his eyes from the rain. And then he jogs in order to reach the glass house quickly. I guess he just needs a shelter from the rain. Automatically, I move away from the entrance to let him in.
The man enters, water dripping from his clothes onto the ground. He stares at me, but he doesn't say a thing. I take a good look at him, he has grey hair, a strong face, and a pair of rich brown eyes. I know him, he's the man from my dreams. Neither of us says a thing. His eyes are so gentle, radiating warmth from where he is standing. I feel safe, I feel relaxed, I feel ... alive.
He takes a tentative step forwards so that he is standing right in front of me. I'm mesmerized by his movement. He lifts his hand and stokes the back of his fingers on my cheek. Even though the fingers are cold, it induces a hot trail on my skin. His gaze is longing but not demanding. He doesn't say a thing but his actions speak louder than words.
I blurt out, "Are you for real?"
He is shocked, but then he quickly recovers and smiles at me. I can tell that he is relieved -- of what, I'm not sure.
"Yes, I am."
He draws me to his arms. His embrace is comforting. I find myself drawn to it, and I can not find the strength to resist it. He rests his head on my shoulder, one hand on my back, the other on the back of my head. It feels good, it feels right.
"I miss you." I can sense his soft voice close to my ear. It's gentle, warm and caring.
I close my eyes and let the man's presence soothe me. I never felt like this before.
"Me too."
I don't know what made me say that, but I know this for sure.
It is the truth.
***
to be continued
AN: *sigh* I had to stop there, so ... what do you think? Please send reviews and feedbacks as always.
http://fly.to/bluetopazfic/