Then Jackie, who's head was not ate, got in and beat Selphie in 3 chops and then Michael Jackson appeared and sang Beat It and danced and Moonwalked and instead of saying "Beat it!" he said "BLARGIE!" and then Moonwalked away and Cloud, who was really Selphie, blew up and Ranma said "No!!!"
Oh, but Selphie had not really blown up. Instead she had been transported to another dimension. That same day, in the other dimension, a person was walking down a street and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken (AN: I know it's copyrighted, don't sue me.) and he blew up and Selphie ate the person and then ate someone else and Selphie was now Cannibal Selphie! Then Cannibal Selphie went and met Hannibal Lector and they said
"OMG lets make babies!"
So they did and the babies were cannibals and Selphie ate them all. However, one baby had survived and ate Selphie from the inside out and it grew up to be Cait Sith and Cait Sith met cloud in the Final Fantasy VII world and he ate Cloud's head off. Then Cloud dodged and did Meteorain on Cait Sith and killed him and flew away and then Sqaull was was blown up by a shotgun and then he was Zombie Squall and ate Rinoa and Cait Sith and then went to eat Zidane. But Zidane was like
"OMG YOU WANT TO EAT ME?!"
He said he didn't want to be eaten but the zombie wouldn't listen and he said
"You look like you would taste good, Zidane..."
And then, Zidane said...
"LET'S MAKE HOT "GUY WITH TAIL AND ZOMBIE" LOVING!"
Then, Mr. Mina, Zidane's husband, came out from behind Squall. Mr. Mina was so pissed that he raped Squall and Squall screamed and ran away. Then Mr. Mina started to abuse Zidane but Zidane ran and called the spouse abuse hotline and they told him to go hug Mr. Mina and apologize so he did and they had the hot "guy with a tail and zombie" loving (since Mr.mina was a zombie). Then Zidane ate Mr. Mina and his stomach acids abused Mr. Mina. Then Sqaull ate them and then Sin crushed them all. Then Sin said
"OMG I crushed them all! Now I have no one to rape me!"
So Sin was sad and Sin had to go cruising for hos and then he saw Yuna across the street and sin thought she looked like a fly hunnie but Yuna didn't like Sin so then Yuna said
"I don't like you and, OMG, I think I'm gonna' eat you now and have Necrophilia love with your dead corpse!"
So, she did. But, out of nowhere, a moogle came out and saw Sin the moogle squealed with joy and ran up to Sin and started hugging him. So sin and the moogle were about to get married but Yuna realized she loved Sin and begged Sin to marry her but Sin was Mormon and he married both of them and they all went on a honeymoon. (AN: God bless them Latter Day Saints.) Then Sin used Giga Gravitation and blew up the last people on the world and now only a few were left and Garland said
"I'm powerful and shall knock Sin down in one blow!"
And he did by all the chances in hell and everyone was scared. And all the people were scared even though Sin killed all the people in the world so imaginary people were scared but then Quina saved them all from Garland and the people said
"OMG QUINA HOW CAN WE REPAY YOU???"
And Quina said
"You can repay me with hot steamy sex0r!!!!!"
So, they did. But then Sin came back along with Yuna and the moogle and saw Quina. Quina was Sin's ex-boy/girl friend and he got really jealous of all the other people so he blew them away and he married Quina and they had 50 kids so there were little Sins everywhere blowing people up. Then, Ramza came from the Final Fantasy Tactics world and killed the Sins and then killed the big Sin and then he died and then Sqaull and Zidane died and now the Final Fantasy characters were endangered as only a few were left and Fighter killed everyone in Final Fantasy 1-6 and then someone pressed the Genocide button and the ground turned to lava! (AN: BURN! PYRO! FIRE! APOCALYPSE! MWEHEHEHE!) Then (AN: OMG) the lava turned into a big LAVA PIMP (AN: OMG) and the LAVA PIMP looked around and said
"I need some fly hos for me to sell to all the other lava people!"
And the lave peoples said
"YES OMG SEX0R US!!!"
And so the Lava Pimp found some lava women and sold them for 5 cents each. But the lava people weren't happy and said
"OMG WE ARE GONNA KILL YOU NOW!"
And the lava people blew the pimp away. Now, out of nowhere, Shiva appeared and froze all of the lava people. But then Ifrit came and started to attack Shiva but Shiva said that it was just wrong so she married Ifrit and they had 100 little kids that looked like Squall and then a moogle came out and humped their legs. Then the Summons all died and so did the Sqaulls and the ground and everything touching it was lava so only a few people were alive and then someone came and ate the lava and said
"I LIKE FISH!"
And then he disappeared and then more people came from the remains of the lava and made it able to live on. And all the people that came to live on it were all each other's cousins. And one cousin said to another cousin
"OMG I know it's wrong but I love you!!!"
And the other cousin said
"OMG BUT THAT'S WRONNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!"
And then they went to go make babies anyway but the other cousin had a heart attack and the first one said
"OMG NOOO!"
And she killed herself but the other cousin was just a robot and the real other cousin came and said
"OMG OMG OMG she died cause she really did love me even though I'm her cousin!! I'll never love another person OMG!"
And so he found the moogle and humped it until the moogle was his cousin too!!! (AN: OMG!) The moogle was sore and went to find Squall. However, when he found him Squall was busy with Cloud and Zell's hair. The moogle was about to cry until a chocobo came up behind him and said
"I'll be your friend!"
So they went off together but then Rinoa found the chocobo and fell in love with it but when Squall had finished up he found Rinoa and the chocobo together and started to attack the chocobo but the moogle was in love with Squall. It turned out Zell was making out with Sqaull in a Cloud costume and the real Cloud came and did a limit break on them and the limit break blew them to hell and Cloud flew away to look for Aeris (like always) and disappeared and then Red Mage said
"I like Yu-Gi-Oh!"
And he then played with the cards and then Quina ate him and then more people blew up. Then Yu-Gi came in and he was amazed with modern culture and he saw a cell phone charger and said
"OMG!!! WILL THIS CHARGE ME UP?!"
So he wanted to know and he humped it and he said
"OMG I FEEL ENERGIZED!!!!!!!!"
Then a kid came in and said
"OMG I WANNA FEEL ENERGIZED TOO!"
And so from another place the (AN: OMG) ENERGIZER MOOGLE came in and humped their legs. But Kaiba came in and saw the moogle he said
"OMG OMG!"
He took the moogle and humped it but Yu-Gi got jealous since he was secretly in love with Kaiba. Kaiba saw Yu-Gi crying and hugged him and Yu-Gi hugged him back and they were both happy, but then Aeris came in and saw the moogle who upset since Kaiba had ditched him and she started to make love to the moogle but then Cloud, who was looking for her, came in and saw them and said
"OMG Aeris! I did know you were like that!"
And Aeris said
"But I am!"
Then Cloud and Aeris and the moogle 3-wayed it.
Now, the author looked up from his work and he saw his companions talking at the coffee table. He ambled over to them and he found they were talking about the evilness of a website they did not like. One of them suggested they could fuck the site. This resulted in a new conversation entirely.
"But wouldn't that hurt?" Einnad, the only female companion asked
Emor, the other person in the room scolded Einnad. The author, determined to make a response to the fucking comment said
"OMG, BUT THAT WOULD BE DIRTY!"
Emor threw his hands up in defeat. No one would listen to reason. He was about to talk again when the author cut him off.
"Emor! SHUT UP before I sick my rabid can koozie on you!"
Emor was taken aback by the author's statement.
"You're scaring me." He started, "I think I'm the last one with sanity in this room."
"Then use that sanity and shut up!" Einnad said
"How am I supposed to shut up if you both keep saying things I have to respond to?" Emor rationalized
"Ask the koozie." The author said
Emor just scowled the author as he walked back over to his desk. With newfound inspiration the author continued his story.
After Aeris, Cloud, and the moogle 3-wayed it, it turned out Cloud was Zell.....again. Zell likes to be other people and he ate Aeris and the moogle and ate The Wiz and the world also! Then the king of pop, Michael Jackson moonwalked over to Zell and blasted him and disappeared and then Ramza was revived! Then (AN: OMG) Michael Jackson met up with O.J. Simpson and OJ said
"I DIDN'T KILL MY WIFE YOU EX-BLACK PERSON SO LET'S GO HAVE HOT RELATIONS WITH THE OTHER FOUR OF THE JACKSON FIVE!!!!"
And then MJ said
"OMG THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!"
But the other four didn't like the idea but a new Jackson came out and said
"BUT OMG IT'S OJ!!!! HE'S A CELEBERTY!!!!! I WANT A FAMILY!!!!"
So they all have a big orgy and in the end OJ blew them all away. Then (AN: OMG!) Big Bird came out and OJ saw him and said
"OMG! Now I know why they call him BIG Bird!"
And he asked Big Bird if they could have a family and Big Bird said yes so they did and tons of little Ernie and Berts were born but then Oscar came out and he saw Big Bird and was like
"OMG!!! Why!!!"
So he was sad and then Tifa came out and she said
"OMG!"
And she hugged Oscar and they had hot Sesame Street sex and (AN: OMG) all the kids saw and it was on TV. And the kids said
"I WANNA DO THAT TOO!"
So all the little kids did and it became a very popular thing for little kids to do and then Barney said
"OMG!"
And then he humped lots of kids on his show.
The author gazed in awe at the completion of his next chapter. He especially liked the Sesame Street thing. It gave new depth to all the characters. He had now uncovered the corruption of Public Television. There was no way he would stop there...