For those of you who were asking, the name of the song Spike sang is called, (and if you've read my other story you'll recognize the title) If I Can't Love Her, reprise. The song is from the Broadway version of Beauty and the Beast.

And just in case I'm not able to post another chapter before the 25: Merry Christmas!

Chapter Four: The Truth Isn't What You Want To See

"Any luck?" Cordelia asked as Angel came through the door to the hotel.

"No," Angel said. "No one's seen him but at least no one's bragging about having killed him either."

It had been almost a week since Spike had run out of the hotel and since then Angel had been searching for him with no luck. There hadn't been a single trace of the insane vampire anywhere in L.A. and none of Angel's contacts had seen him either.

"Any luck with that paper Spike had?" Angel asked. Fred and Cordelia had been trying to figure out what the writing on it said.

"No," Fred told him. "I don't think we're going to be able to find out what it said. The writing is too blurred."

"Basically all we got is one insane vampire running lose and no way to find him," Gunn said.

"And no idea how he got that way," Angel said. "How did he get his soul back in the first place?"

"Maybe that witch from Sunnydale cursed him, like she did you," Fred suggested.

"No," Angel said. "I don't even think Spike's been anywhere near Sunnydale. Every time I've talked to Willow or Buffy they haven't said a word about Spike. If he showed up they'd have said something."

"He must some have gotten that soul somewhere," Gunn said. "They don't exactly hand them out like balloons."

"No," Angel said. "But the magic that restored my soul is almost lost, I don't even know if anyone besides Willow knows how to do the spell."

"So how would he get his soul back?" Cordelia asked. "If only one person knows how to do that spell and you don't think she would."

"I don't know," Angel said. "But I'm going to find out."

Angel stood up to leave the hotel. He was going to go back out. He'd see if he could find Spike and check on Connor. He was almost out the door when he bumped into Lorne.

"Whoa," Lorne said, holding up his hand to stop Angel. "Glad I caught you before went out on another insane vampire chase."

"You find out anything?" Angel had asked Lorne to use his contacts and find out anything he could about Spike, where he was now and what he'd been doing since he and Angel had last run into each other.

"No," Lorne said, walking into the hotel. "I found someone who might be able to tell us something."

"Who?" Angel asked, anxious for any news about his wayward grandchilde.

"A demon I met at a bar last night. He heard that I was asking about Spike."

"Where is he?" Angel asked.

Lorne held up a finger, "Wait one minute." He ran outside and quickly returned with a dangling skin demon.

"Hi," He said. "I'm Clement, Clem for short."

"Angel," Angel said. "I hear you know something about Spike."

"Sure," Clem said. "We're old friends."

Angel looked confused, "Spike doesn't have any friends." He looked at Fred, Gunn and Cordelia. "Spike's never played well with others."

"We met playing poker," Clem explained. "And he invited me with him to the Slayer's birthday party."

Angel looked at Clem and then said slowly, "Lorne, can I talk to you a second?" He pulled Lorne off to the side and said, "Where did you find this guy and what has he been drinking?"

"He's telling the truth," Lorne defended. "His aura says that he's not lying."

"Come on," Angel said, still not believing that Clem was telling the truth. "Spike being invited to Buffy's birthday party and bringing a guest? That's crazy. Spike kills Slayers, he doesn't go to their birthday parties."

"He says he knows Spike," Lorne pointed out. "He might be able to tell you something."

"Right," Angel said. He looked back at Clem, "What's Spike's favorite band?"

"Sex Pistols," Clem said promptly.

"Too easy," Angel said, still unconvinced. "Why was Spike called William the Bloody?"

"Because of his poetry," Clem said. He and Spike had gotten drunk one night and Spike had told the story about how he was turned. "It was bloody awful."

"That crazy was a poet?" Gunn said.

"Yes," Angel said, not taking his eyes off Clem. "He was and aside from me, the only one left who knows is Drusilla. Spike had a habit of killing anyone who knew about his past. So if you know and are still alive, then you must be telling the truth. So what else do you know about Spike and about his getting his soul back?"

"He got his soul back?" Clem said.

"Yeah," Angel said. "He showed up a few nights ago, with a soul."

"I thought he wanted the chip out," Clem said, confused.

"Chip?" Angel asked. "What chip?"

"The chip the government put in his head," Clem said. "He can't hurt anything human."

"Spike can't hurt a human?" Angel repeated.

"Well unless he wants a migraine."

"You're sure about this?" Angel asked.

"Yeah," Clem said. "Why else would he start killing vampires and demons?"

"That's why they called him a traitor," Gunn said. "Killing your own kind doesn't usually sit well." Angel glared at him, "What? It's the truth."

"How long has he had this chip?" Angel asked.

"A few years," Clem said.

"And he just decided to get rid of it?" Angel questioned. Patience had never been a virtue of Spike's.

"No," Clem told him. "He's been trying for years but I guess things finally got too much for him."

"What things?" Angel asked.

Clem shook his head, "I don't know. I went to his crypt one night and he was all freaked out. I thought that the Slayer had broken up with him again but he kept babbling about how the chip," Clem thought for a minute, and then said, slowly, "He said that he couldn't be a monster but he couldn't be a man either. Then he asked me to watch his crypt for him and I haven't seen him since."

Angel didn't move, only a few words had actually registered after Clem had said 'The Slayer had broken up with him again.' What was this demon talking about? Fortunately he didn't have to ask.

"What do you mean, broke up with him again?" Fred asked. "If they broke up then they must have been."

"They were always breaking up but that didn't stop them," Clem continued. "Then the last time really sent him over the edge."

"What happened?" Angel asked, his voice sounding strange as he tried to understand what Clem was saying.

Clem shrugged, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since he left and I've been on vacation here."

Angel nodded. There was one last thing he had to know, "What exactly was going on between Buffy and Spike?"

"They were sleeping together," Clem said. "Spike was crazy about her and when she dumped him he lost it."

***

"I hear Angel's looking for someone," Lilah said, pulling on her skirt.

"Really," Wesley said, leaning back against his pillow. "I hadn't heard that."

"Right," Lilah said. "But if you insist on playing the innocent. Angel's looking for a vampire named Spike, also known as William the Bloody. Angel's gone to almost everyone he knows to find out where this Spike is."

"And why is Angel so interested in this vampire?"

"Like you don't already know," Lilah said. "Spike's a member of Angel's bloodline and like most family members, they loathe each other." She finished buttoning her blouse and pulled her jacket on. "So any ideas why Angel's so desperate to find him?"

"None whatseover," Wesley said, honestly.

Lilah shook her head and left without a word. Wesley waited until he was sure that she was gone, then he got up, dressed and went over to the secret door. He opened it and found Spike in his familiar position, sitting on the floor, with his knees pulled up to his chest. The only thing that changed was that sometimes his eyes were open and other times they were closed.

He looked up when Wesley opened the door, "You've become quite a popular vampire," Wesley said. Spike stared at him, blankly, so Wesley explained, "Angel's still looking for you." Wesley unlocked the cage, pulled Spike out and said, "Now why is Angel still looking for you?"

Spike didn't answer. Wesley dragged him into the living room and threw him onto the couch. "You've been here for days," Wesley said. "Now I haven't killed you because I think you know something that I might find usefull. So far all you've done is sit in your cell and drink pig's blood. Now you're going to tell me exactly what I want to know or," Wesley pulled out a stake, "You get this through your chest."

"Go ahead," Spike said. "End it all."

"Not until I find out why Angel's looking for you and why you've lost your mind," Wesley said. "Now since you obviously want to die, that threat isn't going to work but this might, Unless you start talking I start withholding food. You can live without food but eventually you'll become even more insane." Wesley held up a bag of blood, "So talk or no food."

"Why do you want to know?" Spike asked.

"Call me curious," Wesley said.

"Fine, Curious," Spike said, with a flash of his old personality. "Angel knows what I did, ask him."

"What did you do?" Wesley asked. "What happens to send a vampire over the edge?"

"You know, the pressures of unlife, it all adds up," Spike said. His time in the cell had helped him to calm the voices down and his former personality was starting to assert itself.

"I don't think so," Wesley said. He pulled a book from the shelf. "Now you can answer my questions willingly or I use a truth spell on you."

"No," Spike said, jumping to his feet and then falling back down onto the couch. "No one's doin' any more mojo on me."

"Any more?" Wesley commented. "So what kind of magic has been done on you?" He was startled to notice that Spike's eyes clouded up again and his hands flew up to cover his ears.

"Shut up!" Spike screamed. "Stop it!" He looked up at Wesley and Wesley was even more surprised to see that there were tears in Spike's eyes. "I didn't know that this would happen. I just wanted to be what I was. What I was, not what Angel is."

"What Angel is?" Wesley said, slowly.

"I am Angel!" Spike yelled, continuing in his rant. "I was him except for one thing and now I even have that! I'm him except for I have bloody decent hair."

"If you're like Angel then why don't I send you to him," Wesley suggested.

"No!" Spike shouted. "She already did." His expression changed to one of a child who knew he was about to be punished. "And I bet he already knows what I did. I didn't mean to, it just.." He shook his head, trying to get rid of the images in his head.

"Just what did you do?" Wesley asked. This had to be the key to Spike's insanity.

"I didn't do anything!" Spike screamed. "I stopped!" He looked quizically at Wesley, "Why did I stop? I was a bloody demon, hurting the girl shouldn't have mattered to me. And you know what else?"

"No," Wesley said, starting to get an idea of what had happened to turn the vampire insane. "What else?"

"I cared!" Spike shouted. "I cared and I was sorry for what happened!"

"And what happened?"

Spike stared at Wesley and then suddenly Spike started shaking, holding his eyes and squeezing his eyes shut, "No, no, no, no!" Spike chanted. "I didn't mean to! I didn't plan on it!" Spike opened his eyes, "It was her fault, too, that stupid bloody bitch! No," Spike babbled, "I didn't mean that, it wasn't her fault, I was bad, I was bad, I was bad."

Wesley had had enough. He'd gotten what he needed from the vampire so he grabbed Spike, dragged him over to and threw him into his cell. Wesley locked the door, tossed the bag of blood in and said, "That's enough for tonight. I think you can stay there a little longer but don't worry, you'll have your soul for company," Wesley said before he shut the door and left Spike to his insanity.