Snape kept his eyes on Harry as they walked to the dungeon. He noticed with
some apprehension how Harry always wanted to fall behind, as though he was
about to run off.
"Potter, don't even think of running off. I came out tonight with the sole purpose of finding you."
Harry gulped. This could not be good.
"Um, sir? Why?"
Snape, however, ignored him and continued into the dungeons. Realising that he was shivering, Harry pulled his cloak around him and sped up a little.
"Sir, why did lessons go back to normal today?"
Snape paused, and looked at Harry's floating head with a sneer.
"So many dead" he whispered, "Does it seem right to celebrate? Many student's parents on either side were killed. The celebration on the night was sufficient."
He kept walking, and Harry followed him silently. Too soon they were at his room. He muttered the password and let Harry in in front of him. Harry looked around the room. There was a desk where Snape obviously worked, and a chair in front of it. To the side there was a comfortable looking sofa which is where Harry supposed Snape had put him down earlier. He was jerked from his contemplation by Snape's silky voice.
"Sit."
As Snape was sat behind the desk, Harry presumed he should sit in the hard chair. It was a shame really, since the sofa was so comfortable.
"You went to see Pomfrey today, when I sent you, did you not?"
Harry nodded, his eyes innocent. Snape leaned forward over the desk .
"Pomfrey's sister has been taken ill. She left straight after breakfast."
Harry swallowed.
"Yes, sir. I went and lay down for a while, and left when she didn't come in."
"That must have been an achievement, Potter. The door was locked."
Harry swallowed again, wondering if Snape would actually kill him.
"You know, I really should tell Professor Dumbledore. After all, it is unacceptable practice for a student to miss lessons. . ."
"Oh no, sir, please don't. . ."
Snape leaned back in his chair and regarded Harry though lidded eyes.
"I will make you a deal. Because I am curious. I will not tell Dumbledore about you leaving my class and not going to the infirmary if you will tell me why you didn't go to Pomfrey."
Harry groaned inwardly. Of all things to ask . . .and yet, Dumbledore would be so angry, so disappointed. . .
"Sir, why didn't he come after me?"
It wasn't meant to have come out so petulantly; it was meant to be a mature and sensible question. Snape sighed and massaged his temples.
"He was very busy that night, Harry. He had lots of people to talk to." But even as he uttered the words he knew how fake they sounded. Dumbledore simply wasn't bothered when his tools had outlived their usefulness. The man would treat Harry like a normal student now. And Snape knew how much it would hurt.
Harry looked at his lap silently.
"Can I have some time to think about it, sir?"
Snape shook his head, taking a little pleasure from the way the boy tensed with worry.
"I just didn't want. . .do you promise you won't make me go to Dumbledore?"
Snape nodded, suddenly curious.
"And you won't make me tell anyone else. . .or tell anyone else yourself?"
Snape paused briefly before nodding his agreement.
"There are certain things which she would have found out which I didn't want her to find out."
Snape's stomach tightened. He suddenly had a bad feeling about this, though he didn't know why.
"What things, Potter?"
"My. . ." Harry stopped. "My. . .my. . .um. . ."
"Spit it out!"
"I can't!" Harry's eyes looked very bright in the firelight. "I can't say it. . .whenever I try, my tongue seizes up. I just can't say it!"
Snape groaned. This was a form of terror, usually caused by copious use of torture curses. There was only one way of getting past it.
"I have to go inside your mind, Harry."
Harry recoiled.
"WHAT?"
"The reason you can't talk, it's a fear factor. The only way of overcoming it is for me to go inside your mind and see what's distressing you."
Suddenly, Harry didn't care. He just wanted someone to understand. He was fed up of hiding.
"Go ahead" he whispered, and shaking slightly Snape drew his wand.
"Do you trust me enough to do this?"
Harry considered for a moment, and nodded.
"I wouldn't let anyone else do this." At Snape's amazed look he elaborated. "You're the only professor who treats me like Harry, rather than the famous Potter, Golden Boy, Boy-Who-Lived. I think you'll understand."
Snape nodded silently, slightly moved by the boy's words. He waved the wand once, and whispered "Incaputio".
He felt a rushing wind howl around his ears, and succumbed to the darkness. He shut his eyes, and when he opened them again he was in a muggle house. The first thing that hit him was a stench of blood and sweat and fear. Knowing that he was invisible, he walked to the door of what seemed to be a broom cupboard. He walked through the door, as the spell basically made him into a ghost, and looked inside.
It was a picture of desolation. The windows were heavily barred. There was a cloak folded upon the floor, and a pot which was serving a toilet if the foul smells were anything to go by. He moved closer and realised that underneath a loose floorboard lay the infamous invisibility cloak and Harry's wand. He took a seat, knowing deep down that the impact of the memory would occur here. He didn't have long to wait. From down the corridor he could hear a thumping and slithering, as though something heavy was being dragged. A deep voice was complaining about freakish people, and several other voices were also punctuating the comments.
The door slammed open, and Harry was sent flying into the cupboard headfirst.
"You will NEVER be going back to that stupid school, you hear me? NEVER!"
The muggle's face was twisted in fury. Harry's eyes blazed and he looked the fat man square in the face.
"Don't you think my godfather will be worried?"
"No. I think that your godfather is on the run from the authorities, if he even does exist. I don't think he's going to save you. . .I think I can do whatever I like. . ."
Snape had previously been labouring under the misapprehension that Voldemort and his Death Eaters were the most cruel beings one could encounter. However this muggle just left him speechless. Harry was his nephew, for Merlin's sake!
He watched in mounting horror as Harry was brutally beaten with the man's fists, and finally his belt. Through the whole torture Harry remained conscious, but didn't show any pain at all. His face was forced into a neutral expression, but his hands were clenched into fists. Snape stood watching the tableau in complete shock. This was wrong - it wasn't meant to be like this! Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, was supposed to live in complete comfort and be spoiled rotten by his relatives.
The rest of the scene was no better. Harry was starved, beaten and locked in his cupboard. He was insulted horribly by his fat cousin and uncle, and in one incident was even hit over the head with a frying pan. His face relaxed as he fell into unconsciousness and Snape felt a pang of sympathy for the boy who had shown bravery beyond anything he had previously been idolised for.
Suddenly Snape felt himself fade away from the scene. He was in a deserted classroom. Draco was sat smirking at Harry.
". . .wouldn't it be a shock to them all, Potter? I wonder how much they'd pay to get their hands on that information?"
"Please, sir, don't. . ."
Snape started at Harry's meekness. Calling a fellow student sir?
"Well, just to make sure I don't forget not to tell anyone, you can lose today's game. Convincingly. You know what I mean."
That must have been just before the game where Harry had missed the Snitch by a hairs breadth. So. . .Draco had been blackmailing him?
Harry nodded silently, and Draco left with a swirl of his robes. Again the scene faded and Snape was standing in the great hall. He looked down, and Draco stared up at him, eyes dead and lifeless. It meant very little to Snape, until he realised that Draco must have been the first person Harry had ever killed. He remembered his first kill, and how terrible he had felt afterwards, and as he did felt himself leave Harry's mind and come face to face with the boy himself.
"Er, Professor? Are you alright? You look very pale. . ."
Snape swallowed. He really had no clue what to do next. After all, he had been sworn to secrecy. But still. . .someone had to know. After all. . .what was he going to do over the next holidays?
"Potter. . .do you have any idea of the repercussions of me seeing this?"
Harry hung his head in a manner which clearly said 'well, you were the one who cast the spell'.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Harry looked at Snape in total amazement.
"Professor, I'm the Golden Boy! My home life is perfect, my school life is perfect. I'm no idiot, I know the whole wizarding world was resting on my shoulders. It would hardly reassure them to know that their saviour couldn't stand up to a fat muggle, would it!"
Snape himself was surprised. He had never thought that. . .that the boy would be anything less than famous Harry Potter.
"Your wellbeing is more important than the public's perception of you" he lied. Harry simply stared at him. They stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Harry turned.
"You have found out what you wanted to know, Professor. May I go back to my room?"
Snape looked at Harry for a long moment, but the boy refused to flinch.
"You expect me to see inside your mind, and then let you go?"
". . .yes!"
Snape shook his head, and gestured towards the sofa. Harry sank into it gratefully; it was more comfortable than the chair and didn't dig into the gashes on his back. Snape sat, looking slightly apprehensive, on the other side of the sofa.
"Would you like some tea?"
Harry almost fainted. Snape, offering him tea?!?
"Umm, no, but I'd really appreciate some black coffee. . ."
Snape nodded and curtly summoned a House Elf who disappeared with a crack and re-appeared almost instantly with pots of tea and coffee and a plate of biscuits. Harry sipped his coffee, relishing in the warm feeling of it disappearing down his throat. Unfortunately his enjoyment was hampered by Snape beginning to question him again.
"Why was Malfoy blackmailing you?"
"Because he doesn't like me."
Harry was satisfied to see a muscle twitch in Snape's jaw. He was inwardly amazed at how nice the man was being, and decided to elaborate.
"He found out certain things about me. . .and threatened to tell the Daily Prophet if I didn't do him favours."
"Yes, I am familiar with the way blackmail works. What I want to know is with what he was blackmailing you."
"Oh, right. Well, he found out about my uncle."
"And?"
"Nothing" said Harry, beginning to sweat slightly. This was more than he had ever meant anyone to know about.
"You said things, in the plural."
Harry shrugged, and Snape sighed.
"Fine, Potter. Go, if you completely refuse to talk to me. But you will need to tell someone."
"Sir. . .I do trust you. It's just been a bit of a shock today."
"Snape nodded.
"Yes, I suppose it has. I will see you after dinner tomorrow night, and we will talk more then."
Harry nodded, suddenly feeling panicked. He didn't want anyone to find out about his cutting. . .it was too scary.
"Try to take care, Harry" said Snape, his voice reassuring. There was a hint of warmth in the black eyes as he showed Harry out.
*************************************************
"Potter, don't even think of running off. I came out tonight with the sole purpose of finding you."
Harry gulped. This could not be good.
"Um, sir? Why?"
Snape, however, ignored him and continued into the dungeons. Realising that he was shivering, Harry pulled his cloak around him and sped up a little.
"Sir, why did lessons go back to normal today?"
Snape paused, and looked at Harry's floating head with a sneer.
"So many dead" he whispered, "Does it seem right to celebrate? Many student's parents on either side were killed. The celebration on the night was sufficient."
He kept walking, and Harry followed him silently. Too soon they were at his room. He muttered the password and let Harry in in front of him. Harry looked around the room. There was a desk where Snape obviously worked, and a chair in front of it. To the side there was a comfortable looking sofa which is where Harry supposed Snape had put him down earlier. He was jerked from his contemplation by Snape's silky voice.
"Sit."
As Snape was sat behind the desk, Harry presumed he should sit in the hard chair. It was a shame really, since the sofa was so comfortable.
"You went to see Pomfrey today, when I sent you, did you not?"
Harry nodded, his eyes innocent. Snape leaned forward over the desk .
"Pomfrey's sister has been taken ill. She left straight after breakfast."
Harry swallowed.
"Yes, sir. I went and lay down for a while, and left when she didn't come in."
"That must have been an achievement, Potter. The door was locked."
Harry swallowed again, wondering if Snape would actually kill him.
"You know, I really should tell Professor Dumbledore. After all, it is unacceptable practice for a student to miss lessons. . ."
"Oh no, sir, please don't. . ."
Snape leaned back in his chair and regarded Harry though lidded eyes.
"I will make you a deal. Because I am curious. I will not tell Dumbledore about you leaving my class and not going to the infirmary if you will tell me why you didn't go to Pomfrey."
Harry groaned inwardly. Of all things to ask . . .and yet, Dumbledore would be so angry, so disappointed. . .
"Sir, why didn't he come after me?"
It wasn't meant to have come out so petulantly; it was meant to be a mature and sensible question. Snape sighed and massaged his temples.
"He was very busy that night, Harry. He had lots of people to talk to." But even as he uttered the words he knew how fake they sounded. Dumbledore simply wasn't bothered when his tools had outlived their usefulness. The man would treat Harry like a normal student now. And Snape knew how much it would hurt.
Harry looked at his lap silently.
"Can I have some time to think about it, sir?"
Snape shook his head, taking a little pleasure from the way the boy tensed with worry.
"I just didn't want. . .do you promise you won't make me go to Dumbledore?"
Snape nodded, suddenly curious.
"And you won't make me tell anyone else. . .or tell anyone else yourself?"
Snape paused briefly before nodding his agreement.
"There are certain things which she would have found out which I didn't want her to find out."
Snape's stomach tightened. He suddenly had a bad feeling about this, though he didn't know why.
"What things, Potter?"
"My. . ." Harry stopped. "My. . .my. . .um. . ."
"Spit it out!"
"I can't!" Harry's eyes looked very bright in the firelight. "I can't say it. . .whenever I try, my tongue seizes up. I just can't say it!"
Snape groaned. This was a form of terror, usually caused by copious use of torture curses. There was only one way of getting past it.
"I have to go inside your mind, Harry."
Harry recoiled.
"WHAT?"
"The reason you can't talk, it's a fear factor. The only way of overcoming it is for me to go inside your mind and see what's distressing you."
Suddenly, Harry didn't care. He just wanted someone to understand. He was fed up of hiding.
"Go ahead" he whispered, and shaking slightly Snape drew his wand.
"Do you trust me enough to do this?"
Harry considered for a moment, and nodded.
"I wouldn't let anyone else do this." At Snape's amazed look he elaborated. "You're the only professor who treats me like Harry, rather than the famous Potter, Golden Boy, Boy-Who-Lived. I think you'll understand."
Snape nodded silently, slightly moved by the boy's words. He waved the wand once, and whispered "Incaputio".
He felt a rushing wind howl around his ears, and succumbed to the darkness. He shut his eyes, and when he opened them again he was in a muggle house. The first thing that hit him was a stench of blood and sweat and fear. Knowing that he was invisible, he walked to the door of what seemed to be a broom cupboard. He walked through the door, as the spell basically made him into a ghost, and looked inside.
It was a picture of desolation. The windows were heavily barred. There was a cloak folded upon the floor, and a pot which was serving a toilet if the foul smells were anything to go by. He moved closer and realised that underneath a loose floorboard lay the infamous invisibility cloak and Harry's wand. He took a seat, knowing deep down that the impact of the memory would occur here. He didn't have long to wait. From down the corridor he could hear a thumping and slithering, as though something heavy was being dragged. A deep voice was complaining about freakish people, and several other voices were also punctuating the comments.
The door slammed open, and Harry was sent flying into the cupboard headfirst.
"You will NEVER be going back to that stupid school, you hear me? NEVER!"
The muggle's face was twisted in fury. Harry's eyes blazed and he looked the fat man square in the face.
"Don't you think my godfather will be worried?"
"No. I think that your godfather is on the run from the authorities, if he even does exist. I don't think he's going to save you. . .I think I can do whatever I like. . ."
Snape had previously been labouring under the misapprehension that Voldemort and his Death Eaters were the most cruel beings one could encounter. However this muggle just left him speechless. Harry was his nephew, for Merlin's sake!
He watched in mounting horror as Harry was brutally beaten with the man's fists, and finally his belt. Through the whole torture Harry remained conscious, but didn't show any pain at all. His face was forced into a neutral expression, but his hands were clenched into fists. Snape stood watching the tableau in complete shock. This was wrong - it wasn't meant to be like this! Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world, was supposed to live in complete comfort and be spoiled rotten by his relatives.
The rest of the scene was no better. Harry was starved, beaten and locked in his cupboard. He was insulted horribly by his fat cousin and uncle, and in one incident was even hit over the head with a frying pan. His face relaxed as he fell into unconsciousness and Snape felt a pang of sympathy for the boy who had shown bravery beyond anything he had previously been idolised for.
Suddenly Snape felt himself fade away from the scene. He was in a deserted classroom. Draco was sat smirking at Harry.
". . .wouldn't it be a shock to them all, Potter? I wonder how much they'd pay to get their hands on that information?"
"Please, sir, don't. . ."
Snape started at Harry's meekness. Calling a fellow student sir?
"Well, just to make sure I don't forget not to tell anyone, you can lose today's game. Convincingly. You know what I mean."
That must have been just before the game where Harry had missed the Snitch by a hairs breadth. So. . .Draco had been blackmailing him?
Harry nodded silently, and Draco left with a swirl of his robes. Again the scene faded and Snape was standing in the great hall. He looked down, and Draco stared up at him, eyes dead and lifeless. It meant very little to Snape, until he realised that Draco must have been the first person Harry had ever killed. He remembered his first kill, and how terrible he had felt afterwards, and as he did felt himself leave Harry's mind and come face to face with the boy himself.
"Er, Professor? Are you alright? You look very pale. . ."
Snape swallowed. He really had no clue what to do next. After all, he had been sworn to secrecy. But still. . .someone had to know. After all. . .what was he going to do over the next holidays?
"Potter. . .do you have any idea of the repercussions of me seeing this?"
Harry hung his head in a manner which clearly said 'well, you were the one who cast the spell'.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Harry looked at Snape in total amazement.
"Professor, I'm the Golden Boy! My home life is perfect, my school life is perfect. I'm no idiot, I know the whole wizarding world was resting on my shoulders. It would hardly reassure them to know that their saviour couldn't stand up to a fat muggle, would it!"
Snape himself was surprised. He had never thought that. . .that the boy would be anything less than famous Harry Potter.
"Your wellbeing is more important than the public's perception of you" he lied. Harry simply stared at him. They stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Harry turned.
"You have found out what you wanted to know, Professor. May I go back to my room?"
Snape looked at Harry for a long moment, but the boy refused to flinch.
"You expect me to see inside your mind, and then let you go?"
". . .yes!"
Snape shook his head, and gestured towards the sofa. Harry sank into it gratefully; it was more comfortable than the chair and didn't dig into the gashes on his back. Snape sat, looking slightly apprehensive, on the other side of the sofa.
"Would you like some tea?"
Harry almost fainted. Snape, offering him tea?!?
"Umm, no, but I'd really appreciate some black coffee. . ."
Snape nodded and curtly summoned a House Elf who disappeared with a crack and re-appeared almost instantly with pots of tea and coffee and a plate of biscuits. Harry sipped his coffee, relishing in the warm feeling of it disappearing down his throat. Unfortunately his enjoyment was hampered by Snape beginning to question him again.
"Why was Malfoy blackmailing you?"
"Because he doesn't like me."
Harry was satisfied to see a muscle twitch in Snape's jaw. He was inwardly amazed at how nice the man was being, and decided to elaborate.
"He found out certain things about me. . .and threatened to tell the Daily Prophet if I didn't do him favours."
"Yes, I am familiar with the way blackmail works. What I want to know is with what he was blackmailing you."
"Oh, right. Well, he found out about my uncle."
"And?"
"Nothing" said Harry, beginning to sweat slightly. This was more than he had ever meant anyone to know about.
"You said things, in the plural."
Harry shrugged, and Snape sighed.
"Fine, Potter. Go, if you completely refuse to talk to me. But you will need to tell someone."
"Sir. . .I do trust you. It's just been a bit of a shock today."
"Snape nodded.
"Yes, I suppose it has. I will see you after dinner tomorrow night, and we will talk more then."
Harry nodded, suddenly feeling panicked. He didn't want anyone to find out about his cutting. . .it was too scary.
"Try to take care, Harry" said Snape, his voice reassuring. There was a hint of warmth in the black eyes as he showed Harry out.
*************************************************