Disclaimer: okay ummm.. I wish I owned dark angel but unfortunately, I
don't. Fox and a bunch of other stupid people do. Damn them.
Rating: PG13 - for mild swearing and such
Spoilers: Hello, Goodbye - and Dawg Day Afternoon, maybe some others
A/N - some of the dialogue in this, and the other chapters are from H,G and DDA and even a little from HaSB (although I've changed it around a bit) and that belongs to the fox people or whatever, so umm this is another declaimer I guess.
Pain, Doubt, Fate, and Love
Reunion, and truth
===============================================================
Max yawned as she made her way up the stairs of her building, on her way to her apartment.
The conversation with Annie had been interesting to say the least. However, Max had to admit that Annie had handled it well.
When they had first gone inside they had acted as if the whole conversation never happened and Annie hadn't heard a thing. But Annie had been to smart to fall for that ant soon got straight to the point.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Tell me what's going on, Joshua. Why did you lie about Montia Coro, I looked it up...wanted to know what it was like. Turns out it doesn't exist."
"I can't tell you."
"It's okay. You don't have to lie anymore. I guess I just got it wrong and made a fool of myself. But I won't bother you anymore."
"...Annie I just..it just wasn't safe for me to see you."
"What did you do?"
"Not what I did. What I am."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Things had progressed from there, Joshua was right, Annie did understand what it was like for them, what it was like to be different. Max respected her for that; Joshua sure knew how to pick 'em, that was certain. Things had started to get mushy after that, so Max had slipped out; not that either Joshua or Annie noticed.....
However, now that Max was alone, Joshua's words rung in her ears over and over.
()()()()()()()()())()()()()()((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
"Max..You need to stop this, you know it hasn't gotten better; if anything its gotten worse. You can pretend that you're over Logan, and that everything's fine but I know it's not, everyone does."
"It doesn't matter whether I'm fine or not!" Max yelled, angry now, "All that matters is that he's safe, and that he isn't dead!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Joshua was right, she wasn't fine. She was dying. The dull ache was always in her heart, the tears were always threatening to spill, the guilt was always eating away at her, and the memories were always swimming in her brain.
But she held on to her own argument, It didn't matter if she was dying inside, it didn't matter if her thoughts were constantly plagued by the memory of him, and it didn't matter that her heart was broken; all that mattered was that he was alive, and safe from her.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- 0-0-0-0-0-
"Max I know there are risks, but there are risks in every kind of relationship...and I'm willing to take a risk."
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Joshua may be willing to take the risk but she wasn't, there was too much at stake, Logan was too valuable to gamble with, and Logan was too precious to lose.
Max opened apartment door and stepped inside, relieved to have the worrisome world away from her, glad to be in a sheltered place where she could relax and collect her thoughts.
"Cindy? Yo Cindy you home?"
There was no answer, Max was alone in her small apartment.
hmmmm, I wonder where she is... probably off with her new girl friend..what I'd give to be with my boyfriend....ex-boyfriend
Max flopped down onto the coach, for the first time in her life, truly exhausted. She was emotionally drained, and completely wiped out. She was about to take a nap right there on the coach when she noticed the blinking light on her answering machine.
Maybe Cindy left a message...ugh, but it's all the way over there, I'd have to get up.. oh well, it'll bug me if don't check.--
"Hey Max it's Original Cindy, where the heck are you? Me and the peeps are down at crash wondering where you at. Anywayz me and my extremely fine new girl are gonna go back to her place, so if you need me that's where I'll be... And Boo quit sulking around, and head to crash and hang out with da boyz, they may not be as fun as Original Cindy, but they'll do. K boo late."
Max smiled, Cindy never failed to lighten the mood, but Max really wasn't up to going out. Max scowled as another message started-
"Hey Max it's me.. Umm Logan that is. I um, I have some news. I mean, in case you're interested. Uh, it seems that Joshua's blood is affecting me the same way yours did- Not the virus- I mean its stem cells are working on my back or something. I uh, I'm not sure how long it'll last or anything - I'm seeing Dr. Carr tomorrow. So uh, anyway, just thought you might want to know.. Kay bye."
Max just stood there in shock, her mouth hanging open, her head swimming.
What?....Logan...Joshua's blood ..Logan..back.Logan...Dr. Carr..Logan.. I have to see him.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Logan was on the floor once again.
Not drunk this time, just pensive. He took pleasure in sitting on the floor, the wood was hard and uncomfortable; but he could feel it, and that was extremely enjoyable.
Was this how fate worked now? Taking one thing from him and giving him back another. That hardly seemed fair; he had never asked for this trade, the bargain was a horrible one that he had never consented to. He wanted back what had taken him so long to find and bargain for: her affection. But it belonged to someone else now, it had been stolen and he would never get it back.
"Knock Knock," whispered a voice.
He looked up, and there she was, as beautiful, and angelic as she'd ever been.
"Hey," he whispered back, not sure if this was a dream or not, trying not to think too much and ruin it.
"Hey yourself," she looked down at him on the floor looking so sad, her heart stinging at the thought that she had caused this sadness.
"Got your message.its really great.. I mean the whole, feeling in the legs thing."
"Yeah," he said quietly looking into her eyes, desperately searching for something.
"Why are you on the floor..are you okay?" she added as an afterthought afraid he might have hurt himself.
"No, I'm fine...just enjoying the feel of hard wooden floor against my ass." He smiled up at her, the first smile he had shed in a long time. She smiled back, a rare thing for her these days.
There was a pause in which they both just stared at each other, as if unsure as to what exactly was happening. What was she dong here? Why had she chosen to come now, and not before? Neither of them knew the answer, and neither of them was sure as to what to do next. However they both knew that they never wanted the other to be away from them ever again, even though they both knew that it was inevitable.
...Finally Logan couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Max....what are you doing here?" He asked.
"I don't know," she replied honestly.
"Oh..so.how's Alec?" he asked reluctantly.
"He's...." her heart was aching, she didn't want to lie to him again, she didn't want to hurt him, all she wanted to do was get down onto the floor with him, crawl into his arms, and cry into his shoulder. But that wasn't an option.
"He's.." be strong you're a soldier "I.." but I don't want to be a soldier, I want to be with man I love Well, that's not really an option now, is it? I can't lie to him, I have to tell him the truth. do you want him to die? No, but I don't want to see him so hurt anymore.
"I wouldn't know,"
"What?"
"I lied Logan, I was never with Alec. I lied to keep you safe, to keep you alive."
"You lied to me?"
"I did what was necessary to keep you safe."
"How could you? Why? Why would you do that to me?"
"You're not dead, and that's all that matters!"
He stood up now in a rage, so angry he could barely speak.
"Max, I..do you know how badly you hurt me... do you know how many nights I laid awake on my bed at night, wondering if he was making love to you, wondering if he loved you as much as I do, wondering if you loved him back, and wondering if you ever loved me-"
"I've always loved you!! That's why I did it!!! I lied because I didn't want to lose you-"
"Even if that meant hurting me!! Even if that meant breaking my heart!!"
"Yes!!! I had to, even if it meant all those things in order to push you away, I had to do it!" she was crying as well as yelling now, "I know myself Logan, I know that Little by little, I'd forget about the virus, start hanging with you again.....and sooner or later, we would accidentally touch again, and I can't risk that," she wasn't yelling anymore, "I can't risk your life, I won't."
"Max-"
"No, Logan I won't, I won't be held responsible for-"
she had stopped talking because suddenly his lips were on hers.
Rating: PG13 - for mild swearing and such
Spoilers: Hello, Goodbye - and Dawg Day Afternoon, maybe some others
A/N - some of the dialogue in this, and the other chapters are from H,G and DDA and even a little from HaSB (although I've changed it around a bit) and that belongs to the fox people or whatever, so umm this is another declaimer I guess.
Pain, Doubt, Fate, and Love
Reunion, and truth
===============================================================
Max yawned as she made her way up the stairs of her building, on her way to her apartment.
The conversation with Annie had been interesting to say the least. However, Max had to admit that Annie had handled it well.
When they had first gone inside they had acted as if the whole conversation never happened and Annie hadn't heard a thing. But Annie had been to smart to fall for that ant soon got straight to the point.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Tell me what's going on, Joshua. Why did you lie about Montia Coro, I looked it up...wanted to know what it was like. Turns out it doesn't exist."
"I can't tell you."
"It's okay. You don't have to lie anymore. I guess I just got it wrong and made a fool of myself. But I won't bother you anymore."
"...Annie I just..it just wasn't safe for me to see you."
"What did you do?"
"Not what I did. What I am."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Things had progressed from there, Joshua was right, Annie did understand what it was like for them, what it was like to be different. Max respected her for that; Joshua sure knew how to pick 'em, that was certain. Things had started to get mushy after that, so Max had slipped out; not that either Joshua or Annie noticed.....
However, now that Max was alone, Joshua's words rung in her ears over and over.
()()()()()()()()())()()()()()((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
"Max..You need to stop this, you know it hasn't gotten better; if anything its gotten worse. You can pretend that you're over Logan, and that everything's fine but I know it's not, everyone does."
"It doesn't matter whether I'm fine or not!" Max yelled, angry now, "All that matters is that he's safe, and that he isn't dead!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Joshua was right, she wasn't fine. She was dying. The dull ache was always in her heart, the tears were always threatening to spill, the guilt was always eating away at her, and the memories were always swimming in her brain.
But she held on to her own argument, It didn't matter if she was dying inside, it didn't matter if her thoughts were constantly plagued by the memory of him, and it didn't matter that her heart was broken; all that mattered was that he was alive, and safe from her.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- 0-0-0-0-0-
"Max I know there are risks, but there are risks in every kind of relationship...and I'm willing to take a risk."
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Joshua may be willing to take the risk but she wasn't, there was too much at stake, Logan was too valuable to gamble with, and Logan was too precious to lose.
Max opened apartment door and stepped inside, relieved to have the worrisome world away from her, glad to be in a sheltered place where she could relax and collect her thoughts.
"Cindy? Yo Cindy you home?"
There was no answer, Max was alone in her small apartment.
hmmmm, I wonder where she is... probably off with her new girl friend..what I'd give to be with my boyfriend....ex-boyfriend
Max flopped down onto the coach, for the first time in her life, truly exhausted. She was emotionally drained, and completely wiped out. She was about to take a nap right there on the coach when she noticed the blinking light on her answering machine.
Maybe Cindy left a message...ugh, but it's all the way over there, I'd have to get up.. oh well, it'll bug me if don't check.--
"Hey Max it's Original Cindy, where the heck are you? Me and the peeps are down at crash wondering where you at. Anywayz me and my extremely fine new girl are gonna go back to her place, so if you need me that's where I'll be... And Boo quit sulking around, and head to crash and hang out with da boyz, they may not be as fun as Original Cindy, but they'll do. K boo late."
Max smiled, Cindy never failed to lighten the mood, but Max really wasn't up to going out. Max scowled as another message started-
"Hey Max it's me.. Umm Logan that is. I um, I have some news. I mean, in case you're interested. Uh, it seems that Joshua's blood is affecting me the same way yours did- Not the virus- I mean its stem cells are working on my back or something. I uh, I'm not sure how long it'll last or anything - I'm seeing Dr. Carr tomorrow. So uh, anyway, just thought you might want to know.. Kay bye."
Max just stood there in shock, her mouth hanging open, her head swimming.
What?....Logan...Joshua's blood ..Logan..back.Logan...Dr. Carr..Logan.. I have to see him.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Logan was on the floor once again.
Not drunk this time, just pensive. He took pleasure in sitting on the floor, the wood was hard and uncomfortable; but he could feel it, and that was extremely enjoyable.
Was this how fate worked now? Taking one thing from him and giving him back another. That hardly seemed fair; he had never asked for this trade, the bargain was a horrible one that he had never consented to. He wanted back what had taken him so long to find and bargain for: her affection. But it belonged to someone else now, it had been stolen and he would never get it back.
"Knock Knock," whispered a voice.
He looked up, and there she was, as beautiful, and angelic as she'd ever been.
"Hey," he whispered back, not sure if this was a dream or not, trying not to think too much and ruin it.
"Hey yourself," she looked down at him on the floor looking so sad, her heart stinging at the thought that she had caused this sadness.
"Got your message.its really great.. I mean the whole, feeling in the legs thing."
"Yeah," he said quietly looking into her eyes, desperately searching for something.
"Why are you on the floor..are you okay?" she added as an afterthought afraid he might have hurt himself.
"No, I'm fine...just enjoying the feel of hard wooden floor against my ass." He smiled up at her, the first smile he had shed in a long time. She smiled back, a rare thing for her these days.
There was a pause in which they both just stared at each other, as if unsure as to what exactly was happening. What was she dong here? Why had she chosen to come now, and not before? Neither of them knew the answer, and neither of them was sure as to what to do next. However they both knew that they never wanted the other to be away from them ever again, even though they both knew that it was inevitable.
...Finally Logan couldn't take the silence anymore.
"Max....what are you doing here?" He asked.
"I don't know," she replied honestly.
"Oh..so.how's Alec?" he asked reluctantly.
"He's...." her heart was aching, she didn't want to lie to him again, she didn't want to hurt him, all she wanted to do was get down onto the floor with him, crawl into his arms, and cry into his shoulder. But that wasn't an option.
"He's.." be strong you're a soldier "I.." but I don't want to be a soldier, I want to be with man I love Well, that's not really an option now, is it? I can't lie to him, I have to tell him the truth. do you want him to die? No, but I don't want to see him so hurt anymore.
"I wouldn't know,"
"What?"
"I lied Logan, I was never with Alec. I lied to keep you safe, to keep you alive."
"You lied to me?"
"I did what was necessary to keep you safe."
"How could you? Why? Why would you do that to me?"
"You're not dead, and that's all that matters!"
He stood up now in a rage, so angry he could barely speak.
"Max, I..do you know how badly you hurt me... do you know how many nights I laid awake on my bed at night, wondering if he was making love to you, wondering if he loved you as much as I do, wondering if you loved him back, and wondering if you ever loved me-"
"I've always loved you!! That's why I did it!!! I lied because I didn't want to lose you-"
"Even if that meant hurting me!! Even if that meant breaking my heart!!"
"Yes!!! I had to, even if it meant all those things in order to push you away, I had to do it!" she was crying as well as yelling now, "I know myself Logan, I know that Little by little, I'd forget about the virus, start hanging with you again.....and sooner or later, we would accidentally touch again, and I can't risk that," she wasn't yelling anymore, "I can't risk your life, I won't."
"Max-"
"No, Logan I won't, I won't be held responsible for-"
she had stopped talking because suddenly his lips were on hers.