DISCLAIMER: I am in no way shape or form affiliated with Warner Bros., Amy Sherman-Palladino, or their hit series "Gilmore girls." I do not own any of the following characters, or the settings in which they take place, or the scenarios.
SUMMARY: This is another intermittent chapter based on the thoughts of Jess after his confrontation with Rory.
PAIRING: Eventually, R/J.
RATING: PG
In the Blue of the Morning
Slipping
So here I am at the bridge. I always seem to find myself here at the most crucial moments. I don't know that I ever intend to end up here, my legs just bring me here, whether or not I want to.
Shane never comes to the bridge with me. Ever. I wouldn't bring her here. She wouldn't like it. And it wouldn't feel right anyhow, because in the back of my mind, I've pegged this as Rory and I's spot, even if she has only ever been here with me once, physically, this is where I come when I can't get her off my mind. So it just wouldn't be right to bring Shane here …
And for the record, no, she doesn't know who Bjork is, we don't talk about much, I don't think she's read a book since kindergarten, and it isn't even a student-teacher thing. It's more of a … she finds me and pins me up against a wall thing.
I'm really not sure what just happened back there. I was coming out of the bookstore when Rory walked straight into me. She almost fell over, so I caught her … and there I was … holding Rory … clinging to her waist, holding both of our balances … I could take the smallest of breaths, and my nose … my mind … my body … would be filled with the smell of her shampoo. I could barely see her eyes, which she shut tightly as soon as I caught her. And I could feel her gasp when she realized who it was who'd caught her. I was finally where I'd wanted to be all summer, even if it was just for a split second.
Of course the complications that come with getting something you've wanted awhile, are that you find yourself wanting even more. I wanted to hug her tighter, I wanted to bury my head in her hair … I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her lips, her neck, her cheek, her forehead. I just wanted to let the entire world close out around us and be able to hold her, and bask in the glow and the warmth of just begin that close to her.
But the reality is that the world didn't close around us. So I couldn't do anything. I just resolved to simply stand there, until she pulled away. And I prayed, possibly for the first time in my entire life. I prayed that she'd just stay there … and that Shane wouldn't come walking down the street from Gypsy's.
It made kissing Shane seem even more dull than it had all summer.
Never in a million years did I expect from her to just walk away, and I never expected to chase her down the street, asking her why she hadn't been in touch.
I also didn't expect for her to blow up at me the way she did. I didn't expect her to be so harsh, and so cold. Rory's always seemed so quiet, and even tempered. She's one of those people who always thinks before she speaks or does anything. In a way … she almost reminded me of … me.
I'm not sure why she acted the way she did … because I've never yelled at Rory. I never could yell at Rory. I might talk a little sternly, or sharply … but I could just never bring myself to raise my voice to her. I guess she was scared … and I know she was hurt. It was obvious she was hurt when she looked into my eyes.
I don't know that I've ever seen so much pain in her eyes since I met her. I don't know that I've seen tears welled up in her eyes quite the way they were.
And it killed me. Don't think it doesn't. It drove me crazy, because here in front of me, was standing the girl who I care so much about … who I would do anything for. She was near tears because of something I'd done, because of more than one situation I'd been a part of … because for some reason, Rory wants to be with me. And I wanted to do something … but I couldn't.
When she was going on and on with the questions, a million thoughts were racing through my mind. The first of course, was the hope that she'd broken things off with Dean … because then, everything would be a different story.
But then she hadn't.
And I don't want to be part of this love triangle anymore with her and Dean. I want to be with her, or nothing at all. I can't spent all my time chasing around after someone I can't have. It'll be the death of me if I do. I've put myself out there, and I've put myself on the line.
Rory knows why I bought her a pizza, reread The Fountainhead, jumped into a moving sleigh, why I bought her basket, and why I moved back from New York. She also knows very well that Shane wouldn't ever do any of those things, and that I would never do any of those things for Shane. She's not Rory.
And maybe … maybe, I should've told her that if she wasn't with Dean, thing would be different. But I shouldn't have to put an ultimatum on it for it to happen. There shouldn't have to be those kinds of limits and boundaries, it should just come from her because she knows that it's right. She needs to be ready, after almost a year, to admit to everyone, that she has feelings for me, instead of just by letting it slip through secret moments, and stolen kisses.
SUMMARY: This is another intermittent chapter based on the thoughts of Jess after his confrontation with Rory.
PAIRING: Eventually, R/J.
RATING: PG
In the Blue of the Morning
Slipping
So here I am at the bridge. I always seem to find myself here at the most crucial moments. I don't know that I ever intend to end up here, my legs just bring me here, whether or not I want to.
Shane never comes to the bridge with me. Ever. I wouldn't bring her here. She wouldn't like it. And it wouldn't feel right anyhow, because in the back of my mind, I've pegged this as Rory and I's spot, even if she has only ever been here with me once, physically, this is where I come when I can't get her off my mind. So it just wouldn't be right to bring Shane here …
And for the record, no, she doesn't know who Bjork is, we don't talk about much, I don't think she's read a book since kindergarten, and it isn't even a student-teacher thing. It's more of a … she finds me and pins me up against a wall thing.
I'm really not sure what just happened back there. I was coming out of the bookstore when Rory walked straight into me. She almost fell over, so I caught her … and there I was … holding Rory … clinging to her waist, holding both of our balances … I could take the smallest of breaths, and my nose … my mind … my body … would be filled with the smell of her shampoo. I could barely see her eyes, which she shut tightly as soon as I caught her. And I could feel her gasp when she realized who it was who'd caught her. I was finally where I'd wanted to be all summer, even if it was just for a split second.
Of course the complications that come with getting something you've wanted awhile, are that you find yourself wanting even more. I wanted to hug her tighter, I wanted to bury my head in her hair … I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her lips, her neck, her cheek, her forehead. I just wanted to let the entire world close out around us and be able to hold her, and bask in the glow and the warmth of just begin that close to her.
But the reality is that the world didn't close around us. So I couldn't do anything. I just resolved to simply stand there, until she pulled away. And I prayed, possibly for the first time in my entire life. I prayed that she'd just stay there … and that Shane wouldn't come walking down the street from Gypsy's.
It made kissing Shane seem even more dull than it had all summer.
Never in a million years did I expect from her to just walk away, and I never expected to chase her down the street, asking her why she hadn't been in touch.
I also didn't expect for her to blow up at me the way she did. I didn't expect her to be so harsh, and so cold. Rory's always seemed so quiet, and even tempered. She's one of those people who always thinks before she speaks or does anything. In a way … she almost reminded me of … me.
I'm not sure why she acted the way she did … because I've never yelled at Rory. I never could yell at Rory. I might talk a little sternly, or sharply … but I could just never bring myself to raise my voice to her. I guess she was scared … and I know she was hurt. It was obvious she was hurt when she looked into my eyes.
I don't know that I've ever seen so much pain in her eyes since I met her. I don't know that I've seen tears welled up in her eyes quite the way they were.
And it killed me. Don't think it doesn't. It drove me crazy, because here in front of me, was standing the girl who I care so much about … who I would do anything for. She was near tears because of something I'd done, because of more than one situation I'd been a part of … because for some reason, Rory wants to be with me. And I wanted to do something … but I couldn't.
When she was going on and on with the questions, a million thoughts were racing through my mind. The first of course, was the hope that she'd broken things off with Dean … because then, everything would be a different story.
But then she hadn't.
And I don't want to be part of this love triangle anymore with her and Dean. I want to be with her, or nothing at all. I can't spent all my time chasing around after someone I can't have. It'll be the death of me if I do. I've put myself out there, and I've put myself on the line.
Rory knows why I bought her a pizza, reread The Fountainhead, jumped into a moving sleigh, why I bought her basket, and why I moved back from New York. She also knows very well that Shane wouldn't ever do any of those things, and that I would never do any of those things for Shane. She's not Rory.
And maybe … maybe, I should've told her that if she wasn't with Dean, thing would be different. But I shouldn't have to put an ultimatum on it for it to happen. There shouldn't have to be those kinds of limits and boundaries, it should just come from her because she knows that it's right. She needs to be ready, after almost a year, to admit to everyone, that she has feelings for me, instead of just by letting it slip through secret moments, and stolen kisses.