Home Movies: The Great Film
"No Brendon. You see, it's like this: It depends on how rich you are to lose something," Coach McGuirk told Brendon, who were at their usual spot on the soccer field. Brendon was sitting at the bottom row of the bleachers and McGuirk was standing there watching the rest of the soccer team fail miserably at every practice drill.
"Oh, okay. Um, how so?" Brendon asked.
"If you're rich, and somebody wants something of yours, they won't get it. If you're not, then you'll probably lose everything you have, due to the rich people," McGuirk casually explained. "That's probably why I'm still a soccer coach."
"I... see. Well, that certainly had nothing to do with my question," Brendon mumbled.
"NO! You don't sit on the ball! Get up- whatever your name is!" McGuirk yelled to one of the kids in the soccer field. "Now what was the question again?" McGuirk asked Brendon, who gave a disgruntled look back.
Meanwhile...
"Now, I wanted to tell you that your class was meeting in a different room, but for some strange and unknown reason I just forgot to tell you that," Lindenson told the annoyed Paula in his office.
"Okay, that's nice. Now can you just tell me what class room I'm now teaching at?" Paula asked.
"Now, you teach how to write? Am I right? Ha! I'm certainly not left, if you know what I mean?" Lindenson went on.
"I teach Creative Writing, yes," Paula muttered.
"Well isn't that just wonderful. You know, I always wondered just what you taught, and I always thought to myself, 'Small teaches a writing class to her students.' That made me think, writing's an important thing to know, and-" Lindenson began.
"Yes, it's important. Can I please know what classroom I'm teaching at?" Paula asked, almost impatiently.
"Noooowww, Small. You should let me finish my sentence. I can see you're in a hurry, and I wouldn't want to slow you down. And what I mean when I say 'I wouldn't want to slow you down,' I reeaally mean 'I don't want to keep you waiting here for too long.' After all, nobody would want to keep their class waiting," Lindenson droned on in his usual annoying way.
"Can you tell me what classroom I'm teaching at?" Paula asked for the third time.
"Of course I can tell you, Small. You know that I know the classroom number, and I know you can know it as well. Here, let me tell you the classroom," Lindenson said while grabbing a file folder. Paula looked around with her typical wearied look on her face while Lindenson flipped through several pages in the folder.
"Ah, ha! Well what do you know? I seem to be missing the paper which would've showed me the number of the classroom you would be teaching your Creative Writing class to," Lindenson finally said, which was followed by a soft and long moan by Paula to herself.
Later that day...
"Have you gotten any ideas yet?" Melissa asked Brendon where they filmed their movies.
"Um, sure. Yeah, I got some ideas. I couldn't get any from anyone but myself. Coach didn't even attempt answering my question," Brendon explained.
"Well, it's not like your ideas are bad, Brendon. Let's just start another movie," Jason said while picking his nose.
"Well sure, but I just want public opinion on good movie categories and themes and such," Brendon said.
"So what are some ideas that you got?" Melissa asked.
"Oh, well, I got some ideas," Brendon began.
A few minutes later...
The room was dark, and Jason was in his trench coat outfit. Melissa was filming and providing narration.
"A lone spy out in the darkness of night... Will he find his long-lost brother, captured by the ZQPRVK?" Melissa narrated.
"Oh, I'll find him," Jason began, "and I'll find him... good."
"But first he must find the leader of the ZQP...VR...C and defeat him!" Melissa said.
"Yes, I must find the leader of the... bad guys and defeat him!" Jason echoed. Just then Brendon jumped in, also wearing a trench coat.
"Who is this?" Jason asked blandly.
"It is I! Your long-lost brother!" Brendon exclaimed.
"Oh, my brother. It's good, to see you. But where's the leader. Of those that captured you. Um, where?" Jason asked.
"Why, I AM the leader of the ZPTRQKV! HA! HA! HA!" Brendon yelled evilly.
"What will our hero do?" Melissa continued narrating while taping.
"Um, I hate you," Jason told Brendon.
"So does my... dynamite!" Brendon yelled, pulling out a cardboard pipe (like the ones used in toilet paper rolls) that was painted red. Brendon chucked the prop towards Jason who looked at it in surprise. "And cut!" Brendon said, ending the scene.
"Wow, that was really good Brendon!" Melissa said, pressing the button to stop the camera from taping.
"Hey, thanks. Now to make the scene end with a bang, we're going to need an explosion there," replied Brendon, taking off his hat.
"An explosion? How're we going to make an explosion?" Jason asked.
"I'm still trying to figure that out," Brendon answered. "But we can do one, I'm sure. After all, it is I that is directing these movies."
The next day...
"Okay team, today's the big game," McGuirk told his soccer team.
"When is it?" one of the kids asked.
"Today you little- Okay, the game's actually in a couple minutes. So here's the game plan," McGuirk began.
"A game plan? You've made an actual plan?" Brendon asked.
"Why yes, Brendon, I have. And with this game plan we will surely win this game. You just have to do this simple little plan and you'll win," McGuirk explained to the attentive players. "Just do this. One: Score lots of goals. Two: Don't let them score lots of goals. Three: There is none. Unless you pay me money. Then there is a three, which would be better. Now get out there and follow that game plan!"
An hour later...
"Apparently you kids didn't follow my game plan. We lost. We lost eight to zero," McGuirk told the huddled kids.
"I almost scored that one shot," a kid said.
"That was the wrong goal. Now, next week we'll do the same game plan, only you'll actually do it. Now get going," McGuirk said before leaving to his car.
That evening...
"Hey, mom," Brendon began at the dinner table.
"Yes, Brendon," Paula replied.
"Hey, I was wondering if you had any bombs or something," Brendon said.
"What?!? Brendon, we do not have any such thing. What would you want a bomb for?" Paula exclaimed.
"I need an explosion for my new movie," he answered.
"Well, you can't use a real bomb, Brendon. You need to be an expert with them to use them," Paula explained.
"Oh, okay. Well, how am I going to have an explosion then? Fake it?" Brendon questioned.
"Well, sure! You can fake it, somehow," Paula replied.
"All right then. Um, I'll fake it then, I guess," Brendon muttered as he left the room.
"No Brendon. You see, it's like this: It depends on how rich you are to lose something," Coach McGuirk told Brendon, who were at their usual spot on the soccer field. Brendon was sitting at the bottom row of the bleachers and McGuirk was standing there watching the rest of the soccer team fail miserably at every practice drill.
"Oh, okay. Um, how so?" Brendon asked.
"If you're rich, and somebody wants something of yours, they won't get it. If you're not, then you'll probably lose everything you have, due to the rich people," McGuirk casually explained. "That's probably why I'm still a soccer coach."
"I... see. Well, that certainly had nothing to do with my question," Brendon mumbled.
"NO! You don't sit on the ball! Get up- whatever your name is!" McGuirk yelled to one of the kids in the soccer field. "Now what was the question again?" McGuirk asked Brendon, who gave a disgruntled look back.
Meanwhile...
"Now, I wanted to tell you that your class was meeting in a different room, but for some strange and unknown reason I just forgot to tell you that," Lindenson told the annoyed Paula in his office.
"Okay, that's nice. Now can you just tell me what class room I'm now teaching at?" Paula asked.
"Now, you teach how to write? Am I right? Ha! I'm certainly not left, if you know what I mean?" Lindenson went on.
"I teach Creative Writing, yes," Paula muttered.
"Well isn't that just wonderful. You know, I always wondered just what you taught, and I always thought to myself, 'Small teaches a writing class to her students.' That made me think, writing's an important thing to know, and-" Lindenson began.
"Yes, it's important. Can I please know what classroom I'm teaching at?" Paula asked, almost impatiently.
"Noooowww, Small. You should let me finish my sentence. I can see you're in a hurry, and I wouldn't want to slow you down. And what I mean when I say 'I wouldn't want to slow you down,' I reeaally mean 'I don't want to keep you waiting here for too long.' After all, nobody would want to keep their class waiting," Lindenson droned on in his usual annoying way.
"Can you tell me what classroom I'm teaching at?" Paula asked for the third time.
"Of course I can tell you, Small. You know that I know the classroom number, and I know you can know it as well. Here, let me tell you the classroom," Lindenson said while grabbing a file folder. Paula looked around with her typical wearied look on her face while Lindenson flipped through several pages in the folder.
"Ah, ha! Well what do you know? I seem to be missing the paper which would've showed me the number of the classroom you would be teaching your Creative Writing class to," Lindenson finally said, which was followed by a soft and long moan by Paula to herself.
Later that day...
"Have you gotten any ideas yet?" Melissa asked Brendon where they filmed their movies.
"Um, sure. Yeah, I got some ideas. I couldn't get any from anyone but myself. Coach didn't even attempt answering my question," Brendon explained.
"Well, it's not like your ideas are bad, Brendon. Let's just start another movie," Jason said while picking his nose.
"Well sure, but I just want public opinion on good movie categories and themes and such," Brendon said.
"So what are some ideas that you got?" Melissa asked.
"Oh, well, I got some ideas," Brendon began.
A few minutes later...
The room was dark, and Jason was in his trench coat outfit. Melissa was filming and providing narration.
"A lone spy out in the darkness of night... Will he find his long-lost brother, captured by the ZQPRVK?" Melissa narrated.
"Oh, I'll find him," Jason began, "and I'll find him... good."
"But first he must find the leader of the ZQP...VR...C and defeat him!" Melissa said.
"Yes, I must find the leader of the... bad guys and defeat him!" Jason echoed. Just then Brendon jumped in, also wearing a trench coat.
"Who is this?" Jason asked blandly.
"It is I! Your long-lost brother!" Brendon exclaimed.
"Oh, my brother. It's good, to see you. But where's the leader. Of those that captured you. Um, where?" Jason asked.
"Why, I AM the leader of the ZPTRQKV! HA! HA! HA!" Brendon yelled evilly.
"What will our hero do?" Melissa continued narrating while taping.
"Um, I hate you," Jason told Brendon.
"So does my... dynamite!" Brendon yelled, pulling out a cardboard pipe (like the ones used in toilet paper rolls) that was painted red. Brendon chucked the prop towards Jason who looked at it in surprise. "And cut!" Brendon said, ending the scene.
"Wow, that was really good Brendon!" Melissa said, pressing the button to stop the camera from taping.
"Hey, thanks. Now to make the scene end with a bang, we're going to need an explosion there," replied Brendon, taking off his hat.
"An explosion? How're we going to make an explosion?" Jason asked.
"I'm still trying to figure that out," Brendon answered. "But we can do one, I'm sure. After all, it is I that is directing these movies."
The next day...
"Okay team, today's the big game," McGuirk told his soccer team.
"When is it?" one of the kids asked.
"Today you little- Okay, the game's actually in a couple minutes. So here's the game plan," McGuirk began.
"A game plan? You've made an actual plan?" Brendon asked.
"Why yes, Brendon, I have. And with this game plan we will surely win this game. You just have to do this simple little plan and you'll win," McGuirk explained to the attentive players. "Just do this. One: Score lots of goals. Two: Don't let them score lots of goals. Three: There is none. Unless you pay me money. Then there is a three, which would be better. Now get out there and follow that game plan!"
An hour later...
"Apparently you kids didn't follow my game plan. We lost. We lost eight to zero," McGuirk told the huddled kids.
"I almost scored that one shot," a kid said.
"That was the wrong goal. Now, next week we'll do the same game plan, only you'll actually do it. Now get going," McGuirk said before leaving to his car.
That evening...
"Hey, mom," Brendon began at the dinner table.
"Yes, Brendon," Paula replied.
"Hey, I was wondering if you had any bombs or something," Brendon said.
"What?!? Brendon, we do not have any such thing. What would you want a bomb for?" Paula exclaimed.
"I need an explosion for my new movie," he answered.
"Well, you can't use a real bomb, Brendon. You need to be an expert with them to use them," Paula explained.
"Oh, okay. Well, how am I going to have an explosion then? Fake it?" Brendon questioned.
"Well, sure! You can fake it, somehow," Paula replied.
"All right then. Um, I'll fake it then, I guess," Brendon muttered as he left the room.