Disclaimer : Notttttttt miiiiineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. As usual.
Jonathan walked back down the hall to his bedroom. He got a brown sweater and a pair of khaki pants from his closet and quickly changed clothes. As he was leaving the room, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror on the door. He stepped back and studied his reflection, remembering that the sweater he was wearing was the one Sally had picked out when they had gone shopping a few weeks ago. "You're so handsome, darling," she had told him. She had been fine then. Happy and healthy and…well, she hadn't really ever been healthy. But they had been able to be together, content and in love. Jonathan didn't know if he could ever be that happy again. He couldn't imagine ever meeting anyone who could compare with Sally…
He went into the bathroom to wash his face, but stopped short when he saw Sally's makeup still sitting there on the sink. Her eyeshadow and her lipstick…God, she had more lipstick than he had ever seen. And her perfume, that sugary vanilla scent that on anyone else would have smelled too strong and too sweet but on Sally had been just right. Jonathan just stood there for a minute, looking at the tubes of lipstick and palettes of eyeshadow and rouge she had left behind…and that bottle of vanilla perfume. He remembered that when they had been traveling from Berlin, that was the one thing Sally had worried about breaking.
"Sally, it's safe in my bag, I promise," he had told her. "If it breaks, I'll buy you three new bottles of whatever perfume you want."
"Well, yes, darling, but if that bottle breaks, all of your clothes are going to smell like that perfume forever!" She had said it so urgently, like it would have been the greatest tragedy in the world, and to her it probably was. He hadn't been able to stop himself from chuckling at her ingenuity.
"Jonathan! It isn't funny!"
"Sally, it's all right, really."
She pouted jokingly and crossed her arms. "Fine," she had said. "But don't blame me if your clothes get ruined." She had pretended to pout at him for a few more minutes, and he just looked into her eyes until she finally smiled and they both burst out laughing.
Jonathan caught himself smiling in the mirror. They'd had so much fun that day, laughing and talking on the train, but then Sally had gotten quiet. Jonathan had reached over and gently placed his hand upon hers. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine, darling," she had replied weakly. "Just tired."
"You're sure that's all?" he had asked.
She nodded. "I just need to sleep for a little bit."
He had dismissed it then, but now he wished he had thought something of it. It wouldn't have mattered though, it just…it wouldn't have made any difference.
Jonathan washed his face in the sink and started to put Sally's makeup in the cabinet overhead, but couldn't bring himself to move it. Because then…then she really would be gone. If he left it there, he would see it every morning and every morning he would expect to go into her room and still find her lying there sleeping. And he would bring her breakfast in bed and they would lie together forever, just like always. Only now, he would go into that room every morning and find everything that had been hers-all her clothes and shoes and the coat he had bought her-everything neatly in place, but no Sally. Like she had gone on vacation and all of those things were just waiting patiently for her to return. Jonathan knew he would always be waiting too, always secretly hoping that somehow she would just magically show up at the door one day and they would pick up right where they left off.
He couldn't help but wonder what might have been...He and Sally probably would have gotten married. They would have moved to the city and kept the country house for the weekends. Jonathan quickly abandoned the thought; it was a lost cause now. Numbly, he walked back down the hall to her room and tried to avoid looking at her as he pulled the door closed. He sank down against the door, sitting on the floor in the hallway. What is Brian doing right now...Probably the same thing I'm doing, Jonathan thought. Crying, missing Sally, remembering things they had shared...Brian certainly did have him beat in that area. Even though he hated to admit it, Jonathan envied Brian for all the time he had spent with Sally in Berlin. Jonathan had only been with her for a month, counting the time she had been sick. They had one perfect week together--exactly one week--and then everything had come crashing down.
Jonathan thought about what might have happened if Sally had not come back to London with him. He would have stayed for a few more days and then gone back home. They never would have seen each other again. Sally would have died alone, and Brian and Jonathan never would have known she was sick to begin with. They would have just gone on with life, gone on thinking that Sally was alive and well back in Berlin. Gone on with life...Jonathan was having trouble imagining going on with life now...now that she was gone.
He went into his bedroom and shakily dialed Brian's number. Come on Brian, he thought, I know you're there...