'Blood is Blood'
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic.
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission.
For the real Ben, rest in peace man.
Chapter 1: No Fairy Tale or Happy End
'To Whom It May Concern: In other words, everyone, because it concerns everyone.
I know I'm not the best writer (everyone knows I failed English last year) I just hope I can get my point across, because there's some real fucked up people in this world, and I think they need help, well I think the whole world needs help.
I know most people think I've had a perfect life; that's not true because nobody's had a perfect life.
And before you ask, this isn't about me or the attention I might get (flattering though it may be) it's about everybody, because everybody has issues, no matter how hard they try to ignore them.
I talk to so many people, students and teachers and dropouts alike. Everyone has problems but the little problems always get pushed aside until they're big problems, and by then it's too late.
I'm not gonna name any people cos you guys all know you are, and don't dare think this is your fault, none of youse had anything to do with this.
It seems like everyone I know has problems, even the ones who act like they don't... maybe especially them.
Some of the things I've heard and been told, and even seen - it's disgusting that it could happen to anyone. But what was even more horrible was that some of you, most of you even, thought it was completely normal.
Well I'm telling you now it's not.
Don't think I'm trying to pass judgement on you, I'm not, but when your father climbs into bed with you at night, that's not normal. When your dad hits your mom cos he's drunk, it's not normal. When your mom's that wacked out that she can't even remember your name; that's not normal.
You guys, why can't you see this, you guys have got to stop hiding from it. This is bullshit, it shouldn't be happening.
I know how hard it is to face your own issues, and I'm a coward, I can't. God knows I've tried, but I can't hack this shit.
I know I'm a coward and I know I'm taking the cowards way out, which is why I want all of you to face your problems. Don't let them eat you from the inside out, cos they do. I know I'm selfish, I just hope that my death makes you all realise that little problems are still problems. Make sure you deal with your own problems, before you end up like me, cos I don't want anyone to feel like I'm feeling right now, and I don't want any of youse to have to write a note like this one.
To whoever finds this, please make sure that everyone gets to read it, or hear it, or in some way know about it.
Take care, you guys,
And I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Ben.'
With one careful, deliberate motion I set down the pen and reach for the note. I stop when I realise my hands are trembling: Shit I'm scared. I don't know what's gonna happen after I do it. What if you do go to hell after you kill yourself? I chastise myself, I don't believe in hell, right now it feels like I'm in hell anyway.
Someone once asked me what could possibly make someone want to die so much that they would do it themselves. I told them I didn't know. I think now that I do. It may sound stupid, but this is the first time I've ever done this. I know my friends have tried this before, but I've never had the guts.
But I think I'm just as scared to live as I am to die.
I sigh and snatch up the note. I don't have time to be doing this right now. I thought about everything last night.
Nimbly I fold the paper and pick up the gun. The lunch bell is going to go in a minute. Idly I wonder who's going to find me. I'm doing it in the boys toilets so I know it won't be Marcy, god I hope she doesn't see my dead body. I feel so guilty for this - I wonder if they'll hate me for it, but if it helps, that'll make it all worthwhile.
I look down at my watch, wow this'll be my last thought, maybe I should've made it a bit more worthwhile then just-
~~~
Dan bolted out of the room before the teacher could even give them permission to leave. God he needed to take a leak. Idly he wondered he wondered if Marcy would get him a hamburger before all the good ones were gone - He hated the ones that tasted of cold grease and fell apart before you had a chance to eat them. Knowing Marcy she'd probably give it to some starving year 8 while she was waiting for him.
He pushed the toilet door and wrinkled his nose. Something really stank, but not a normal toilet smell.
He looked down and froze, the thoughts which had earlier been racing through his head coming to a complete stop. That crumpled figure on the floor couldn't be a person. It didn't look like a person: It looked like a doll.
His stomach heaved and he stumbled to the sink. He would have used the toilet but the body blocked the doorway. He wiped his mouth and spotted the bag on the bench next to the sink. He knew that bag with the thousands of stupid key rings and fuzzy clip-on-toys. Ben had gotten paid out by everyone when he announced he was going to collect them, but he'd collected them anyway.
He reached out and his hand brushed a piece of paper folded next to the bag. With trembling fingers he picked it up, trying not to touch the tiny dots of blood. His eyes slid to his feet where his jeans were slowly soaking up the puddle of blood in which he stood.
With a choked cry he jumped back, his eyes returning to the body on the floor... Ben...
He dropped to his knees next to the body, "Ben," He shook the boy, "Get up man, this isn't funny dude. I'm gonna totally whoop your ass. Stop playing!"
He pulled his hand away, staring in stupefied shock at the blood and small pieces of bone. "BEN! BEN!!!"
The door opened and a teacher stepped into the toilet, "What's going on-" The words froze on his lips.
~~~
Matt looked up as the girl raced up to their table. Sandy - or something stupid like that.
"Oh my god! Do you guys know if it's true or not?" She asked breathlessly, the smile never budging from her face.
"What do you mean Sammy?" Sora asked. Sammy, yeah that was it. She was one of Sora's friends.
"Ben Elliot just offed himself in the A-Block boys toilets. Do you guys wanna come take a gawk? I'm gonna go see if it's true or not!"
"I'll come," Matt offered.
Sora wrinkled her nose, "No thanks. I was eating you know Sammy."
A couple of Sora's friends laughed.
Sammy grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the toilet. Matt could see a couple of other students heading in that direction as well.
He felt Sammy's grip on his hand tighten in excitement, "Wow, it must be over there, c'mon!"
Matt couldn't help feeling excited as well. Imagine if someone really had killed themselves at his school. Who had she said: Ben Elliot? She must have got the name wrong. Ben was a cool guy, he was pretty much friends with everyone. Like he'd off himself.
He stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene before him. There was a girl, Marcy, he vaguely remembered Ben talking about her. They were friends, about as close as he'd once been to Tai. There were tears streaming down her face as a friend Dee, he remembered her from one of his concerts, tried to console her even though she seemed to be crying almost as much.
"Are you getting a good gawk you fucking insensitive cunts. One of your fellow classmates just killed himself, and you're acting like this is some cheap sideshow! Just fuck off!" Louie screamed, tears streaming down her face. Matt felt his heart clench. He knew Louie, he'd dated her in year 9.
His eyes slid over to the blood-drenched boy standing near the toilet door. He could see Tai talking to him, and he vaguely wondered when Tai had met the boy. Dan wasn't much of a soccer player, he hung around more in Matts circle. With a heavy heart he made his way over to the two boys.
"Hey, are you alright?" He asked in concern.
The brunette let out a choked sob, and tears slid down his face, "No..." He sobbed out, "Matt... He's dead..."
Matt found himself unable to speak as the boy looped his arms around Matt's neck and buried his face in the blonde's neck. Dan usually couldn't stand people touching him, he made a real thing of it. Shaking a little Matt brought his hands up to awkwardly pat the other boys back.
Dan pulled away, "He was my best friend Matt."
"Why would he do that?" Matt asked.
Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled note. Matt could see a few bloodstains on it. They must have been from his jeans.
"I have to go," The boy said. Matt watched him go and turned to Tai.
"Hey," He said cautiously.
"Hey," The other boy said absently, "I..." There was a pause, "I've gotta go."
Matt stared at Tai's retreating back. Since when had he been closer to Dan then to Tai? Maybe things really had gone further then he thought.
Dazedly Matt plodded back to the cafeteria, oblivious to the looks he was receiving until Sora gave a small cry when he reached their table.
"Matt, what happened?"
Matt looked down to see his clothes covered with blood where Dan had pressed against him.
"It was true..." He muttered.
"Matt?" Sora asked in concern.
"I've got to go," Still dazed Matt walked out of the cafeteria, and out of the school. Nobody even tried to stop him, or talk to him, despite the fact that he was covered in blood, or maybe because of the fact that he was covered in blood.
To Be Continued...
Authors Notes: We know we mostly had original characters in this chapter, you're going to have to wait till next chapter to see the others.
Most of the original digidestined are in year 12 (like the boy who died). This fic won't be about the original characters, not really. The purpose was to set the scene. Next chapter everyone receives a strange letter and we see the digidestined being forced to face their inner demons, and that's what this fic is really about.
Review if you want more.
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic.
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission.
For the real Ben, rest in peace man.
Chapter 1: No Fairy Tale or Happy End
'To Whom It May Concern: In other words, everyone, because it concerns everyone.
I know I'm not the best writer (everyone knows I failed English last year) I just hope I can get my point across, because there's some real fucked up people in this world, and I think they need help, well I think the whole world needs help.
I know most people think I've had a perfect life; that's not true because nobody's had a perfect life.
And before you ask, this isn't about me or the attention I might get (flattering though it may be) it's about everybody, because everybody has issues, no matter how hard they try to ignore them.
I talk to so many people, students and teachers and dropouts alike. Everyone has problems but the little problems always get pushed aside until they're big problems, and by then it's too late.
I'm not gonna name any people cos you guys all know you are, and don't dare think this is your fault, none of youse had anything to do with this.
It seems like everyone I know has problems, even the ones who act like they don't... maybe especially them.
Some of the things I've heard and been told, and even seen - it's disgusting that it could happen to anyone. But what was even more horrible was that some of you, most of you even, thought it was completely normal.
Well I'm telling you now it's not.
Don't think I'm trying to pass judgement on you, I'm not, but when your father climbs into bed with you at night, that's not normal. When your dad hits your mom cos he's drunk, it's not normal. When your mom's that wacked out that she can't even remember your name; that's not normal.
You guys, why can't you see this, you guys have got to stop hiding from it. This is bullshit, it shouldn't be happening.
I know how hard it is to face your own issues, and I'm a coward, I can't. God knows I've tried, but I can't hack this shit.
I know I'm a coward and I know I'm taking the cowards way out, which is why I want all of you to face your problems. Don't let them eat you from the inside out, cos they do. I know I'm selfish, I just hope that my death makes you all realise that little problems are still problems. Make sure you deal with your own problems, before you end up like me, cos I don't want anyone to feel like I'm feeling right now, and I don't want any of youse to have to write a note like this one.
To whoever finds this, please make sure that everyone gets to read it, or hear it, or in some way know about it.
Take care, you guys,
And I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Ben.'
With one careful, deliberate motion I set down the pen and reach for the note. I stop when I realise my hands are trembling: Shit I'm scared. I don't know what's gonna happen after I do it. What if you do go to hell after you kill yourself? I chastise myself, I don't believe in hell, right now it feels like I'm in hell anyway.
Someone once asked me what could possibly make someone want to die so much that they would do it themselves. I told them I didn't know. I think now that I do. It may sound stupid, but this is the first time I've ever done this. I know my friends have tried this before, but I've never had the guts.
But I think I'm just as scared to live as I am to die.
I sigh and snatch up the note. I don't have time to be doing this right now. I thought about everything last night.
Nimbly I fold the paper and pick up the gun. The lunch bell is going to go in a minute. Idly I wonder who's going to find me. I'm doing it in the boys toilets so I know it won't be Marcy, god I hope she doesn't see my dead body. I feel so guilty for this - I wonder if they'll hate me for it, but if it helps, that'll make it all worthwhile.
I look down at my watch, wow this'll be my last thought, maybe I should've made it a bit more worthwhile then just-
~~~
Dan bolted out of the room before the teacher could even give them permission to leave. God he needed to take a leak. Idly he wondered he wondered if Marcy would get him a hamburger before all the good ones were gone - He hated the ones that tasted of cold grease and fell apart before you had a chance to eat them. Knowing Marcy she'd probably give it to some starving year 8 while she was waiting for him.
He pushed the toilet door and wrinkled his nose. Something really stank, but not a normal toilet smell.
He looked down and froze, the thoughts which had earlier been racing through his head coming to a complete stop. That crumpled figure on the floor couldn't be a person. It didn't look like a person: It looked like a doll.
His stomach heaved and he stumbled to the sink. He would have used the toilet but the body blocked the doorway. He wiped his mouth and spotted the bag on the bench next to the sink. He knew that bag with the thousands of stupid key rings and fuzzy clip-on-toys. Ben had gotten paid out by everyone when he announced he was going to collect them, but he'd collected them anyway.
He reached out and his hand brushed a piece of paper folded next to the bag. With trembling fingers he picked it up, trying not to touch the tiny dots of blood. His eyes slid to his feet where his jeans were slowly soaking up the puddle of blood in which he stood.
With a choked cry he jumped back, his eyes returning to the body on the floor... Ben...
He dropped to his knees next to the body, "Ben," He shook the boy, "Get up man, this isn't funny dude. I'm gonna totally whoop your ass. Stop playing!"
He pulled his hand away, staring in stupefied shock at the blood and small pieces of bone. "BEN! BEN!!!"
The door opened and a teacher stepped into the toilet, "What's going on-" The words froze on his lips.
~~~
Matt looked up as the girl raced up to their table. Sandy - or something stupid like that.
"Oh my god! Do you guys know if it's true or not?" She asked breathlessly, the smile never budging from her face.
"What do you mean Sammy?" Sora asked. Sammy, yeah that was it. She was one of Sora's friends.
"Ben Elliot just offed himself in the A-Block boys toilets. Do you guys wanna come take a gawk? I'm gonna go see if it's true or not!"
"I'll come," Matt offered.
Sora wrinkled her nose, "No thanks. I was eating you know Sammy."
A couple of Sora's friends laughed.
Sammy grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the toilet. Matt could see a couple of other students heading in that direction as well.
He felt Sammy's grip on his hand tighten in excitement, "Wow, it must be over there, c'mon!"
Matt couldn't help feeling excited as well. Imagine if someone really had killed themselves at his school. Who had she said: Ben Elliot? She must have got the name wrong. Ben was a cool guy, he was pretty much friends with everyone. Like he'd off himself.
He stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene before him. There was a girl, Marcy, he vaguely remembered Ben talking about her. They were friends, about as close as he'd once been to Tai. There were tears streaming down her face as a friend Dee, he remembered her from one of his concerts, tried to console her even though she seemed to be crying almost as much.
"Are you getting a good gawk you fucking insensitive cunts. One of your fellow classmates just killed himself, and you're acting like this is some cheap sideshow! Just fuck off!" Louie screamed, tears streaming down her face. Matt felt his heart clench. He knew Louie, he'd dated her in year 9.
His eyes slid over to the blood-drenched boy standing near the toilet door. He could see Tai talking to him, and he vaguely wondered when Tai had met the boy. Dan wasn't much of a soccer player, he hung around more in Matts circle. With a heavy heart he made his way over to the two boys.
"Hey, are you alright?" He asked in concern.
The brunette let out a choked sob, and tears slid down his face, "No..." He sobbed out, "Matt... He's dead..."
Matt found himself unable to speak as the boy looped his arms around Matt's neck and buried his face in the blonde's neck. Dan usually couldn't stand people touching him, he made a real thing of it. Shaking a little Matt brought his hands up to awkwardly pat the other boys back.
Dan pulled away, "He was my best friend Matt."
"Why would he do that?" Matt asked.
Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled note. Matt could see a few bloodstains on it. They must have been from his jeans.
"I have to go," The boy said. Matt watched him go and turned to Tai.
"Hey," He said cautiously.
"Hey," The other boy said absently, "I..." There was a pause, "I've gotta go."
Matt stared at Tai's retreating back. Since when had he been closer to Dan then to Tai? Maybe things really had gone further then he thought.
Dazedly Matt plodded back to the cafeteria, oblivious to the looks he was receiving until Sora gave a small cry when he reached their table.
"Matt, what happened?"
Matt looked down to see his clothes covered with blood where Dan had pressed against him.
"It was true..." He muttered.
"Matt?" Sora asked in concern.
"I've got to go," Still dazed Matt walked out of the cafeteria, and out of the school. Nobody even tried to stop him, or talk to him, despite the fact that he was covered in blood, or maybe because of the fact that he was covered in blood.
To Be Continued...
Authors Notes: We know we mostly had original characters in this chapter, you're going to have to wait till next chapter to see the others.
Most of the original digidestined are in year 12 (like the boy who died). This fic won't be about the original characters, not really. The purpose was to set the scene. Next chapter everyone receives a strange letter and we see the digidestined being forced to face their inner demons, and that's what this fic is really about.
Review if you want more.