'Blood is Blood'
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Drug-use, Yaoi (We can't resist) Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic. TAITO, KENSUKE - It just snuck in. *sighs miserably* We were really looking forward to writing SORATO *gags*
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission. For the real Ben, rest in peace man.
Chapter 4: A Crystal in My Babies Eyes, I Want What I Can Love
Matt sat down on the park bench, holding an ice-cream in his right hand and a red balloon in his left. Sighing happily he began to eat the chocolate ice-cream.
"You don't have to eat that you know," said a happy voice.
Matt looked up and smiled, "Oh, hi Ben. How's it going?"
"You don't have to eat that." Ben repeated, "It can't taste nice."
"What are you talking about?" Matt questioned, "I love chocolate ice- cream." He took a big lick. Ben winced.
"You don't have to pretend you know Matt. I already know what it is."
"What?" Laughed Matt, "Chocolate ice-cream?"
"It doesn't taste that good you know Matt. You don't have to swallow it."
"What are you talking about Ben?"
"Look at it for what it really is Matt. You already know what it is, now stop lying to itself."
Matt looked down at the ice-cream in his hand. Maggots and bugs were crawling around inside the cone, in a shifting mess that made him feel sick. How could he have been eating it for so long?
He looked back at Ben, who stared back at him, the most heartbreakingly sad expression on his face.
He let go of the balloon, but instead of floating up it popped, drenching him in warm blood.
The ice-cream cone disappeared and the bugs swarmed out of his hand. He looked down, but instead of a park bench he was hunched up on a toilet seat. He looked back over at the bugs, they were swarming all over a pasty body. The eyes of the corpse opened,
"You've got blood on your clothes Matty, now your parents are going to be angry," A young girl's voice came from the open mouth.
Matt shrank back as bugs swarmed out of the stiff mouth and began to gnaw at the girl's eyes, which continued to stare accusingly at him.
~~~
"Shit, Matt," Tai shook the boy again, "Wake up dude."
The shrill wailing stopped as Matt sat up in bed, panting for breath.
"Tai?" He asked.
"Are you okay? That must have been some nightmare dude!"
Matt shrugged, "I don't know, I can't remember. Hey can you get me the phone, I think I should ring Sora," He paused, "What are you doing here anyway?"
"I carried you back here when you were too scared to walk." He grinned mischievously.
"Excuse me?" Matt drawled, "You carried me? Yeah right, it was probably the other way around."
Tai's jaw snapped closed, his face flushing with anger, "See if I rescue you from bloody floors ever again!"
"What?" Snapped Matt, his heart skipping a beat as a flash of bloody floor- tiles crossed his minds eye.
"Oh has poor little Matty forgotten being holed up on the toilet, too scared to move?" Tai taunted.
Another flash of memory. "Get out!" Matt shrieked, snatching up one of the books from his bedside table, "Stop saying these things. You're lying!"
Tai stalked out of the room, pausing by the doorway, "Oh by the way. Sora says you're dumped."
"What?!?" Matt screeched at the door, as it slammed shut.
~~~
"Hi Tai," T.K. stepped out of the elevator, and gave Tai his brightest smile, "It's great that you and Matt are friends again."
Tai glared, "Your brother is an asshole," He yelled at the top of his lungs.
Tai stepped into the elevator, and repeatedly pressed the button to close the door, "And don't go near my sister you little-" The doors closed before he could finish his sentence.
T.K. smiled apologetically as the 5 doors between his brothers apartment and the elevator opened and heads poked out, "Lovers tiff," He explained.
T.K. walked into Matts apartment, to see Matt raiding the fridge in a huff, "So what are you and Mrs. Ishida fighting about this time?"
"Can it T.K." Growled Matt.
~~~
Tai stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.
"Hello Tai-sweetie" Sung his mother, "It sounds like you had a wonderful day at school. Would you like some onion juice dear?"
"I don't like onion juice Mum," He replied.
"Oh..." His mother seemed to shrink in on herself, "You won't tell your father will you? I just forgot."
"No Mum, I won't say a word."
"Oh Tai, you're such a good boy. Would you like to come into the kitchen? I've got some incense burning, I can make you some brownies."
Tai, ever wary of both his mothers incense and cooking (especially her brownies) declined.
Her face fell, "Maybe Kari will want some brownies," She smiled at him, "Is she home yet dear? Your father wants to see her. I hope she hasn't been a bad girl, he doesn't like it when she's bad."
Tai shrugged, "I haven't seen her since school, why don't you go make those brownies for her?"
"That's a brilliant idea honey. W-would you ask your father what he wants me to cook for dinner."
"Father's still away on business Mum." Tai informed her patiently.
"Oh. How about we order pizza. Do you have any money Tai?"
"I'll go check."
His mother smiled at him, her brown eyes slightly glazed, "Your such a good boy Tai. Your father will be so proud of you."
Tai sighed, not even bothering to check for money. His mother would have forgotten her request only moments after he left the room. He'd get something when Kari got home.
~~~
Mrs Izumi checked her watch, it was almost 5 o'clock, and there was still no sign of Izzy. Perhaps something had happened with those horrible reporters at his school. Maybe one of Izzy's friends would know where he was. She had to think for quite some time before a name came to her.
She picked up the telephone and rang the number in the phonebook.
A chirpy female answered the phone, "Hi, would you like a brownie?"
"Er," Mrs Izumi smiled tolerantly, when had Mrs Kamiya had another daughter? "Can I please speak to your brother Tai."
There was a giggle, "Tai's in his room. Do you want to speak to him?"
"Ah, yes, I'd like to speak to him. Could you go get him please?"
"Oh. Okay." There was a pause, "Would you like a brownie while you wait?"
"No thank you," Mrs Izumi declined.
There was a click, then Tai picked up the phone, "Matt if this is you, you might as well hang up now, because there is no way in hell I'm getting back together with you. You can go grovel to Sora, maybe you can explain to her that we're not fucking each others brains out."
"Er... This is Mrs Izumi, Izzy's mother. I'm so sorry to call you, but I didn't know who else to call. Izzy hasn't come home yet. Have you seen him?"
Tai's face flushed red, "Oh, er, sorry about earlier. I thought you were someone else."
"That's quite alright. I like to think of myself as open minded. Have you seen Izzy?"
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't even talked to him since Joe had that graduation party last year."
"Oh, well thank you anyway, I-"
"I can go look for him if you like? Maybe he's still at school working on one of his projects. You know how he is with his computer," He joked, hoping it was still true.
"That would be a great comfort."
"No problem," Tai replied.
"By the way Tai, congratulations on the younger sister."
"What?" Tai asked in confusion.
"The one who answered the phone."
There was a loud silence, "Thanks," Tai finally said. He hung up the phone, glaring at the kitchen in the direction of his mother.
"Mum," he called, "I'm going out to look for Izzy."
"Of course he can sleep over, was that him on the phone?" She smiled, "You can have a brownie while you wait for him to get here."
"That's okay Mum, I'm meeting him out the front," He lied, shutting the door behind him as he left.
~~~
Yolei strode down the hall, free at last from the horrors of detention. After ambushing their fourth News Reporter they'd finally been caught. She'd taken the rap and had been given the choice of Detention, a Lawsuit or an Apology.
Quite naturally she'd chosen detention. She couldn't afford a lawsuit, and there was no way in hell she was going to apologise to the big-breasted tart they'd hospitalised. She most definitely wasn't sorry.
She scowled, still, she wished she hadn't volunteered to take the rap now. Two hours with Mr Elson breathing down her neck and trying to 'talk' to her, was definitely her idea of the ultimate punishment. Maybe she should have just lied about being sorry, but she hated to do the expected. She liked to think she had more class.
She stomped into the girls change-room, she'd gotten halfway home before realising she'd left her 'new' Channel 7 microphone in her locker, where she'd hidden it. It probably wasn't smart to run around with the weapon used in an attempted murder.
She stopped as she heard the sound of a shower running next door in the boys locker room.
She sighed, and cursing her curiosity, decided to check it out. She knew that it was her group of friends who'd get blamed if the water was left running all night. Besides, like anybody would actually be showering at this time.
She stalked towards the shower cubicle, and froze as she saw there was someone in there.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," she averted her eyes, but not before noticing the boy was fully dressed. She looked back, when there was no reply.
"Izzy?" She asked in surprise, "What are you doing?"
He looked up at her, "Oh. Hey Yolei. What are you doing here?" He asked blankly.
"I just got out of detention. Why aren't you at home?"
Izzy gave a small chuckle, "I think I'd get in trouble if I walked out during school."
"Izzy," she said gently, "School finished two hours ago." She reached in the turn off the taps and jerked her hand back when the icy spray hit it, "What are you doing? Trying to catch a cold?"
Izzy tilted his head, "No, I'm just dirty." He paused, "Have you read Ben's note?"
Yolei hesitated, "Yes. Did you know him?"
Izzy shook his head, "He's a liar, tell me he was wrong."
Yolei turned off the water and didn't answer, "C'mon Izzy, let's get you home. I bet your folks are worried about you."
"Yes, because they love me. Very, very much. Even though I'm not really their son. So then it's not wrong is it? It's just special."
"What's special?" Yolei asked.
"I can't tell you. It's a secret," He smiled softly, "A very special secret, because I'm so very loved."
Yolei felt a chill run down her spine, "C'mon Izzy, let's dry you off." She snagged a towel of the seat, and wrapped it around the boys shoulders.
Izzy smiled blankly at her, "He was wrong. It's not abnormal, it's just special."
Tai entered the room at a run, "Izzy?" He yelled.
"He's over here." Answered a distinctly female voice.
"What are you doing in here?" Tai asked when he spotted the lavender haired girl.
"I heard the shower running and came to turn it off. I found Izzy sitting on the bottom of the shower. The water was ice cold, but only the hot water tap was on. I think he's been there for a while."
"Oh," Tai replied, "Izzy, your mom was looking for you. I guess your parents are worried."
Izzy smiled vacantly, "That's because they love me. And it's a special type of love."
Yolei cast a worried look at Tai over Izzy's head, "Maybe we should take him to a doctor or something?"
"Hey, isn't Joe a med student?" Tai asked, "I think that's what he said anyway."
"It's worth a try. I suddenly have a really bad feeling about taking Izzy home."
Tai nodded, and quickly picked up the shivering boy.
"I'm a lucky guy," He joked to Yolei, "This is the second gorgeous guy I've 'picked up' today."
Yolei grinned, "Yeah, I heard. Congratulations on the children by the way Mrs Ishida, although your sex-change hasn't done much for your ruggedly handsome features."
Tai cast her a confused look.
"According to the grapevine after making your porn debut under Louie's direction in the A-Block toilets you eloped with Matt behind Sora's back, causing her to dump the both of you simultaneously at which point after an interlude with a teacher, she announced her lesbianism, whereas you, who was a woman on the inside got a sex change and adopted 4 lovely children. We'll have to wait till tomorrow to see what genders they are."
Tai burst out laughing, "Oh no, they know my secret," He shrilled in a fake woman's voice, "Whatever shall I do?"
"Well you know," Yolei mused, "After I tell them about the lovers quarrel and your new boyfriend I may become very popular for a few hours."
Tai rolled his eyes.
~~~
Joe opened the door and blinked in surprise. "Tai, Yolei, what are you doing here?" He asked and glanced at the boy in Tai's arms. "And what's wrong with Izzy?"
For the first time Yolei voiced her fears aloud, "Tai and I think," she hesitated, "that something might be going on between Izzy and his father. After reading Bens letter he just shut down."
She thrust a copy of Bens letter into Joe's hand. Joe scanned the letter and bit his lip, "Well, it could be any number of things."
"What, you don't think Izzy has a problem?" Joe was slightly taken aback by the venom in Yolei's voice.
"I just, well," He sighed, "Just bring him inside, I'll get a towel. We'd better dry him off before he catches something."
~~~
T.K. turned and made sure the bathroom door was locked. He didn't want anyone to walk in on him, especially not his mum. She thought he was a perfect little angel. Not that he was of course, but he had to hide his flaws.
He kicked his pants off and climbed into the empty bathtub. God today had been so hard, as had yesterday, and the day before. He hadn't cut yesterday, he deserved a reward.
He gripped the razor - his mothers razor - and stared down at his legs. God they were hideous. So normal, until halfway up his thighs. He was running out of room, scars criss-crossed his legs, a few dark scabs standing out. Maybe he'd have to start reopening old cuts, that wasn't a good idea, as they took longer to heal, that meant more chance of someone finding out... that he wasn't normal. That he wasn't perfect.
He found a clear patch of skin further down his thigh then anywhere he'd cut before. This was risky, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He deserved his reward.
He snapped the razor, pulling the blade out, ignoring the fact that his mother would probably wonder what had happened to it.
Carefully he pressed the blade against his skin, it hurt, yet at the same time it was strangely relieving. Never losing focus T.K. very calmly carved the word HOPE into his clear lily white skin.
He snapped out of the trance cutting had sent him into and yelped. Maybe he'd cut a bit too deep. He wasn't trying to kill himself, he liked being alive. Cutting was just his way of proving that he still was.
~~~
"So where do we start?" Louie asked.
"At the first diary, duh!"
"Which one is that?" Davis asked curiously.
"The one with the fairy stickers dipstick," Dan grinned, "Marcy got it for him after he publicly announced his gayness."
"He publicly announced his gayness?" Davis repeated in shock.
"Yep. Ran naked through school auditorium during assembly screaming, 'I am Ben Elliot and I am GAY'." Dan grinned, "We think someone gave him a bad mix, but it's hard to tell with Ben."
"Just read the first entry already," Louie growled.
"Alright," Marcy agreed, opening it to the first page, the inside front cover was covered with a very unflattering sketch of Principal Kennet.
The group leant over to look at the picture, "I remember when he did that," Mused Louie.
Marcy turned the page and read the first entry, "Dear Diary, I am so NOT gay. I just got suspended by that fat prick who calls himself our principal. Who knew you could get suspended for turning up to the assembly in your birthday suit. So maybe I tried to wrestle the microphone from said prick, but I was very gay at the time. I can't believe my parents grounded me. This is all Dans fault. I'm going to kill him for giving me that bad mix!"
Dan blushed, as everyone turned to look at him, "It was years ago, how was I supposed to remember it was my fault?" He protested.
Marcy grinned and continued, "I'm gonna have to sneak out to go to B.I.B.'s party tomorrow night. If MJ dobs on me I swear I'm gonna kill her."
Dee laughed wistfully, "Brings back memories doesn't it? I'd forgotten he tried to steal the microphone."
Davis was looking highly upset.
"What's the matter Davey?" Jess asked.
"I can't believe I missed that. I hate being a year 8."
The entire group started laughing at him.
~~~
Sora paced her room once more, why the hell had she dumped Matt? She knew he wasn't sleeping with Tai. As usual she'd overreacted.
It was just, she knew she didn't deserve Matt, he was too good for her.
"Sora honey, could you come out here?" She heard her mother call.
"Yes mother?" She replied.
Ellie looked very disappointed with her, "Your father wanted to see you, he just left. Don't worry it's not your fault," She comforted with a smile, "I love you, even if he doesn't."
"That's nice mother," Sora replied, walking back towards her room. She'd gotten into the habit of ignoring Ellie, especially when she talked about Jack. After all, Sora's father had died well over 10 years ago.
"Sora! Don't be rude to your father," Her mother chided, "Just because he doesn't love you doesn't mean I'll let you be uncouth."
"That's nice mother," Sora repeated, slamming the door behind her.
God, living with Ellie was trying. Sometimes she caught herself wondering if her father really had died or not. She dug her nails into her hand. Jack was dead, she'd been to his funeral, and Ellie was insane. She really needed to stop doubting herself.
~~~
Kari led MJ into her and Tai's shared bedroom.
MJ looked around, "I can't believe you still share a room with you brother. Is this like a two-bedroom apartment?"
Kari shook her head, "No, my daddy uses the other room for his office. Tai and I aren't allowed in there. He'd flip out if one of us suggested that Tai and I have separate rooms at the expense of his study."
MJ forced a smile, "Yeah. Sure Kari. That's still weird though. I can't imagine sharing a room with-" she broke off with a choked sound, "But then he's dead so I don't have to."
Kari carefully rested a hand on MJ's shoulder, "It's not your fault."
"Marcy thinks it is," MJ replied in a whisper.
"I'm sure that's not true," Kari comforted.
"It is," MJ replied, "I told him I wished he'd go away and leave me alone, and now he'd dead. I didn't mean it Kari."
"I know you didn't MJ. Just give it time. Marcy will come around. I don't think Ben would kill himself just because you two had a fight, you've had fights before."
MJ shrugged, "He's never killed himself before."
To Be Continued...
Authors Notes: Lots of symbolism in Matt's dream if you want to take the time. ^_^'
We finally got the angst going on. See, everyone has problems, which naturally, are going to take some time to resolve. Poor Matty has LOTS. He's such a psycho.
Izzy's problems are just plain scary, though hopefully believable. T.K. cuts his upper thigh and not his arm for a reason. He doesn't want anyone to see. Hopefully our 'cutting' scene wasn't totally freaky or implausible.
Kari's problems will be introduced next chapter. Poor Kari is as psycho as Matt. We're not sure how in depth we should go on Ken as the show pretty much covered it.
And was it just us, or did Joe react to the note?
Davis and Yolei have yet to discover/face their own problems, given that they're too wrapped up in missing Ben. Humour the diary reading, it does go somewhere.
And again the original characters are there to show that it's not just the digidestined who have problems.
Crest of Empathy: We finally managed to look at your review, and we figured you brought up some good points. Matt and Sora's reactions in the first chapter were insensitive but these two reactions are actually fairly common. Disgusting as it may seem, your first reaction to the death of someone you don't know well is generally disbelief or curiosity. Sora wasn't thinking 'Screw him' she was thinking, 'This must be a joke' and was trying to protect herself from the truth. Nobody wants to believe that someone they know or consider a friend, or could even relate to, would kill themselves. Both Matt and Sora have issues, as you've undoubtedly seen in the previous two chapters. And of course they do react very differently once they finally accept it or are confronted with the truth.
Humour is a defence that we all hide behind, which is why it keeps popping up, funny things make you laugh, and laughing means you're not sad, right?
Hopefully we've explained the reactions, which might have seemed unrealistic or heartless before.
Also we don't really hate Sora (or even Sorato... we just prefer Taito) in this fic their personalities really clashed, and of course their nasty break up is part of Sora's issue.
Sailor Gotland, we're glad the yaoi attracted you to our fic, the fact that you dislike the dub names is actually rather amusing, since K-chan and I spent the whole of this using the sub names and trying to stop ourselves from using Japanese. We prefer the sub names, there's so much more you can do with them, but for this we decided to use the dub names. ^_^
Anyway, now that's done... Please review???
By Kaizer K-chan and FireDemon
Warnings: Suicide, Death, Angst, Drug-use, Yaoi (We can't resist) Mentions a lot of not nice stuff. This is a serious fic. TAITO, KENSUKE - It just snuck in. *sighs miserably* We were really looking forward to writing SORATO *gags*
Disclaimer: We don't own Digimon or the song "Blood is Blood" by Nerina Pallot, but we suggest you listen to it. The storyline and all original characters belong to us, or the respective people they're based on. Please don't take them without permission. For the real Ben, rest in peace man.
Chapter 4: A Crystal in My Babies Eyes, I Want What I Can Love
Matt sat down on the park bench, holding an ice-cream in his right hand and a red balloon in his left. Sighing happily he began to eat the chocolate ice-cream.
"You don't have to eat that you know," said a happy voice.
Matt looked up and smiled, "Oh, hi Ben. How's it going?"
"You don't have to eat that." Ben repeated, "It can't taste nice."
"What are you talking about?" Matt questioned, "I love chocolate ice- cream." He took a big lick. Ben winced.
"You don't have to pretend you know Matt. I already know what it is."
"What?" Laughed Matt, "Chocolate ice-cream?"
"It doesn't taste that good you know Matt. You don't have to swallow it."
"What are you talking about Ben?"
"Look at it for what it really is Matt. You already know what it is, now stop lying to itself."
Matt looked down at the ice-cream in his hand. Maggots and bugs were crawling around inside the cone, in a shifting mess that made him feel sick. How could he have been eating it for so long?
He looked back at Ben, who stared back at him, the most heartbreakingly sad expression on his face.
He let go of the balloon, but instead of floating up it popped, drenching him in warm blood.
The ice-cream cone disappeared and the bugs swarmed out of his hand. He looked down, but instead of a park bench he was hunched up on a toilet seat. He looked back over at the bugs, they were swarming all over a pasty body. The eyes of the corpse opened,
"You've got blood on your clothes Matty, now your parents are going to be angry," A young girl's voice came from the open mouth.
Matt shrank back as bugs swarmed out of the stiff mouth and began to gnaw at the girl's eyes, which continued to stare accusingly at him.
~~~
"Shit, Matt," Tai shook the boy again, "Wake up dude."
The shrill wailing stopped as Matt sat up in bed, panting for breath.
"Tai?" He asked.
"Are you okay? That must have been some nightmare dude!"
Matt shrugged, "I don't know, I can't remember. Hey can you get me the phone, I think I should ring Sora," He paused, "What are you doing here anyway?"
"I carried you back here when you were too scared to walk." He grinned mischievously.
"Excuse me?" Matt drawled, "You carried me? Yeah right, it was probably the other way around."
Tai's jaw snapped closed, his face flushing with anger, "See if I rescue you from bloody floors ever again!"
"What?" Snapped Matt, his heart skipping a beat as a flash of bloody floor- tiles crossed his minds eye.
"Oh has poor little Matty forgotten being holed up on the toilet, too scared to move?" Tai taunted.
Another flash of memory. "Get out!" Matt shrieked, snatching up one of the books from his bedside table, "Stop saying these things. You're lying!"
Tai stalked out of the room, pausing by the doorway, "Oh by the way. Sora says you're dumped."
"What?!?" Matt screeched at the door, as it slammed shut.
~~~
"Hi Tai," T.K. stepped out of the elevator, and gave Tai his brightest smile, "It's great that you and Matt are friends again."
Tai glared, "Your brother is an asshole," He yelled at the top of his lungs.
Tai stepped into the elevator, and repeatedly pressed the button to close the door, "And don't go near my sister you little-" The doors closed before he could finish his sentence.
T.K. smiled apologetically as the 5 doors between his brothers apartment and the elevator opened and heads poked out, "Lovers tiff," He explained.
T.K. walked into Matts apartment, to see Matt raiding the fridge in a huff, "So what are you and Mrs. Ishida fighting about this time?"
"Can it T.K." Growled Matt.
~~~
Tai stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.
"Hello Tai-sweetie" Sung his mother, "It sounds like you had a wonderful day at school. Would you like some onion juice dear?"
"I don't like onion juice Mum," He replied.
"Oh..." His mother seemed to shrink in on herself, "You won't tell your father will you? I just forgot."
"No Mum, I won't say a word."
"Oh Tai, you're such a good boy. Would you like to come into the kitchen? I've got some incense burning, I can make you some brownies."
Tai, ever wary of both his mothers incense and cooking (especially her brownies) declined.
Her face fell, "Maybe Kari will want some brownies," She smiled at him, "Is she home yet dear? Your father wants to see her. I hope she hasn't been a bad girl, he doesn't like it when she's bad."
Tai shrugged, "I haven't seen her since school, why don't you go make those brownies for her?"
"That's a brilliant idea honey. W-would you ask your father what he wants me to cook for dinner."
"Father's still away on business Mum." Tai informed her patiently.
"Oh. How about we order pizza. Do you have any money Tai?"
"I'll go check."
His mother smiled at him, her brown eyes slightly glazed, "Your such a good boy Tai. Your father will be so proud of you."
Tai sighed, not even bothering to check for money. His mother would have forgotten her request only moments after he left the room. He'd get something when Kari got home.
~~~
Mrs Izumi checked her watch, it was almost 5 o'clock, and there was still no sign of Izzy. Perhaps something had happened with those horrible reporters at his school. Maybe one of Izzy's friends would know where he was. She had to think for quite some time before a name came to her.
She picked up the telephone and rang the number in the phonebook.
A chirpy female answered the phone, "Hi, would you like a brownie?"
"Er," Mrs Izumi smiled tolerantly, when had Mrs Kamiya had another daughter? "Can I please speak to your brother Tai."
There was a giggle, "Tai's in his room. Do you want to speak to him?"
"Ah, yes, I'd like to speak to him. Could you go get him please?"
"Oh. Okay." There was a pause, "Would you like a brownie while you wait?"
"No thank you," Mrs Izumi declined.
There was a click, then Tai picked up the phone, "Matt if this is you, you might as well hang up now, because there is no way in hell I'm getting back together with you. You can go grovel to Sora, maybe you can explain to her that we're not fucking each others brains out."
"Er... This is Mrs Izumi, Izzy's mother. I'm so sorry to call you, but I didn't know who else to call. Izzy hasn't come home yet. Have you seen him?"
Tai's face flushed red, "Oh, er, sorry about earlier. I thought you were someone else."
"That's quite alright. I like to think of myself as open minded. Have you seen Izzy?"
"No, I'm sorry. I haven't even talked to him since Joe had that graduation party last year."
"Oh, well thank you anyway, I-"
"I can go look for him if you like? Maybe he's still at school working on one of his projects. You know how he is with his computer," He joked, hoping it was still true.
"That would be a great comfort."
"No problem," Tai replied.
"By the way Tai, congratulations on the younger sister."
"What?" Tai asked in confusion.
"The one who answered the phone."
There was a loud silence, "Thanks," Tai finally said. He hung up the phone, glaring at the kitchen in the direction of his mother.
"Mum," he called, "I'm going out to look for Izzy."
"Of course he can sleep over, was that him on the phone?" She smiled, "You can have a brownie while you wait for him to get here."
"That's okay Mum, I'm meeting him out the front," He lied, shutting the door behind him as he left.
~~~
Yolei strode down the hall, free at last from the horrors of detention. After ambushing their fourth News Reporter they'd finally been caught. She'd taken the rap and had been given the choice of Detention, a Lawsuit or an Apology.
Quite naturally she'd chosen detention. She couldn't afford a lawsuit, and there was no way in hell she was going to apologise to the big-breasted tart they'd hospitalised. She most definitely wasn't sorry.
She scowled, still, she wished she hadn't volunteered to take the rap now. Two hours with Mr Elson breathing down her neck and trying to 'talk' to her, was definitely her idea of the ultimate punishment. Maybe she should have just lied about being sorry, but she hated to do the expected. She liked to think she had more class.
She stomped into the girls change-room, she'd gotten halfway home before realising she'd left her 'new' Channel 7 microphone in her locker, where she'd hidden it. It probably wasn't smart to run around with the weapon used in an attempted murder.
She stopped as she heard the sound of a shower running next door in the boys locker room.
She sighed, and cursing her curiosity, decided to check it out. She knew that it was her group of friends who'd get blamed if the water was left running all night. Besides, like anybody would actually be showering at this time.
She stalked towards the shower cubicle, and froze as she saw there was someone in there.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," she averted her eyes, but not before noticing the boy was fully dressed. She looked back, when there was no reply.
"Izzy?" She asked in surprise, "What are you doing?"
He looked up at her, "Oh. Hey Yolei. What are you doing here?" He asked blankly.
"I just got out of detention. Why aren't you at home?"
Izzy gave a small chuckle, "I think I'd get in trouble if I walked out during school."
"Izzy," she said gently, "School finished two hours ago." She reached in the turn off the taps and jerked her hand back when the icy spray hit it, "What are you doing? Trying to catch a cold?"
Izzy tilted his head, "No, I'm just dirty." He paused, "Have you read Ben's note?"
Yolei hesitated, "Yes. Did you know him?"
Izzy shook his head, "He's a liar, tell me he was wrong."
Yolei turned off the water and didn't answer, "C'mon Izzy, let's get you home. I bet your folks are worried about you."
"Yes, because they love me. Very, very much. Even though I'm not really their son. So then it's not wrong is it? It's just special."
"What's special?" Yolei asked.
"I can't tell you. It's a secret," He smiled softly, "A very special secret, because I'm so very loved."
Yolei felt a chill run down her spine, "C'mon Izzy, let's dry you off." She snagged a towel of the seat, and wrapped it around the boys shoulders.
Izzy smiled blankly at her, "He was wrong. It's not abnormal, it's just special."
Tai entered the room at a run, "Izzy?" He yelled.
"He's over here." Answered a distinctly female voice.
"What are you doing in here?" Tai asked when he spotted the lavender haired girl.
"I heard the shower running and came to turn it off. I found Izzy sitting on the bottom of the shower. The water was ice cold, but only the hot water tap was on. I think he's been there for a while."
"Oh," Tai replied, "Izzy, your mom was looking for you. I guess your parents are worried."
Izzy smiled vacantly, "That's because they love me. And it's a special type of love."
Yolei cast a worried look at Tai over Izzy's head, "Maybe we should take him to a doctor or something?"
"Hey, isn't Joe a med student?" Tai asked, "I think that's what he said anyway."
"It's worth a try. I suddenly have a really bad feeling about taking Izzy home."
Tai nodded, and quickly picked up the shivering boy.
"I'm a lucky guy," He joked to Yolei, "This is the second gorgeous guy I've 'picked up' today."
Yolei grinned, "Yeah, I heard. Congratulations on the children by the way Mrs Ishida, although your sex-change hasn't done much for your ruggedly handsome features."
Tai cast her a confused look.
"According to the grapevine after making your porn debut under Louie's direction in the A-Block toilets you eloped with Matt behind Sora's back, causing her to dump the both of you simultaneously at which point after an interlude with a teacher, she announced her lesbianism, whereas you, who was a woman on the inside got a sex change and adopted 4 lovely children. We'll have to wait till tomorrow to see what genders they are."
Tai burst out laughing, "Oh no, they know my secret," He shrilled in a fake woman's voice, "Whatever shall I do?"
"Well you know," Yolei mused, "After I tell them about the lovers quarrel and your new boyfriend I may become very popular for a few hours."
Tai rolled his eyes.
~~~
Joe opened the door and blinked in surprise. "Tai, Yolei, what are you doing here?" He asked and glanced at the boy in Tai's arms. "And what's wrong with Izzy?"
For the first time Yolei voiced her fears aloud, "Tai and I think," she hesitated, "that something might be going on between Izzy and his father. After reading Bens letter he just shut down."
She thrust a copy of Bens letter into Joe's hand. Joe scanned the letter and bit his lip, "Well, it could be any number of things."
"What, you don't think Izzy has a problem?" Joe was slightly taken aback by the venom in Yolei's voice.
"I just, well," He sighed, "Just bring him inside, I'll get a towel. We'd better dry him off before he catches something."
~~~
T.K. turned and made sure the bathroom door was locked. He didn't want anyone to walk in on him, especially not his mum. She thought he was a perfect little angel. Not that he was of course, but he had to hide his flaws.
He kicked his pants off and climbed into the empty bathtub. God today had been so hard, as had yesterday, and the day before. He hadn't cut yesterday, he deserved a reward.
He gripped the razor - his mothers razor - and stared down at his legs. God they were hideous. So normal, until halfway up his thighs. He was running out of room, scars criss-crossed his legs, a few dark scabs standing out. Maybe he'd have to start reopening old cuts, that wasn't a good idea, as they took longer to heal, that meant more chance of someone finding out... that he wasn't normal. That he wasn't perfect.
He found a clear patch of skin further down his thigh then anywhere he'd cut before. This was risky, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He deserved his reward.
He snapped the razor, pulling the blade out, ignoring the fact that his mother would probably wonder what had happened to it.
Carefully he pressed the blade against his skin, it hurt, yet at the same time it was strangely relieving. Never losing focus T.K. very calmly carved the word HOPE into his clear lily white skin.
He snapped out of the trance cutting had sent him into and yelped. Maybe he'd cut a bit too deep. He wasn't trying to kill himself, he liked being alive. Cutting was just his way of proving that he still was.
~~~
"So where do we start?" Louie asked.
"At the first diary, duh!"
"Which one is that?" Davis asked curiously.
"The one with the fairy stickers dipstick," Dan grinned, "Marcy got it for him after he publicly announced his gayness."
"He publicly announced his gayness?" Davis repeated in shock.
"Yep. Ran naked through school auditorium during assembly screaming, 'I am Ben Elliot and I am GAY'." Dan grinned, "We think someone gave him a bad mix, but it's hard to tell with Ben."
"Just read the first entry already," Louie growled.
"Alright," Marcy agreed, opening it to the first page, the inside front cover was covered with a very unflattering sketch of Principal Kennet.
The group leant over to look at the picture, "I remember when he did that," Mused Louie.
Marcy turned the page and read the first entry, "Dear Diary, I am so NOT gay. I just got suspended by that fat prick who calls himself our principal. Who knew you could get suspended for turning up to the assembly in your birthday suit. So maybe I tried to wrestle the microphone from said prick, but I was very gay at the time. I can't believe my parents grounded me. This is all Dans fault. I'm going to kill him for giving me that bad mix!"
Dan blushed, as everyone turned to look at him, "It was years ago, how was I supposed to remember it was my fault?" He protested.
Marcy grinned and continued, "I'm gonna have to sneak out to go to B.I.B.'s party tomorrow night. If MJ dobs on me I swear I'm gonna kill her."
Dee laughed wistfully, "Brings back memories doesn't it? I'd forgotten he tried to steal the microphone."
Davis was looking highly upset.
"What's the matter Davey?" Jess asked.
"I can't believe I missed that. I hate being a year 8."
The entire group started laughing at him.
~~~
Sora paced her room once more, why the hell had she dumped Matt? She knew he wasn't sleeping with Tai. As usual she'd overreacted.
It was just, she knew she didn't deserve Matt, he was too good for her.
"Sora honey, could you come out here?" She heard her mother call.
"Yes mother?" She replied.
Ellie looked very disappointed with her, "Your father wanted to see you, he just left. Don't worry it's not your fault," She comforted with a smile, "I love you, even if he doesn't."
"That's nice mother," Sora replied, walking back towards her room. She'd gotten into the habit of ignoring Ellie, especially when she talked about Jack. After all, Sora's father had died well over 10 years ago.
"Sora! Don't be rude to your father," Her mother chided, "Just because he doesn't love you doesn't mean I'll let you be uncouth."
"That's nice mother," Sora repeated, slamming the door behind her.
God, living with Ellie was trying. Sometimes she caught herself wondering if her father really had died or not. She dug her nails into her hand. Jack was dead, she'd been to his funeral, and Ellie was insane. She really needed to stop doubting herself.
~~~
Kari led MJ into her and Tai's shared bedroom.
MJ looked around, "I can't believe you still share a room with you brother. Is this like a two-bedroom apartment?"
Kari shook her head, "No, my daddy uses the other room for his office. Tai and I aren't allowed in there. He'd flip out if one of us suggested that Tai and I have separate rooms at the expense of his study."
MJ forced a smile, "Yeah. Sure Kari. That's still weird though. I can't imagine sharing a room with-" she broke off with a choked sound, "But then he's dead so I don't have to."
Kari carefully rested a hand on MJ's shoulder, "It's not your fault."
"Marcy thinks it is," MJ replied in a whisper.
"I'm sure that's not true," Kari comforted.
"It is," MJ replied, "I told him I wished he'd go away and leave me alone, and now he'd dead. I didn't mean it Kari."
"I know you didn't MJ. Just give it time. Marcy will come around. I don't think Ben would kill himself just because you two had a fight, you've had fights before."
MJ shrugged, "He's never killed himself before."
To Be Continued...
Authors Notes: Lots of symbolism in Matt's dream if you want to take the time. ^_^'
We finally got the angst going on. See, everyone has problems, which naturally, are going to take some time to resolve. Poor Matty has LOTS. He's such a psycho.
Izzy's problems are just plain scary, though hopefully believable. T.K. cuts his upper thigh and not his arm for a reason. He doesn't want anyone to see. Hopefully our 'cutting' scene wasn't totally freaky or implausible.
Kari's problems will be introduced next chapter. Poor Kari is as psycho as Matt. We're not sure how in depth we should go on Ken as the show pretty much covered it.
And was it just us, or did Joe react to the note?
Davis and Yolei have yet to discover/face their own problems, given that they're too wrapped up in missing Ben. Humour the diary reading, it does go somewhere.
And again the original characters are there to show that it's not just the digidestined who have problems.
Crest of Empathy: We finally managed to look at your review, and we figured you brought up some good points. Matt and Sora's reactions in the first chapter were insensitive but these two reactions are actually fairly common. Disgusting as it may seem, your first reaction to the death of someone you don't know well is generally disbelief or curiosity. Sora wasn't thinking 'Screw him' she was thinking, 'This must be a joke' and was trying to protect herself from the truth. Nobody wants to believe that someone they know or consider a friend, or could even relate to, would kill themselves. Both Matt and Sora have issues, as you've undoubtedly seen in the previous two chapters. And of course they do react very differently once they finally accept it or are confronted with the truth.
Humour is a defence that we all hide behind, which is why it keeps popping up, funny things make you laugh, and laughing means you're not sad, right?
Hopefully we've explained the reactions, which might have seemed unrealistic or heartless before.
Also we don't really hate Sora (or even Sorato... we just prefer Taito) in this fic their personalities really clashed, and of course their nasty break up is part of Sora's issue.
Sailor Gotland, we're glad the yaoi attracted you to our fic, the fact that you dislike the dub names is actually rather amusing, since K-chan and I spent the whole of this using the sub names and trying to stop ourselves from using Japanese. We prefer the sub names, there's so much more you can do with them, but for this we decided to use the dub names. ^_^
Anyway, now that's done... Please review???