A/N: This one took a while sorry, but I've been in bed sick for a few days, though I did have a season 1 marathon. Pollo Loco was on 5 times right? No? Oh well, I had to make up for missing Alec so much! Man the show isn't the same without him. Anywho, sorry it's long (for me anyway), but it couldn't be helped. As always thanks to Sorrow and our late night, early morning chats, she helps keep the ideas flowing and well, one can never talk enough about their 101 favourite Alec moments. As always, I hope you enjoy! ~ Mel

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Chapter 12 - Someone to Blame.

Max brought her hand softly to Alec's cheek, trying to calm his sleep.

"No, please no."

He didn't speak the words, but Max could hear them all the same, rumbling through his mind as the nightmare took hold.

She pressed a firmer hand to his moist forehead, continuing to try and pull him from the horror of his mind, to guide him out gently. One never wanted to jolt a Manticore soldier out of a nightmare. Sometimes the consequences could be fatal, though generally never intentional.

"Alec"

Max called his name softly. The sudden twitch of his features confirming that his senses had heard her call him, but would his mind let her in?

****************************

Alec leapt off his bike and flew onto the porch, crashing through the door as his feet connected with the floor.

"MAX!!!"

He twitched his head slightly as he thought he heard her call him.

He ran through the entire cabin looking for her. The lounge, the bedroom, the bathroom. Nothing.

He stopped as he thought he heard her call again.

Running in the direction of the voice, he slammed through the back door and was now outside of the cabin. He smelt and sighted the trail of blood that led down the back steps. He sprang down them in one jump, landing firmly on his feet then crashing to the ground as he saw her lying there.

She was alive, but it wouldn't last. As she called to him, blood gurgled in her throat and through her lungs, escaping from her mouth and gliding down her face. He knew it was too late.

He slid down beside her as she forced herself to rise, one hand across the gapping wound of her neck, the other reaching to his shoulder.

He closed his eyes, reciting silent pleas to let her live. The hand that rested on his shoulder suddenly squeezed with more intensity than it should have.

Alec shot his eyes open.

"Max?"

She knelt before him, one hand to his face, the other grasping at his shoulder.

"Oh God."

He reached out to her, crushing her body into his own, then pushing her back just as fast. His hands moved to her throat, searching for injuries, for wire, for a pulse.

He moved his hands across her face, through her hair and across her shoulders. Every bit of contact causing him to release a cry, burst of painful laughter, tears. Then, without thinking, without realising what he was doing, he kissed her. And without Max realising, she let him.

His mouth broke into a smile as he became more sure that she was real, she was alive and she was safe.

He pulled back from the kiss, still holding her face in his hands, smiling and laughing as he took in the sight of her before him, alive.

Max stared at him, motionless, emotionless. Her face drawing colder as her hands moved to his wrists and snapped them away from her face. She leapt to her feet and stood over him.

Alec looked at her, completely shocked and unsure of the reason for such a sudden reaction.

Max grabbed her jacket and ran out of the room, Alec suddenly realising what he had done. He jumped to his feet and ran to the doorway.

"Max!"

But she was gone.

****************************

"What's the matter Ames?"

Sandeman glided closer to White. His presence was so astonishing that one may have easily forgotten that White was even in the room. He stood at about six feet, four inches, cropped grey hair and a well groomed beard lining his strong features. Dark brown eyes scanned their surroundings with an almost majestic glow.

A cheeky smile drew across Sandeman's face.

"I thought you would be excited to see your father after all these years?"

"You're not my father!"

White spat the words at him like a selfish child.

"Actually I am. It was this whole thing with your mother. Two whole things actually." He paused for a moment. "Come on son, you've had a child. You do know the whole stork story is just a myth right?"

Sandeman couldn't help the chuckle he had at his own joke. Plus the look on White's face was priceless.

"What are you laughing at?"

White put on his trade mark glare.

"You! Look at you, you're so uptight! You really need to lighten up son."

"Stop calling me your son."

The veins started to pop out of White neck in a most unattractive manner.

"Ok Ames, calm down." Sandeman brought an arm across White shoulder, causing White to flinch slightly. "We have a lot to talk about. So much to discuss. You've been a bad boy Ames, but we'll deal with that later. First…"

Sandeman squeezed White towards him.

"I have to thank you for dispensing of Cale."

****************************

Alec had just finished dressing after having an hour long shower. The previous day he had washed Logan's identity from him, today it was his blood. A leap that Alec had never wanted to make.

But it wasn't just Logan's blood he was washing from himself, it was Max's too. The nightmare was so real, he couldn't help but scrub every inch of his body, expelling the thoughts and feelings that Max was dead.

There was a quiet knock at the door.

"Who is it?"

Alec's voice was harsher than he intended, but his mind was elsewhere. Still on Max, on the kiss he'd never meant to give, at least not at that moment. And of course the look on her face before she ran out of the room. It was almost worse than the entire nightmare. Almost.

"It's Joshua."

The door creaked open ever so slowly, a wet K-9 nose slipping through the entry and sniffing at the air.

"Alec smell dressed…and like raspberry soap!"

Alec couldn't stop the smile, even if he had truly wanted to. The big guy always had the ability to make one smile, with the simplest of words.

"Come in buddy."

Joshua slid the door open just wide enough for him to slip inside. Alec had no idea why he did it that way, but he was grateful for the effort all the same.

"What's up?"

Alec tried to fake some enthusiasm but gave up after his first word. Joshua wasn't a child and he didn't need to be protected from anything. Besides, Alec had the sneaking suspicion that Joshua could see through his mask.

"Joshua saw Max go to training room. Why not Alec?"

Alec ran an awkward hand through his wet hair.

"Uuhh. I think she needs a little time to herself."

Joshua nodded his understanding, but spoke anyway.

"Max think she's stronger than she is. Thinks she can do things alone. Max stronger when Alec with her. Alec protect her."

"There's some things I can't protect her from buddy."

Joshua scratched at his head.

"Like what?"

"Like me."

Joshua moved closer to Alec and sat at the edge of his bed.

"Max doesn't need protection from Alec. Alec need protection from Alec."

Alec sat suddenly, beside Joshua, his face void of expression.

"And who's going to do that?"

"Me."

Joshua was deadly serious. None of his usual laughs or giggles could be heard. Alec turned his head to him, taking in his friends stern face.

"Yeah?"

A small smile moved across Alec's face.

"Yeah." Joshua drew a pointed finger to Alec's chest, pressing it into him with every word. "And don't you forget it."

Alec's smile grew wider as he threw his arm around Joshua's shoulder.

"How could I Big Fella, how could I?"

Joshua finally let out a burst of short laughs.

"If you do, Joshua have to remind you." His smile grew wider as he rose his nose with excitement. "Joshua use tricks and treats!"

They sat in silence for a moment, smiling to themselves, before Alec slapped a hand down on Joshua's knee.

"Hungry Josh?"

"Uhuh."

Alec pushed himself off the bed, Joshua following him.

"How about we get some Mac and cheese?"

Joshua bounced with excitement.

"Joshua make Mac and cheese?"

Alec patted his arm and smiled.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

As they left the room, Joshua placed an arm around Alec's shoulder and leant in to speak.

"Maybe Max want Mac and cheese too?"

"Maybe."

Alec shook his had at the nowhere near subtle suggestion. Looked like he had to sike himself to face Max.

****************************

"It was you! You were the one who tipped me off!"

White pointed accusingly at Sandeman, who just stood there shrugging.

"Well you didn't think it was Santa Clause did you?"

Sandeman couldn't believe how dense his son was. All that time with the Conclave had started to numb his mind into simple thought. Find, Destroy. Find, Destroy. Even if it meant himself. But Sandeman had a bargaining chip of his own, something he would leave till later.

"Why? Why would you want Cale dead?"

White didn't have a problem with the fact and was all too happy that it was he who got to complete the task, but he was still curious of Sandeman's reasons. The sudden reminder of Cale's struggling body turning different tones of purple and blue gave White a satisfied feeling. Along with the flush of red the flowed from the ever increasing gauge that the wire had cut across Cale's throat.

Sandeman's words snapped him out of his day dream.

"He was a liability."

"To who?"

"To 452."

"452? So this is all about her?"

Sandeman threw his hands up in frustration, yelling at the top of his voice.

"Of course this is about her! God Ames, I don't know what they've been putting in that snake blood, but it certainly doesn't stimulate brain cell growth!"

Sandeman stopped and calmed himself with long, deep breaths. It was easy to see where White got his temper from.

"Cale was a liability. 452 risked her life too often to save him or carry out what ever petty little mission he had planned. I had hoped the virus I instructed Renfro to give her would prevent it, but then Joshua's blood and-"

"God, would you shut up!"

White had had enough.

"I don't care! I'm not on your side! I want 452 as dead as Cale! More so if that's possible and there's nothing that you can say or do that is going to change that!"

A fresh smirk moved across Sandeman's face, causing Whites blood to boil.

"Is that a fact?"

Sandeman signalled to a non-existing screen. It was time to reveal his bargaining chip.

Two minutes later the same door he entered opened, a small boy stepping inside.

White fell to his knees.

"Ray?"

Sandeman looked down at him smugly.

"And you were saying?"

****************************

Concrete crumbled to the floor as Max pounded her fists into the training room wall. The walls were thick and she was determined to find out what was on the other side. She imagined it would be what she felt at that very moment.

Nothing.

The sweat that fell down her face turned into small beads of ice, her outer exterior becoming colder with every punch. Icy breath exited her lungs, the cold air causing them to burn.

She let her mind numb and all memories of the past disperse from within. Max tried to force herself to regress to the being that that Manticore had made her. The Chimera. The soldier. Void of all feeling, of all cares.

*****************************

Alec warily entered the training room, his entire body freezing, not from the chill of Max's presence, but from what he saw across the walls.

His heartbeat fastened, but his breathing stopped. A flood of memories flashing back across his mind, almost causing him to stand tall and salute.

He forced himself out of the mindset his entire life had been based on, until little over a year ago. Fear instead, engulfed his body, knowing that Max was the only one that could have done this.

He stepped closer to her as his eyes drifted across the words.

DUTY.

DISCIPLINE.

MISSION.

His mind tried so hard to take him back with Max. Back to Manticore, but his will prevented it from being so. He stepped closer to her, reaching an arm out to stop her fist from colliding once more with the wall.

*****************************

Her body stiffened as she felt him closing in. She flung herself around before his hand could make contact, her predatory eyes warning him back.

Alec held his hands up in retreat, not wanting to tip her over the edge.

"Max?"

She held her hands in fists, blood dripping from her sides. Her head tilted slightly as she took in the man before her.

"Leave me alone."

She spat the words out with cold conviction and began to turn back to the wall.

"No Max." His heart sank as she turned to him again, her face drawing to a coldness he knew all too well. "I won't do that. I Can't."

He took a timid step closer to her, Max instinctively falling into fighting stance.

She flicked her head towards him.

"What's your designation?"

Alec took in a deep breath. She was closing herself off, retreating inside. He didn't have long.

"No designation Max. Just me, Alec."

Her eyes fluttered as she heard his name. Alec gasped at the sight, knowing that he would still be able to reach her. He just wasn't sure how.

"I asked for your designation soldier!"

Max screamed the order at him.

"We don't have designations anymore Max. Only names. You gave me mine remember?"

Max stared at him, face cold, fists still ready.

God, how Alec wished he believed what he had just told her. He knew he wasn't convincing enough, he couldn't help her by spouting out false beliefs. He had to move on, to keep saying her name and hope that it would keep her with him.

"Max," Alec was sure to speak softly. "Why did you do this?"

He indicated to the painted words across the wall.

"To remember."

"Remember what Max?"

He saw her eyes flicker again as she searched for the answer.

"To be a good soldier."

She turned from him and moved back to the wall, picking up the black spray can she had obviously used and started to paint 'War is art' on the wall.

Alec's shoulders slumped as the phrase echoed through his mind. All X5's were taught it from an early age and he had done everything he could to push it to the back of his mind. In fact he'd tried to do what he could to push nearly everything to the back of his mind since the Berrisford mission. Part of X5-494 had escaped during that mission. Not like Max and the others of the '09 events, but he had gone all the same and Alec was born. At least part of him anyway. Max and his other friends had brought the rest of Alec to life and he wasn't about to let Max take herself back to X5-452. She was too good for that.

Alec spoke as he moved towards her.

"No Max. That's just something they tried to tell us."

His wrapped his hand around the spray can and pulled it from her grasp. As he did so, she delivered a roundhouse kick into the side of his ribs, causing him to sail through the air, the spray can rattling to the floor as his back connected to the ground.

He pushed himself to his elbows before standing from the floor.

"Don't do this to yourself Max."

Using all her speed and agility, Max flew across the room and planted a foot in his chest, sending him crashing to the floor, yet again.

"Do what, huh?"

Alec jumped to his feet as she yelled.

"Acknowledge that I'm a bad soldier! That this world would be better off without Max! You know it as well as I do. If I hadn't have left, this never would have happened!"

He went to speak but was cut off.

"Better still, I should never have been made!"

"None of us should have Max!"

He couldn't help it, yelling was the only way to get through to her at that moment.

"You think singling yourself out is going to help! That if there was just one of us who wasn't made, you'd be the best choice?!"

"Yes! I do think that!"

She connected her fist with his left cheek. His head flew back, but his feet held their ground.

"Well there'd be a lot who disagree!"

"They're wrong!"

She hit him again, causing his upper lip to split open, blood trickled into his mouth. Alec quickly drew a finger across the liquid and flicked it to the ground.

"No Max, you're wrong!"

He blocked her next attack with his forearm.

"You think everything that is happening is your fault? It's not Max! It's theirs! Manticore, the government! Take your pick! They're to blame! Just take your pick!"

"I pick me!"

She struck her fist out again, Alec catching it and holding it in place.

"Well I won't let you."

He shoved his weight against her fist, causing her to topple backwards.

"No?"

Max came flying at him again.

"Let's blame you than!"

Alec ducked as her hand came flying for his head, he twisted quickly and they were facing off again. Both ready for action.

"Why not Max. It's worked for you in the past."

He mentally hit himself for saying that, but it seemed to register somewhere deep inside Max's conscience. Though she ignored it.

"You were supposed to train me!"

She sent a right hook his way. He blocked it with his palm.

"Supposed to make me into the soldier I should have been!"

A left hook. Same result.

"Teach me what I missed."

Right hook again.

She was getting desperate, which meant only one thing. She was about to break. At least that's what he thought.

She suddenly flew into the air and flicked her leg out to connect with the side of his head. She was successful and Alec crashed to the ground.

Alec chose to stay down for the moment, but his voice was as powerful as ever.

"I was training you Max. Trai-"

"With what! Meditation!"

He lifted his voice to a level she had never heard before.

"TRAINING YOU TO BE A MORE CONTROLLED FIGHTER!"

He stood slowly, settling himself.

"I didn't ask you to do that! I asked you-"

"I was never going to teach you what you missed Max. Never."

"Then you shouldn't have agreed."

"And what, have you pissed at me more than usual?"

"When I ask you to do something and you agree, I expect it to be done!"

"You had no idea what you were asking?"

He turned his back on her and ran a hand through his hair. She bore her eyes into his back, waiting for more of an explanation. When it didn't come and the silence became too much, she picked up the can of paint a moved back to the wall, continuing to spray the words.

"If you don't teach me, I'll take myself back there."

Her hand froze and crumbled under the pressure of his grasp, the can tumbling to the ground once more. She lashed out her free arm, only to have Alec take hold.

He crushed her body against the wall, his forehead squeezing the side of her face against the concrete.

"I won't let you take yourself back there."

Alec's voice was low, but pure. He meant ever word.

"Do you think Logan would want that?"

With every ounce of energy she had, she screamed and pushed him away from her.

"Don't you do that! Don't you bring him into this!"

Her face was red with fury. Alec spat out the blood that had formed in his mouth.

"I didn't have to Max. This is about him."

"No!"

She stepped closer to him, her movements becoming more emotional and erratic. Hands shaking as they brushed hair away from her face than fidgeting with her wrists. Her feet twitching before deciding to take her weight as she moved forward.

"This has nothing to do with him."

"Come on Max. We both know that's not true."

She shook her head over and over as her voice picked up speed.

"If you had taught me, I would have known. I would have been prepared. I would have lied to him about you."

Alec tried to move closer to her, but she brushed him away.

"I would have come up with something, told him he'd be the only one I'd ever care for. I would have said goodbye."

She stopped on those last words. Alec moved toward her again, his hands coming to her arms. She flung them away from her.

"Don't touch me Alec!"

He jumped. Startled by the pitch of her voice.

"This is probably what you wanted isn't it? You've never liked Logan, so you're probably happy about all of this."

He was silent with disbelief. How could she think that?

Max moved closer to him, pushing against his chest.

"That's it isn't it? You think Logan's out of the picture and suddenly you can muscle in on his space. That's what you're thinking isn't it? You tipped White off didn't you?" Her voice rose. "You wanted Logan dead, but you're too much of a coward to do it yourself!"

Alec entire body clenched, his teeth gritting together as he spoke through them.

"I'm going to let that pass because you're upset Max."

"Oooh!" She threw her hands into the air and faced an invisible audience. "My knight in shinning armour ladies and gentlemen."

"You're over stepping the line Max."

"Am I? Is that really what I'm doing? Or does the truth hurt Alec?"

She drew her arms to his chest and shoved him across the room.

"MAX!"

She flung her head around to see Joshua standing in the doorway, a metal dish in his hands.

"Alec, Mac and cheese ready."

Joshua pushed the tin away from his body.

"I'm not real hungry Joshua."

Joshua glared at Max as he walked over to Alec, pushing the dish into his hands.

"Take it and go. Joshua need to talk to Max."

Alec pushed it back.

"No, I don't think she's quite finished."

Joshua turned to him and growled.

"Take Mac and cheese and go."

Alec stood there for a moment, eyeing off his K-9 friend. Finally, he took the dish and wiped the remaining blood from his mouth.

"Fine."

Alec left the room, never making eye contact with Max.

*****************************

"Sit down Max."

Joshua pointed to the floor as Max paced back and forth.

"Go away Joshua."

"Sit down!"

Her eyes were wide as Joshua raised his voice to her. She saw the determination in his and planted her butt on the floor.

"What do you want Joshua?"

He glanced across to the wall, the black words flashing across his eyes.

"Max trying to go back to the bad place."

"Max is the bad place Joshua."

"No."

He took a seat in front of her. She looked away.

"Max freed us from the bad place. Got Joshua out of basement."

"And to what good? To have you locked up in a wasteland? Yeah, nice save Max."

"But at least we're free. To think for ourselves. Couldn't do that at Manticore."

"Yeah and look were free thought has gotten me." Max indicated to the doorway that Alec had previously exited from. "Hasn't made me any smarter, or him. He should have known something like this was going to happen. If he'd train me prop-"

"Joshua won't let Max blame Alec."

Max went to open her mouth, but Joshua held a stern finger to her lips.

"Or let Max blame Max."

She slumped her shoulders and Joshua rested his hands there.

"White killed Logan, just like he killed Annie. Joshua tried to blame himself then, but Max and Alec wouldn't let him."

He lifted her head so that she was looking into his eyes.

"It wasn't your fault Max. Joshua know that, Alec know that. Now Max need to know that."

A single tear trickled down her face.

"But I didn't get to say goodbye."

"Same with Annie. That why we had goodbye service."

Max nodded, remembering the small vigil Joshua, Alec and herself had held for Annie.

They sat there in silence for a moment. Both of them collecting their thoughts.

"I didn't really blame Alec. Just with me telling Logan I had feelings for him, then being there when we found, then he kissed me and…"

"He was here and you needed someone to blame."

She nodded.

"Blame Joshua Max." He pounded his fists against his chest. "Take it out."

She let herself laugh a little, though not without tears.

"I couldn't do that Joshua."

He nodded.

"Alec frightened enough of hurting you. Doesn't need help with that."

Her tears grew stronger as Joshua drew her chin up once more.

"Logan knew Max cared. Want Max to keep fighting. Not to go back to bad place. Max need to be strong. With Joshua and Alec's help."

Her tears ran more freely now. Joshua wrapped his arms around her.

"We'll say goodbye, like we did for Annie."

A tear ran down Joshua's cheek as he remembered Annie's kind and gentle face.

They rested in one another's arms for what seemed like hours. Finally Joshua drew back, wiping the tears from Max's face.

"Joshua going to get some paint. Clean up these walls. No one else need see them."

Max nodded a glimpse of a smile moving across her face. Joshua stood from the floor and held out a hand to help Max up. She accepted.

"Max going to see Alec."

She was suddenly shaking her head like a scared little girl.

"I can't."

Joshua nodded his head at her.

"Max and Alec need group hug."

Max's breath caught in her throat, making it hard to swallow.

Max and Alec needed so much more than that.