Draco had entered the Great hall well after every one had already started
eating. Dumbledore had already pushed the house tables to the sides of the
Great Hall and set up the smaller round table in the middle for the faculty
members and the students that had not gone home for the holidays. They were
half way through their food, when he had entered.
Before Draco had arrived, Ginny had been staring at his empty seat, wondering where he was, and if he was ok. She longed to know what was happening with him, because a part of her wanted the opportunity to help him.
She didn't understand why she wanted to help him; maybe it was because he looked so sad, or maybe because he looked as though a good gust of wind would blow him over. Maybe she wanted to help him, because it looked like no one had tried to help him with anything. She wanted to get to know him and help him through what ever it was that had changed him. And a part of her wished that one day the old Draco Malfoy would come back, because this Draco Malfoy was beginning to scare her.
It was now when she was staring at his empty plate that she realized that Draco had hardly come the great Hall for meals recently. And when she thought back on it, he had been looking paler and much skinnier than he had before. He had not been eating right, not that she really noticed before, but she was noticing it now. Ginny also remembered that this was not the first time that he had been late for a meal, there had even been days that he had skipped meals altogether.
Her concern for him had been growing over the days since she had seen him at the shop. In that time, the rest of the school had gone home, but he didn't seem to notice. He had not seemed to notice a lot lately. But Ginny had been noticing, she had been noticing the small things that other would have ignored as insignificant.
She noticed the way that he reacted to others, and the way that others reacted to him. Ginny noticed that if he had to speak, he would use a soft, almost scared tone. She noticed that he didn't seem to really care about anything anymore. Not about food, not about quidditch and most definitely not about life. She noticed all that and a lot more.
Ginny could safely bet that Draco had not spoken to any one in days, with no one around to talk to; chances are he had been silent. One of the saddest things that Ginny had realized was that Draco had spent Christmas alone in the Slytherin Dungeons.
No one should be alone for the holidays, and it was sad that Draco had to be. Ginny knew that Malfoy would not appreciate her pity, but she couldn't help it. She felt sorry for him. No one should have to be sad and alone, no matter what time of the year it was. But he was a Malfoy, she reasoned, he was probably used to being alone all the time.
Ginny had seen him earlier that day while she had been out on the grounds having a snow ball fight with the others. He was sitting on the main entrance stairs of the school, just watching the snow fall on his surroundings. Ginny had watched him for a while and wanted to invite him to come over and join them, just so that he wouldn't have to be alone. There was no way he would have joined them thought, and she knew that. She also knew that there would be no way that Harry and Ron would accept him into the group, even if it was just for the day.
She was really worried about him, and she actually found that surprising. Never before had she been worried about him. But now she was, Draco had changed so drastically over such a short amount of time, and now, he continued to withdraw within to himself. He looked depressed and unhealthy all the time. It was starting to scare her.
He entered half way through the meal, and took up the only available seat. After a quick apologetic smile to Dumbledore, he began to eat.
The other students soon all engaged in conversation, all discussing what they had gotten for Christmas, and from whom, but Draco stayed silent. Ginny watched as he just sat, obviously listening to the others, but not taking any part in the conversation. He picked at his food, and occasionally sniffled.
At first Ginny through that he had a cold, but when she looked at him again, this time really taking in what he looked like at that moment, she realized that his eyes were puffy and red. She was shocked to realize that he had been crying.
Never in her life had she expected him to be the type of person to cry. It was then that she realized that what ever it was that was going on with him, it was serious.
"So Mr. Malfoy, how has your Christmas been?" Dumbledore asked politely, trying to include Draco in the conversation. Looking up from his plate, Draco forced a slight smile and directed it at the head master, who was offering a reassuring smile.
"It could have been better sir." He replied weakly. Dumbledore nodded, understanding. Dumbledore obviously knew what was going on with Draco, Ginny realized. But then again, Dumbledore knew everything that happened in Hogwarts, so of course he knew what was going on.
Draco turned back to his food, and continued to push it around his plate. He had hardly eaten any of it. He wasn't hungry. Deep down inside, Draco knew that it was not healthy for him to be skipping as many meals as he had been, but he really didn't care. He didn't have the energy to be hungry any more.
He no longer thought of things like that. He didn't think of how his not eating was affecting him. His looks were no longer his top priority. He was too depressed to even think straight half the time, let alone care that he was withering down to skin and bones. Food just didn't seem the same anymore; nothing even tasted the any good. It tasted like cardboard and saw dust.
He had been making himself sick, not intentionally, but he got sick all the same. He didn't have the strength or the energy any more.
Draco could feel some one looking at him, staring. He looked up from his plate. It was Ginny Weasley, she was staring at him from across the table, and there was a deep seated concern in her eyes. Draco was surprised, to say the least.
It seemed that when he had stopped caring for anything other than Kayla, the world had stopped caring about him. No one seemed to notice him any more, and truthfully, that was the way he liked it. The less people who asked him about his behavior, the less people he had to explain himself to. It had been months since he had had a real conversation with someone, and it had been even longer since some one had showed him any type of concern.
But the look in Ginny's eyes, the look that she was not even trying to hide, was definitely concern and some sort of compassion. He also noticed the pity behind her gaze, but his mind stopped at the concern.
Draco didn't know what to do. From across the table they had caught each others gaze. The old Draco would have sneered at her, but he wasn't like that any more. Instead, Draco held her gaze, and smiled slightly.
Ginny had never seen him smile before. And it surprised her how sincere he looked. It was strange also, his eyes looked hollow, his skin looked pale, he looked sick, but he also looked so trustworthy.
She smiled back slightly, and turned back to the conversation that Harry was trying to start with her. Every now and then Ginny glanced back to him, but he was back to staring at his plate and pushing around his food.
When Desert was about to be served, Draco pushed away his plate, which still had three quarters of his meal on it. Ginny looked at him again, but she couldn't manage to catch his gaze again. He sat in silence while the others ate. Draco was just counting the minutes until he was allowed to go back to his room.
Crowds had been getting to him lately. At first they hadn't, but now it was like he could not deal with a group of more than 5 or six people. He would rather be alone with his thoughts instead of being swept away in the crowds.
But when the time came to leave, Draco did not stand straight away. He sat and waited for the other students and faculty members to stand and leave the great hall before he did. He watched quietly as Hermione, Ron, Harry and Ginny stood and moved towards the doorway.
Then Ginny stopped and looked back over her shoulder at him. Their eyes caught again, and once again, he smiled at her.
"Are you coming Ginny?" Hermione asked, turning back to her friend. Hermione's voice shook her out of her staring competition with Draco.
"I, umm, left something at the table" Ginny lied, hoping it would sound convincing. Luckily enough, they brought it.
"Do you want us to wait for you?" Harry asked. Ginny smiled at him sweetly.
"No, you lot go ahead, I will catch up later, I wont be to long" Ginny replied. The others nodded and left the great hall. Ginny turned back to the table, in the chair beside Draco.
"Did she like it?" Ginny asked, she had no idea why she had asked that, but she needed some thing to start a conversation with.
"What?"
"The girl that you brought the teddy bear for, did she like it?" Ginny asked. Draco sighed sadly and shrugged.
"I don't know, I don't even know if she got it" Draco replied, Ginny could have slapped herself, that was probably the stupidest thing she had ever said. She always had a problem with talking about things she didn't really understand. That was one of the things that got her into the most trouble.
"Oh" Ginny mumbled. She smiled, hoping she had not said something to unforgivable. She didn't know what else to say to make him open up the conversation again.
"I think I should go, it is getting late" Draco replied. Ginny nodded, but mentally slapped herself, thinking she had offended him into leaving. Draco stood and then paused as a sudden dizzy spell hit him. He had been getting these dizzy spells more and more recently lately, but Draco had just boiled it down to him being as unhealthy as he was. He took a deep breath and held himself up against the chair.
"Are you ok Draco?" She asked concern evident in her voice. He took another deep breath and looked at her. He was touched by her concern, it was nice that she cared, not many people cared for him much lately.
"I am, just not feeling too good, I will be fine in a little bit" Draco replied, pushing away from his chair and taking another deep breath. With all his strength, he grinned at her. "Merry Christmas Weasley"
"You to, Malfoy" She smiled, watching as he strode out of the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Draco opened his bedroom door slowly. He had taken his time walking back to his room. He was feeling weak all of a sudden. He had been fine before dinner, and now he was weak and tired. He had spent the whole day crying, thinking of his daughter, and how he would not be there to help her share her first Christmas.
He took the time to think back on the last few years. He never would have thought that his life could change so much in just two years. He had met a muggle girl, Jessica, a girl who could very well have been the woman of his dreams, they had had a whirlwind summer romance, and then when he had gone back to Hogwarts, she had broken it off with him. He had told her the truth about the magic world, and she said that she could not deal with a relationship with a wizard. He respected that, she understood to keep it secret, and they go on with life like they had never met. He spent the next few months trying to ignore the stabbing pain that ripped into him every time he had thought of her.
A few months later he had gotten a letter from her (he had explained that if she ever had to contact him, his mother would help her). In her letter she explained that she was pregnant, and that it was definitely his child. Jessica had explained she did not want him in their child's life, but she felt he had the right to know.
Nine months later, he had gotten another letter from Jessica, this one with a picture of their daughter, which she had named Kayla. She was a little angel, with beautiful blonde hair and grey eyes. There was no denying that the child was a Malfoy.
Two months after that, he had gotten yet another letter. This time from Kayla's Grandfather. He felt that it was his responsibility to inform Draco of Jessica's death. Kayla was still going to be staying with them, and they still did not want him anywhere near her. That left Draco with the pain of losing them both.
Draco felt faint as he even thought about it all. It was not fair at all. He was a father, and all he wanted to do was have the opportunity to get to know his daughter. She would be seven months old now, and he could only imagine how much she had grown.
He had only seen Kayla once, and that was when he had gone to pay respects at Jessica's funeral. He had only seen his daughter once from across the room before he had been escorted out.
He sat down, his back resting against his bed. He dug under his bed for his box of chocolates. Just as Lupin had said in their third year, Chocolate always made you feel better, especially is he was overcoming dizziness.
Resting his head back on his bed and eating more chocolate, he saw his owl resting on the end of his bed. This was the first time he had seen his owl since it had left to deliver his Christmas present to Kayla.
There was a piece of paper tied to the owls leg, Draco moved to it, and untied it quickly.
He didn't want to read the letter, because he could already predict what it said. But he knew, for his own piece of mind that he would have to read it before the suspense drove him crazy.
'Dear Draco,
I thought I was clear on my family's wishes for you not to have any contact with Kayla. We understand that you are Kayla's father, and that you wish to be in contact with her, but it was decided on the day of her Jessica's death that myself and my wife, Kayla's grandparents, would raise Kayla, and as her new guardians, we expect you to respect our wishes and stay away. This includes your written correspondence with our grand daughter.
You may not consider your actions to be damaging to her now, but in years to come, Kayla will only be hurt by you trying to contact her. We made the decision to continue what Jessica would have wanted. We know that you will probably cry an injustice in our decision, but you have to admit that it is now out of your hands.
Our daughter, although she did not tell as straight out why you were different, mentioned that you live your life in a way that is very uncommon to our values and beliefs. For this reason, Jessica wanted you away from Kayla, and for this same reason, we want you away from her to.
We know this is hard on you, because we knew that you did loved our daughter, and we understand that you love Kayla. But we have your child's best interests at heart.
Sincerely
Jacob Warner'
"Best interests my ass" Draco growled as he crunched the letter in his hand and felt a tear run down his cheek.
Suddenly, his room felt suffocating; he stood, angrily wiped his cheeks, and picked up his warmest coat and scarf. He needed to think, he needed to be alone to think. He needed the cold winter air to hit his skin and wake him up from his nightmare....he needed....
He crossed the room to his desk, and picked up his picture of Kayla. He tucked it into his coat pocket, and then left the Slytherin Dungeons.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ok, so the end of another chapter.
Now, before you review I want you to know that the back story of Kayla's mother and Draco's relationship will be properly explained in the next chapter.
In the next chapter, Draco will explain his past, in detail, to Ginny, so I say just hold tight, review for this chapter, and wait for the next one that will be uploaded tomorrow (I promise)
I like uploading chapters everyday, so you just have to keep reading and reviewing for me, please!!!
Thanks
Review, please, pretty please with a cherry on top.
And to answer a few questions that reviewers asked. YES, Ginny and Draco will get together, and YES, Draco will get to see his child by the end of the fic.
I cant tell you any more with out giving it all away.
Review please.
Before Draco had arrived, Ginny had been staring at his empty seat, wondering where he was, and if he was ok. She longed to know what was happening with him, because a part of her wanted the opportunity to help him.
She didn't understand why she wanted to help him; maybe it was because he looked so sad, or maybe because he looked as though a good gust of wind would blow him over. Maybe she wanted to help him, because it looked like no one had tried to help him with anything. She wanted to get to know him and help him through what ever it was that had changed him. And a part of her wished that one day the old Draco Malfoy would come back, because this Draco Malfoy was beginning to scare her.
It was now when she was staring at his empty plate that she realized that Draco had hardly come the great Hall for meals recently. And when she thought back on it, he had been looking paler and much skinnier than he had before. He had not been eating right, not that she really noticed before, but she was noticing it now. Ginny also remembered that this was not the first time that he had been late for a meal, there had even been days that he had skipped meals altogether.
Her concern for him had been growing over the days since she had seen him at the shop. In that time, the rest of the school had gone home, but he didn't seem to notice. He had not seemed to notice a lot lately. But Ginny had been noticing, she had been noticing the small things that other would have ignored as insignificant.
She noticed the way that he reacted to others, and the way that others reacted to him. Ginny noticed that if he had to speak, he would use a soft, almost scared tone. She noticed that he didn't seem to really care about anything anymore. Not about food, not about quidditch and most definitely not about life. She noticed all that and a lot more.
Ginny could safely bet that Draco had not spoken to any one in days, with no one around to talk to; chances are he had been silent. One of the saddest things that Ginny had realized was that Draco had spent Christmas alone in the Slytherin Dungeons.
No one should be alone for the holidays, and it was sad that Draco had to be. Ginny knew that Malfoy would not appreciate her pity, but she couldn't help it. She felt sorry for him. No one should have to be sad and alone, no matter what time of the year it was. But he was a Malfoy, she reasoned, he was probably used to being alone all the time.
Ginny had seen him earlier that day while she had been out on the grounds having a snow ball fight with the others. He was sitting on the main entrance stairs of the school, just watching the snow fall on his surroundings. Ginny had watched him for a while and wanted to invite him to come over and join them, just so that he wouldn't have to be alone. There was no way he would have joined them thought, and she knew that. She also knew that there would be no way that Harry and Ron would accept him into the group, even if it was just for the day.
She was really worried about him, and she actually found that surprising. Never before had she been worried about him. But now she was, Draco had changed so drastically over such a short amount of time, and now, he continued to withdraw within to himself. He looked depressed and unhealthy all the time. It was starting to scare her.
He entered half way through the meal, and took up the only available seat. After a quick apologetic smile to Dumbledore, he began to eat.
The other students soon all engaged in conversation, all discussing what they had gotten for Christmas, and from whom, but Draco stayed silent. Ginny watched as he just sat, obviously listening to the others, but not taking any part in the conversation. He picked at his food, and occasionally sniffled.
At first Ginny through that he had a cold, but when she looked at him again, this time really taking in what he looked like at that moment, she realized that his eyes were puffy and red. She was shocked to realize that he had been crying.
Never in her life had she expected him to be the type of person to cry. It was then that she realized that what ever it was that was going on with him, it was serious.
"So Mr. Malfoy, how has your Christmas been?" Dumbledore asked politely, trying to include Draco in the conversation. Looking up from his plate, Draco forced a slight smile and directed it at the head master, who was offering a reassuring smile.
"It could have been better sir." He replied weakly. Dumbledore nodded, understanding. Dumbledore obviously knew what was going on with Draco, Ginny realized. But then again, Dumbledore knew everything that happened in Hogwarts, so of course he knew what was going on.
Draco turned back to his food, and continued to push it around his plate. He had hardly eaten any of it. He wasn't hungry. Deep down inside, Draco knew that it was not healthy for him to be skipping as many meals as he had been, but he really didn't care. He didn't have the energy to be hungry any more.
He no longer thought of things like that. He didn't think of how his not eating was affecting him. His looks were no longer his top priority. He was too depressed to even think straight half the time, let alone care that he was withering down to skin and bones. Food just didn't seem the same anymore; nothing even tasted the any good. It tasted like cardboard and saw dust.
He had been making himself sick, not intentionally, but he got sick all the same. He didn't have the strength or the energy any more.
Draco could feel some one looking at him, staring. He looked up from his plate. It was Ginny Weasley, she was staring at him from across the table, and there was a deep seated concern in her eyes. Draco was surprised, to say the least.
It seemed that when he had stopped caring for anything other than Kayla, the world had stopped caring about him. No one seemed to notice him any more, and truthfully, that was the way he liked it. The less people who asked him about his behavior, the less people he had to explain himself to. It had been months since he had had a real conversation with someone, and it had been even longer since some one had showed him any type of concern.
But the look in Ginny's eyes, the look that she was not even trying to hide, was definitely concern and some sort of compassion. He also noticed the pity behind her gaze, but his mind stopped at the concern.
Draco didn't know what to do. From across the table they had caught each others gaze. The old Draco would have sneered at her, but he wasn't like that any more. Instead, Draco held her gaze, and smiled slightly.
Ginny had never seen him smile before. And it surprised her how sincere he looked. It was strange also, his eyes looked hollow, his skin looked pale, he looked sick, but he also looked so trustworthy.
She smiled back slightly, and turned back to the conversation that Harry was trying to start with her. Every now and then Ginny glanced back to him, but he was back to staring at his plate and pushing around his food.
When Desert was about to be served, Draco pushed away his plate, which still had three quarters of his meal on it. Ginny looked at him again, but she couldn't manage to catch his gaze again. He sat in silence while the others ate. Draco was just counting the minutes until he was allowed to go back to his room.
Crowds had been getting to him lately. At first they hadn't, but now it was like he could not deal with a group of more than 5 or six people. He would rather be alone with his thoughts instead of being swept away in the crowds.
But when the time came to leave, Draco did not stand straight away. He sat and waited for the other students and faculty members to stand and leave the great hall before he did. He watched quietly as Hermione, Ron, Harry and Ginny stood and moved towards the doorway.
Then Ginny stopped and looked back over her shoulder at him. Their eyes caught again, and once again, he smiled at her.
"Are you coming Ginny?" Hermione asked, turning back to her friend. Hermione's voice shook her out of her staring competition with Draco.
"I, umm, left something at the table" Ginny lied, hoping it would sound convincing. Luckily enough, they brought it.
"Do you want us to wait for you?" Harry asked. Ginny smiled at him sweetly.
"No, you lot go ahead, I will catch up later, I wont be to long" Ginny replied. The others nodded and left the great hall. Ginny turned back to the table, in the chair beside Draco.
"Did she like it?" Ginny asked, she had no idea why she had asked that, but she needed some thing to start a conversation with.
"What?"
"The girl that you brought the teddy bear for, did she like it?" Ginny asked. Draco sighed sadly and shrugged.
"I don't know, I don't even know if she got it" Draco replied, Ginny could have slapped herself, that was probably the stupidest thing she had ever said. She always had a problem with talking about things she didn't really understand. That was one of the things that got her into the most trouble.
"Oh" Ginny mumbled. She smiled, hoping she had not said something to unforgivable. She didn't know what else to say to make him open up the conversation again.
"I think I should go, it is getting late" Draco replied. Ginny nodded, but mentally slapped herself, thinking she had offended him into leaving. Draco stood and then paused as a sudden dizzy spell hit him. He had been getting these dizzy spells more and more recently lately, but Draco had just boiled it down to him being as unhealthy as he was. He took a deep breath and held himself up against the chair.
"Are you ok Draco?" She asked concern evident in her voice. He took another deep breath and looked at her. He was touched by her concern, it was nice that she cared, not many people cared for him much lately.
"I am, just not feeling too good, I will be fine in a little bit" Draco replied, pushing away from his chair and taking another deep breath. With all his strength, he grinned at her. "Merry Christmas Weasley"
"You to, Malfoy" She smiled, watching as he strode out of the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Draco opened his bedroom door slowly. He had taken his time walking back to his room. He was feeling weak all of a sudden. He had been fine before dinner, and now he was weak and tired. He had spent the whole day crying, thinking of his daughter, and how he would not be there to help her share her first Christmas.
He took the time to think back on the last few years. He never would have thought that his life could change so much in just two years. He had met a muggle girl, Jessica, a girl who could very well have been the woman of his dreams, they had had a whirlwind summer romance, and then when he had gone back to Hogwarts, she had broken it off with him. He had told her the truth about the magic world, and she said that she could not deal with a relationship with a wizard. He respected that, she understood to keep it secret, and they go on with life like they had never met. He spent the next few months trying to ignore the stabbing pain that ripped into him every time he had thought of her.
A few months later he had gotten a letter from her (he had explained that if she ever had to contact him, his mother would help her). In her letter she explained that she was pregnant, and that it was definitely his child. Jessica had explained she did not want him in their child's life, but she felt he had the right to know.
Nine months later, he had gotten another letter from Jessica, this one with a picture of their daughter, which she had named Kayla. She was a little angel, with beautiful blonde hair and grey eyes. There was no denying that the child was a Malfoy.
Two months after that, he had gotten yet another letter. This time from Kayla's Grandfather. He felt that it was his responsibility to inform Draco of Jessica's death. Kayla was still going to be staying with them, and they still did not want him anywhere near her. That left Draco with the pain of losing them both.
Draco felt faint as he even thought about it all. It was not fair at all. He was a father, and all he wanted to do was have the opportunity to get to know his daughter. She would be seven months old now, and he could only imagine how much she had grown.
He had only seen Kayla once, and that was when he had gone to pay respects at Jessica's funeral. He had only seen his daughter once from across the room before he had been escorted out.
He sat down, his back resting against his bed. He dug under his bed for his box of chocolates. Just as Lupin had said in their third year, Chocolate always made you feel better, especially is he was overcoming dizziness.
Resting his head back on his bed and eating more chocolate, he saw his owl resting on the end of his bed. This was the first time he had seen his owl since it had left to deliver his Christmas present to Kayla.
There was a piece of paper tied to the owls leg, Draco moved to it, and untied it quickly.
He didn't want to read the letter, because he could already predict what it said. But he knew, for his own piece of mind that he would have to read it before the suspense drove him crazy.
'Dear Draco,
I thought I was clear on my family's wishes for you not to have any contact with Kayla. We understand that you are Kayla's father, and that you wish to be in contact with her, but it was decided on the day of her Jessica's death that myself and my wife, Kayla's grandparents, would raise Kayla, and as her new guardians, we expect you to respect our wishes and stay away. This includes your written correspondence with our grand daughter.
You may not consider your actions to be damaging to her now, but in years to come, Kayla will only be hurt by you trying to contact her. We made the decision to continue what Jessica would have wanted. We know that you will probably cry an injustice in our decision, but you have to admit that it is now out of your hands.
Our daughter, although she did not tell as straight out why you were different, mentioned that you live your life in a way that is very uncommon to our values and beliefs. For this reason, Jessica wanted you away from Kayla, and for this same reason, we want you away from her to.
We know this is hard on you, because we knew that you did loved our daughter, and we understand that you love Kayla. But we have your child's best interests at heart.
Sincerely
Jacob Warner'
"Best interests my ass" Draco growled as he crunched the letter in his hand and felt a tear run down his cheek.
Suddenly, his room felt suffocating; he stood, angrily wiped his cheeks, and picked up his warmest coat and scarf. He needed to think, he needed to be alone to think. He needed the cold winter air to hit his skin and wake him up from his nightmare....he needed....
He crossed the room to his desk, and picked up his picture of Kayla. He tucked it into his coat pocket, and then left the Slytherin Dungeons.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ok, so the end of another chapter.
Now, before you review I want you to know that the back story of Kayla's mother and Draco's relationship will be properly explained in the next chapter.
In the next chapter, Draco will explain his past, in detail, to Ginny, so I say just hold tight, review for this chapter, and wait for the next one that will be uploaded tomorrow (I promise)
I like uploading chapters everyday, so you just have to keep reading and reviewing for me, please!!!
Thanks
Review, please, pretty please with a cherry on top.
And to answer a few questions that reviewers asked. YES, Ginny and Draco will get together, and YES, Draco will get to see his child by the end of the fic.
I cant tell you any more with out giving it all away.
Review please.