Once again, Buffy pondered the stupidity of it all. Being around Angel was dangerous. They proved it every time they were together. She could carry on a conversation with him, a serious pointed conversation, and still have very little on her mind other than touching him, kissing him….
She gave up and let her mind drift on that subject for a long moment, remembering him, and the moments, real, and created, they shared. Outside the window of the bus, the "Now Leaving Sunnydale" sign flew by, and Buffy jerked her mind back to the present and wondered if she should feel guilty for leaving like she did.
For the first time in ages, she didn't have a "big bad" hounding all her time and energy. Glory was gone, and Adam was spare parts. She shouldn't be gone long, and it wasn't like she was leaving the people she cared about in any sort of danger. There was the money thing, but Anya would there to deal with it. Spike's face floated to the forefront of her mind, and she shoved it away visciously.
She shook her head; she didn't even know what she was going to L.A. for exactly, how could she know how long she'd be gone? All she was going on was her dream, and her need to see him again.
She drew her attention back to the fleeting landscape. Around four years ago, she took this drive in a bus much like the one she rode now, feeling just as dead and pitiful then as she did now. Things change but always stay the same. That was the irony of life. She ran away four years ago because she 'killed' Angel and couldn't deal. She was running away now cause she died and couldn't deal.
And, once again, the fear returned. Things had been different between them, (but wasn't that usual between them) when they had met after she came back. The passions were there, but so was fear. His fear of losing control of his demon, her fear of getting him back just to lose him again.
What if he had decided that he didn't need her love? What if he had found someone to move on to, someone with whom his precious and wonderful soul would be safe.
What if once again they re-lived that night of the Sadie Hawkins's dance?
"Then tell me you don't love me! Say it!"
"Is that what you need to hear? Will that help? I don't. I don't. Now let me go."
"No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody! Love is forever."
She was comforted as James' words from her mouth repeated in her mind. "Love is forever." "Love is forever."
Love.