A/N: Inu-Yasha's POV. Only fair, seeing as the poor boy got
dumped last installment.
"My Insane Arrogance"
I get up on my feet again. It's hard, sometimes, to remember to wake up in the mornings and keep fighting without her. It isn't like she's left or anything, it's just . . . she's gone. My Kagome is no longer mine, and I feel as if Kikyou has shot me again with her arrows of bitter love and sweet despair.
I know it makes no sense; even Miroku has told me that. But I run to him so often now, I don't think he has the heart to say so again. I hide behind him when she tries to speak to me, and feel bad for hurting her. She's so afraid of her new feelings; I can tell, and she needs someone to tell her that it's okay, but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm too hurt myself.
Miroku is getting suspicious. He is so gentle with her now, and he speaks so softly when she and I are in close proximity, like he's afraid to cause a disaster. Sango too is worried- she asked me what had happened, and I told her "You did." I doubt she understood.
It doesn't matter. It's not important what she thinks anymore. I like her; we're still friends, but for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care about her confusion when my heart is doing this to me AGAIN. This horrible, rip-you-in-half agony when you want two people. I thought it was over with when I finally got over Kikyou enough to face her without wanting to hug her.
But . . .
I kissed Miroku a few days ago.
Don't get the wrong idea- it wasn't because I was upset about Kagome or Kikyou, it was because I was upset about HIM. He was just sitting there, silent and so sad- Miroku should never be sad. It isn't like him. So I asked him to tell me what was wrong- well, okay, demanded.
He just gave me the loneliest look I have ever seen in anyone's eyes. Even Kikyou never looked so hopeless, so world-weary. And I was so upset- he'd been there for me for so long; how could I let him suffer so much? And in my insane arrogance, I kissed him and thought it would make things better.
In a way, I think it did. He smiled a little bit when I moved back and seemed kind of amused. "Was that the first time you've really kissed anyone?" he had asked.
I had been embarrassed, but admitted to it. Well, there had been Kikyou, of course, but she had technically kissed me and I was not exactly lucid at the time. You know, evil spells and all. It happens.
But also, now I fear I've upset him somehow too. He gives me odd looks and sits very close to me, and seems a little overly protective. I am the stronger of us, but he acts as if he were supposed to be responsible for me. It's sort of confusing. I'm not used to being protected, but I'm pretty sure the strong are supposed to defend the weak. Not that he's weak in the traditional sense- he's the most powerful human I've ever know, Kikyou aside- but I am by far stronger.
Then again, I was never too good at protecting my most treasured people. And it's strange; I can sense that he feels the same way, and the two of us are drowning together and helpless to save each other.
Am I really in love again? Am I really that stupid? Is my heart so weak and vulnerable that I fall victim to everyone that I cannot have?
Except . . . I think I CAN have Miroku. Maybe, if I'm careful this time. We haven't actually talked about that kiss again, but he hasn't asked his infamous question to anyone since. This is not exclusively because of me, I am sure, but I'd love to think I had something to do with it.
Kagome doesn't seem to have noticed the change in my feelings towards him.
And strangely, I don't mind at all.
* ende *
. : r3v]3w. j00 go7 t00 : .
"My Insane Arrogance"
I get up on my feet again. It's hard, sometimes, to remember to wake up in the mornings and keep fighting without her. It isn't like she's left or anything, it's just . . . she's gone. My Kagome is no longer mine, and I feel as if Kikyou has shot me again with her arrows of bitter love and sweet despair.
I know it makes no sense; even Miroku has told me that. But I run to him so often now, I don't think he has the heart to say so again. I hide behind him when she tries to speak to me, and feel bad for hurting her. She's so afraid of her new feelings; I can tell, and she needs someone to tell her that it's okay, but I can't bring myself to do so. I'm too hurt myself.
Miroku is getting suspicious. He is so gentle with her now, and he speaks so softly when she and I are in close proximity, like he's afraid to cause a disaster. Sango too is worried- she asked me what had happened, and I told her "You did." I doubt she understood.
It doesn't matter. It's not important what she thinks anymore. I like her; we're still friends, but for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care about her confusion when my heart is doing this to me AGAIN. This horrible, rip-you-in-half agony when you want two people. I thought it was over with when I finally got over Kikyou enough to face her without wanting to hug her.
But . . .
I kissed Miroku a few days ago.
Don't get the wrong idea- it wasn't because I was upset about Kagome or Kikyou, it was because I was upset about HIM. He was just sitting there, silent and so sad- Miroku should never be sad. It isn't like him. So I asked him to tell me what was wrong- well, okay, demanded.
He just gave me the loneliest look I have ever seen in anyone's eyes. Even Kikyou never looked so hopeless, so world-weary. And I was so upset- he'd been there for me for so long; how could I let him suffer so much? And in my insane arrogance, I kissed him and thought it would make things better.
In a way, I think it did. He smiled a little bit when I moved back and seemed kind of amused. "Was that the first time you've really kissed anyone?" he had asked.
I had been embarrassed, but admitted to it. Well, there had been Kikyou, of course, but she had technically kissed me and I was not exactly lucid at the time. You know, evil spells and all. It happens.
But also, now I fear I've upset him somehow too. He gives me odd looks and sits very close to me, and seems a little overly protective. I am the stronger of us, but he acts as if he were supposed to be responsible for me. It's sort of confusing. I'm not used to being protected, but I'm pretty sure the strong are supposed to defend the weak. Not that he's weak in the traditional sense- he's the most powerful human I've ever know, Kikyou aside- but I am by far stronger.
Then again, I was never too good at protecting my most treasured people. And it's strange; I can sense that he feels the same way, and the two of us are drowning together and helpless to save each other.
Am I really in love again? Am I really that stupid? Is my heart so weak and vulnerable that I fall victim to everyone that I cannot have?
Except . . . I think I CAN have Miroku. Maybe, if I'm careful this time. We haven't actually talked about that kiss again, but he hasn't asked his infamous question to anyone since. This is not exclusively because of me, I am sure, but I'd love to think I had something to do with it.
Kagome doesn't seem to have noticed the change in my feelings towards him.
And strangely, I don't mind at all.
* ende *
. : r3v]3w. j00 go7 t00 : .