During a brief moment of boredom at work I started wondering what it might be like if Dr. Sloth kept a journal of his daily events.
This appeared in the Neopian Times issue 48 and I've already written a sequel but I keep forgetting to send it in. Many people wrote me and asked for more, so I will try to keep this one going whenever I get a chance.
Disclaimer: Neopets is NOT mine, nor are any of the characters, bands or species mentioned in this story. For more information, go to www.neopets.com
Excerpts from Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Wednesday, July 10th, 2002. 2:12pm.
Mood: Bouncy
Music: Flimsy (Tyrannian Dung Remix) - Yes Boy Ice Cream
I just signed up for one of these things, 'webjournal.' Sounds intriguing, even I must admit.
Where to begin?
Today has been so far uneventful. I woke up at 6:00 and went jogging as usual. Today I decided to take a different route and go by the duck pond. The baby ducks are so cute. :) I had to stop and feed them. However, they did not seem to care for the gross food I offered. What in Neopia am I supposed to do with all these infernal Tombola prizes? Binky doesn't even want them! I'd give them to the money tree, but that goes against my principle of generally being evil.
To make my morning even worse, some careless Gelert owner did NOT clean up after the infernal neopet. I had to throw away my trainers. What in Neopia are they feeding pets these days? All the more reason to unleash my unholy wrath and invade their pathetic little world...Oh, that reminds me, must go feed Binky.
Be back later.
~Sloth
Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Wednesday, July 10th, 2002. 8:15pm.
Mood: Disgusted
Music: Frankly Mr. Shankly – The Handsome Devils
It just figures, those stupid Faeries have now banned me from the Omelette! I went there to get a piece of it to feed poor starving Binky and Sabre X attacked me from behind! I turned to give him a taste of my new and improved super sludge ray, but the batteries had run out. It just figures. See if I ever shop at Jake's discount evil things and plushie store again! (Must make a note to send Jake a 'present'). Mwahahaha. Then Fyora appeared and started pelting me with Faerie cakes. More useless Tombola prizes!
Luckily I managed to grab enough of them to keep Binky fed and happy for the next few days. I may consider checking him into cockroach towers for a while. At least until my evil plot is complete. Mwahahahaha!
Actually, while she was shrieking very un-faerielike things at me I happened to hear something about pets for your pet. This sounds like something I should look into. Binky gets bored when I disappear into my laboratory and the grundos are getting restless. Maybe it's time to invade Tyrannia again?
~Sloth
Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Thursday, July 11th, 2002. 1:06am.
Mood: Exhausted
Music: Neopian Ways – Sticks N Stones
Insomnia! That dreaded night visitor overcomes me. Even an evil mastermind such as myself is a slave to anxiety.
Got a call from Mum today. More of the usual..."When are you going to settle down? Haven't you met an evil villainess to settle down with yet...I want grandsloths!"
Alas, the perfect villainess eludes me still. But I know she is out there somewhere. I can just picture her; long green hair flowing loosely down her back. Piercing red eyes, the lines etched into her forehead from the permanent glare...Ah, one can only dream. I did hear something about a new Faerie actually. Perhaps I'll see if the rumors are true tomorrow.
On a bright note, my plans for world domination are falling nicely into place. I have already started the 'experiments.' Soon Fyora will regret banning me from the omelette! And all of Neopia will pay! Mwahahahaha!
Oh! Finally got Binky a petpet! He was so happy when he saw the little Floud. Actually I had it narrowed sown to a Floud or a Meekins, but I figured the Floud would match the décor better. Plus the awful shrieking was starting to get on my nerves. (Must make a note to breed a herd of rabid Meekins' for my next invasion of Neopia). Before I left the shop, the shopkeeper, a delightful little gnome, told me to be sure I didn't feed the little pink blob any carrots. I'm definitely tempted to feed it carrots now; after all, I am an evil mastermind. I'll do it when Binky is asleep.
~Sloth
Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Saturday, July 13th, 2002. 5:45pm.
Mood: Sore
Music: It's Gonna Be Mynci – M*ynci
Well, I just got back from the hospital. They were definitely right; NEVER feed the infernal beast carrots. What's worse, my super sludge ray has broken and Binky is angry with me for the petpet incident. Ungrateful little brat. Perhaps I should give him a transmogrification potion!
Oh, but that Faerie paintbrush was so expensive. Decisions, decisions.
On the plus side, the stay in the hospital gave me another deliciously evil idea. I'm going to start making mutant petpet transmogrification potions. Not that those stupid beasts need to be made mutant, but they are just so annoyingly cute. And if I can harness the power of the Floud I will be invincible!
Oh! I have a new minion! I've sent her out now to pick up the latest edition of the Neopian Times. I fell behind during the hospital stay and I really want to see if Donna answered my question in the editorial. When she gets back I'll have her order me a pizza.
I discovered this website that does 'quizzes' the other day. It was quite entertaining. I spent three hours taking them. Very insightful.
Oh, and I have also discovered these little 'emoticon' things I can use to set my mood. I can't decide between the bunnies and the kitties. Maybe I will flip a coin.
Note: I must send my minion out to steal a coin from someone.
Dr. Sloth's Webjournal
Sunday, July 14th, 2002. 10:00pm.
Mood: Frustrated
Music: The Chomby Dance - Chomby and the Fungus Balls
ARGH!
I can't get this stupid 'HTML' thing to work. I've been at it since early morning and all I've managed to do is set the background colour! Incidentally, whoever thought up these number and letter combinations to represent colours is a fool. I finally gave up and typed in 'pink' and it worked! What is all this stuff about special codes anyway?
I guess Binky will have to wait a bit longer for his web page.
I took another of those 'online quizzes.' They are really quite fun. Perhaps I will make one later, provided I can figure out this 'HTML' thing.
My minion was a spy for Fyora! I tried to turn her into a pile of sludge, but alas, my sludge ray is still broken. I had to order parts from the space station across the galaxy and I'm still waiting on them. Better arrive soon; I'm falling behind in random acts of evil.
Speaking of evil, I snuck into Faerieland today and got a peak at the new faerie. She's beautiful! I'm trying to work up the courage to ask her out. Perhaps if I bring a gift, but what could a Dark Faerie possibly need? I'll have to think on that a little.
I received my invitation today to the annual Evil Denizens of Neopia Costume Ball. I'm so excited; I must start planning my costume.
~Sloth