DISCLAIMER: I own no one.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Haikus are fun. This I know. Parodying 7th Heaven characters is also fun. This I know. *lightning bolt*/*brainflash* parodying 7th Heaven characters with haikus would be a lot of fun.
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: This is the cast of characters, given in haiku form (5-7-5 syllables)
Haiku Wars: Introduction of Characters
Ruthie
Smarter than them all
They never listen to her
Must be adopted
Mary
Bold and beautiful
Has the brain of a pigeon
With a concussion
Lucy
Too many boyfriends
Even though she is whiny
With a chipmunk face
Matt
Long hair, funny beard
No college graduation
But now in med school
Simon
Believes he's a pimp
So needs to pluck his eyebrows
And stop his pouting
Sam and David
When we say they're twins
We really mean one person
Named Sam-and-David
Annie
Post-menopausal
And for that we are thankful
She'll stop having kids
Eric
Man of much great faith
If by faith you really mean
Secular wisdom
Robbie
Where did he come from?
He will soon metamorphize
into pseudo-Matt
Kevin
A piece of eye candy
Please take your shirt off again
And then stop talking
Ben
For my thought on Ben
See above, Kevin's haiku
And read the thing twice
Roxanne
Wants anything male
In what world is she a cop
And not desperate
Happy
Better trained, cuter
Than Sam-and-David, Ruthie
Smarter than Kevin
OKAY… TBC… in future chapters, we'll see two or more characters face off, haiku style. Expect lots of making fun of Kevin for speaking haltingly, Lucy for whining, and Mary for being flighty. I love these characters, but this season…
Please review if you'd like me to continue; otherwise, this will prob be a one time fic, and we'll all lose out on the haiku insults that await.
Flames are welcome so long as they contain at least three different words and are written as a haiku
If there's a character I've left out that you'd like to see, let me know.