DISCLAIMER: I don't own them; I just use poetry to mock them.
CORRECTION: Kevin's haiku last chapter should have read:
Piece of eye candy
Please take off your shirt again
And then stop talking
Thanks to everyone who noticed the original was not in perfect haiku form. Special thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially those who did so in haiku form!
SUMMARY: Mary and Lucy face off
Prologue
Seeing those two fight
Using poetry at that
Would make us all smile
Haiku Wars: Mary vs. Lucy
The Circumstance
Lucy realizes
That Mary is attractive
And Kevin is male
The Battle Begins
I.
Lucy was shorter
But with the same sized bosom
Those things can't be real
II.
She walked to Mary
And sent her a chipmunk glare
And started whining
Lucy's Song
I.
"What is wrong with you?
How dare you be a female
Around my boy friend!
II.
"I can't deal with that
I do not have confidence
In my own appeal
III.
"While we are at it
Why are you a stewardess?
It just makes no sense."
Mary's Song
I.
"I hear all your words
but understanding is hard.
Where are all the boys?
II.
"It's not my fault if
all the boys love me, just me
even older guys
III.
"Please don't call me that
I prefer 'flight attendant'
I like my short skirt."
Interlude
I.
Once upon a time
Mary was the smart Camden
What the heck happened?
II.
About Lucy's goals:
How can she be a preacher
Without faith, logic?
III.
Now I must compile
A list of their worst mistakes
In this haiku form
i.
Mary had blonde hair
Why? Ugly, horrid on her.
What's wrong with brown hair?
ii.
Kissing Ben that once
While (Arrrg!) engaged to Wilson
Such a kissing ho
iii.
Do I even need
To talk about the school gym
And that other stuff
iv.
Lucy's engagement
What the heck was that about?
Vicious plot bunnies!
Lucy's Song II.
I.
"Have you seen Roxanne?
She wants my boyfriend, like you!
Stop twirling your hair
II.
"Another problem
Ruthie is now twelve years old
And she's pretty too."
Mary's Song II.
I.
"You are insane, girl
and I am very pretty
I need say no more."
Epilogue
Paranoid Lucy
Burst into crocodile tears
Mary twirled her hair.
TBC…more haiku fun later, but only if you guys review!!!