Title: Steps
Author: Amelia Bedelia
Chapter Four: Similar Thoughts
AUTHORS NOTE: There's not really very much that I need to say today! (I'm shocked myself!) I don't have any song lyrics that go with the story, but I do have one thing that I've forgotten to do on my other chapters!!! You guys are so lucky! You get a Disclaimer on the top of every chapter now!!!
DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot and the characters Ellie, Naty, Caroline, and others you do not recognize. J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter series and characters.
Um… That's it! The end! Finite! Finish! Nothing left!
On with the story!
Chapter Four: Similar Thoughts
At 6AM the next morning, James was already awake and dressed. He left Gryffindor Tower over an hour before Sirius would even wake up.
James was cautious about staying away from Filch, the new and extremely grouchy caretaker at Hogwarts. If he even crossed his path before class started, James would most likely have a detention and fifty points deducted from Gryffindor.
James tiptoed into the Hospital Wing as quietly as he could. He just barely recognized the shadow of Eleanor before it was too late. James hid behind a bed until he heard her footsteps retreat. Slowly, peeking his head out from behind the bed, he ran to the curtains with Lily concealed behind them. He saw no movement and quietly opened the curtains. Lily was lying just where she had been before James went to bed.
James sat next to Lily on her bed and picked up her hand again. "Lily?" he asked. He got the same response as last night.
No answer.
"Not again…" he mumbled, lacing his fingers through Lily's hand.
"James?"
Lily's eyes had flickered open and were staring at his hand intertwined with hers.
"Lily, I thought you were unconscious!" James exclaimed, pulling back his hand as if it were on fire.
She just stared at James. "What am I doing in here?"
James looked confused. "Well, you just sort-of fainted in the middle of the hallway. I thought maybe you would know…"
Lily took the information in. "I don't really remember that much. James, what time is it? No, what day is it? How long have I been out of it?"
"It's uh…" James looked at his watch. "It's about an hour before classes start up. You were just knocked out last night."
"Ok… You know, James, I'm still a little tired. You might want to just go back to classes. You look a little tired too. I think you should just get a little sleep. I am," Lily said.
"Well, I guess I'll just let you get to sleep then. I'm gonna head down to the Great Hall and grab some food," James said, looking downcast.
Lily just smiled and rolled over under the bed sheets. "I don't think I'll join you in classes today, James. I feel like I'll puke any minute."
"Ok, Lily. I'll come back and visit you tonight."
"James, you don't have to do that!"
"Lily, I insist! It's the least I could do for a friend in pain," James said, standing up. "See ya, Lils."
"Bye, James."
Once Lily heard the door of the infirmary close, she sat up in her bed and leaned back on her pillows.
The truth was she did know why she had fainted. She just didn't want to worry James. He was one of those people who panicked about a lot of things even if they seemed harmless.
For example: dreams. If Lily told him that she'd had a nightmare while she wasn't sleeping and had fainted instead, James would freak out.
She remembered the dream so vividly. This was one of those dreams where you think it real until you wake up and are proved wrong.
►♀☼♂◄Dream►♀☼♂◄
Lily opened her eyes. It was dark all around her. She heard nothing. Not even the sound of wind in her ears was present.
Lily pulled her hand up to her eyes and waved it. She could barely even tell that it was there.
"Hello?" she called into the silence. And then the world shifted. Her feet were pulled out from underneath her and she fell hard on her backside. The floor began to move and pulled Lily with her.
Lily could now see her hands and feet. The floor was taking her to a bright light towards the end of what appeared to be a small tunnel.
Lily crawled onto her hands and knees while the floor continued to carry her to the light. She was too scared to stand up without falling. Lily tried to look ahead and see what was coming.
It was too fuzzy to make out at first. And then she saw a small cliff. And then a bit of sunlight. And then some clouds.
It was her way out! That was the way to leave this strange place! Lily waited on her hands and knees until the floor stopped once she reached the cliff. Lily peered over the side.
It wasn't too far down. She could easily jump off and not break a leg.
The only problem was that Lily didn't know where she was. She couldn't see Hogwarts from where she was standing. It was a vast plain. There were orange and yellow leaves blowing around so Lily guessed she must have ended up in the future with fall in the air.
Lily looked at the ground making sure none of the large stones would be under her once she leapt.
But then she heard a sound. Leaves were cracking. There were people coming.
Lily looked over the edge cliff. Professor Dumbledore was walking towards the spot she was hanging over.
"Professor" she called. "I'm up here! Professor Dumbledore!"
He didn't look up. Dumbledore continued to walk in his normal pace. And once he moved to the side. Lily saw the faces of James and Sirius. And they were carrying a large wooden box.
"James! Help me down!"
He didn't look up. James just walked until he and a group of others were standing directly underneath Lily.
Lily, being as curious as she was, watched as Professor Dumbledore created a hole in the ground using magic.
Slowly, and unwillingly, James and Sirius gently placed the large wooden box inside of the hole. Dumbledore magicked some dirt in the hole and placed a large stone on top of it.
Someone must have just died, Lily thought. Wonder who…
Professor Dumbledore said a few well-chosen words and everyone left. Everyone, meaning, all except the Marauders.
Sirius kneeled on the ground next to the gravestone. "I'm sorry," he said to it. "I really didn't hate you. We could have been friends. I'm so sorry." Lily could have sworn that she saw a tear building up in his eye.
Remus and Peter said their good-byes to the person as well. And then James kneeled next to Sirius in the dirt. He laid down a single flower. Not a rose, not a daisy, but a small lily.
And then instead of speaking to only the stone, he spoke to anyone listening.
"She didn't deserve to die."
"We know, Prongs," Sirius said on his side.
"No," James said with fire in his voice. He was now facing Lily's direction and she saw large tears rolling down his cheeks into the dirt. "You don't know," he hissed menacingly.
"James," Remus said cautiously, "she was our friend also."
"No she wasn't. I was her friend. You only hung out with her because I was hanging out with her! Don't you ever - ever - say that you know ever again. Because you don't. No one will ever know."
"Sorry, James. We know you were one of her friends - "
"I was her only friend god-damnit! I was the only person she had left in this world! Her parents are dead, and her sister - sister - blames her for their deaths! And on top of all of that, her best friend she had after that died also! I was the only person who actually cared for her! She did nothing to deserve that horrible life! The only thing she ever did was tried to make it through her life! And that didn't even work! She was just a girl! She didn't deserve that awful life!"
James had now broken down on the ground sobbing into the dirt. His friends looked hopeless. They had never seen James act like that before. They had never even seen him cry before.
"James," Sirius started, raising a hand to pat on James' back.
"Don't come near me," James hissed. He began to control his breathing and sat up. A huge gust of wind blew past James and hit the small lily next to the grave. It began to float away into the wind and James just stared after it mournfully.
Sirius, Remus, and Peter hadn't moved. They just watched as James lay next to the grave.
"Go away," James said.
They gave each other weird looks. Should they leave him here without supervision? Who knew what James would do in this state of mind.
"I said leave."
Sirius nodded at the others and stood up leaving James behind.
Lily knew that James was crazy and stubborn, but she never thought he was that crazy and stubborn. And who was that person's grave? Lily thought she knew who's it was, but that was a crazy thought! She was sitting right here…
It began to rain. James didn't flinch as drops of rain hit his face and his eyes. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore.
But it was driving Lily crazy! She had to see whose grave it was. It just couldn't be her own, could it?
Lily leaned over the edge. The name on the gravestone seemed too hazy at first, but then it became clearer. Lily gasped and fell off of the cliff. She began to fall.
And fall.
And fall.
She couldn't - wouldn't - believe what she saw.
Lily fell through James and through the dirt. She fell through the darkness and through the rain underneath the soil. She fell through time.
But the letters were there in black and white!
Lily tried grasping the dirt, hoping for it to slow her down. She threw her arm up and felt nothing but air pass around it.
However, it is hard to grasp the idea that you had just seen your own burial.
◄§▼§►End of Dream◄§▼§►
Lily shuddered at the thought of her own dream. It was something she didn't think she could ever forget.
Lily tried as hard as she could for the next two hours to fall asleep but the dream kept bugging her. It was always there in the back of her mind, even when she managed to think of something else.
Eleanor finally realized that Lily had been awake so she looked her over and, with a frown on her face, gave her medicine for her to sleep.
Lily lied her head back down onto her pillow and, even with the dream in mind, managed to sleep.
►♀☼♂◄Dream►♀☼♂◄
Lily seemed to wake up in the dark. But, that can't be right, can it? I fell asleep before lunch! There's no way I could've slept until past dinner!
And then Lily recognized the surroundings. It was the same cave she had been in before. She waved her hand in front of her face just like before. She couldn't see it.
The floor began to move again. Just like before.
It stopped where it had before. And Lily saw Dumbledore, followed by the Marauders and a few other staff members.
Lily watched again as Dumbledore helped bury herself.
No, Lils, this is just a dream! Only a dream! It's not real.
James and Sirius lowered the crate into the ground again. Lily couldn't stand it anymore. She had to do something about it. Lily stood, prepared to jump.
Don't jump.
Lily stopped and looked around the cave. "Hello?" she called into the empty space behind her. "Is anyone here?"
No response. Lily shrugged and crouched in an attempt to jump towards the ground.
Don't jump.
Lily spun around again. There was no one there. Lily was beginning to get scared.
Don't jump.
"Stop!" Lily yelled. "I know there's something or someone here! But I won't get paranoid! I need to help James. So you can stop now." Lily looked around defiantly in the darkness.
After Lily heard nothing, she turned and looked out at the scene below her. Sirius kneeled next to the grave.
Don't jump.
Lily ignored the voice this time and leapt towards the ground. She felt herself hit the ground with a thud and then it dropped out from underneath her. She fell as she had last time. Lily reached for James' hand just before she fell through the earth and it passed swiftly through.
◄§▼§►End of Dream◄§▼§►
Lily woke from her dream hurling what little food that was in her body across the room.
ϐ○•○ϐ*James*ϐ○•○ϐ
James kept glancing towards the Potions door, expecting at any moment, for Lily to come walking in.
But it was only hope.
Lily did not show up to lunch at noon. She was still in the Hospital Wing. James had checked in on Lily for a few minutes between every period. He almost stayed the whole lunch watching Lily sleep until Eleanor shooed him out and he reluctantly got some food to eat in the Great Hall.
He and the rest of the Marauders left their spots at the table to head down to the History of Magic classroom. There he sat next to Remus on the end.
Professor Binns, as old as he was getting, was one of the oldest teachers at Hogwarts. Most students and some faculty members were still surprised that he still taught.
"Good afternoon, class," he muttered into his armful of books he was carrying. Today is a follow-up to yesterday's lesson…"
This announcement was followed by several moans and groans from the class, but Professor Binns either ignored this reaction or did not hear it.
"Students, open your book to page three hundred and forty-seven. Read along about the history of the Runespoor as I read aloud." James flipped open his book to the page Binns had said and promptly closed his eyes while laying on the book.
He began to think of Lily. Her beautiful crimson hair. Her slender figure. Her beautiful smile…
James was almost positive he was in love. She was the girl of his dreams. The person he would spend the rest of his life with. He knew he had never felt this way about any girl before. But that was also what he thought when he met Caroline. Then again, he hadn't known her then. He knew Lily though… didn't he?
James flipped over to face the direction of the door. He watched for Lily to come. She wasn't coming, he knew that. In his heart, he wanted her to be here so much, but his brain knew that she wouldn't be coming the rest of the day. James just didn't want to face the facts.
James' brain began to replay what had happened the night before. He was set on fast-forward, but once it got to the part after dinner, it slowed.
[][][][][][][][][] Flashback [][][][][][][][][]
"You know when, uh, you were about to let go of my hand. You know, in the Astronomy Tower…"
"Of course, James, I remember all of that vividly! Why?" she asked curiously.
"Well, just before you fell, you, um, said something. I just didn't know if you - er - meant it," James said, blushing.
"What did I say?" Lily asked, unsure of the answer. It had to be something big to have the James Potter blushing.
"Well… you said something along the lines of, uh, 'I love you,' you know - but I probably just misunderstood you!" James said quickly while Lily looked at him shocked.
Lily began to color. "Well, I did say that - "
"You did?" James cut in, hopefully.
"But, you know, I only said that because it was one of those things where I never had the chance to say those three words to anyone. Well, besides my family, of course."
"Of course," James mumbled, crestfallen.
"But, James, I love you as my best friend, you know that don't you?" she asked, placing her hand on his arm making him stop in his tracks along with Lily.
"Yes, and I love you too - as a friend."
,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,` End of Flashback ,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,`.~,`
James paled. He had forgotten about that part last night. After Lily had fainted, his mind had been so focused on her health that he'd forgotten about that conversation completely!
James moaned out loud which caused many Gryffindors to turn in their seats to find the source of interruption. Not that they were paying attention to Professor Binns, they needed this time to sleep, just like any other person!
"James, shut up," Sirius said, not waking from his deep slumber.
James didn't pay attention to Sirius. He tightened his fist with his quill in it. Without caring, James snapped the quill in half. He needed something to take out his anger on.
"James, what are you doing?" Remus looked at James with an amazed look. "James, my boy, you look like you need another quill." Remus searched his bag until he brought up another quill and handed it to James. "Here."
"Thanks," James muttered, still a bit pale. He held it firmly in his hand and shoved it into the top of the desk as hard as he could.
Remus stared open mouthed. "You owe me another quill."
"Whatever," James dismissed with a wave of his hand as he lay back down on his book looking away from Remus.
And a lone tear fell down his cheek.
♣♥╫♥♣ Lily ♦♠╫♠♦
Lily was on all fours hurling up food leftover from the past times she'd eaten food.
Eleanor came running into the room. "Lily, goodness me, I didn't know you were awake. Oh dear, let me help you."
Eleanor ran to grab a bucket. She then proceeded to help Lily climb back onto the bed again.
"It's ok, dear, it'll be over soon. Then you can lie back down and go to sleep again," Eleanor said.
Lily shook her head frantically and then coughed up the last of her lunch. Eleanor grabbed a rag on the side table and wiped Lily's mouth off with it. "What is it, Lily?"
"I can't go back to sleep! You can't make me," she whispered dangerously.
"Miss Evans, what's wrong?" Eleanor asked, cautiously.
"I had this dream - "
"Dream?" Eleanor asked with her ears perking up. "You had a dream?"
"Yeah, and it was in the future, I think and - "
"Lily, why don't you just lay down for a bit. I'll be right back," Eleanor said as she scurried out the door.
Lily raised her eyebrow after her as she slipped underneath her covers.
*^^^^Eleanor^^^^*
"Professor!" Eleanor called as she ran through the hallways. "Professor Dumbledore, I need to talk to you!"
Dumbledore, at the other end of the hallway, stopped in his footsteps and turned to face Eleanor.
"Eleanor, you needn't call me Professor! You finished your learning career over fifteen years ago! You may call me Albus, how many times must I tell you that?" Professor Dumbledore said.
"Professor - Albus - whatever! We have no time for that! You remember me telling you that Miss Evans had come down with a bout of muggle flu?"
"Yes," Dumbledore said. "Your point…"
"Well, I gave her a dreamless sleeping potion at breakfast this morning, but when she woke, she was throwing up all over the room and she said that she wouldn't let me put her back in bed because she had a scary dream and now she's back in the Infirmary and - and - I don't know what to do!!!" Eleanor said, breathless.
"Slow down, Eleanor. You say she had a dream? When she took a dreamless potion? How is that possible?" Dumbledore asked. "There's no way that could happen. Do you know what the dream was?"
"Professor - "
"Albus, Eleanor! It's Albus!"
"Sorry, Professor - Albus! Sorry. Anyways, I believe it's a rare wizard disease. Don't remember what it's called…" Eleanor looked down at her hands trying to think of the name. She shrugged when she didn't remember and continued to talk.
"Professor Dumbledore - "
"Call me Albus, Eleanor!"
"Albus," she corrected, "there is only one way that the girl can survive but it's nearly impossible. It's only happened once before, and that was over a century ago!"
"My dear, this is a student we are talking about. We must try anything that's possible…"
ϐ○•○ϐ*James*ϐ○•○ϐ
James exited Transfiguration along with his Gryffindor class. The students made their way towards the Great Hall for dinner. James, on the other hand, headed straight for the Hospital Wing.
He passed Eleanor on her way out. She ran in the opposite direction and didn't even say a small hello to James.
James ignored her and stepped inside to see Lily curling up under her blankets, lying awake.
"Lily?" he whispered.
She turned her head. "Oh, hello, James. How are you?"
"I'm the one who should be asking you that!" James grinned at her as he stood next to Lily. "So… How are you?"
Lily smiled weakly. "I've been better."
"What happened, Lily? Anything I can do to help you get better? Anything?"
"James, relax. Just having you here is good enough."
"Are you sure, Lily? I can go to the kitchens really quick and get you some dinner or I could - "
"You know what would really help, James?"
"Yes?" he said and his ears perked up. "What do you need? I'll get you whatever you want."
"Could you not talk so loud and quickly?"
"Oh," James said, whispering now. "Is this better?"
Lily smiled.
"Perfect."
James blushed. "Are you sure you don't need anything else?"
"Well, tomorrow you could go and collect my homework if I'm not back in classes by then."
"What?" James exclaimed. "You're not going to be back in classes tomorrow? What illness do you have? Are you going to be ok?"
"James, my ears!" Lily complained.
"Sorry. So, have you been asleep all this time?"
"Well, I threw up once." James was about to overreact again but Lily threw one of her cold hands over his mouth. "I'll be fine," she said before she pulled her hand off of his mouth.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Lily looked up at the clock hanging on the wall. "James, you should get back to the common room. Dinner's over and everyone's probably heading up already."
James smiled weakly and stood up from his place next to Lily's bed. I'll see you in classes tomorrow then."
"Maybe," Lily said.
"No," James said, "I will see you."
Lily smiled at James' stubbornness. "Goodnight, James."
Lily watched James' back retreat out of the Infirmary.
She loved him so much; he was making it so hard for her to hold back. She just wanted to throw herself on him and stay with him forever.
But she knew he would never feel the same way. After all, James told her that he loved her as a friend.
ϐ○•○ϐ*James*ϐ○•○ϐ
James closed the door behind him softly and leaned back on it. He let out an audible sigh.
He didn't know what she did to him. He felt like she whenever he was with her, he felt like he had to do anything and everything for her. No matter what she asked him to do, he'd probably obey her every order.
When he was with Lily, James felt like he had no control over his own actions!
But she had said that she only loved him like a friend. James had other plans, however.
I'll get her to love me, James thought. I just need to let her see how much more of a friend I am to her than she realizes! She's pretty easy to persuade, isn't she?
James' mind reeled back to several years ago when Lily had been arguing a case on dragons. She wouldn't give up no matter what happened.
I'm in deep shit.
AUTHORS NOTE: I hope you liked it!!! I know I said earlier that I wouldn't really use anymore flashbacks but in that category I also add dream sequences but I just thought that it would work in pretty good in the story! (I'm not really a "dream" person.)
I don't think there's much more to say here!
REVIEW SECTION:
Ravenclawgirl: Thank you so much!!! I hope you keep reading!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Silver10fire: Wow!!! "Hall of Very Good Stories"!!! ::blush:: Thank you so much!!! And you can bet on me continuing! (I don't want to get turned into a purple frog with green spots…) Thanks for reviewing!!!
Chickensoup3: Are there a lot of Lily/James fluffy fics? I never thought there were too many fluffy stories! Oh well, it could also be that I don't like to read sad stories but I could care less if I wrote about them or not!!! (I don't know, maybe I should try a sad story now!!!) Thanks for reviewing!!!
Razon: Thanks!!! I'm glad I've got another reviewer!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Potter25: Thanks! I hope you get back from the store soon! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Hazelmist: I'm glad you liked the house elf part!!! Half of the third and fourth chapter I didn't have planned out. I just sort-of added whatever I felt like at the time. At the moment, I felt like having a house elf that had a crush on James! Then I (surprisingly) sat down and wrote almost that whole elf scene in about three days!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Kathy: So, you want me to elaborate??? ::hee hee:: I'm sorry, I found that funny considering what my stories sound like when I talk!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Becky: Hmm… someone's a bit hyper… No just kidding! I'm actually like that almost 24/7 except for when I have to wake up before 9am, you know? Thanks for reviewing!!!
Sirius' Lover: Maybe Lily's in shock… Maybe not… Who knows!!! With the brain that I have, it could be anything out of the ordinary and not related to Harry Potter at all!!! But, you know, it is sort-of related to the story, so you lucked out!!! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Hermione749: I know it's a masterpiece!!! (Just kidding!!!) Thanks for reviewing!!!
JadeAngelou: Caps lock, huh? Cool! Anyways, thanks for reviewing!!!
Lucky_719: OK, anything in the world? Probably to be a famous singer and then rub it in the faces of all of the people who are snobby to me in school!!! I'm sorry I don't have any other stories up yet, though! I think once everything calms down here then I will probably have time to post my other stories I'm working on! Thanks for reviewing!!!
Young Golden Unicorn: I'm actually really ashamed to say this but I completely forgot about Remus!!! He'd actually probably be my second choice, though. I go for the funny type of guys. (What can I say? I grow up in a family based on jokes!!!) My dad is probably the funniest guy I know and he's great to me and my siblings so that's who I would really like to be with! Someone who's funny and good with children!!! Then again, we don't exactly know their real personalities, do we? Anyways, thanks for reviewing!!!
NEXT CHAPTER: I don't have the next chapter planned out very much but I can probably say that Lily will eventually get back to class with James sometime in the chapter. There might be a little bit of Sirius and maybe a bit of James' fan club! (Oooh, exciting!!! Hee, hee!!!)
Well, thanks for reading!!! Hope you like the story so far! I'm leaving for the rest of the weekend so I won't be back until Tuesday and I may not have another up until later in the week! (Sorry!!!) I will try to be writing paper/pencil anyway, though!
I'd also like to try to shoot for twenty more reviews! I'll say that I want to reach at least five away from fifty! I know that's less than twenty, but it's close enough for me!!!
I think we can reach fifty before I get home!!!
Yours truly,
Amelia Bedelia