SIXTH - DELIBERATE MISTAKES
Chapter Three
Activations and Awakenings
The next days passed, as would any other days, mundane and normal. Avery, for his part, settled into a routine at school, one that excluded everyone else. He continued to keep to himself, speaking little, and remaining at his desk during lunch, and during free moments. The rest of the class was all too willing to give him the space he desired (or demanded, it was a matter of opinion as to which it was), an arrangement that worked out nicely.
Of course, as time passed, things firmly settled within the future made themselves known.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The activation test for Evangelion Unit-06 will occur tomorrow at noon. Due to the unforeseen difficulties with the last activation NERV attempted, we will be using one of the on-site testing rooms, in the hope that we will be better able to restrain and defeat the Evangelion, should it become infected by an Angel, as did Unit-03."
They were sitting in one of the innumerable briefing rooms within NERV, four pilots, Misato, and Ritsuko. Misato was currently speaking, setting out the guidelines for the scheduled activation test tomorrow.
"Avery, we will need you here at 1100 hours for some prep work. After that, we'll get you suited up and the test will commence from there," said Ritsuko.
"Very well," stated Avery.
"Shinji, Asuka?" said Misato, looking to the two pilots. "You two currently have the two highest synch rates, so one of you will be off-site, in the event of something catastrophic. Either one of you two would have the best chance of surviving either event without help, so in the event of NERV being structurally destroyed, or an Angel choosing this time to attack, having one of you off-site will shave time off our deployment."
"Who will it be?" asked Asuka.
Misato shrugged. "The decision hasn't been made yet. Do either of you have a preference? Honestly, from what the MAGI tell us, there's little chance of a repeat of the Thirteenth Angel, so you'll be pretty much choosing where you wait this thing out."
"Then let Shinji stay outside!" snapped Asuka. If something happens to NERV, and us pathetic little girls, then we'll HAVE to have the great Shinji come charging in to save us….." *Like always….*
"Shinji, do you mind?" asked Misato.
"No…" mumbled Shinji. Cowed by Asuka's words, he thought it best to simply do what was asked.
"Fine," said Ritsuko. "Then you'll be expected to arrive at the same time as Avery, because of the extra time it will take to move your Eva outside. Rei and Asuka, you two will need to be here by 11:30. We will have you both suited up, but we may not even have you board your Evas, depending on how it goes."
Misato looked around the room. "Any questions?" When none were forthcoming, she motioned with her hands, shooing them off. "Then go on. We'll see you all here tomorrow."
Avery was the first out of the room, something that was becoming his trademark at school. Asuka trailed after him, also heading home. As they left, Shinji slumped back into his chair, sighing.
*What brought that on?* he wondered, thinking back to Asuka's outburst. Mild though it had been (comparatively, at least. Asuka had said or done much worse before. Not to Shinji, but to some of the upperclassmen at school who had thought it would be funny to flip her skirt up.), Shinji had the feeling that Asuka's comment had only been the tip of the iceberg.
So, when a hand laid itself on his shoulder, he jumped, his brain conjuring up visions of Asuka returned, ready to take out whatever her frustrations were upon him. He calmed noticeably when his mind registered that it was Rei, not Asuka who had laid her hand on his shoulder. His heart, though, still required a moment to slow to a normal pace. Rei, of course, took all this in stride, as usual.
"Ikari….are you unwell?" she asked.
Shinji shook his head. "You just startled me……" He glanced around the room. "I guess everyone else has left."
"Yes," she stated, her eyes still watching him. "I have something to speak of, with you, Ikari."
Shinji blinked. "Well…..what is it, Ayanami?"
"Before the Thirteenth Angel…….you cleaned my place of residence. I have realized that I prefer the cleanliness to the way it was before." She paused. "Would….would you show me what I must do to keep it clean?"
Shinji smiled. "Sure, Ayanami…….I could help you with that tomorrow, after the test, if that's ok…."
Rei nodded. "That is fine…….we should return to our residences now, Ikari. We must be rested for the activation test tomorrow."
"Yeah." The two walked together, a comfortable silence hanging between them, as the made their respective ways home. Shinji was almost sorry to have to break it, when time came to part. Unlike Asuka, Rei appreciated quiet and peace, something Shinji rarely got during his life. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, Ayanami….be careful…if anything goes wrong…."
"I will. Goodbye, Ikari….." she said. "…and thank you…..Shinji……" she whispered, her voice breaking apart on the wind.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji slumped back in the seat of the cable car, thoroughly drenched, and utterly miserable. Whoever had said 'it never rains, it pours', had to have been talking about the weather, or at least the rain, in Tokyo-3. For the second time in as many days, a downpour had blown out of nowhere, catching the Third Child umbrella-less, again. Shinji wiped water from his hair, sighing. Being cold and wet never helped to improve his mood.
And it appeared to do similarly little for Avery, who entered the car a moment later, looking even more waterlogged than Shinji. He flopped into a seat across from Shinji, and rested there a minute, his chest heaving.
"Is the…….rain…..always this sudden?" he asked, still gasping large mouthfuls of air.
"Not usually," commented Shinji. "But a few days ago, we had a storm a lot like this one…..guess it wasn't done with us yet."
Avery coughed, a tremble passing through his thin frame. "I dislike rain…." He coughed again, three in a row, before he was able to regain his breath. Sighing, he leaned back in the seat, looking thoroughly miserable.
Shinji's sigh joined his. "At least we'll be able to dry off when we get to NERV. There's usually some towels in the locker rooms…..though I think that you're supposed to use them after getting out of the entry plug, not before getting into it."
Avery gathered his braid into his hands, and twisted it, attempted to wring water from it, as though it was a piece of cloth. "You mean to remove the LCL from your body? I have never actually been within an entry plug before. In America, all they allowed me to use were simulators….it was believed to be too great a risk to activate the Evangelion in America."
"It's not too bad," said Shinji, offering his sympathies. While few people would say that anyone had experienced a more horrible first piloting experience than Shinji, that did not make the first time any easier. "I know……the first time I ever piloted Unit-01, I nearly died…….but now, the inside is almost….familiar. I know Asuka pretty much adores her Eva….she even went so far as to have it painted red…."
Idly, Avery rubbed the back of his neck, fidgeting. "And the First Child?" he asked.
*Talkative today…….I guess he's nervous* thought Shinji. "I'm not sure how Ayanami feels……she doesn't talk much about her feelings…" Shinji glanced at him. "Why do you want to know? I mean…….you've barely said three words to anyone since coming here……why talk to me, now?"
"I do not know. I do not believe I am nervous…..whatever will happen today is beyond my control. If I die, I die….." he scratched at his shoulder, curling his knees up to his chest. "Death is a part of what is expected of us as pilots of Evangelions."
The train began to slow, as it made it's way into NERV. Shinji, for a long moment, started at the boy in front of him. "Then…..you don't care if you die?"
Avery shook his head. "I care. I do not wish to die." He wrapped his arms around his legs. "I have had the chance to end my life before….but I have not taken it. I desire to continue living, for now."
The train's brakes hissed, as it screeched to a halt. Avery rose, swaying as the halted momentum of the train played havoc with his footing. Shinji stood up a moment later, having waited until the train fully halted. They said not another word as they departed the train, and scanned into NERV.
Once inside, they were greeted by Kaji, leaning against the wall, wearing his customary grin. Shinji grinned too, despite himself. Kaji's smile was infectious, and even despite that, Shinji genuinely liked Kaji. He had never treated Shinji like a child, something that Shinji, who was a mere tool to his own father, desperately wanted. Upon seeing them, Kaji waved. "Hello, Shinji!"
"Hey, Kaji," said Shinji. "It's good to see you around….."
Kaji pushed himself off the wall, standing up straight. "I've been around, here and there, but I hadn't found time to look in on you, till now." He nodded towards Avery, who was standing behind Shinji. "You must be Avery Black, seeing as how Ritsuko has an activation test scheduled for today."
"I am" said Avery, his tone hollow. "Who are you?"
"This is Ryouji Kaji, Avery. He's an old friend of Misato and Dr. Akagi." Shinji glanced at Kaji, who was looking at Avery, apparently sizing him up. "He also works for the UN…..but I'm not exactly sure what his title is."
"Special Agent, for United Nations NERV," supplied Kaji.
"I see," said Avery. He glanced over Kaji's shoulder. "I must go now, Dr. Akagi is waiting for me." He strode past Kaji, who turned and watched him pass, his expression thoughtful.
"He certainly is a quiet one….." mumbled Kaji, turning back to Shinji. "And how have you been, Shinji?"
"I've been fine, Kaji," answered Shinji. "I'm pretty much recovered from everything that's happened lately."
"It has been quiet lately. I suppose the Angels are giving us a reprieve." Kaji glanced down the hall. "And I believe you should be getting suited up. According to the plan I saw for today, you're going to be waiting outside, in the event of something…..disastrous."
Shinji nodded. "Are you going to be watching the activation test?"
"Yes," he said, nudging Shinji in the direction in the direction of the locker rooms. "From what I'm given to understand, the chance of what happened with Unit-03 is small, at best. So I should be fairly safe in the observation chamber." He glanced at Shinji. "That also means you'll have little else to do but sit in your Eva and wait."
Shinji smiled a small smile, silently thanking Kaji. This whole situation was troubling for Shinji. He truly didn't want to ever be the person everything would depend on, in the event of a repeat of the happenings, one month prior. While Avery wasn't his friend…..he still didn't want to hurt him.
But he would have to……or would be forced to.
Shinji sighed. Such was his life…….an almost complete absence of choices.
"I will see you at the test, Shinji," said Kaji, striding off with a wave, as Shinji ducked into the locker room. "And don't worry, I'll be taking care of Misato!"
Again, Shinji silently thanked Kaji. The fight with the Thirteenth Angel had been terrifying enough on it's own. With the added fact that Misato had been missing, something that had not helped at all, the situation had been one of the worst of his life…..and that was before his father had activated the dummy plug. And while there was little Kaji could do in the face of a rampaging Angel, the mere fact that he would be there, would be protecting Misato, comforted him, to a degree.
It would make his job easier, if it came to fighting Avery's Eva.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Initiate primary contact….."
Misato's voice broke the silence of the control chamber/observation room. The technicians nodded, as they set to work. Ritsuko, alternately peering at the Eva, the main screens, or over Maya's shoulder, nodded at the readings. "Contact….." she stated, her voice firm. "The operational voltage critical point has been cleared."
Asuka fidgeted. She didn't really want to be here. For one, it was boring. All she was doing, could do, was stand around and wait. Even if the Eva did go out of control, there was nothing she could do here, but stand and watch. Passively watching was something better left for Wondergirl, in Asuka's opinion. She didn't even know why they had her here, when she should be in her Eva, as was Rei. If needed, it was better to have two Evas ready to dispatch, instead of one.
And, echoed a small part of her mind, in the even things went sour, she would have a better chance of surviving if she was in her Eva, and not mere feet from a rampaging monster.
Asuka grumbled to herself, staring at the dull black metal of Unit-06. Idly, she wondered if the Americans knew any other colors, seeing as how both the models from there had been the same uniform color. She had, of course, chosen the color of hers, and Rei's had gone through a few different paint jobs in it's time, though she couldn't see Rei caring what color happened to be on her Eva. Avery was probably the same, though, considering how dark he made himself out to be, he might find the color appropriate.
Stupid fool.
"Ok….." muttered Ritsuko. "Shift format to phase two, and being linking the pilot to Unit-06." Her voice was louder now, carrying to all corners of the room. There could be no room for errors caused by a misheard command.
On one of the many screens about the room was the small, holographic image of the entry plug. Every few minutes, Ritsuko or Misato would glance over, and check on Avery. By all appearances, he was holding up.
"Pulse and harmonics…..normal," said Maya, her eyes darting from screen to screen. "Synch is green…."
*So far, so good….* thought Misato.
"….all nerve links are connected," continued Maya. "And there are no abnormalities in CNS. List items one through 2590 have been successfully cleared."
Ritsuko nodded. "Five seconds until absolute borderline."
Unnoticed, Avery's hands clenched, tightening around the hand grips within the entry plug.
"Four seconds….." intoned Ritsuko. "Three seconds…."
Misato wiped some sweat from her brow.
"Two seconds…….one second……" Ritsuko drew the moment out, the room collectively holding it's breath. After a long moment of silence, she glanced at Maya. Maya nodded, and hunched over the keyboard, her fingers flying across the keys, checking, then re-checking the flow of numbers. "Borderline has been cleared."
Once more, the room acted as a whole, nearly everyone releasing a sigh, or a breath that they had been unaware they were holding.
"Unit-06 has been safely activated," said Ritsuko, glancing over Maya's shoulder one final time, then straightening. "Abnormalities appear to be nil. We will now begin the linkage….."
A siren cut her off, as the graphs and charts displayed on the screens within the room suddenly burst into a flurry of activity.
"Dammit!" swore Misato, at Ritsuko's side in an instant. "What happened? It is an Angel?" she asked, praying, hoping, that it was not.
"No!" snapped Ritsuko, alternately looking at Misato, and barking orders to Maya. "It's a pulse back-flow, just like before!" She turned away from Misato, desperately following Maya's every movement. "Suspend contact, we've got to stop this before rejection begins in the central nerve elements….HURRY!"
"Too late! We've lost it!" cried Maya.
With an inhuman shriek, and almost careless ease, Eva Unit-06 tore from it's restraints, in a shower of metal and sparks. The people within the control chamber tensed, most taking a wary step back. Asuka, in particular, crouched like a runner before the starter's gun, ready to be out the door and on her way to her Eva in an instant. It may just be a berserk Eva, and then again, it might not be.
The Unit in question stood for a long moment, almost as though it's sudden freedom came as much as surprise to it, as it did to the observers. Then, it reached up with both hands, and awkwardly began scratching at the back of it's neck.
"What the hell?" whispered Misato, staring. "Ritsuko, what is it doing?"
"I…..I don't know..…." replied Ritsuko, frozen in place by the decidedly odd actions of Unit-06.
Unit-06 abandoned it's scratching, tilting it's head back, and howling, a cry of rage that almost sounded……..frustrated. Before the echoes of the howl had died away, it had returned to it's scratching, it's efforts redoubled, as it now clawed and tore at the back of it's neck. Paint flecked away, metal squealed under the frenzied assault.
"It can't be…." whispered Misato, who shared a look of utter terror with Ritsuko, who had also seen the method behind the Eva's madness.
"It's trying to get to the entry plug!" she screamed. Her words broke the paralysis within the room. Asuka, with a nod from Misato, was out the door in a heartbeat, sprinting to the Cage. Maya's fingers flew, a she executed every command given to her, before Ritsuko had drawn breath for the next. "Cut the power! The armor won't last long!"
And she was right. The armor for the Evangelions was the best stuff mankind could make, created to withstand the fury of the Angels, to be an impenetrable skin for these man-made giants.
But Unit-06 possessed a strength beyond man, a fury beyond the Angels. It bent a plate back, then strained, as the plate snapped free in it's hand. It tossed the ruined plate aside, barely seeming to care as the power cable was ejected from it's back, and auxiliary power took over. Screaming it's rage for all to hear, it resumed clawing at the now partially exposed entry plug.
"Where the HELL are Rei and Asuka!" yelled Misato, as she stared at the snowy image that Avery's cockpit had become, the camera smashed, or shorted out.
"Rei is descending even as we speak, Major Katsuragi" replied a technician's voice from the other end of the phone. "Asuka just arrived, and is being inserted into the entry plug now!"
"Get them down here!" snarled Misato, slamming the phone down, anxiously watching as the timer counted down the remaining seconds of power.
"Wire cage, Maya!" snapped Ritsuko.
Maya hesitated. "But…..the entry plug…."
Ritsuko's nostrils flared, as she shoved Maya aside, and began entering the necessary commands herself. "I KNOW the entry plug is still in, but we HAVE to take the chance that we won't seal over it! If we don't slow that thing down, Avery-is-going-to-DIE!"
Liquid sprayed from the walls, coating the Eva's limbs and body, slowing it, but not stopping it. It ripped another piece of armor free, and howled again, a cry of victory. It raised a fist…….and pounded hard into the exposed entry plug.
"God dammit stop you monster!" screamed Misato, as Unit-06 raised it's hand, and pounded the entry plug again." "STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!"
Misato's cries blended into one, endless scream, as Unit-06 extended it's index and middle fingers, intending to drive them through the metal of the entry plug, crushing all within. It tensed, and lunged, hand driving forward.
"Plug ejecting NOW!" screamed Ritsuko, as she seized a last desperate gamble.
The entry plug shuddered to life, rocketing from it's hollow mere moments before the hand thundered in, shattering all in it's wake. The plug screeched as it was battered against the chamber's walls, the rockets within shoving it into a corner, banging it against each side in turn, until the minimal fuel was consumed, and the plug feel, bouncing off the ground, settling with a hollow thud.
The Eva once more voiced it's frustration, and turned, the momentary delay only seeming to heighten it's desire for the destruction of the entry plug. It moved as if to take a step, to cross the short distance between itself and the fallen plug, but it's movements were sluggish, dulled by the bakelite that covered it's form.
"5 seconds of power left….." whispered Misato. "Get a medic team down there, NOW!"
Unit-06 strained against it's bonds, but lacked the power to break them. As the last bits of power were drained from it's internal battery, it threw it's head back, and howled, a cry of terrible rage.
And then, all was silent. Unit-06 slumped, it's frame no longer given the power to keep it's massive weight upright. Misato was moving even before it had settled.
"Get Rei and Asuka back up and out of their Evas! And where's that DAMN medic team?!" she yelled, descending the stairs to the floor. Hesitantly, she approached the entry plug. "Avery……" she whispered, unsure if he was even conscious, or capable of answering, if he was.
A soft thump answered her, a weak pounding against the inner wall of the entry plug. Misato's face brightened. "He's ALIVE! " she yelled back, to the control room, following that proclamation with another demand for the recovery team to hurry. All the while, the pounding continued, at times growing in strength, at times lessening.
It was a long wait for the medic team, made long still by the relentless thumps from within the plug. Finally, they arrived, Asuka hot on their heels. Two of the men, wearing gloves to protect themselves from the extreme heat, twisted the hatch release, then forced it open.
Within an instant, Avery staggered from the wrecked plug, falling, and lying very still. His plug suit, one of the ones that had been made for Touji, was ripped in several places, the white of his scars clearly visible, and a great contrast from the dark material of the suit. His hair, tied into a ponytail before entering the plug, had come free of it's ties, and covered his form like blood, pooling about him.
"……Avery?" asked Misato.
The child in question took a long, shuddering breath, then weakly pushed himself to his hands and knees, staring down at the ground. He coughed, violent tremors wracking his body, as he wrapped his right arm around his chest.
"Avery……are you……" began Misato, taking a step forward.
Avery looked up at her, and she halted in her tracks. His forehead had been sliced, and now that he was free of the LCL, blood trickled down his face, coating it. His eyes were wild with pain and terror, but when he spoke, it was only with a minor trembling of his voice. "I…….am……..FINE!" he spat, between coughs, doggedly trying to push himself to his feet. And though he managed to support himself without his arms, his legs were simply too weak to hold his weight, and he sagged to his knees, again overtaken by a fit of coughing.
"No, you're NOT!" snapped Misato, her anger stealing away whatever concerns she had for him. "We've got to get you to the medical ward, now! We don't know how badly you're injured, or if your life is in danger from what just happened!"
Avery gritted his teeth, his visage twisting into a snarl, as he finally made it to his feet, standing wobbly. Misato started forward, as it seemed a mere breeze would knock him over, but another look from Avery stopped her. "Let………me try to walk…..I HAVE to do this….." he wheezed, through clenched teeth.
Hesitantly, Misato stood aside, and Avery staggered forward, a single step, and then another, before his strength finally left him. He slumped against the wall, coughing, retching, until all watching thought he would break himself in two, so violent were the spasms shaking his body. Finally, it ended. Avery, his shoulders heaving, spat a long trail of crimson, and curled into a ball, sitting/leaning against the wall, his thin body trembling.
Asuka, seized by a sudden, unexpected, and uncalled for fit of compassion, laid her hand on the trembling boy's shoulder, attempting to offer what comfort she could. His reaction, to say the least, was the last thing she expected.
Violently, he shrugged her hand from his shoulder, his eyes ablaze with a fury unlike anything Asuka, or anyone else, had ever seen. His normally expressionless face had twisted into a mask of bitter hatred. "NEVER……touch me…….Second Child…" he hissed. "NEVER!" His voice rasped, and his eyes fluttered shut, as his body shut down, as he finally came to realize how far he had overstepped his body's limits.
He went limp, and would have split his head open upon the ground, had the medic team not sprang forward, and caught him. Within moments, Avery was secured to the stretcher, and was be wheeled out.
"Misato?" asked a very subdued Asuka. "What just happened?"
"I don't know, Asuka….." said Misato, shaking her head. She glanced at the departing stretcher. "I don't know…."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"He's got a host of bruises and cuts, for starters, but nothing too deep. Even the cut on his forehead was more superficial than anything." Ritsuko tapped the medical charts in her hands with a pen. "The worst injury he has is three bruised ribs, all on his left side. Thankfully, they didn't break, otherwise we could have been dealing with some serious internal injuries."
"So, your verdict is?" commented Misato.
"He'll be sore for a week or two, but there hasn't been any lasting damage. He got incredibly lucky, he wasn't thrown around as much inside the plug, and when he was, the LCL cushioned the blows he took. That mass of hair might have helped, too, but it's unlikely." Ritsuko shrugged. "Though, I'd hate to think of what would have happened if we hadn't ejected the plug when we did."
Misato shuddered, seeing the Eva's fingers plunging down in an attempt to crush the entry plug. "Any ideas why Unit-06 did what it did, Ritsuko?"
Ritsuko shook her head. "No earthly idea. We've seen both Units 01 and 00 go berserk before, but truthfully, we don't have a lot of material to work with." She took a sip from her coffee, laying the medical charts aside. "It's just a theory, but it seems to me that each different Unit reacts differently when control is lost. Unit-00 seems to desire simple, mindless destruction, and Unit-01 seems to be motivated to project Shinji."
"So then…….Unit-06 wants to….." Misato could nearly not speak the words. "It wants to KILL Avery?"
"Maybe," said Ritsuko, her eyes on her computer, her expression thoughtful. "It is possible that this was just a freak occurrence………we're going to have to check and recheck the data from the test to be sure." She glanced up, from her computer, meeting Misato's eyes. "I'll be sure to tell you if we find anything out."
"Thanks Ritsuko…" replied Misato. "And if Avery comes to, lemme know."
"Sure…." said Ritsuko, swiveling herself about to fully face her computer. *Miles to go before I sleep……..so let's get started…*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Avery sat up, gasping for air, his body drenched in sweat. He reached up, brushing the sweat and hair out his eyes. He winced, as every movement, no matter how minor, made a host of pains and aches known to him. Most insistent was the pain in his left side. Gingerly, he ran his fingers across his sides, across his arms and legs, both reassuring himself that he was whole, and checking the extent of the pain that his body was in. When his inspection of himself was done, he settled back into the bed, and wondered where he was.
*A hospital. I must have passed out after the activation test.* He shivered. The room was cool enough to be comfortable, but drenched in sweat fast cooling, and wearing only a thin hospital gown, Avery's skin quickly broke out in goose flesh. He drew the sheet around his body, curling into a ball. *The pain is less than what it was……I suppose I should be used to that realization….* He ran his fingers through his hair, slowly growing accustomed to the cries of protest his body emitted. *But it is lessening now, or I am adapting.* He pulled his hair over his shoulder, and glanced about, looking for a brush. After a moment, he located one, and picked it up, along with his glasses, those acquired almost as an afterthought. He then set about taming the mass of tangles his hair had become.
It was not an easy task, as his left side sent fingers of agony throughout his body whenever he raised his left arm too high, or stretched it too much, but he soon had his hair reasonably combed, and began to braid it, gritting his teeth as he worked his left arm through the exercise. By the time Misato entered, he was nearly done.
"How are you feeling, Avery?" she asked, carefully watching him. It did not escape her how stiffly he moved his left arm, how pale he was, or how his jaw was clenched, the skin of his neck drawn taut.
Avery glanced at her, the look on his face clearly telling her to wait. He quickly finished the long braid, tied it off, and brushed the tail out. Only then did he turn to face her. "I hurt Major Katsuragi. Every movement pains my body."
"That's no surprise, kid. You got pretty banged up inside of there," replied Misato.
Avery laid back on the bed, his right arm folded across his stomach. "What are the extent of my injuries?"
"Ritsuko….Dr. Akagi," she added, seeing the question on his face. "told me that that it's mainly bruises and cuts, though three of the ribs on your left side are bruised. It will take a few weeks for those to heal." She recalled his movements as he braided his hair. "Does it hurt a lot? I can get the doctors to give you some painkillers if it's too bad."
"I will be fine. Pain is something I am used to," he stated, his voice soft. "When may I leave?"
"Tomorrow. The doctors want to keep you overnight for observation, now that you're regained consciousness. They probably want to make sure that there wasn't any mental damage from the accident." She shrugged, a helpless sort of gesture. "You're probably fine, but it's procedure. They made Shinji and Rei stay after their Evas went out of control too, I'm sure." Avery turned on his side, placing his back to Misato, who quickly changed the subject. "You probably don't want to see them, but you do have some visitors…"
"You asked the pilots to come, did you not?" said Avery, his voice cold.
"Why would you say that?" asked Misato, her voice neither confirming or denying Avery's accusation.
"I am not 'friends' with any of them…..they have no reason to care about my well being." he commented, pillowing his head on his arms. "Save that coming here would keep them within your good graces, as you are our commanding officer…."
"…….I asked them to come, Avery, I would never order them to do something they don't want to. I would never do that to any of you, unless the very fate of humanity rested on your actions." She sighed. "But yes…..I did ask them to come here. Asuka and Rei, at least. Shinji actually wanted to come……..and before you ask, I don't know why…….it's just who he is, I suppose. He's never failed to visit Rei when she was in the hospital, either." Throughout all this, Misato watched Avery, watched the lines of his body. He hadn't relaxed one bit, was still as stiff and as tightly wound as ever. She sighed, wondering if she would ever get through to him. "If you don't want to see them, I'll tell them. I know you probably want to be alone," she muttered.
Avery huddled into a ball, tensing his aching body, as a chill passed through him. "Send them in……"
"You're sure?" asked Misato, frankly surprised.
"I……I do not wish to be alone right now….." Avery nodded, altogether a useless gesture, as he was both lying down, and facing away from Misato. "Please…….I do not wish to remember just yet…." His voice was very soft as he spoke, and very afraid.
Misato, for her part, was glad his back was to her. She still recalled Avery's violent reaction to Asuka's attempt to comfort him, and the look of pity and compassion that crossed her face would likely have set Avery off, crawling back into himself. And that was something that Misato did not want, for, in the aftermath of the horrible experience he had gone through, Avery's walls were down. How much, still needed to be seen……and that was something that could be discovered easily.
Or maybe, the kids could help keep those walls down. Misato ducked her head into the hall, calling the pilots in. As they filed in, Avery pushed himself to a sitting position, drawing his knees to his chest. He cast his gaze across them, his eyes carefully neutral. *Major Katsuragi was correct……the Third Child does appear to be the only one who wishes to be here…..* Shinji was attempting a faint smile, but Asuka's expression was guarded, wary. Rei looked, as always, blank to politely bored.
"Avery….how are you feeling?" asked Shinji, the first to speak.
"I am in pain, Third Child……..also, I am cold," he turned to meet Shinji's eyes. "But I am alive…"
"You almost make it sound like you're sorry to be alive…..," muttered Asuka, leaning against the wall.
"I suppose that I do…..," sighed Avery. He rested his head on his knees. "I am……glad to be alive. It is as I told the Third Child, I have no wish to die……even the pain is acceptable as long as I am still alive."
"Maybe," said Asuka, not at all seeming appeased by his answer.
"So, when are they going to let you out?" asked Shinji, when it became apparent that no one else was going to say anything.
"Tomorrow…..I must remain here until then….." He looked at Shinji and Rei. "You two…..have experienced what I have…….what…..what was it like?" Avery trembled, his right hand running across his left arm, feeling the goose flesh there.
"I really don't remember much…….the one time I piloted Unit-00, the feedback wiped my memories clean……….and when Unit-01 goes berzerk……..it's like……I just black out……and the Eva takes over…." Shinji blew out a long breath. This was hardly his favorite topic to discuss. "For whatever reason, I'm spared the memories of when I lose control." He smiled a bitter smile. "I guess it's a kind of blessing…..consciously piloting is bad enough. If I had to watch as my Eva went out of control, hurt people I care about……." Shinji slowly trailed off, his voice rapidly losing whatever warmth he had for the topic. Avery was probably the only one in the room who didn't know why, who hadn't heard Shinji's screams as he watched Unit-01 tear the Thirteenth Angel……Evangelion Unit-03, apart…….and maim his friend, in the process. And all three of them wanted nothing more than to comfort Shinji at that moment, to set an understanding hand on his shoulder, to take him in her arms and just hug him close, or to say something, anything to dispel the guilt he felt. But each of them held back, for whatever reason, and Shinji sighed, momentarily shelving his feelings.
Avery's gaze trailed to the landscape outside the window, as Shinji's words rolled about in his mind. At the moment, he would have given just about anything to be like Shinji, unable to recall what occurred during his Eva's berserker furies. But whatever protected Shinji had not extended it's protection to Avery. He could remember every moment from the time he lost control……….every second that the Eva was trying to kill him. "You are truly fortunate, Third Child….." he said, hardly aware of his words. "I truly wish that I was so fortunate…..having…….to recall that the machine you are meant to pilot……..attempted to kill you is difficult to have to remember…….." He laid his head on his arms, shivering from cold and fear.
It was almost as though he was visibly shrinking before them. Misato had been right, Avery's walls were down, crumbling fast. She had nearly made up her mind to say to hell with the consequences, and go over there, and offer him what comfort she could, be they soothing words, or a comforting touch, when Avery straightened, pushing a few stray strands of hair back from his forehead, once more in control of himself. "Thank you again for coming here," he said, simply.
"Do you want us to leave?" asked Misato, hearing the coldness in his voice, and cursing herself for letting him slip back into himself.
Avery shrugged. "I have no desire to force any of you to remain here who does not wish to…….I would welcome the company of any who desired to stay."
*I'll be damned….* Misato looked at each of them in turn. "It's your call, kids. I've got to be back at NERV once I get done talking to the doctors, but it's a weekend still for you three…."
Asuka smirked, glad for the reprieve, and was out the door in a heartbeat. She had no real desire to be around Avery any longer than necessary. The fact that Shinji and, quite surprisingly, Rei, had pulled up chairs next to Avery's bed did little to lessen her desire to be anywhere other than there. While she was uncomfortable around Avery, she plain couldn't stand Rei. That made her decision to leave easy, or easier. And while Misato, too, was surprised that Rei had chosen to stay, she had pressing business that could not wait. So she said her good-byes, and left, heading for Avery's doctor's office.
Shinji glanced from Avery to Rei, sighing inwardly. *Guess I've got to say something……why me?* "So, Avery….," he groped about for something to say. "…is there anything you wanted to talk about?"
"Not….really," Avery shrugged. "I do not……'talk' much………not to other people, at least….."
"Who do you talk to, then, if not other people?" asked Shinji.
"Myself……I have developed the habit of talking to myself over the years." He glanced at Shinji and Rei. "It is an unusual habit…..at least for myself. I usually prefer quiet when I am alone. But sometimes, hearing myself talk through a problem helps me to think."
"That makes sense," said Shinji. "I usually listen to my SDAT when I need to really think…..music helps me concentrate."
"I do that as well, Third Child……..music is helpful in sorting scattered thoughts….." replied Avery.
Shinji perked up. "Do you play an instrument? It seems like most of us do…..I play the cello, or used to, and Ayanami plays the violin…….I'm pretty sure Asuka plays something, but I've never asked."
"No…..I possess no musical ability…….truthfully, I can barely sing well…….." said Avery. "I appreciate music……but it has little love for me in return."
"I believe I've known that feeling," commented Shinji, thinking back to any of the few times he had wanted to tear his hair out in frustration at the one song that he just couldn't play right, or the one note that would invariably mess him up on a piece that he could otherwise play perfectly.
They chatted for a bit longer, their talk light. Surprisingly, at least to Shinji, Rei even joined in the conversation occasionally, responding once or twice to a comment or question made by Shinji. But still, for the most part, Shinji was forced to do most of the talking. Avery tended towards brief responses for even the most complicated of questions. It was obvious that he was not used to explaining his thoughts to others.
Eventually, the day waned, and visiting hours drew to a close. As Shinji and Rei prepared to leave, Avery turned to them, and pinned Shinji with a stare. "Why did you come today, Third Child?" As Shinji began to speak, Avery cut him off. "I know that Major Katsuragi…..Misato asked the other two to come…….but you wished to visit me even without her orders. Why?" His eyes flickered, a question within their depths. "I do not claim friendship to yourself, or the First Child……….yet both of you remained here, and I do not understand why."
Shinji shrugged. "I've been in the hospital enough to know how lonely it gets……." He sighed. "…..I mean, I know you prefer to be alone……..but……" Shinji sighed again. "I don't really know why I came…..I just…..did…."
"For the same reasons you visited the First Child?" asked Avery.
"Maybe….," mumbled Shinji. Honestly, he had an idea of why he visited Rei in the hospital, for, unlike Avery, she was his friend.
"Do not misunderstand my words," said Avery. "Your presence is appreciated here…….I did not want to be alone today, and it was……interesting….to speak with the two of you."
"Thanks….I guess…." said Shinji.
"No….thank you, both of you," Avery's voice, for all it's distance, was sincere. "I think……..I have much to consider now." He uncrossed his legs, again pulling his knees to his chest, balling himself up. "Goodbye…..for now….." he stated, suddenly seeming very far away.
CONTINUED