Ginny rounded the corner, hoping Colin wasn't around. Not that she didn't enjoy his company, it was just that she needed to find Harry alone. Even without Colin around her, the likelihood that Harry would be alone was still slim, but worth a try.
She had had the dream again last night. She shivered. The dream had never really gone away since her first year, but recently her thoughts were rarely anywhere else. Her friends and brothers were starting to notice something wrong again.
But now she was at the library door. She hoped she'd find him in here studying. His OWLS were coming up, and Ginny was sure he was behind, what with trying to save the world and all.
She almost dropped her Arithmancy book as another student knocked past her into the library. She took a deep breath and entered.
She looked around. He wasn't at any of the front tables, so she wandered past Alchemy and Dragons, through Giants and Gnomes, until she saw him at a far table gazing out the window. He looked so thoughtful she hated to disturb him; but still, he was alone, and this was probably her only chance for weeks.
How to go about this... Ginny wondered. Should I just go up and talk to him, or should I pretend to be interested in a quiet study place? She decided the second option was a stroke of genius and walked towards the end of the bookshelves where he was seated at a small study table. Deep breath, chin up, lip steady...
She set her books down at the corner seat of the table, and Harry's head jerked up, startled.
"Oh, it's only you, Ginny."
Deciding to ignore any possible derogatory meanings for that sentence, she answered, "Just looking for a quiet place to study," and smiled a passing half mouthed chagrin.
"Oh, okay. Well I guess I'll just head off then. I should get back and see what Ron and Hermione are up to."
Ginny kicked herself. Err... "Are you sure you really want to see?"
Harry raised his eyebrows for a moment, then chuckled a bit. "Probably not. But I should still get going. I have to get working on our new Quidditch moves. We're going to smash the Slytherins this year, we really are. Even with our inexperienced team, Malfoy's got nothing on us. Well, except those Lighting4200's..." Harry drifted off, eyes slightly glazed. "See ya later." And he set off.
"Yeah, bye." Damnit. So close. No, he's not leaving. "Harry!" Ginny called after him and winced; it was a library after all, and that was a bit loud. But he did turn around. She rushed to catch up with him. "Wait. Stay and talk with me a bit, will you?"
Looking confused as she knew he would, he said, "'Bout what?"
"I ahh.. er..well just..."
A wary look crossed Harry's face and he looked at her suspiciously. Ginny rolled her eyes. Why must everyone insist on assuming that she was still head over heals in love with Harry?
"Just, please?" Ginny started backing up towards the table, hoping that he would follow. Being the polite young man he was, he did.
Seated at the table, across from one another, Ginny took a deep breath, steadied herself and looked Harry in the eye.
"Tell me what he's like, Harry."
He cocked his head to the side and gave her a look suggesting that he knew what she was talking about, but hoped he didn't. "What who's like?" he said slowly.
"You know, the Dark Lord."
Silence.
"Ginny, why do you want to know that?" He was shaking his head, but his eyes were locked with hers.
"Harry, I... I thought I knew him so well. I thought-" She stopped and took a deep breath. DON'T cry Gin. Don't let him see you cry. He'll feel sorry for you, and that's NOT what you want. She took one last steadying breath and continued, her voice set and emotionless. "I want to know what kind of man the person I though I knew could have turned into."
He looked at her for a fleeting moment, then gazed fixedly at the desk. "No, you don't."
Quietly, "Yes, I really do."
Harry lifted his eyes and glared at her, searching for sincerity, and perhaps insanity. She stood her ground, and stared right back. Finally, he sucked in a breath of air that he hoped would last the length of their talk.
She waited through the silence, intent on any sign from him that he would appease her. And she kept waiting.
He let out his breath and ran a tired hand over his face.
"It's bad Ginny. The man you met in the chamber was a friendly child compared to what he his now. And I haven't met him for almost a year now. Think of everything evil and terrible. Think of the ugliest beast you can think of, and think of the most powerful force in creation. Multiply that by 10."
"When he speaks, what does it feel like?" She whispered.
He stared out the window and continued speaking. "It feels like a cold wind through your spine, and like a frozen fist has grabbed your heart and tried to squeeze the life out of it."
"What does he look like?" She said even softer.
"Like a snake. His face is white and his nose is flat. He looks like he's halfway between a sick human and a basilisk. Not a pleasant sight.
"Ginny, I'm only telling you this because I think out of all the people in the world, if you want to know this, you deserve to, but please stop me here."
Ginny, who had been watching him fiercely as he spoke, but not really seeing him, blinked and searched his face. She was realizing what pain it was causing Harry to conjure up these images and describe them to her. She nodded; he didn't deserve to go through this. Just one more question, her mind begged, Just one more and then he can stop.
"What does he want, Harry?"
"I don't know, Gin, I don't know."
Watching him leave, his head hanging, and his fingers on his forehead, Ginny knew that she shouldn't have asked. It wasn't that she didn't want to know; it was that Harry couldn't tell her what she needed to know. He couldn't tell her why she felt the way she did. He couldn't tell her what this missing hole inside of her was that seemed at once to grow each day, and to constantly be filling more and more with the desperate desire to go back. To go back to first year, when she was with Tom. And when he was with her.
She had had the dream again last night. She shivered. The dream had never really gone away since her first year, but recently her thoughts were rarely anywhere else. Her friends and brothers were starting to notice something wrong again.
But now she was at the library door. She hoped she'd find him in here studying. His OWLS were coming up, and Ginny was sure he was behind, what with trying to save the world and all.
She almost dropped her Arithmancy book as another student knocked past her into the library. She took a deep breath and entered.
She looked around. He wasn't at any of the front tables, so she wandered past Alchemy and Dragons, through Giants and Gnomes, until she saw him at a far table gazing out the window. He looked so thoughtful she hated to disturb him; but still, he was alone, and this was probably her only chance for weeks.
How to go about this... Ginny wondered. Should I just go up and talk to him, or should I pretend to be interested in a quiet study place? She decided the second option was a stroke of genius and walked towards the end of the bookshelves where he was seated at a small study table. Deep breath, chin up, lip steady...
She set her books down at the corner seat of the table, and Harry's head jerked up, startled.
"Oh, it's only you, Ginny."
Deciding to ignore any possible derogatory meanings for that sentence, she answered, "Just looking for a quiet place to study," and smiled a passing half mouthed chagrin.
"Oh, okay. Well I guess I'll just head off then. I should get back and see what Ron and Hermione are up to."
Ginny kicked herself. Err... "Are you sure you really want to see?"
Harry raised his eyebrows for a moment, then chuckled a bit. "Probably not. But I should still get going. I have to get working on our new Quidditch moves. We're going to smash the Slytherins this year, we really are. Even with our inexperienced team, Malfoy's got nothing on us. Well, except those Lighting4200's..." Harry drifted off, eyes slightly glazed. "See ya later." And he set off.
"Yeah, bye." Damnit. So close. No, he's not leaving. "Harry!" Ginny called after him and winced; it was a library after all, and that was a bit loud. But he did turn around. She rushed to catch up with him. "Wait. Stay and talk with me a bit, will you?"
Looking confused as she knew he would, he said, "'Bout what?"
"I ahh.. er..well just..."
A wary look crossed Harry's face and he looked at her suspiciously. Ginny rolled her eyes. Why must everyone insist on assuming that she was still head over heals in love with Harry?
"Just, please?" Ginny started backing up towards the table, hoping that he would follow. Being the polite young man he was, he did.
Seated at the table, across from one another, Ginny took a deep breath, steadied herself and looked Harry in the eye.
"Tell me what he's like, Harry."
He cocked his head to the side and gave her a look suggesting that he knew what she was talking about, but hoped he didn't. "What who's like?" he said slowly.
"You know, the Dark Lord."
Silence.
"Ginny, why do you want to know that?" He was shaking his head, but his eyes were locked with hers.
"Harry, I... I thought I knew him so well. I thought-" She stopped and took a deep breath. DON'T cry Gin. Don't let him see you cry. He'll feel sorry for you, and that's NOT what you want. She took one last steadying breath and continued, her voice set and emotionless. "I want to know what kind of man the person I though I knew could have turned into."
He looked at her for a fleeting moment, then gazed fixedly at the desk. "No, you don't."
Quietly, "Yes, I really do."
Harry lifted his eyes and glared at her, searching for sincerity, and perhaps insanity. She stood her ground, and stared right back. Finally, he sucked in a breath of air that he hoped would last the length of their talk.
She waited through the silence, intent on any sign from him that he would appease her. And she kept waiting.
He let out his breath and ran a tired hand over his face.
"It's bad Ginny. The man you met in the chamber was a friendly child compared to what he his now. And I haven't met him for almost a year now. Think of everything evil and terrible. Think of the ugliest beast you can think of, and think of the most powerful force in creation. Multiply that by 10."
"When he speaks, what does it feel like?" She whispered.
He stared out the window and continued speaking. "It feels like a cold wind through your spine, and like a frozen fist has grabbed your heart and tried to squeeze the life out of it."
"What does he look like?" She said even softer.
"Like a snake. His face is white and his nose is flat. He looks like he's halfway between a sick human and a basilisk. Not a pleasant sight.
"Ginny, I'm only telling you this because I think out of all the people in the world, if you want to know this, you deserve to, but please stop me here."
Ginny, who had been watching him fiercely as he spoke, but not really seeing him, blinked and searched his face. She was realizing what pain it was causing Harry to conjure up these images and describe them to her. She nodded; he didn't deserve to go through this. Just one more question, her mind begged, Just one more and then he can stop.
"What does he want, Harry?"
"I don't know, Gin, I don't know."
Watching him leave, his head hanging, and his fingers on his forehead, Ginny knew that she shouldn't have asked. It wasn't that she didn't want to know; it was that Harry couldn't tell her what she needed to know. He couldn't tell her why she felt the way she did. He couldn't tell her what this missing hole inside of her was that seemed at once to grow each day, and to constantly be filling more and more with the desperate desire to go back. To go back to first year, when she was with Tom. And when he was with her.