We still are yet to claim ownership on the LotR Characters but we are
working on it! Again if you don't like it no one's forcing you to read it.
If you do please review. Thanx for all the reviews. If you can't tell I'm
being a smart-ass.
*Note: No dwarves were harmed in the making of this fanfic.
Frodo sits in his big red chair drawing naked pics of Legolas. As he scribbled away he was unaware of the fact that the camera's had indeed started rolling.
"This would be so much easier if Lego agreed to model for me!" he muttered to himself.
"Erm Frodo." hissed the director "We're on air!"
"AH SHIT!" screamed Frodo throwing his note pad and sitting up straight.
"Well ladies and gentlemen we begin this intelligence insulting episode with a rather annoying character who often claims 'no one tosses a dwarf!' To see if this is indeed true we have brought him on the show to degrade and embarrass him. Oh and he probably has a question he'd like to ask me as well!"
The crowd clapped and clapped and clapped some more but said scary dwarf did not appear.
"Erm Gimli, your on buddy," called Frodo impatiently. Then from side stage Gimli came crawling on all fours until he reached the now purple chair and hid behind it.
As the whole crowd raised an eyebrow at this extremely peculiar behaviour, Frodo could come up with nothing to say!
"Erm.. Gimli. I can assure u the chair is quite comfortable!" said Frodo. But there was no err tossing that dwarf! He was staying right where he was.
"Let me guess, you have a fear of crowds. That's why you came to see me right!" said Frodo smiling smugly and thinking "psychic as well!"
"Er no, my problem is I'm afraid of Hobbits!" said Gimli shyly. The crowd erupted with laughter and the Frodo tried not to laugh as well.
"Afraid of Hobbits, Gimli?"
"Yeah! It's there feet! I figure something with feet as hairy as that can't be good!"
"HEY! Cried Frodo defensively. What's wrong with my feet?"
"LOOK AT THEM! Not only are they massive in proportion to the rest of your body but they smell and the hair! OH THE HAIR!"
"Well I tried to shave my feet once but when the hair grows back it's all stiff and icky!" said Frodo rubbing his feet affectionately.
"Well u should try wax!" said Gimli coming slowly out from behind the chair and sitting on it. "It works wonders!" he then lifted the leg of his breeches and showed off his silky smooth and hair free legs.
"What do you use?" asked Frodo in awe.
"I use NADS! It's an effective but pain-free way of removing that unwanted hair EVEN from the most delicate of areas like.."
"THAT'S ENOUGH! Thank you Gimli!" shuddered Frodo.
"Wait you didn't help me with my problem!" asked Gimli getting a bit more relaxed.
"Ok so you don't like hobbity feet. You could try wearing something like them for a day. It'll prove to you hobbits aren't bad and their feet are cool. Either that or you could just stay away from hobbits," suggested Frodo.
"Why didn't I think of that?" asked Gimli scratching at the fleas in his hair.
"Because you're a dirty little dwarf," mumbled Frodo.
"What was that?" asked Gimli.
"Nothing. Ok thank you stupid dwarf I mean Gimli my old friend. Next we have. Pippin?" said Frodo looking more closely at the card. He shrugged and looked to the chair where the dwarf was still sitting.
"Erm Gimli you have to move. Go off stage now."
Gimli looked as if he was going to cry as he got out of the chair and left the stage. Pippin came onstage not long after the dwarf had left and sat down in the chair.
"Hiya Frodo," he said cheerily.
"Hi Pip. What's wrong with you?" asked Frodo.
"Well I just started my period and you know that in the shire there isn't too much I can use so I thought since you're older you could help. Like what did you do?" asked Pip.
"Pip? I don't think us guys get our period," said Frodo slightly confused.
"Are you sure?" asked Pippin.
"Positive. Maybe you should find a doctor or ask Gandalf," offered Frodo.
"That smelly old wizard? Hell no! You don't know what he does! *Shudders* No you have to help me! Please Frodo," begged Pippin.
"All right what about Elrond?" asked Frodo.
"Those eyebrows are lethal."
"Aragorn?"
"Maybe after he has a bath."
There was silence for a while as Frodo thought hard about who could help his cousin.
"Celeborn?"
"I can't even tell you what he did to me in Lothlorien. But let me just say my poor hobbity behind will never feel the same way again," said Pip miserably.
"Arwen?"
"Hmm yeah I'll try her. Thanks Frodo. You're really cool," said Pippin getting up and leaving.
As Pippin walked off stage Frodo thought to himself. 'Must visit Celeborn soon.'
"Well we'll take a short break and be back with our next guest, Lord Elrond!" Frodo announced.
"Uh Frodo." Whispered the director.
"Hmm?"
"There are no breaks."
"Shit!" Frodo turned back to the audience. "Please welcome Elrond."
Elrond walked on with a see through bottle full of pink liquid and he seemed to be sniffing it with delight! He moved the chair closer to our little hobbity friend and sat down. Now Frodo was a bit uncomfortable.
"Hello Frodo," said Elrond a little too friendly.
"Please move," replied Frodo.
Elrond didn't move.
"So Elrond I hear one of the authors (Auska) has done all of Gimli. How do you feel about that?" asked Frodo.
"Well I was hoping that I would be Gimli's one and only but if Auska is in love with him I'm happy for them. Is she?" asked Elrond.
"Yes they're madly in love and they'll be married. soon," replied Frodo grinning evilly off stage at someone who happened to be Queen of the Underworld who he liked but who didn't like him that way. And contrary to popular belief is NOT a pervy hobbit fancier.
"Ok so what exactly is your problem accept for the obvious?" asked Frodo.
"Well I can't live without my strawberry bubble bath and its kind of annoying Arwen," said Eyebrows I mean Elrond.
"SO kick her out on her ass or even marry her off to some stupid greasy git," said Frodo shrugging.
"Hmm good idea. ARAGORN!" yelled Elrond offstage.
Aragorn came walking onstage and walked over to Elrond and knelt before him.
"Yes Lord Elrond?" he asked.
"Cut the crap. You're marrying Arwen and the wedding's tomorrow," said Elrond while his eyebrows tried to escape from his face.
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love Lego and erm I already married her. After the war remember?" said Aragorn.
"Oh yeah. What happened with that?" asked Elrond.
"She ran off with Glrofindel and had a child behind my back. Then she went ruinning back to you," said Aragorn refreshing his memory.
"Fine I'll just kick her out of Rivendell. ARWEN!"
Arwen came onstage and stood next to Elrond.
"Yes Daddy?" she asked.
"You can't stay in Rivendell anymore."
"But why?" she whined.
"Because you're an annoying little whore and I don't like you. That and I love strawberry bubble bath more than you."
"Ok then," said Arwen with tears starting to stream down her face while she left the stage.
Elrond and Aragorn grinned and Frodo turned to the audience.
"Thank you Lord Elrond and Aragorn who turned out as a surprise guest. That's all we have time for this week. Next time Merry, Glorfindel, Galadriel and hopefully Celeborn will join us," said Frodo in a very hopeful voice when he said Celeborn.
The cheesy music that signalled the end of the show came on and Frodo sighed and pulled out his pipe.
"Thank God that's over," he said to Sam who came bounding out onto the stage when the show finished.
"Great show Mister Frodo!" Sam said.
"Uhuh I'm going home," sighed Frodo getting up out of the chair and pushing Sam aside as he went offstage.
TBC
A/N: Sorry to those who actually like Arwen. Actually we have nothing against the character but those who have both seen the movie and read the books will know she's not even in it till the last one and we HATE Liv fucking Tyler and yeah. So again I guess we're sorry.
REVIEW!
BTW Auska didn't do all of Gimli, In fact she didn't do ANY of Gimli! Anyways.
*Note: No dwarves were harmed in the making of this fanfic.
Frodo sits in his big red chair drawing naked pics of Legolas. As he scribbled away he was unaware of the fact that the camera's had indeed started rolling.
"This would be so much easier if Lego agreed to model for me!" he muttered to himself.
"Erm Frodo." hissed the director "We're on air!"
"AH SHIT!" screamed Frodo throwing his note pad and sitting up straight.
"Well ladies and gentlemen we begin this intelligence insulting episode with a rather annoying character who often claims 'no one tosses a dwarf!' To see if this is indeed true we have brought him on the show to degrade and embarrass him. Oh and he probably has a question he'd like to ask me as well!"
The crowd clapped and clapped and clapped some more but said scary dwarf did not appear.
"Erm Gimli, your on buddy," called Frodo impatiently. Then from side stage Gimli came crawling on all fours until he reached the now purple chair and hid behind it.
As the whole crowd raised an eyebrow at this extremely peculiar behaviour, Frodo could come up with nothing to say!
"Erm.. Gimli. I can assure u the chair is quite comfortable!" said Frodo. But there was no err tossing that dwarf! He was staying right where he was.
"Let me guess, you have a fear of crowds. That's why you came to see me right!" said Frodo smiling smugly and thinking "psychic as well!"
"Er no, my problem is I'm afraid of Hobbits!" said Gimli shyly. The crowd erupted with laughter and the Frodo tried not to laugh as well.
"Afraid of Hobbits, Gimli?"
"Yeah! It's there feet! I figure something with feet as hairy as that can't be good!"
"HEY! Cried Frodo defensively. What's wrong with my feet?"
"LOOK AT THEM! Not only are they massive in proportion to the rest of your body but they smell and the hair! OH THE HAIR!"
"Well I tried to shave my feet once but when the hair grows back it's all stiff and icky!" said Frodo rubbing his feet affectionately.
"Well u should try wax!" said Gimli coming slowly out from behind the chair and sitting on it. "It works wonders!" he then lifted the leg of his breeches and showed off his silky smooth and hair free legs.
"What do you use?" asked Frodo in awe.
"I use NADS! It's an effective but pain-free way of removing that unwanted hair EVEN from the most delicate of areas like.."
"THAT'S ENOUGH! Thank you Gimli!" shuddered Frodo.
"Wait you didn't help me with my problem!" asked Gimli getting a bit more relaxed.
"Ok so you don't like hobbity feet. You could try wearing something like them for a day. It'll prove to you hobbits aren't bad and their feet are cool. Either that or you could just stay away from hobbits," suggested Frodo.
"Why didn't I think of that?" asked Gimli scratching at the fleas in his hair.
"Because you're a dirty little dwarf," mumbled Frodo.
"What was that?" asked Gimli.
"Nothing. Ok thank you stupid dwarf I mean Gimli my old friend. Next we have. Pippin?" said Frodo looking more closely at the card. He shrugged and looked to the chair where the dwarf was still sitting.
"Erm Gimli you have to move. Go off stage now."
Gimli looked as if he was going to cry as he got out of the chair and left the stage. Pippin came onstage not long after the dwarf had left and sat down in the chair.
"Hiya Frodo," he said cheerily.
"Hi Pip. What's wrong with you?" asked Frodo.
"Well I just started my period and you know that in the shire there isn't too much I can use so I thought since you're older you could help. Like what did you do?" asked Pip.
"Pip? I don't think us guys get our period," said Frodo slightly confused.
"Are you sure?" asked Pippin.
"Positive. Maybe you should find a doctor or ask Gandalf," offered Frodo.
"That smelly old wizard? Hell no! You don't know what he does! *Shudders* No you have to help me! Please Frodo," begged Pippin.
"All right what about Elrond?" asked Frodo.
"Those eyebrows are lethal."
"Aragorn?"
"Maybe after he has a bath."
There was silence for a while as Frodo thought hard about who could help his cousin.
"Celeborn?"
"I can't even tell you what he did to me in Lothlorien. But let me just say my poor hobbity behind will never feel the same way again," said Pip miserably.
"Arwen?"
"Hmm yeah I'll try her. Thanks Frodo. You're really cool," said Pippin getting up and leaving.
As Pippin walked off stage Frodo thought to himself. 'Must visit Celeborn soon.'
"Well we'll take a short break and be back with our next guest, Lord Elrond!" Frodo announced.
"Uh Frodo." Whispered the director.
"Hmm?"
"There are no breaks."
"Shit!" Frodo turned back to the audience. "Please welcome Elrond."
Elrond walked on with a see through bottle full of pink liquid and he seemed to be sniffing it with delight! He moved the chair closer to our little hobbity friend and sat down. Now Frodo was a bit uncomfortable.
"Hello Frodo," said Elrond a little too friendly.
"Please move," replied Frodo.
Elrond didn't move.
"So Elrond I hear one of the authors (Auska) has done all of Gimli. How do you feel about that?" asked Frodo.
"Well I was hoping that I would be Gimli's one and only but if Auska is in love with him I'm happy for them. Is she?" asked Elrond.
"Yes they're madly in love and they'll be married. soon," replied Frodo grinning evilly off stage at someone who happened to be Queen of the Underworld who he liked but who didn't like him that way. And contrary to popular belief is NOT a pervy hobbit fancier.
"Ok so what exactly is your problem accept for the obvious?" asked Frodo.
"Well I can't live without my strawberry bubble bath and its kind of annoying Arwen," said Eyebrows I mean Elrond.
"SO kick her out on her ass or even marry her off to some stupid greasy git," said Frodo shrugging.
"Hmm good idea. ARAGORN!" yelled Elrond offstage.
Aragorn came walking onstage and walked over to Elrond and knelt before him.
"Yes Lord Elrond?" he asked.
"Cut the crap. You're marrying Arwen and the wedding's tomorrow," said Elrond while his eyebrows tried to escape from his face.
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love Lego and erm I already married her. After the war remember?" said Aragorn.
"Oh yeah. What happened with that?" asked Elrond.
"She ran off with Glrofindel and had a child behind my back. Then she went ruinning back to you," said Aragorn refreshing his memory.
"Fine I'll just kick her out of Rivendell. ARWEN!"
Arwen came onstage and stood next to Elrond.
"Yes Daddy?" she asked.
"You can't stay in Rivendell anymore."
"But why?" she whined.
"Because you're an annoying little whore and I don't like you. That and I love strawberry bubble bath more than you."
"Ok then," said Arwen with tears starting to stream down her face while she left the stage.
Elrond and Aragorn grinned and Frodo turned to the audience.
"Thank you Lord Elrond and Aragorn who turned out as a surprise guest. That's all we have time for this week. Next time Merry, Glorfindel, Galadriel and hopefully Celeborn will join us," said Frodo in a very hopeful voice when he said Celeborn.
The cheesy music that signalled the end of the show came on and Frodo sighed and pulled out his pipe.
"Thank God that's over," he said to Sam who came bounding out onto the stage when the show finished.
"Great show Mister Frodo!" Sam said.
"Uhuh I'm going home," sighed Frodo getting up out of the chair and pushing Sam aside as he went offstage.
TBC
A/N: Sorry to those who actually like Arwen. Actually we have nothing against the character but those who have both seen the movie and read the books will know she's not even in it till the last one and we HATE Liv fucking Tyler and yeah. So again I guess we're sorry.
REVIEW!
BTW Auska didn't do all of Gimli, In fact she didn't do ANY of Gimli! Anyways.