Okay sorry I have posted anything in a while, I've been really busy lately with things that are out of my hands. (One of which is that my computer backfired a few days ago and I lost what I was working on, NOOOO!!!) A HUGE thanks to every single one of my reviewers! You guys are awesome, thank you so much!!
I've been looking forward since I started to write this story to writing this chapter because the song is so amazing. It's set up with two part vocals and at different points it's a duet, the first voice is powerful, the second is soft and gentle, it fit so well!! It's amazing to here Johnny Reznik sing it. (Did I spell that right?)
Cyris: *kicks the computer in LYB's room* stupid little *there is a series of beeps and censored stickers*
LYB: O_o U, Cyris there are worst things at the moment.
Cyris: That's right.
LYB: All our love goes out right now to Jesse and his family. Something up there was good enough to bring him back to us and not let him die. We love you Jesse, every one of us and we'll get through it. We're behind you the whole way, Jess-man. You're still Mr. Amazing! So I dedicate this story to Jesse, my very own Yugi-loving gutterflower.
*Song in Bakura's voice*
~Song in Ryou's voice~
~*Duet*~
harmony for the line above in Ryou's voice
***************************************************************************
It's Over
***************************************************************************
Ryou was in a daze as he stumbled through the back door into the kitchen of Yugi's house. He's face blanked and his mind reeling with what Bakura had said to him on the street. To many questions not enough answers. He barely heard Yugi call his name and grab on to him and he tripped forward. He vaguely acknowledged Yugi was home this time of day, which was unusual. Yugi usually went Mai, Tristan and that dark haired girl Kali this time of day. "Ryou!" he was saying, "Ryou what is it? What happened? Talk to me angel." Ryou couldn't find the words, he just started to sob.
"Oh Ra." He heard a darker voice say, Yami. "Yugi, give him some room, let him get his head!"
"Back off!" Yugi said sharply, surprising both Ryou and Yami. Yami stepped back, a sour expression on his face and Yugi turned back to Ryou. "Ryou?" he cooed softly, "What's wrong?" Ryou gave a small miserable wail. Everything was wrong.
"You're upsetting him!" Yami snapped "For the love of Ra!" Ryou shook his head, no. Yugi wasn't upsetting him. He wanted desperately to explain himself but couldn't find the words. How do you explain to the people who have thought you're so content that you've been faking it all along? He had become good at pretending to be happy, with his yami inside him (and outside him) it was a necessity. Now, even with his yami gone he was still trapped. No one had tried to free him.
No one had noticed except his dark. His dark had tried to free him. He wasn't sure if that was true or not. Maybe it was one of his cruel tricks, but he didn't seem cruel. He'd kissed his forehead and laughed. Ryou had to talk to him. It wasn't over yet. It couldn't be. There was too much left undone. He wanted, no he needed that support; that reality. The way his dark had looked at him told him that he needed the boy's tenderness. Too much left unsaid, undone. Another moan escaped his lips. He had to speak with him. It couldn't be over just yet. He could feel Yugi's arms around him, attempting to comfort him. He was whispering to him softly, something about Yami Bakura and not having to worry. No, he didn't have to worry, no, his Yami had offered him something; he offered something no one else had before: Sympathy. Understanding. Bakura hadn't raised a hand or shouted, just talked, like Ryou had asked. Ryou wasn't worried. He wailed again something between misery and happiness. He wanted to shrug Yugi away from him. Yugi was part of the game, playing pretend. Ryou froze, abruptly stopped. Pretend. Oh god. That's what he heard Yami Yugi say: their relationship was pretend. Ryou hung his head. Oh god, this was all a joke. "What a scene," he mumbled. Yami Bakura had been right. He needed to see his dark again, just to see his reaction, see if it really had ended.
He searched his soul to find his voice, his true voice and opened his mouth. "Yugi, please...leave me alone. Give me a minute, please." The arms around him seemed to tense and hesitate before drawing away. Ryou leaned against the wall, breathing slowly: An hour before the show. With any luck, maybe his beautiful fiend would be there.
Yugi sat on his bed, kicking his legs, his toes brushing the floor while his Yami paced. "Tell me what you're thinking," the darker half said finally. The boy looked up at him. "You've shut your mind down to me." The spirit paused. "Please?" he tacked on pleadingly. Yugi closed his eyes, retreating into his soul room and unlocking the door. He hesitated before opening it. It wasn't that he didn't want his yami in his mind; it was exactly the opposite. He wanted it. Desperately. It was all he wanted. Comfort, caring. For his Yami to understand why he did the things he did. He wanted the understanding that some things he couldn't deal with alone. His Yami had a habit of being over-protective. He didn't want someone to stand in front of him; he wanted someone to stand beside him for once. The lock on the door was for spite. He wasn't letting his Yami protect him. He stepped out into the hall between their rooms and looked up at the taller, ancient waiting for him. The ancient looked at him pleadingly and suddenly Yugi felt the oddest feeling: resentment. How could one so old and powerful not understand?
//How can I understand if you won't tell me what's wrong? It's not like I can break into your private thoughts.//
Yugi swallowed biting back tears. /You figure it out, "King of Games"/ he gulped, covering his mouth with his hand and running back into his soul room, slamming the door and leaning against it. He felt the vibration as his darker fell against the door.
//Yugi please. I don't understand! Why do you live in this dark world that girl has created for you!//
The girl. Kali. Yes, Kali made the pain go away, her little medicines. But Ryou was the best drug of them all. Sometimes madness was better than reality. Especially now. He couldn't stand seeing Ryou hurt. He would make sure that yami of his would never touch him again.
Bakura checked his watch. 9 pm. The show would start in a moment. He crossed the road to the club and made a line for the door, straight-backed stride. Through the door he could see the band setting up on the stage. Malik was picking at his guitar, and the others also at their respective instruments. His eyes fell on the white-haired boy setting up his microphone. Bakura would have just enough time to apologize, and maybe, just maybe.... A hand grabbed his shoulder and pushed him from his path. "Hey!" Bakura growled at the bouncer. "What's your problem?"
"You are hot shot," the man growled. "You're not welcome here."
"I'm not welcome many places these days," Bakura smirked. "But that doesn't stop me."
"I said get lost!" The broader man shoved him back again as he tried to pass. By now any commotion in the club had stopped and all eyes were fixed on the bouncer and the fiend as they starred each other down.
Bakura put on his best icy glare. "May I ask why I'm not welcome here?"
"A wish from the band," the man replied. Bakura felt a sharp sting. Someone had shot a needle through his heart. He turned his head towards the stage, his eyes locked on Malik pleadingly. Malik's eyes were wide and he shook his head. Bakura understood. Malik didn't know about the request. Bakura scanned the stage, the little Yugi was looking at him darkly. But Ryou's stare was something else: It was blank. Bakura held back a cry of pain, it had been Ryou. Ryou had asked to keep him away. Bakura bit back his pain and plastered his face in fake anger as he looked at the boy, then turned and stole into the night.
"Ryou?" Malik said, turning worried, violet eyes on the white haired boy. "What was that?" Ryou was speechless, they couldn't hear anything the two had said, but the murderous look on his yami's face.
Bakura had never felt so dull, there was nothing, everything around him was nothing. The whole house seemed to echo memories of the hikari he had come to adore. There was no hope in Bakura now, only misery. Malik had been right back at the café, he needed Ryou, he need to feel the boy near him. He walked deftly toward the bedside table and gingerly picked up a photograph framed carefully in glass. He remembered the day, it was a few weeks after Battle City and Ryou had insisted they take Malik to the park to enjoy the day. Malik had been brooding and Ryou though he should get out more. Malik had taken the picture. It had been a joke really, Ryou had stolen Bakura's jacket and pulled it on. Bakura had chased after him and caught him in his arm then Malik snapped the picture as a petty form of blackmail. When the picture was developed it had a rather mysterious looking Bakura holding a laughing Ryou firmly. Ryou thought it was priceless and framed it, placing on his bed stand with the rest of his pictures. But now Ryou wasn't around, all that was left of their time together was this photograph. He needed the love and the tenderness Ryou offered him because he didn't have it inside him. And he wreaked it all because of stupid pride. He wouldn't say anything, he never said a word to Ryou, not a whisper of the truth. All lies. All harsh.
*And I didn't think about,
All the ways I hurt you and myself.
And I...
I wouldn't say a thing to you.
I keep it to myself in
My mind.
All I can't stand without you
And I won't find the answers
When you're gone.*
He let his fingers go limp and the picture slipped silently from his hands. Its glass splintered at his feet and lay dully around the lonely picture, fragmenting the image. It was ending, it was really ending. The feeling of loneliness settled on him like an everlasting evil, a dark silence that echoed in the empty room.
*But it's over to you.
I can't find the answer when you're gone.
And it's over to you.
But you can't find the answer where you are...*
The silence had spread itself wider then Bakura dared hope. Its resonating darkness had found itself another to company. Ryou lay on the bed he shared with Yugi, making no effort to stop his sobs but muffled them in the pillow. Downstairs Yami and Yugi were fighting again, but he didn't really care. All he cared about was he had been horribly wrong, it was ending, his yami had no interest in him. But that wasn't all that was ending. This relationship with Yugi would have to end, it was falling apart. It was so obvious that Yami was in love with his hikari and Yugi returned the feelings. Ryou felt like he was in a tug of war, he was using Yugi for the sake on the loneliness, Yugi was using him to get back at Yami. There was something more too. Ryou couldn't place it but at times Yugi acted kind of funny, but he quickly passed it off as stress from this overly strange love triangle. Ryou was falling apart, there was nothing for him anymore. No one to stand beside him. No one to love him. He had been fooling himself all along. He needed his yami, need to feel the strong arms around him, lifting him up. The last remainders of the bruises on his skin had faded, leaving no marks of the lessons put on him. Even in his freedom, Ryou had covered them carefully, no one needed to now. He loved his yami, he'd forgive him if he stuck a knife in his heart. But wasn't that what he had just done? Ryou gulped a sob, that thought didn't comfort him, he still loved him.
How could he have known that at the same time, the strong one he need then wasn't so strong. Bakura gazed mournfully at the picture, he wanted it to be like that again but like the picture, that hope was shattered. He rubbed his eyes, composing himself. He wished against wished that Ryou would come running through the door in to his arms. He was sorry he'd ever hurt the boy, sorry he'd ever set a finger on him. His eyes started to burn and he gulped it back, fighting the horrible urge to scream in sorrow. He's hand shook horribly as he tore open the artistic box and meddled with the paints. He hands worked blind in the pain, his eyes were blurred but his hands moves. No words, just a wild picture, each mark done with quick fury.
~And you know...~
*And you know...*
~I need you now.
And this ain't easy to admit,~
~*But no one needs to know
What goes on behind
The door in my room. *~
Ryou sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. He'd never felt more alone. Before when he was troubled or had something set before him to do it was his yami who pushed forward, he made him take the chance. His yami had been the one to fall on his knees before the dreams they chased and take the chance. Ryou didn't have that conviction in him. But his yami didn't have his love and compassion either. Two halves that together would be perfect, but they weren't together, they could never be further apart and that thought alone caused a new anger to come up in Ryou. Anger was such an odd emotion, he was alone, not complete, no one to stand beside him and keep him grounded. He'd learned the hard way with the darker's voice of reality that he was reckless. Reckless, that's what he was reckless! There was a loud smash as the vase from the bed stand Ryou had grabbed, flew against a mirror. Both shattered in a course of crystalline glass.
~I'm kicking through the
Walls in my mind.
And I can't stand without you
And I won't find the answers
When you're gone
But it's over to you
I can't find the answer when you're gone
And it's over to you
You can't find the answers where you are...~
Ryou looked at the splintered glass. It almost appeared to be smiling at him, flashing seductive eyes. The tears started to come up to his eyes again and he stood up, walking to the window and gazing out into the night. His yami wanted nothing to do with him, his yami wanted his own life, and Ryou wouldn't stop him if that was what he wanted.
Bakura's heart pounded wildly in his chest, a dull ache filled his head. He though for a moment he was blind because it seemed darkness had closed in on him. Temporary insanity. He knew it would pass in a moment once it found a release in the art of the inks given to him, but for the moment it was like a hell fire and he was dancing in it, what else could he do? His sweet hikari had made it clear, he wanted nothing to do the fiend. His hikari, yes, his hikari; he had once had been his. He was Yugi's now, Yugi's! Living in his fictional little world.
*I won't tear you down...
~...I won't tear you down...~
To get into the world you wanted*
How could he be so weak! All Bakura had wanted was to open the shadow realm, so he could escape the world, escape his past, escape the present, and start a new reality where the ones who hurt him couldn't find him. He'd have power. But he had to stumble, had to fall in love. Mistakes! Mistakes! All mistakes! The pain seethed in him again, anger, sorrow, to many feelings. The brush ran wild over the makeshift canvas. He hadn't enough tears for what the psychopathic rod spirit had done to him, now he didn't even have words for the boy's betrayal. No he did, It's over.
*I'm kicking through the walls*
~*But no one can believe
In things that never change...*~
Bakura gave a pitiful cry, he couldn't stop it; the wild sobs seemed to come from the very bottom of his chest and up to his tear streaked face. He looked up into the face that stared back at his from the painting and a new set of sobs broke from him.
Ryou turned from the window, biting back the pain. It was too much to take, too much to think about. The band, Yugi, his yami… he gave a soft moan. His yami didn't want him, no one did. He fell to his knees, digging his fingers into the carpet, shards of glass from the mirror biting his skin. He gave a small whimper and turned his hands over, looking at the red marks, nothing broke the skin but the pain was there, the cutting feeling, a memory. He picked a long piece from the floor and turned it, catching his reflection in the mirrored glass. But that wasn't his reflection, the hair, the eyes, his yami looked back at him. There was no escaping it. His yami was as much a part of him and he was part of his yami; without the other, who were they?
~*But it's over to you
I can't find the answer when you're gone
And it's over to you
You can't find the answers where you are*~
A strange demented angel looked back at Bakura from the painting, one wing black and demonic, the other wing pure white and feathered, the dark half of the face was his own, the other half the hikari's. The Change of heart: the symbol that bound the two of them. Bakura slammed his fists in two the picture and dug his fingers into the gray paint of the angels dress. No more beautiful white haired angel to stay by his side, no more innocent loving boy to protect, no one to watch his back and make him feel that life was worth living. He had no one to support, no one to look back on him for advice. He put his hands to the burgundy background, streaking it into a wild pattern behind the angel.
Ryou made his way to the bathroom, his soul crumbled around him, he could feel the pure misery, no will to fight, no will to go on. He turned the water on in the bathtub and watched it fill, there was no soothing feeling with the waters gentle tumble, but there was a sympathy and understanding. He rolled up his sleeves and fell to his knees to run his hands threw the warm water. He clenched his hands it to fists, the glass fragment still in his hand bit from the new pressure and he smiled slightly watching the red stain the water. No amount of music could heal him, there was nothing to hope without his yami by his side.
*And it's over to you.*
...And it's over to you.
~* I can't find the answer when you're gone.
And it's over to you;*~
Ryou raised his hands from the water and admired the small cut, laying his injured hand face up on the edge of the bathtub, the water would seal his fate. He knew exactly how to move, exactly what he needed to do. He raised the glass, his vague reflection fragmented and already stained red, and brought it down on his wrist.
Bakura backed away slowly from the fierce vividness of the sadistic angel, staring at it as he clasped onto the floor. The sobs slowed and he dropped his eyes to his hands, opening them slowly. Malevolent dark red paint stain them finger tips to wrists, still wet from the violent background. He sucked in a breath then buried his face in his paint stained hands "Ryou..." he whimpered.
*You can't find the answer where you are...
I can't find the answer when you're gone
I can't find the answer when you're gone
I can't find the answer when you're gone...*
****************************************************************
Cyris: Another cliffy?
Bakura: Ryou!! This is seriously depressing!!!
LYB: It can only get better, there's no angst in the next chapter! All happy!
Bakura: Are we going to get a happy ending?
LYB: Read the next chapter and you'll find out ~_^ I will tell you that it's semi-romantic.
Bakura: YAY!! Romance for me!!
LYB: O_oU ... Okay, who gave him suger.
Kaiba: ^_^U... umm... Cyris? Think we should run?
Cyris: Um... yeah... Please Review!!! It means a lot to us!!
Jesse,
Here's to you our beautiful Gutterflower. We love you so much and we'll be there with you no matter what. Besides you have a deck of your own now to battle with and you owe me a match :). No matter how hopeless things seem, they're not really, keeping looking up. Jess-man, Mr. Amazing, there's always going to be a bit off your heart in my deck and in my soul.
I've been looking forward since I started to write this story to writing this chapter because the song is so amazing. It's set up with two part vocals and at different points it's a duet, the first voice is powerful, the second is soft and gentle, it fit so well!! It's amazing to here Johnny Reznik sing it. (Did I spell that right?)
Cyris: *kicks the computer in LYB's room* stupid little *there is a series of beeps and censored stickers*
LYB: O_o U, Cyris there are worst things at the moment.
Cyris: That's right.
LYB: All our love goes out right now to Jesse and his family. Something up there was good enough to bring him back to us and not let him die. We love you Jesse, every one of us and we'll get through it. We're behind you the whole way, Jess-man. You're still Mr. Amazing! So I dedicate this story to Jesse, my very own Yugi-loving gutterflower.
*Song in Bakura's voice*
~Song in Ryou's voice~
~*Duet*~
harmony for the line above in Ryou's voice
***************************************************************************
It's Over
***************************************************************************
Ryou was in a daze as he stumbled through the back door into the kitchen of Yugi's house. He's face blanked and his mind reeling with what Bakura had said to him on the street. To many questions not enough answers. He barely heard Yugi call his name and grab on to him and he tripped forward. He vaguely acknowledged Yugi was home this time of day, which was unusual. Yugi usually went Mai, Tristan and that dark haired girl Kali this time of day. "Ryou!" he was saying, "Ryou what is it? What happened? Talk to me angel." Ryou couldn't find the words, he just started to sob.
"Oh Ra." He heard a darker voice say, Yami. "Yugi, give him some room, let him get his head!"
"Back off!" Yugi said sharply, surprising both Ryou and Yami. Yami stepped back, a sour expression on his face and Yugi turned back to Ryou. "Ryou?" he cooed softly, "What's wrong?" Ryou gave a small miserable wail. Everything was wrong.
"You're upsetting him!" Yami snapped "For the love of Ra!" Ryou shook his head, no. Yugi wasn't upsetting him. He wanted desperately to explain himself but couldn't find the words. How do you explain to the people who have thought you're so content that you've been faking it all along? He had become good at pretending to be happy, with his yami inside him (and outside him) it was a necessity. Now, even with his yami gone he was still trapped. No one had tried to free him.
No one had noticed except his dark. His dark had tried to free him. He wasn't sure if that was true or not. Maybe it was one of his cruel tricks, but he didn't seem cruel. He'd kissed his forehead and laughed. Ryou had to talk to him. It wasn't over yet. It couldn't be. There was too much left undone. He wanted, no he needed that support; that reality. The way his dark had looked at him told him that he needed the boy's tenderness. Too much left unsaid, undone. Another moan escaped his lips. He had to speak with him. It couldn't be over just yet. He could feel Yugi's arms around him, attempting to comfort him. He was whispering to him softly, something about Yami Bakura and not having to worry. No, he didn't have to worry, no, his Yami had offered him something; he offered something no one else had before: Sympathy. Understanding. Bakura hadn't raised a hand or shouted, just talked, like Ryou had asked. Ryou wasn't worried. He wailed again something between misery and happiness. He wanted to shrug Yugi away from him. Yugi was part of the game, playing pretend. Ryou froze, abruptly stopped. Pretend. Oh god. That's what he heard Yami Yugi say: their relationship was pretend. Ryou hung his head. Oh god, this was all a joke. "What a scene," he mumbled. Yami Bakura had been right. He needed to see his dark again, just to see his reaction, see if it really had ended.
He searched his soul to find his voice, his true voice and opened his mouth. "Yugi, please...leave me alone. Give me a minute, please." The arms around him seemed to tense and hesitate before drawing away. Ryou leaned against the wall, breathing slowly: An hour before the show. With any luck, maybe his beautiful fiend would be there.
Yugi sat on his bed, kicking his legs, his toes brushing the floor while his Yami paced. "Tell me what you're thinking," the darker half said finally. The boy looked up at him. "You've shut your mind down to me." The spirit paused. "Please?" he tacked on pleadingly. Yugi closed his eyes, retreating into his soul room and unlocking the door. He hesitated before opening it. It wasn't that he didn't want his yami in his mind; it was exactly the opposite. He wanted it. Desperately. It was all he wanted. Comfort, caring. For his Yami to understand why he did the things he did. He wanted the understanding that some things he couldn't deal with alone. His Yami had a habit of being over-protective. He didn't want someone to stand in front of him; he wanted someone to stand beside him for once. The lock on the door was for spite. He wasn't letting his Yami protect him. He stepped out into the hall between their rooms and looked up at the taller, ancient waiting for him. The ancient looked at him pleadingly and suddenly Yugi felt the oddest feeling: resentment. How could one so old and powerful not understand?
//How can I understand if you won't tell me what's wrong? It's not like I can break into your private thoughts.//
Yugi swallowed biting back tears. /You figure it out, "King of Games"/ he gulped, covering his mouth with his hand and running back into his soul room, slamming the door and leaning against it. He felt the vibration as his darker fell against the door.
//Yugi please. I don't understand! Why do you live in this dark world that girl has created for you!//
The girl. Kali. Yes, Kali made the pain go away, her little medicines. But Ryou was the best drug of them all. Sometimes madness was better than reality. Especially now. He couldn't stand seeing Ryou hurt. He would make sure that yami of his would never touch him again.
Bakura checked his watch. 9 pm. The show would start in a moment. He crossed the road to the club and made a line for the door, straight-backed stride. Through the door he could see the band setting up on the stage. Malik was picking at his guitar, and the others also at their respective instruments. His eyes fell on the white-haired boy setting up his microphone. Bakura would have just enough time to apologize, and maybe, just maybe.... A hand grabbed his shoulder and pushed him from his path. "Hey!" Bakura growled at the bouncer. "What's your problem?"
"You are hot shot," the man growled. "You're not welcome here."
"I'm not welcome many places these days," Bakura smirked. "But that doesn't stop me."
"I said get lost!" The broader man shoved him back again as he tried to pass. By now any commotion in the club had stopped and all eyes were fixed on the bouncer and the fiend as they starred each other down.
Bakura put on his best icy glare. "May I ask why I'm not welcome here?"
"A wish from the band," the man replied. Bakura felt a sharp sting. Someone had shot a needle through his heart. He turned his head towards the stage, his eyes locked on Malik pleadingly. Malik's eyes were wide and he shook his head. Bakura understood. Malik didn't know about the request. Bakura scanned the stage, the little Yugi was looking at him darkly. But Ryou's stare was something else: It was blank. Bakura held back a cry of pain, it had been Ryou. Ryou had asked to keep him away. Bakura bit back his pain and plastered his face in fake anger as he looked at the boy, then turned and stole into the night.
"Ryou?" Malik said, turning worried, violet eyes on the white haired boy. "What was that?" Ryou was speechless, they couldn't hear anything the two had said, but the murderous look on his yami's face.
Bakura had never felt so dull, there was nothing, everything around him was nothing. The whole house seemed to echo memories of the hikari he had come to adore. There was no hope in Bakura now, only misery. Malik had been right back at the café, he needed Ryou, he need to feel the boy near him. He walked deftly toward the bedside table and gingerly picked up a photograph framed carefully in glass. He remembered the day, it was a few weeks after Battle City and Ryou had insisted they take Malik to the park to enjoy the day. Malik had been brooding and Ryou though he should get out more. Malik had taken the picture. It had been a joke really, Ryou had stolen Bakura's jacket and pulled it on. Bakura had chased after him and caught him in his arm then Malik snapped the picture as a petty form of blackmail. When the picture was developed it had a rather mysterious looking Bakura holding a laughing Ryou firmly. Ryou thought it was priceless and framed it, placing on his bed stand with the rest of his pictures. But now Ryou wasn't around, all that was left of their time together was this photograph. He needed the love and the tenderness Ryou offered him because he didn't have it inside him. And he wreaked it all because of stupid pride. He wouldn't say anything, he never said a word to Ryou, not a whisper of the truth. All lies. All harsh.
*And I didn't think about,
All the ways I hurt you and myself.
And I...
I wouldn't say a thing to you.
I keep it to myself in
My mind.
All I can't stand without you
And I won't find the answers
When you're gone.*
He let his fingers go limp and the picture slipped silently from his hands. Its glass splintered at his feet and lay dully around the lonely picture, fragmenting the image. It was ending, it was really ending. The feeling of loneliness settled on him like an everlasting evil, a dark silence that echoed in the empty room.
*But it's over to you.
I can't find the answer when you're gone.
And it's over to you.
But you can't find the answer where you are...*
The silence had spread itself wider then Bakura dared hope. Its resonating darkness had found itself another to company. Ryou lay on the bed he shared with Yugi, making no effort to stop his sobs but muffled them in the pillow. Downstairs Yami and Yugi were fighting again, but he didn't really care. All he cared about was he had been horribly wrong, it was ending, his yami had no interest in him. But that wasn't all that was ending. This relationship with Yugi would have to end, it was falling apart. It was so obvious that Yami was in love with his hikari and Yugi returned the feelings. Ryou felt like he was in a tug of war, he was using Yugi for the sake on the loneliness, Yugi was using him to get back at Yami. There was something more too. Ryou couldn't place it but at times Yugi acted kind of funny, but he quickly passed it off as stress from this overly strange love triangle. Ryou was falling apart, there was nothing for him anymore. No one to stand beside him. No one to love him. He had been fooling himself all along. He needed his yami, need to feel the strong arms around him, lifting him up. The last remainders of the bruises on his skin had faded, leaving no marks of the lessons put on him. Even in his freedom, Ryou had covered them carefully, no one needed to now. He loved his yami, he'd forgive him if he stuck a knife in his heart. But wasn't that what he had just done? Ryou gulped a sob, that thought didn't comfort him, he still loved him.
How could he have known that at the same time, the strong one he need then wasn't so strong. Bakura gazed mournfully at the picture, he wanted it to be like that again but like the picture, that hope was shattered. He rubbed his eyes, composing himself. He wished against wished that Ryou would come running through the door in to his arms. He was sorry he'd ever hurt the boy, sorry he'd ever set a finger on him. His eyes started to burn and he gulped it back, fighting the horrible urge to scream in sorrow. He's hand shook horribly as he tore open the artistic box and meddled with the paints. He hands worked blind in the pain, his eyes were blurred but his hands moves. No words, just a wild picture, each mark done with quick fury.
~And you know...~
*And you know...*
~I need you now.
And this ain't easy to admit,~
~*But no one needs to know
What goes on behind
The door in my room. *~
Ryou sat up and hugged his knees to his chest. He'd never felt more alone. Before when he was troubled or had something set before him to do it was his yami who pushed forward, he made him take the chance. His yami had been the one to fall on his knees before the dreams they chased and take the chance. Ryou didn't have that conviction in him. But his yami didn't have his love and compassion either. Two halves that together would be perfect, but they weren't together, they could never be further apart and that thought alone caused a new anger to come up in Ryou. Anger was such an odd emotion, he was alone, not complete, no one to stand beside him and keep him grounded. He'd learned the hard way with the darker's voice of reality that he was reckless. Reckless, that's what he was reckless! There was a loud smash as the vase from the bed stand Ryou had grabbed, flew against a mirror. Both shattered in a course of crystalline glass.
~I'm kicking through the
Walls in my mind.
And I can't stand without you
And I won't find the answers
When you're gone
But it's over to you
I can't find the answer when you're gone
And it's over to you
You can't find the answers where you are...~
Ryou looked at the splintered glass. It almost appeared to be smiling at him, flashing seductive eyes. The tears started to come up to his eyes again and he stood up, walking to the window and gazing out into the night. His yami wanted nothing to do with him, his yami wanted his own life, and Ryou wouldn't stop him if that was what he wanted.
Bakura's heart pounded wildly in his chest, a dull ache filled his head. He though for a moment he was blind because it seemed darkness had closed in on him. Temporary insanity. He knew it would pass in a moment once it found a release in the art of the inks given to him, but for the moment it was like a hell fire and he was dancing in it, what else could he do? His sweet hikari had made it clear, he wanted nothing to do the fiend. His hikari, yes, his hikari; he had once had been his. He was Yugi's now, Yugi's! Living in his fictional little world.
*I won't tear you down...
~...I won't tear you down...~
To get into the world you wanted*
How could he be so weak! All Bakura had wanted was to open the shadow realm, so he could escape the world, escape his past, escape the present, and start a new reality where the ones who hurt him couldn't find him. He'd have power. But he had to stumble, had to fall in love. Mistakes! Mistakes! All mistakes! The pain seethed in him again, anger, sorrow, to many feelings. The brush ran wild over the makeshift canvas. He hadn't enough tears for what the psychopathic rod spirit had done to him, now he didn't even have words for the boy's betrayal. No he did, It's over.
*I'm kicking through the walls*
~*But no one can believe
In things that never change...*~
Bakura gave a pitiful cry, he couldn't stop it; the wild sobs seemed to come from the very bottom of his chest and up to his tear streaked face. He looked up into the face that stared back at his from the painting and a new set of sobs broke from him.
Ryou turned from the window, biting back the pain. It was too much to take, too much to think about. The band, Yugi, his yami… he gave a soft moan. His yami didn't want him, no one did. He fell to his knees, digging his fingers into the carpet, shards of glass from the mirror biting his skin. He gave a small whimper and turned his hands over, looking at the red marks, nothing broke the skin but the pain was there, the cutting feeling, a memory. He picked a long piece from the floor and turned it, catching his reflection in the mirrored glass. But that wasn't his reflection, the hair, the eyes, his yami looked back at him. There was no escaping it. His yami was as much a part of him and he was part of his yami; without the other, who were they?
~*But it's over to you
I can't find the answer when you're gone
And it's over to you
You can't find the answers where you are*~
A strange demented angel looked back at Bakura from the painting, one wing black and demonic, the other wing pure white and feathered, the dark half of the face was his own, the other half the hikari's. The Change of heart: the symbol that bound the two of them. Bakura slammed his fists in two the picture and dug his fingers into the gray paint of the angels dress. No more beautiful white haired angel to stay by his side, no more innocent loving boy to protect, no one to watch his back and make him feel that life was worth living. He had no one to support, no one to look back on him for advice. He put his hands to the burgundy background, streaking it into a wild pattern behind the angel.
Ryou made his way to the bathroom, his soul crumbled around him, he could feel the pure misery, no will to fight, no will to go on. He turned the water on in the bathtub and watched it fill, there was no soothing feeling with the waters gentle tumble, but there was a sympathy and understanding. He rolled up his sleeves and fell to his knees to run his hands threw the warm water. He clenched his hands it to fists, the glass fragment still in his hand bit from the new pressure and he smiled slightly watching the red stain the water. No amount of music could heal him, there was nothing to hope without his yami by his side.
*And it's over to you.*
...And it's over to you.
~* I can't find the answer when you're gone.
And it's over to you;*~
Ryou raised his hands from the water and admired the small cut, laying his injured hand face up on the edge of the bathtub, the water would seal his fate. He knew exactly how to move, exactly what he needed to do. He raised the glass, his vague reflection fragmented and already stained red, and brought it down on his wrist.
Bakura backed away slowly from the fierce vividness of the sadistic angel, staring at it as he clasped onto the floor. The sobs slowed and he dropped his eyes to his hands, opening them slowly. Malevolent dark red paint stain them finger tips to wrists, still wet from the violent background. He sucked in a breath then buried his face in his paint stained hands "Ryou..." he whimpered.
*You can't find the answer where you are...
I can't find the answer when you're gone
I can't find the answer when you're gone
I can't find the answer when you're gone...*
****************************************************************
Cyris: Another cliffy?
Bakura: Ryou!! This is seriously depressing!!!
LYB: It can only get better, there's no angst in the next chapter! All happy!
Bakura: Are we going to get a happy ending?
LYB: Read the next chapter and you'll find out ~_^ I will tell you that it's semi-romantic.
Bakura: YAY!! Romance for me!!
LYB: O_oU ... Okay, who gave him suger.
Kaiba: ^_^U... umm... Cyris? Think we should run?
Cyris: Um... yeah... Please Review!!! It means a lot to us!!
Jesse,
Here's to you our beautiful Gutterflower. We love you so much and we'll be there with you no matter what. Besides you have a deck of your own now to battle with and you owe me a match :). No matter how hopeless things seem, they're not really, keeping looking up. Jess-man, Mr. Amazing, there's always going to be a bit off your heart in my deck and in my soul.