Wow!! Over a hundred reviews! *does a happy dance* Oh yeah and yes, I am doing all the tracks in the order they appear on the CD, I'm not mixing them up. Oh and CheetaCat, I was planning to go somewhere with that ;) re: Bakura's painting/writing wall ^_^ With out any further adiou… chapter 8!
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What do you need?
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Ryou stood out in front of his house but hesitated, it suddenly struck him as funny that he should be afraid to go into his own home. But he had left the house to his yami and had never returned since he fled that night a month before. He had wandered around town for almost four hours now looking for his darker after he had seen him in the window. He checked all the clubs he knew the white haired spirit frequented but found nothing, he last shot was to hope his yami had returned home.
The door was unlocked, so Ryou pushed it open, the house was dark but Ryou got the distinct impression it wasn't empty. He heart pounded in his chest, he no longer had the ability to sense his yami because he no longer had the ring, but instinct told him he was near. He had no idea what he would say, or even why he was here, he felt the need to explain himself and try to at least ease his mind. Ryou glanced around, he could here something soft and turned his ear toward the sound, someone was humming a tune softly and there was another sound, a soft scraping, swishing noise coming from upstairs. Ryou slowly made his way up the stairs, cautiously looking over the landing for the dark spirit who may be extremely upset by his presence. The bedroom was opened a crack, letting out a faint light that flickered slightly.
Ryou pushed open the door slightly and his eyes widened in amazement, then he smiled slightly at the sight. Yami Bakura was standing in his old green shirt, he had nothing underneath it and let it hang open freely. The sleeves were rolled up and he looked like he was in thought. He held a wooden box type thing in one hand and a paint brush and ink pen in the other. He had the wall covered in white board and almost every inch of it was covered in scrawled writing and colourful motif, in the centre was the figure from the change of heart card. It was a beautiful painting, he had no idea his yami could paint so well. Ryou wondered how he could see, he had lit the room with only candles which made the picture look all the more Egyptian. The dark one was absorbed in his work, spots of ink stippled his arm and he had a smug of blue on his right cheek.
Yami Bakura was caught in his own little world, one half of his mind was making a checklist of things he would have to pack to bring with him, the other refused to move off of Ryou. He was in the midst of convincing himself that there was no point in even trying to continue the relationship but something refused to let him leave. Nothing was alright anymore, not after he heard Ryou sing, everything he had though was suddenly (and once again) thrown into a black hole and disintegrated like a snowball throw straight into the fire of hell. He put some red on his brush and started to mix it with some yellow in the corner of the Bristol board, trying to paint what he thought hell might look like. "Yami?" A soft voice called to him, a chill ran up his spine and he swallowed. He knew the voice so well, loved it, carried it with him in his very soul, but he didn't dare believe that the boy was there. "Yami." the voice said again, forcing him to turn his head and look at the boy dressed in a rumpled white silk shirt and black jeans.
Bakura felt apprehension seize in his chest, what did the boy come here for. True he had been seen, but he never thought the boy would come after him. "Come in," Bakura said, "you don't have to be afraid to come in, this is your room after all." Ryou sucked in a breath and walked forward, closing the door behind him. "What do you want?" Bakura said smoothly, trying to sound casual and calm, but it came off as cold and emotionless. Ryou bit his lip and stepped back feeling the iciness chill his intentions.
"I…" he paused "Why were you at my window?"
Bakura lay down his brush and the paint set then wiped his hands in soft red cloth he had laying near by. He wanted to say something smart and sarcastic but when he raised his head to speak he found a pair of intense brown eyes set on him. The boy stood straight, looking at him intently, Ryou wasn't afraid anymore. Bakura felt like a stag caught in the headlights of a car, what in the world did the boy expect him to say? "I… I wanted to… For the love of Ra, I don't know." he turned away, his brows furrowed in anger and started to put away his paints with harsh movements
*What do you need from me tonight?
I feel you look right through me now
I can't pretend it's all right
Maybe we'll find a way somehow*
Ryou crossed his arms, this wasn't going like he expected, he wanted to see some trace of feeling from his darker, anything to show him that her cared or even felt. "Can't you just give me a straight answer for once in your life." Ryou said, sounding harsher then he really wanted to, "I swear to God, the day you're honest about what your feeling will be the sign that the apocalypse is coming."
Bakura set down the bottle he was holding and glared at the boy. "Excuse me?" he hissed, "If I have something to say to you, I'll say it, if I don't, I won't. So back off, don't expect me to tell you everything on my mind just because you asked."
"Are we going to get into this again?" Ryou said exasperated "This is the same argument we had a month ago!"
"Yeah, well let's finish it this time." Bakura replied, facing the boy who had moved to stand by the bed.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always feel so wrong?*
"Good, maybe you'll listen this time." Ryou replied, Bakura opened his mouth to throw out a smart come back but stopped himself, a sorrow coming into his heart. In his own mind he saw a brief image of Malik giving him an exasperated look and muttering something about pride. Bakura gave an inward grumble; of all the people who would have envisioned as his conscience, Malik. Why did that seem so satirical? This time he would not shut the boy out, he at least had to try to control his pride. His mother had told him the day before she ran away that love was simple, you were in love or your weren't. This was far from simple, one of them wrapped up in a suffocating freedom, the other terrified love didn't exist. He gestured for the boy to continue, semi-annoyed look on his face, not yet ready to give into the boy completely.
Ryou straightened himself slightly, his heart pounded but he tried to look like he was confident. "First of all," he said in stubborn tone, trying to keep the trembling from his voice, "I want to know what why you were at my window and what you were doing at the club. And I want an explanation, an emotion, a thought, anything! I'm so tired of never getting a straight answer from you!" Bakura never budged, the words froze him to the spot, he knew what Ryou wanted to hear but he doubted he had it in him to speak the truth. The truth was to strange, to complicated. "Say something!" Ryou said desperately.
"Don't press me for something I can't give you." Bakura said in a hushed voice.
Ryou let his shoulders slump in frustration, maybe he had been fooling himself by even coming here. "Your such a hypocrite!" He finally snapped, "You stop me in the streets to help me, come to the club and my window and listen quietly to my music, neither of which you had any right whatsoever to do! Then when push comes to shove you refuse to talk! What is your problem!?" Bakura turned away and started restacking paints partly to hide the hurt expression on his face, partly to fight the rage he felt. How dare this youth tell him what he should or should not act like.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
"Well?" Ryou said, an obvious anger in his voice.
"You have no idea what your talking about." Bakura replied quickly, slapping the box cover shut and turning around, his face a mask of rage. "Don't you dare come into my world and tell me how I should act, don't you dare. You may think you know why I act like I do, but you don't. You don't know the first thing about me!"
"Yet you can do it to me?" Ryou said accusingly, pointing a finger at himself.
"I had to!" Bakura snapped, "You're destroying yourself from the inside out with this fictional reality your living in, you admitted that yourself! You don't even know why I feel like I do so don't try to psycho-analyze something you don't understand!" Ryou visibly faltered at this, and Bakura could see for the brief moment how afraid and hurt his light was. He bit his tongue again, maybe they were better off apart, they couldn't hurt each other like this. That's what it seemed like, malicious pain, a demented form of revenge to get back at each other.
*Fear makes you fragile darlin'
Hate is so heavy when you're weak
Now we're both lost in anger
When we're alone we'll find some peace*
Ryou shook his head, "Your so cold. So cold. It's like your incapable of love, are you really that heartless? All I can gather from you is that you don't want to be loved, you want to be feared and hated. Is that it? You have absolutely no capacity for love? Do you even know how to love?" Bakura felt an angry flush come across his face.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always seem so wrong?*
"What do you want from me, Ryou!!!" Bakura screamed. The furious pain that came out in the voice cause Ryou to step back in shock and fear. "What do you want me to tell you!?" Bakura walked toward him, backing the boy into the wall. Ryou pressed himself to the wall as Bakura towered over him, he put his forearms to the wall locking the boy against it. His voice dropped to low and malicious "Don't you ever, EVER, presume something like that about me. Don't you tell me I'm wrong when your just as much to blame for this with your secrecy and private emotions as I am with my pride. So don't you try to pin this all on me, don't you dare."
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
They stood there a moment, Ryou against the wall, Bakura pinning him there, staring at each other. Ryou's breath was deep, he was almost afraid to move. Bakura's face suddenly softened, and he shook his head gently, then raised his hand to Ryou's check, gently stroking his jaw line with his thumb. "Beautiful…" he whispered softly, "Some how you can get by, some how you survive. Tell me who you do it? How do you go on when your broken? I've watched you, for so long… when ever your heartbroken and I've done something horrible to you, somehow you go on. How do you do that? Teach me, please…" Ryou looked up into his eyes, their was an old jaded pain there, something Ryou had never seen before. He felt his heart melt, as if he were falling for him all over again.
"Teach me to believe in something like you do." Ryou answered. "You never seem to falter in who you are, you always seem to know." Bakura smiled slightly and made a small noise something like laughter. He leaned his head down, letting his lips linger just above the boy's trapped beside him. Ryou raised his head slightly to let his darker kiss him, but Bakura hesitated, then raised his head.
"No…" he said softly, more to himself then Ryou "I can't, I just can't…"
"Why not?" Ryou pleaded, "What wrong?! Tell me! Please…"
Bakura scowled and laid his forehead on the wall just beside Ryou's. "… I can't say."
"Why not?" Ryou asked, he let his body relax, feeling no need to fear this closeness anymore "Why won't you tell me? What are you so afraid of?"
Bakura visibly tensed, then suddenly he made a fist and smashed it against the wall in frustration, making Ryou jump slightly. Fear, fear was a weakness, he hated the idea of being weak, but he was. He couldn't deny it, the fear or the rage. He pulled way from Ryou, freeing him and turning toward the paintings on the wall.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always seem so wrong?*
"Yami?" Ryou said, slightly worried. Bakura undid one of the cuffs on his shirt, ignoring him. "Yami, what are you doing? He turned to face Ryou, undoing the other.
"You want to know what I'm afraid off?" He hissed, biting his lip. "I'll show you." Bakura pulled off his shirt and threw it harshly onto the floor. Ryou's eyes were wide, staring at the darker who seemed to be consumed in a temporary insanity and now rolling up the cuffs of his jeans.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
Bakura turned around, letting his bare back face Ryou and put his hands behind his back as well. "Is this what you wanted to see?" He said, in a hurt angry tone. "Was this what you wanted to know?" Ryou couldn't say a word, he was to shocked. Ryou approached the now still spirit deftly.
"What are these… these…" he stumbled, trying to find a word that wouldn't be insulting or to vague.
"Scars?" Bakura offered in a mocking tone, "Marks? Obstruction?"
"Scars…" Ryou murmured and reached out, but didn't dare touch them. It was obvious they were scars, but what was more painfully obvious was were they had come from. They were rope burns, they encircled Bakura's wrists in fragments and on his back, just under where his wrists sat were most scratch-like scars, showing that his hands that been bound there; his ankles were just as marked. "Who did this to you?" Ryou muttered softly.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong*
"Who?" Bakura said in a harsh tone, "Let's see. My father was first, but that wasn't so bad, I was starting to deal with that." He paused, staring blankly in front of him, "Do you remember what you said the night you left?" He continued finally, Ryou swallowed, not sure what the darker meant. "You were right, Ryou. I do suffer and I have lost it since Yami Malik showed up, I lost more then you know…" he trailed off again. Ryou shook his head.
"No," he said softly, "No you can't be serious…" he whispered it more to himself, a consolation as the true reality started to appear before him.
"I'm very serious." Bakura said, he closed his eyes and stood motionless, trapped in his own world. Ryou reached out and put a hand gently on his shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort him, but Bakura flinched at the touch and Ryou quickly pulled away. "He was so fun to be around at first, so wild and daring, then his true colours started to so through. I was getting confident, I had found comfort in my quest for the millennium items and something I never thought could happen to me was, I was falling in love, with you, my beautiful, my hikari." Ryou blinked in shock, but Bakura continued, unseeing. "I'll hate him till the end of time for what he stole from me over those nights, my hope, my pride, my strength. He left me afraid. Your right Ryou, I fear you, I have no reason to, but everyone I tried to love has betrayed me. I fear anyone who touches me, that means I've let my guard down, that means I can be hurt."
Bakura turned his eyes on Ryou, "Do you know where I go at night? When you wait up for me, and I'm gone with Malik? I'll tell you what we do. We sit, we talk at a small coffee shop, making beats on who can drink more coffee, we try to find a way to move on. You can't begin to understand what that son of a bitch put the both of us through, don't even try. We go out to the clubs and we dance together, something about the energy that there in the room and in the music can move you, the dance kills the pain, just like the art." He turned his head toward his mural. "We just enjoy the company, that's all I've ever done, enjoy his company, his understanding. He's taken so many steps forward, Isis held him up for awhile, now he's standing and going foreword on his own, but… I can't, not now. You were the only thing that kept me going after that spirit was banished, with your hopefulness and your sweet smile." he paused, then shook his head. Ryou gave a small noise of concern as Bakura closed his eyes tightly "I hurt you, I see that now. And Malik is right, I shouldn't have put my pain on you. But don't you dare tell me that I've never loved, don't you dare. You're wrong, so wrong."
*You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
There was a long silence. Bakura obviously had no more to say about this revelation and Ryou's head reeled. There really wasn't anything to say. "I'm sorry." Ryou said softly, approaching him gently. "I didn't know…" There was another pause before a consoling voice replied.
"Don't be sorry, Ryou. It's not your fault. You never asked for any of this." Bakura turned toward him slightly and held out his hands in front of him, examining the scars. Ryou stepped close to him.
"They'll heal in time." He said, wrapping his fingers around his darker's wrists, covering the marks. Bakura stared at the boys hands a moment.
"What happened to your wrist?" he said knowingly. Ryou backed away, dropping his hands then fixed his sleeve over the bandage again.
"It's nothing." He said easily.
"You lie." Bakura said just as easily. His voice in it's normal haunting tone as if nothing had just passed between them, as if he'd never said a word about Malik's demon counter-part. "I know your nature, Ryou. When did you do that?"
Ryou turned his head slightly, avoiding the piercing eyes. "Tonight." He said in a hushed tone. Bakura nodded thoughtfully.
"Before you started to play?"
"Yes."
There was another silence and Bakura turned back to his painting, he picked up the pen lying on the near by table and scrawled a few more words under an already existing verse. "Do you want me to tend them for you?" He said finally.
Ryou blinked, breaking his trance from watched him write, admiring his catlike movements and the flexing of the strong muscles of his back. "What?"
"Your cuts, on your wrist, do you want me to tend them for you?"
"No." he replied rather bluntly, not sure how to take the offer.
There was another silence.
"I think you should go." Bakura said finally, lowering his pen
*You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
Ryou hesitated. There was so much left unsaid, but he didn't dare say anything. "I can't, not yet." He said softly. Bakura glanced back over his shoulder.
"Ryou, I'm not in the mood for it. I've drug up things for you that were better left unsaid and I try not to think about, so if you'll forgive me, I'd like to be alone."
Ryou stretched out his arm and pressed his fingers to the faint red marks on Bakura's lower back. This time Bakura didn't pull away. "Please," Ryou said, "I'll never ask anything of you again if you give me just one thing, can you open your heart this once. Don't be afraid of me? I've done nothing but take whatever you've thrown at me in stride, I've never done anything to hurt you…"
"Until now." Bakura cut in.
Ryou swallowed and nodded vaguely. "Yes. It's stranger then your sympathy. You've always cared for me, in your strange way. Let me care for you now. I'll leave you alone, but please, later, can we talk again?"
Bakura seemed to think about this for a moment. Ryou gazed at him expectantly and took another step closer to him, drawn like a magnet to the ancient, he hesitantly laid his head between Bakura's shoulder, waiting patiently for an answer. Bakura felt every ounce of air in his lungs slip away when Ryou leaned into him; his heart jumped beats. He could have died when he felt warm, slim arms wrap around his waist.
"Hikari…" he breathed and turned in the boys arm. He ran his fingers through the younger's hair, then leaned down and captured the boy's lips in a tender kiss. Ryou felt something like electricity shocked through him, warming his body, he could feel himself melt into the embrace and sighed into the kiss, returning it. Bakura thought for a brief moment he would drown in the bliss that ran over him, this had to be heaven. They slowly broke apart.
Bakura suddenly felt an odd sense of terror, what had he done? Likewise Ryou was shocked and gazed at the dark spirit for some sort of an explanation. "We'll talk…" Bakura offered quickly, a tremble in his voice. Ryou nodded hastily and turned for the door. Bakura leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling, trying to get his emotions in check.
"We have a show tomorrow…" Ryou said, almost as an after though as he put his hand on the doorknob and glanced back. "Will you come?"
Bakura nodded slowly, "Yes, I'll be there."
Ryou could feel him heart still pounding as he nodded acknowledgement then stole out of the house. Bakura laid his head back on his painted wall and closed his eyes, listening to his racing heart beat.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
why does it always seem so wrong?*
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Bakura: *Passes out, drooling, a silly smile on his face*
LYB: O_o… um… *nudges him with her shoe* Um… Bakura?
Bakura: can't… talk… dreaming… mmm…..
LYB: Ummm… yeah…
If anyone want to check out a drawing I did of Bakura and Ryou in this chapter (It's Bakura with Ryou against the wall… yummy…) the address is: http://ladyyamibakura.tripod.com/ it's worth seeing and yes I drew it and no I didn't trace. I hate people asking me if I traced. You can leave a comment about it in your reviews if you like, I'd love to hear what you think of it. Thanks!
Cyris: Please R&R everyone, the next chapter will prove to be… hmm… mwhahaha!!!
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What do you need?
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Ryou stood out in front of his house but hesitated, it suddenly struck him as funny that he should be afraid to go into his own home. But he had left the house to his yami and had never returned since he fled that night a month before. He had wandered around town for almost four hours now looking for his darker after he had seen him in the window. He checked all the clubs he knew the white haired spirit frequented but found nothing, he last shot was to hope his yami had returned home.
The door was unlocked, so Ryou pushed it open, the house was dark but Ryou got the distinct impression it wasn't empty. He heart pounded in his chest, he no longer had the ability to sense his yami because he no longer had the ring, but instinct told him he was near. He had no idea what he would say, or even why he was here, he felt the need to explain himself and try to at least ease his mind. Ryou glanced around, he could here something soft and turned his ear toward the sound, someone was humming a tune softly and there was another sound, a soft scraping, swishing noise coming from upstairs. Ryou slowly made his way up the stairs, cautiously looking over the landing for the dark spirit who may be extremely upset by his presence. The bedroom was opened a crack, letting out a faint light that flickered slightly.
Ryou pushed open the door slightly and his eyes widened in amazement, then he smiled slightly at the sight. Yami Bakura was standing in his old green shirt, he had nothing underneath it and let it hang open freely. The sleeves were rolled up and he looked like he was in thought. He held a wooden box type thing in one hand and a paint brush and ink pen in the other. He had the wall covered in white board and almost every inch of it was covered in scrawled writing and colourful motif, in the centre was the figure from the change of heart card. It was a beautiful painting, he had no idea his yami could paint so well. Ryou wondered how he could see, he had lit the room with only candles which made the picture look all the more Egyptian. The dark one was absorbed in his work, spots of ink stippled his arm and he had a smug of blue on his right cheek.
Yami Bakura was caught in his own little world, one half of his mind was making a checklist of things he would have to pack to bring with him, the other refused to move off of Ryou. He was in the midst of convincing himself that there was no point in even trying to continue the relationship but something refused to let him leave. Nothing was alright anymore, not after he heard Ryou sing, everything he had though was suddenly (and once again) thrown into a black hole and disintegrated like a snowball throw straight into the fire of hell. He put some red on his brush and started to mix it with some yellow in the corner of the Bristol board, trying to paint what he thought hell might look like. "Yami?" A soft voice called to him, a chill ran up his spine and he swallowed. He knew the voice so well, loved it, carried it with him in his very soul, but he didn't dare believe that the boy was there. "Yami." the voice said again, forcing him to turn his head and look at the boy dressed in a rumpled white silk shirt and black jeans.
Bakura felt apprehension seize in his chest, what did the boy come here for. True he had been seen, but he never thought the boy would come after him. "Come in," Bakura said, "you don't have to be afraid to come in, this is your room after all." Ryou sucked in a breath and walked forward, closing the door behind him. "What do you want?" Bakura said smoothly, trying to sound casual and calm, but it came off as cold and emotionless. Ryou bit his lip and stepped back feeling the iciness chill his intentions.
"I…" he paused "Why were you at my window?"
Bakura lay down his brush and the paint set then wiped his hands in soft red cloth he had laying near by. He wanted to say something smart and sarcastic but when he raised his head to speak he found a pair of intense brown eyes set on him. The boy stood straight, looking at him intently, Ryou wasn't afraid anymore. Bakura felt like a stag caught in the headlights of a car, what in the world did the boy expect him to say? "I… I wanted to… For the love of Ra, I don't know." he turned away, his brows furrowed in anger and started to put away his paints with harsh movements
*What do you need from me tonight?
I feel you look right through me now
I can't pretend it's all right
Maybe we'll find a way somehow*
Ryou crossed his arms, this wasn't going like he expected, he wanted to see some trace of feeling from his darker, anything to show him that her cared or even felt. "Can't you just give me a straight answer for once in your life." Ryou said, sounding harsher then he really wanted to, "I swear to God, the day you're honest about what your feeling will be the sign that the apocalypse is coming."
Bakura set down the bottle he was holding and glared at the boy. "Excuse me?" he hissed, "If I have something to say to you, I'll say it, if I don't, I won't. So back off, don't expect me to tell you everything on my mind just because you asked."
"Are we going to get into this again?" Ryou said exasperated "This is the same argument we had a month ago!"
"Yeah, well let's finish it this time." Bakura replied, facing the boy who had moved to stand by the bed.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always feel so wrong?*
"Good, maybe you'll listen this time." Ryou replied, Bakura opened his mouth to throw out a smart come back but stopped himself, a sorrow coming into his heart. In his own mind he saw a brief image of Malik giving him an exasperated look and muttering something about pride. Bakura gave an inward grumble; of all the people who would have envisioned as his conscience, Malik. Why did that seem so satirical? This time he would not shut the boy out, he at least had to try to control his pride. His mother had told him the day before she ran away that love was simple, you were in love or your weren't. This was far from simple, one of them wrapped up in a suffocating freedom, the other terrified love didn't exist. He gestured for the boy to continue, semi-annoyed look on his face, not yet ready to give into the boy completely.
Ryou straightened himself slightly, his heart pounded but he tried to look like he was confident. "First of all," he said in stubborn tone, trying to keep the trembling from his voice, "I want to know what why you were at my window and what you were doing at the club. And I want an explanation, an emotion, a thought, anything! I'm so tired of never getting a straight answer from you!" Bakura never budged, the words froze him to the spot, he knew what Ryou wanted to hear but he doubted he had it in him to speak the truth. The truth was to strange, to complicated. "Say something!" Ryou said desperately.
"Don't press me for something I can't give you." Bakura said in a hushed voice.
Ryou let his shoulders slump in frustration, maybe he had been fooling himself by even coming here. "Your such a hypocrite!" He finally snapped, "You stop me in the streets to help me, come to the club and my window and listen quietly to my music, neither of which you had any right whatsoever to do! Then when push comes to shove you refuse to talk! What is your problem!?" Bakura turned away and started restacking paints partly to hide the hurt expression on his face, partly to fight the rage he felt. How dare this youth tell him what he should or should not act like.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
"Well?" Ryou said, an obvious anger in his voice.
"You have no idea what your talking about." Bakura replied quickly, slapping the box cover shut and turning around, his face a mask of rage. "Don't you dare come into my world and tell me how I should act, don't you dare. You may think you know why I act like I do, but you don't. You don't know the first thing about me!"
"Yet you can do it to me?" Ryou said accusingly, pointing a finger at himself.
"I had to!" Bakura snapped, "You're destroying yourself from the inside out with this fictional reality your living in, you admitted that yourself! You don't even know why I feel like I do so don't try to psycho-analyze something you don't understand!" Ryou visibly faltered at this, and Bakura could see for the brief moment how afraid and hurt his light was. He bit his tongue again, maybe they were better off apart, they couldn't hurt each other like this. That's what it seemed like, malicious pain, a demented form of revenge to get back at each other.
*Fear makes you fragile darlin'
Hate is so heavy when you're weak
Now we're both lost in anger
When we're alone we'll find some peace*
Ryou shook his head, "Your so cold. So cold. It's like your incapable of love, are you really that heartless? All I can gather from you is that you don't want to be loved, you want to be feared and hated. Is that it? You have absolutely no capacity for love? Do you even know how to love?" Bakura felt an angry flush come across his face.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always seem so wrong?*
"What do you want from me, Ryou!!!" Bakura screamed. The furious pain that came out in the voice cause Ryou to step back in shock and fear. "What do you want me to tell you!?" Bakura walked toward him, backing the boy into the wall. Ryou pressed himself to the wall as Bakura towered over him, he put his forearms to the wall locking the boy against it. His voice dropped to low and malicious "Don't you ever, EVER, presume something like that about me. Don't you tell me I'm wrong when your just as much to blame for this with your secrecy and private emotions as I am with my pride. So don't you try to pin this all on me, don't you dare."
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
They stood there a moment, Ryou against the wall, Bakura pinning him there, staring at each other. Ryou's breath was deep, he was almost afraid to move. Bakura's face suddenly softened, and he shook his head gently, then raised his hand to Ryou's check, gently stroking his jaw line with his thumb. "Beautiful…" he whispered softly, "Some how you can get by, some how you survive. Tell me who you do it? How do you go on when your broken? I've watched you, for so long… when ever your heartbroken and I've done something horrible to you, somehow you go on. How do you do that? Teach me, please…" Ryou looked up into his eyes, their was an old jaded pain there, something Ryou had never seen before. He felt his heart melt, as if he were falling for him all over again.
"Teach me to believe in something like you do." Ryou answered. "You never seem to falter in who you are, you always seem to know." Bakura smiled slightly and made a small noise something like laughter. He leaned his head down, letting his lips linger just above the boy's trapped beside him. Ryou raised his head slightly to let his darker kiss him, but Bakura hesitated, then raised his head.
"No…" he said softly, more to himself then Ryou "I can't, I just can't…"
"Why not?" Ryou pleaded, "What wrong?! Tell me! Please…"
Bakura scowled and laid his forehead on the wall just beside Ryou's. "… I can't say."
"Why not?" Ryou asked, he let his body relax, feeling no need to fear this closeness anymore "Why won't you tell me? What are you so afraid of?"
Bakura visibly tensed, then suddenly he made a fist and smashed it against the wall in frustration, making Ryou jump slightly. Fear, fear was a weakness, he hated the idea of being weak, but he was. He couldn't deny it, the fear or the rage. He pulled way from Ryou, freeing him and turning toward the paintings on the wall.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
Why does it always seem so wrong?*
"Yami?" Ryou said, slightly worried. Bakura undid one of the cuffs on his shirt, ignoring him. "Yami, what are you doing? He turned to face Ryou, undoing the other.
"You want to know what I'm afraid off?" He hissed, biting his lip. "I'll show you." Bakura pulled off his shirt and threw it harshly onto the floor. Ryou's eyes were wide, staring at the darker who seemed to be consumed in a temporary insanity and now rolling up the cuffs of his jeans.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
Bakura turned around, letting his bare back face Ryou and put his hands behind his back as well. "Is this what you wanted to see?" He said, in a hurt angry tone. "Was this what you wanted to know?" Ryou couldn't say a word, he was to shocked. Ryou approached the now still spirit deftly.
"What are these… these…" he stumbled, trying to find a word that wouldn't be insulting or to vague.
"Scars?" Bakura offered in a mocking tone, "Marks? Obstruction?"
"Scars…" Ryou murmured and reached out, but didn't dare touch them. It was obvious they were scars, but what was more painfully obvious was were they had come from. They were rope burns, they encircled Bakura's wrists in fragments and on his back, just under where his wrists sat were most scratch-like scars, showing that his hands that been bound there; his ankles were just as marked. "Who did this to you?" Ryou muttered softly.
*What do you need from me tonight?
The truth is so complicated now
You feel so free to say
You're wrong, you're wrong*
"Who?" Bakura said in a harsh tone, "Let's see. My father was first, but that wasn't so bad, I was starting to deal with that." He paused, staring blankly in front of him, "Do you remember what you said the night you left?" He continued finally, Ryou swallowed, not sure what the darker meant. "You were right, Ryou. I do suffer and I have lost it since Yami Malik showed up, I lost more then you know…" he trailed off again. Ryou shook his head.
"No," he said softly, "No you can't be serious…" he whispered it more to himself, a consolation as the true reality started to appear before him.
"I'm very serious." Bakura said, he closed his eyes and stood motionless, trapped in his own world. Ryou reached out and put a hand gently on his shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort him, but Bakura flinched at the touch and Ryou quickly pulled away. "He was so fun to be around at first, so wild and daring, then his true colours started to so through. I was getting confident, I had found comfort in my quest for the millennium items and something I never thought could happen to me was, I was falling in love, with you, my beautiful, my hikari." Ryou blinked in shock, but Bakura continued, unseeing. "I'll hate him till the end of time for what he stole from me over those nights, my hope, my pride, my strength. He left me afraid. Your right Ryou, I fear you, I have no reason to, but everyone I tried to love has betrayed me. I fear anyone who touches me, that means I've let my guard down, that means I can be hurt."
Bakura turned his eyes on Ryou, "Do you know where I go at night? When you wait up for me, and I'm gone with Malik? I'll tell you what we do. We sit, we talk at a small coffee shop, making beats on who can drink more coffee, we try to find a way to move on. You can't begin to understand what that son of a bitch put the both of us through, don't even try. We go out to the clubs and we dance together, something about the energy that there in the room and in the music can move you, the dance kills the pain, just like the art." He turned his head toward his mural. "We just enjoy the company, that's all I've ever done, enjoy his company, his understanding. He's taken so many steps forward, Isis held him up for awhile, now he's standing and going foreword on his own, but… I can't, not now. You were the only thing that kept me going after that spirit was banished, with your hopefulness and your sweet smile." he paused, then shook his head. Ryou gave a small noise of concern as Bakura closed his eyes tightly "I hurt you, I see that now. And Malik is right, I shouldn't have put my pain on you. But don't you dare tell me that I've never loved, don't you dare. You're wrong, so wrong."
*You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
There was a long silence. Bakura obviously had no more to say about this revelation and Ryou's head reeled. There really wasn't anything to say. "I'm sorry." Ryou said softly, approaching him gently. "I didn't know…" There was another pause before a consoling voice replied.
"Don't be sorry, Ryou. It's not your fault. You never asked for any of this." Bakura turned toward him slightly and held out his hands in front of him, examining the scars. Ryou stepped close to him.
"They'll heal in time." He said, wrapping his fingers around his darker's wrists, covering the marks. Bakura stared at the boys hands a moment.
"What happened to your wrist?" he said knowingly. Ryou backed away, dropping his hands then fixed his sleeve over the bandage again.
"It's nothing." He said easily.
"You lie." Bakura said just as easily. His voice in it's normal haunting tone as if nothing had just passed between them, as if he'd never said a word about Malik's demon counter-part. "I know your nature, Ryou. When did you do that?"
Ryou turned his head slightly, avoiding the piercing eyes. "Tonight." He said in a hushed tone. Bakura nodded thoughtfully.
"Before you started to play?"
"Yes."
There was another silence and Bakura turned back to his painting, he picked up the pen lying on the near by table and scrawled a few more words under an already existing verse. "Do you want me to tend them for you?" He said finally.
Ryou blinked, breaking his trance from watched him write, admiring his catlike movements and the flexing of the strong muscles of his back. "What?"
"Your cuts, on your wrist, do you want me to tend them for you?"
"No." he replied rather bluntly, not sure how to take the offer.
There was another silence.
"I think you should go." Bakura said finally, lowering his pen
*You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong*
Ryou hesitated. There was so much left unsaid, but he didn't dare say anything. "I can't, not yet." He said softly. Bakura glanced back over his shoulder.
"Ryou, I'm not in the mood for it. I've drug up things for you that were better left unsaid and I try not to think about, so if you'll forgive me, I'd like to be alone."
Ryou stretched out his arm and pressed his fingers to the faint red marks on Bakura's lower back. This time Bakura didn't pull away. "Please," Ryou said, "I'll never ask anything of you again if you give me just one thing, can you open your heart this once. Don't be afraid of me? I've done nothing but take whatever you've thrown at me in stride, I've never done anything to hurt you…"
"Until now." Bakura cut in.
Ryou swallowed and nodded vaguely. "Yes. It's stranger then your sympathy. You've always cared for me, in your strange way. Let me care for you now. I'll leave you alone, but please, later, can we talk again?"
Bakura seemed to think about this for a moment. Ryou gazed at him expectantly and took another step closer to him, drawn like a magnet to the ancient, he hesitantly laid his head between Bakura's shoulder, waiting patiently for an answer. Bakura felt every ounce of air in his lungs slip away when Ryou leaned into him; his heart jumped beats. He could have died when he felt warm, slim arms wrap around his waist.
"Hikari…" he breathed and turned in the boys arm. He ran his fingers through the younger's hair, then leaned down and captured the boy's lips in a tender kiss. Ryou felt something like electricity shocked through him, warming his body, he could feel himself melt into the embrace and sighed into the kiss, returning it. Bakura thought for a brief moment he would drown in the bliss that ran over him, this had to be heaven. They slowly broke apart.
Bakura suddenly felt an odd sense of terror, what had he done? Likewise Ryou was shocked and gazed at the dark spirit for some sort of an explanation. "We'll talk…" Bakura offered quickly, a tremble in his voice. Ryou nodded hastily and turned for the door. Bakura leaned back against the wall, staring at the ceiling, trying to get his emotions in check.
"We have a show tomorrow…" Ryou said, almost as an after though as he put his hand on the doorknob and glanced back. "Will you come?"
Bakura nodded slowly, "Yes, I'll be there."
Ryou could feel him heart still pounding as he nodded acknowledgement then stole out of the house. Bakura laid his head back on his painted wall and closed his eyes, listening to his racing heart beat.
*Why do we need to turn it on?
why does it always seem so wrong?*
******************************************************************************
Bakura: *Passes out, drooling, a silly smile on his face*
LYB: O_o… um… *nudges him with her shoe* Um… Bakura?
Bakura: can't… talk… dreaming… mmm…..
LYB: Ummm… yeah…
If anyone want to check out a drawing I did of Bakura and Ryou in this chapter (It's Bakura with Ryou against the wall… yummy…) the address is: http://ladyyamibakura.tripod.com/ it's worth seeing and yes I drew it and no I didn't trace. I hate people asking me if I traced. You can leave a comment about it in your reviews if you like, I'd love to hear what you think of it. Thanks!
Cyris: Please R&R everyone, the next chapter will prove to be… hmm… mwhahaha!!!