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"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad."
-Aldous Huxley
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Chapter Twenty-Eight: Conflictions
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Jean glanced up from her history book, shaking her head as the two late-risers entered the kitchen. Nat's hair was tangled and hastily brushed, hanging in two thick, slightly lopsided braids, and she was barefoot. She had taken the time to put on some clothes, which happened to be jeans and a T-shirt, and looked considerably more prepared for the day than Kurt did, in his rumpled sweater and pajama bottoms. He was laughing loudly, trying to grab her around the waist from behind, but she easily dodged his advances and squirmed out of his grasp.
It was wonderful to see them acting so companionable, back to their usual antics after the oddly fateful camping trip. Jean wasn't sure exactly what had happened. In fact, no one was sure with the possible exception of Logan, and in all the time that Jean had known him, he'd never been one to tell secrets. Despite her desperate attempts to pretend that there was nothing bothering her, Nat was as transparent as glass to the resident mind-readers. Neither Jean nor the professor tried to get her to tell them why she was behaving and feeling so oddly about her little white-haired nemesis. Even so, it wouldn't have taken someone as mentally tuned-in as a telepath to pick up on Nat's strange avoidance, and guilt, of their inauspicious visitor that day on the side of the road. Jean, who had been careful not to push too far into Nat's personal difficulties, was able to pretend that nothing odd had happened as life gradually returned to normal at the Xavier mansion. It seemed to be a common tactic among the others as well.
Kurt looked sheepish and Nat almost frantic, her cheeks coloring as she dashed to get ready. She smiled at Jean, but didn't go about the standard morning ritual of getting breakfast; instead, she dropped her backpack on a chair and started stuffing her previously discarded textbooks into it as quickly as possible, ignoring the tearing sound of something that may or may not have been important.
"What time is it?" she asked, grinning and flushed.
"Almost noon. I've got to leave for classes in just a few minutes." Jean started gathering her own books, folding her papers and slipping them into a folder. "Speaking of classes, weren't you two supposed to have left for school about four hours ago?" Jean smirked, amused by the frenzied expression on Nat's face.
Nat's wide green eyes rolled in exasperation, but Jean's humorous tone of voice seemed to calm her. She flopped into a seat and sighed loudly, smiling and leaning her elbows on the table. She looked annoyed, but her eyes were bright, and Jean once again marveled at just what might be going on between these two. "Yeah, but somebody decided not to wake me up on time this morning."
Kurt laughed. "Vell, surely you can see the humor—"
"Oh, of course. It's always sooo funny when I miss a physics test because my boyfriend wanted to watch me sleep."
"I'm sure that the professor vill say you vere sick or something, since it vasn't your fault. Don't vorry about it, Liebchen!" He flashed a toothy grin, poking at her midsection to tickle her. She laughed and wriggled in her seat.
Jean, being virtually ignored in the midst of their good-natured arguing, chuckled and slung her bag over her shoulder, hastily dusting off her slender lap as she stood. She gave them a sideways wave as she left the kitchen, but neither of them noticed, and by the time she made it to the foyer they'd fallen almost silent, whispering and laughing between themselves. She stifled the urge to run back to the kitchen door and press her ear against the wood to listen in.
When she pulled open the front door and barged onto the porch, Kitty came clattering forward at the same moment. They collided with a terrible crack. Jean's bag flew open, scattering papers and spiral notebooks across the foyer, and she let out a squeak of surprise as she stumbled to regain her footing. The younger girl, as stunned as Jean was, grabbed her unintentional victim by the elbows to slow herself down, both girls shrieking in frightened surprise as they wheeled around and almost tumbled to the carpet. Kitty, in her panic, nearly phased through the floor, and a vase on a nearby table exploded in an errant strand of teke. Coming up the steps not far behind and looking resolute but unhurried, Rogue rolled her eyes.
Jean sighed and grasped Kitty's shoulder to lightly push her away, ignoring her hard breathing and anxious appearance to drop onto her knees and retrieve the strewn belongings. "What's wrong with you?" she asked from the floor, a stack of papers under her arm.
"Jean, we, like, totally have to talk to you, like, right now! I mean you aren't going to believe—"
"Would you relax?" Rogue demanded, folding her arms over her chest and leaning her back against the doorjamb. "Nobody can understand ya when you're talkin' all fast an' goofy like that."
Kitty glared at her, but went on unheeded as Jean rose to her feet. "No, like, seriously! This is im-por-tant." She struck her small white fist against the opposite palm with each syllable, trying hard to make her point. Her eyes were large and moist, glistening a misty-colored blue. Something in Kitty's tone promised that this really was significant, and Jean took her friend by the elbow to lead her toward the kitchen, Rogue trailing behind as if she were bored.
"We were at school, and we were getting ready to, like, go out for lunch or something. We were gonna go to that little bistro that just opened on Faulkner. You know, the little café-style place with the umbrellas and the hottie waiter? He's, like, so completely into me—"
"Kitty…"
"Anyway, we were almost to the car, and then that Quicksilver guy—" The kitchen door swung open as the three girls entered the room, revealing Kurt and Nat sitting side-by-side at the table. Kitty broke off, swallowing her words and looking as if she were about to choke on them.
Nat smiled up at them, but her face blanched when she heard mention of Pietro, and Jean immediately regretted bringing them into the kitchen for this particular conversation. Rogue looked uncomfortable, and Kitty was utterly horror-stricken at being caught gossiping. Nat stared, white-cheeked. She bit her tongue.
"Wh-what happened with Pie…I mean, Quicksilver?" Kurt glanced at her, slightly irritated but not sure why, and Jean briefly thought she'd seen something flash bitingly between them. There was more going on with Pietro than she'd thought, then…
Kitty blinked hard, embarrassed and edgy. This wasn't how she'd planned on telling Jean. "N-nothing. He, um, was just…bothering us again." She pretended to cough, patting her lips lightly with her fingertips. "We…just wanted to talk to Jean about something." Another counterfeit cough. "It's, like, not all that important, really. Nothing that can't…wait."
There was a long awkward silence in which even Kurt didn't try to make a sound. Nat swallowed hard and rose slowly to her feet, sincerely doubting that it really could wait. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and Jean was watching her, concerned. Kurt stared at her through the corner of his slightly narrowed eyes, his hand mere inches away, perfectly still. "I…should finish getting ready." She cleared he throat, and Kitty glanced down at her feet, kicking at the table leg to distract herself. "I'll see you all in a few minutes, I guess."
She walked at a snail's pace out of the kitchen and up the staircase, clutching the banister and barely able to lift her feet high enough to take the steps. Kurt's eyes lingered on her back for a moment before the door swung shut behind her, but neither Kitty nor Rogue even peeked at her. At some point, she heard the noise of a chair being pushed back and the door opening and closing as Kurt left the kitchen. He came up behind her, resting his hand gently on her hipbone and propping his chin on her shoulder. He was shyly silent for a few seconds.
"Vat vas that all about?"
Nat swallowed and tried to blink back the tears that were congregating in her eyes. "You could have stayed and listened to what Kitty and Rogue have to say."
He shrugged, smiling in an attempt to soothe her, and brushed a curl away from her cheek. "It's not too important, Katchen said." He laughed, a happy sound that seemed odd to Nat's ear. "Besides, I don't think it's something that they vant me to hear. They came for Jean, I'm sure."
Her eye twitched and he felt her go tense, but she said nothing as they paused at the top of the stairs.
"Was, Nat?" It was a question and a sigh, an exhaling of emotion that he'd been holding in. Nat shivered and pulled away from him, twisting her tingling hands in front of her.
"I need to finish getting ready for school."
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Jean pinched the bridge of her nose, holding her eyes shut. "I don't know, Kitty. This seems so…wrong."
"That's what Ah said." Rogue interjected, giving a brusque nod.
The younger girl's eyes went wide. "I'm not suggesting that we, like, abandon her. I just think we've got a right to know if she's…you know…dangerous to us. If she really did hurt people…"
Jean sighed. "Look, I can't imagine that Professor Xavier is completely oblivious about Nat's past. He probably knows a lot more about her than we do—"
Kitty groaned, dropping her chin onto her palm. She sat straddling the back of a kitchen chair, speaking softly. "Look, I never wanted to, like, turn anybody against Nat or anything. I still consider her a friend, I really do. But we can't just…I don't know, act like we didn't hear any of this."
"An' why not?" asked Rogue, frowning, with her hands on her hips. "Everyone here is potentially dangerous, somehow. Otherwise, we wouldn't need tah be here."
"But Quicksilver said she might be dangerous! I mean, if she could hurt someone that she'd been living with and going to school with for, like, years, then who's to say that she might not…get upset at us in the same way?"
Rogue was practically fuming. "Ah don't believe that, Kitty. Any one of us could turn on the team at any second, mahself included. There ain't a single person in this house that never doubted mah loyalty. But did ya try to delve too deep into mah past when Ah joined the team?"
"That's different."
"How?"
Kitty slapped the tabletop. "This isn't the same thing! Nat lied to us!"
"She ain't said anything either way, an' ya know it!"
Jean shook her head, trying to ease the tension headache building in her temples. "Knock it off, both of you!"
There was a long moment when none of the girls dared to speak. Kitty broke the silence with a mournful little whisper. "Maybe we should, like, talk to Scott."
Jean's green eyes popped open. "No! That's the last thing we need right now! We can't start plotting and planning behind Nat's back as if she were an enemy. Scott doesn't need to hear any of these unproven rumors, and I don't want to find out that you've told anyone else, either." She wagged a finger in Kitty's face, which wore an aggravated scowl. "Especially Kurt."
"Of course not! He wouldn't listen, anyway." Kitty chewed on her bottom lip, staring at her and looking thoughtful. "Hey. Okay, so we don't have any proof that Nat ever really lied to us. But could you…maybe…check up on that?"
Red hair falling into her eyes, Jean glared across the table at the younger girl, who was looking anxious. "Are you actually asking me to go into her head?"
"You say it like I want you to steal her diary and read it in public or something!"
"No, you want me to do something a million times worse!" Jean shot to her feet, spine rigid. Her eyes played with daggers in the air between them. Rogue stared at the tabletop, but she was frowning in thought.
"Ah don't know…maybe we oughtta make sure that she isn't lyin' to us straight out …then we can drop all this forever."
Jean's anger was a palpable thing. She stared at Kitty, who was fidgeting nervously in her seat, not one who often saw Jean angry. "I won't play any part in this." She shot a glare at Rogue. "And I hope you'll make the same decision."
She stormed out of the kitchen, the china cabinet beside the door rumbling and jerking on its hinges as she passed.
Kitty sniffed. "That went delightfully well."
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Jean sat in the front seat of her car, shaking with fury and fear. She didn't dare to take the keys or start the engine, not until she calmed down a bit. Her eyes were watery, her jaw tense.
How could she have missed it? There was a secret in Nat's past, that had always been clear…and she did have that connection to Pietro, whatever that was about. But did that mean that she was a threat to the team, to the others? Despite her feelings for Kurt, and his for her, Nat had never shown herself to be particularly dedicated to the X-Men, or even to what they stood for. Of course, she had just joined, and there hadn't been many opportunities for her to do so.
The night of the attack against Kurt, Nat's heart had blossomed with a hatred that Jean recognized all too well. They all felt that way sometimes, but with Nat…it had seemed stronger there, more…at home. Nat had the tendency to focus her anger on the world, a common affliction of those that the world had injured. There was just so much that Jean didn't know about the girl's past. Was it possible that she was in jeopardy of turning on the team to join the Brotherhood? Worse? Her attraction to Pietro was more than just physical, that was doubtless. Was it the ideas that he represented? If it was, Nat could never fully devote herself to the ideals that Xavier had set for his students.
That particular issue wasn't much of a threat, at the moment. Nat was far from joining them in the field. It was simply the idea that one of her friends might not be all that she seemed—or that she might be much more—that Jean shunned and dreaded. It put her on edge, and made her feel cold.
Nat had lied more than once, this Jean knew for sure. It's hard for a telepath to miss a nervous liar, but Nat was a much better one than most people were. Even so, every now and then Jean could feel that flicker of deception in her mental tone, a little burble that went higher or lower in tune than the rest and wouldn't let the thread of continuity pierce it. Nat wasn't totally honest, and had never been. Not with them, at least. It was possible that her personality was one that enjoyed lies, or that her past required them.
Either way, Jean was positive, even Xavier might not know the entire truth.