Title: Gollum Mania! 4/?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Gollum has become the heartthrob of Middle Earth. Women desire him. Men want to be him. He's on the cover of every magazine. Visit this insane world, if you dare. AU, of course.
Warnings: Gollum + sexy = STILL scary, little bit of sexual content (nothing graphic)
Archive: Just ask
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. The magazine names are made up, and if any happen to be real I don't own them, either.
A/N: To my loyal reviewers:
Mirkwoodarcher, Lassemista, Eirtae, Diamond Took, FrodoFever, LMG, Eve of Mirkwood, A. Fleury, veedubbleyou, and Katherine: Thank you for the great reviews!
addicted - Thanks for saying you like my writing style, it's appreciated.
Sammy Took - I hadn't considered using Eowyn in the story. I'm not certain I could write a part for her in a way that wouldn't just look like another version of Arwen's part. I'm thinking on it.
~~The Misty Mountains~~
Arwen let out a primal scream of triumph as she knocked her grandmother into the stagnant water with a loud splash. She knelt by the edge of the pond, watching with feral eyes as she waited for the older Elf to resurface.
Galadriel surfaced, coughing and splashing. Arwen crawled backwards quickly on all fours as the Elf witch rose from the water. Both women were covered in scratches and bite marks, and their clothes were torn to ribbons.
"This isn't over!" Galadriel hissed, getting down on all fours.
Arwen bared her teeth and hissed back. "Yes it is! I have bested you, and therefore won the right to make Gollum mine. Leave NOW."
Galadriel growled low in her throat and seemed to think for a moment. "Well, I suppose that Gollum WOULD want the strongest female for his mate, and since you beat me - I suppose it is you," She admitted. She sighed and rose to her feet. "I will go back to Lorien, back to that wretchedly boring man I am married to." She sighed.
"And Haldir's brothers," Arwen pointed out, smirking.
Galadriel tried to rearrange the remains of her dress. "Yes, well, when you think of it that way I suppose going back is not a total loss," She murmured with a small smile. She stepped towards Arwen to say farewell, but Arwen leapt forward, still on all fours, and hissed at her. The older Elf backed away and put her hands up. "All right. I will be going now." She hastily made her exit.
Arwen smiled to herself and crawled back over to the rock she had been sitting on earlier. She crouched down and resumed talking to herself. "We beat her, yes we did. Nasty Elf slut wanted to take our Gollum away from us. But we made her go away. No one can take him from us. He's ours. Our own. Our - Precious."
Arwen rocked back and forth on the rock in the dank, dark cave as she continued to talk to herself.
~~The Shire~~
Sam sighed in irritation and looked out the window for what had to be the thousandth time. Rosie still hadn't come back from the field, where he had left her and Pippin to discuss their mutual admiration for Gollum. Sam was starting to have paranoid fantasies of what might exactly be going on out there.
@@Begin Paranoid Fantasy@@
Sam walked through the field of flowers and tall grass, searching for his wife. He had waited as long as he could stand for her to return and needed to make sure she was all right.
As he got closer to where they had run into Pippin earlier, he heard odd noises in the air. He stopped and cocked his head as he listened carefully. He heard the noises again - rustling sounds, accompanied by soft moans. Sam's eyes went wide and he started running towards the sounds. He came face to face with a terrible sight.
"Oh, darling," Rosie said to Sam as she grabbed her dress to cover her naked body. "I didn't think we'd been out here so long." She was pretending to be embarrassed but the smile on her lips told Sam she was feeling no such thing.
Pippin, equally naked, didn't even bother pretending to be embarrassed. "Sam, would you mind coming back in -" he looked at Rosie. "What do you think, an hour or so?"
"Only ONE hour?" Rosie giggled as she batted her eyelashes.
For a few moments Sam was unable to speak. His mouthed open and closed several times as he gaped at his wife and Frodo's cousin.
"He looks like a fish when he does that," Pippin giggled.
Rosie giggled too. "Fish - oooh, Gollum so loves fish." Her eyes met with Pippin's and desire blazed anew. The dress covering Rosie was thrown aside and the two started going at it again, not caring that Sam was still standing there watching.
Sam finally managed to speak. "But - " He didn't bother to say any more, as anything he would have said would have been drowned out by the cries of pleasure of the two in front of him. He sighed and walked wearily back towards the house.
@@End Paranoid Fantasy@@
Sam clenched his fists. "He's not getting away with it! I'm going out there and getting my wife!" He headed for the door but stopped as an idea hit him. "No - I need to do something else first." He smiled grimly and went to find Merry.
~~Isengard~~
"Do you require anything else of me this evening, Master?" Grima asked Saruman. He wanted to get away from the crazy wizard and change his clothes. His robes were covered in pieces of chewed-up fish Saruman had spewed on him while he'd been eating and talking at the same time. The stench was getting to him.
"Actually, yes," Saruman said as he rose from his hourly visit to his Gollum shrine. "I've got some very exciting news."
Grima suddenly felt afraid - very afraid. "Oh?"
Saruman practically danced over to Grima, waving an envelope in the air. "I've been approved to start the Isengard chapter of the Gollum Fan Club! Isn't that exciting! I'm going to be President! We'll hold weekly meetings and talk about how much we love Gollum, quiz each other on our Gollum knowledge, and discuss the best fabrics for making loincloths!"
Grima swallowed hard and said in what he hoped was a sincere tone, "I'm very happy for you, Master."
Saruman put a hand on Grima's shoulder. "You haven't heard the best part! As my loyal servant, YOU are going to be my Vice President!" He looked the other man over with a critical eye. "Of course, you'll need to be fitted for a loincloth - "
"Uhh, Master, I am greatly humbled by this honor you wish to bestow upon me, but I do not feel worthy. You should give this position to someone who as much of a fan of Gollum as you are," Grima stammered.
"Nonsense! You just need a little work and you will worship Gollum just as I do!" Saruman narrowed his eyes and intoned menacingly, "You will learn the ways of the Slimy One. Your training begins tomorrow."
"Yes, Master." Grima watched Saruman prance away, loincloth flapping. He wondered if it was too late to return to Rohan. Even a death sentence was better than this.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Gollum has become the heartthrob of Middle Earth. Women desire him. Men want to be him. He's on the cover of every magazine. Visit this insane world, if you dare. AU, of course.
Warnings: Gollum + sexy = STILL scary, little bit of sexual content (nothing graphic)
Archive: Just ask
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. The magazine names are made up, and if any happen to be real I don't own them, either.
A/N: To my loyal reviewers:
Mirkwoodarcher, Lassemista, Eirtae, Diamond Took, FrodoFever, LMG, Eve of Mirkwood, A. Fleury, veedubbleyou, and Katherine: Thank you for the great reviews!
addicted - Thanks for saying you like my writing style, it's appreciated.
Sammy Took - I hadn't considered using Eowyn in the story. I'm not certain I could write a part for her in a way that wouldn't just look like another version of Arwen's part. I'm thinking on it.
~~The Misty Mountains~~
Arwen let out a primal scream of triumph as she knocked her grandmother into the stagnant water with a loud splash. She knelt by the edge of the pond, watching with feral eyes as she waited for the older Elf to resurface.
Galadriel surfaced, coughing and splashing. Arwen crawled backwards quickly on all fours as the Elf witch rose from the water. Both women were covered in scratches and bite marks, and their clothes were torn to ribbons.
"This isn't over!" Galadriel hissed, getting down on all fours.
Arwen bared her teeth and hissed back. "Yes it is! I have bested you, and therefore won the right to make Gollum mine. Leave NOW."
Galadriel growled low in her throat and seemed to think for a moment. "Well, I suppose that Gollum WOULD want the strongest female for his mate, and since you beat me - I suppose it is you," She admitted. She sighed and rose to her feet. "I will go back to Lorien, back to that wretchedly boring man I am married to." She sighed.
"And Haldir's brothers," Arwen pointed out, smirking.
Galadriel tried to rearrange the remains of her dress. "Yes, well, when you think of it that way I suppose going back is not a total loss," She murmured with a small smile. She stepped towards Arwen to say farewell, but Arwen leapt forward, still on all fours, and hissed at her. The older Elf backed away and put her hands up. "All right. I will be going now." She hastily made her exit.
Arwen smiled to herself and crawled back over to the rock she had been sitting on earlier. She crouched down and resumed talking to herself. "We beat her, yes we did. Nasty Elf slut wanted to take our Gollum away from us. But we made her go away. No one can take him from us. He's ours. Our own. Our - Precious."
Arwen rocked back and forth on the rock in the dank, dark cave as she continued to talk to herself.
~~The Shire~~
Sam sighed in irritation and looked out the window for what had to be the thousandth time. Rosie still hadn't come back from the field, where he had left her and Pippin to discuss their mutual admiration for Gollum. Sam was starting to have paranoid fantasies of what might exactly be going on out there.
@@Begin Paranoid Fantasy@@
Sam walked through the field of flowers and tall grass, searching for his wife. He had waited as long as he could stand for her to return and needed to make sure she was all right.
As he got closer to where they had run into Pippin earlier, he heard odd noises in the air. He stopped and cocked his head as he listened carefully. He heard the noises again - rustling sounds, accompanied by soft moans. Sam's eyes went wide and he started running towards the sounds. He came face to face with a terrible sight.
"Oh, darling," Rosie said to Sam as she grabbed her dress to cover her naked body. "I didn't think we'd been out here so long." She was pretending to be embarrassed but the smile on her lips told Sam she was feeling no such thing.
Pippin, equally naked, didn't even bother pretending to be embarrassed. "Sam, would you mind coming back in -" he looked at Rosie. "What do you think, an hour or so?"
"Only ONE hour?" Rosie giggled as she batted her eyelashes.
For a few moments Sam was unable to speak. His mouthed open and closed several times as he gaped at his wife and Frodo's cousin.
"He looks like a fish when he does that," Pippin giggled.
Rosie giggled too. "Fish - oooh, Gollum so loves fish." Her eyes met with Pippin's and desire blazed anew. The dress covering Rosie was thrown aside and the two started going at it again, not caring that Sam was still standing there watching.
Sam finally managed to speak. "But - " He didn't bother to say any more, as anything he would have said would have been drowned out by the cries of pleasure of the two in front of him. He sighed and walked wearily back towards the house.
@@End Paranoid Fantasy@@
Sam clenched his fists. "He's not getting away with it! I'm going out there and getting my wife!" He headed for the door but stopped as an idea hit him. "No - I need to do something else first." He smiled grimly and went to find Merry.
~~Isengard~~
"Do you require anything else of me this evening, Master?" Grima asked Saruman. He wanted to get away from the crazy wizard and change his clothes. His robes were covered in pieces of chewed-up fish Saruman had spewed on him while he'd been eating and talking at the same time. The stench was getting to him.
"Actually, yes," Saruman said as he rose from his hourly visit to his Gollum shrine. "I've got some very exciting news."
Grima suddenly felt afraid - very afraid. "Oh?"
Saruman practically danced over to Grima, waving an envelope in the air. "I've been approved to start the Isengard chapter of the Gollum Fan Club! Isn't that exciting! I'm going to be President! We'll hold weekly meetings and talk about how much we love Gollum, quiz each other on our Gollum knowledge, and discuss the best fabrics for making loincloths!"
Grima swallowed hard and said in what he hoped was a sincere tone, "I'm very happy for you, Master."
Saruman put a hand on Grima's shoulder. "You haven't heard the best part! As my loyal servant, YOU are going to be my Vice President!" He looked the other man over with a critical eye. "Of course, you'll need to be fitted for a loincloth - "
"Uhh, Master, I am greatly humbled by this honor you wish to bestow upon me, but I do not feel worthy. You should give this position to someone who as much of a fan of Gollum as you are," Grima stammered.
"Nonsense! You just need a little work and you will worship Gollum just as I do!" Saruman narrowed his eyes and intoned menacingly, "You will learn the ways of the Slimy One. Your training begins tomorrow."
"Yes, Master." Grima watched Saruman prance away, loincloth flapping. He wondered if it was too late to return to Rohan. Even a death sentence was better than this.