Disclaimer- I hate it. I HATE it. I...HATE...IT! But I don't own them.
boo hoo hoo hoo :-(
Oh well. ON WITH THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^___^



My Feelings?


Now you tell me Bodie, how would you feel?
I don't know.

But I did. When Cowley first told me I was being given a partner, I told him I worked alone. Then Doyle walked in and I saw a glint of mischief in his eye that was to obvious to be anything other than natural and I changed my mind immediately. Doyle looked like interesting company. The next few days were spent more on getting to know each other than on missions. If I remember correctly, we spent a lot of time going through the assault courses at the training ground. We used the excuse that we each had to get to know how the other moved, but in truth, we both enjoy them.

After the first few weeks of being partners with Doyle, I began to think that maybe having him watching my back wasn't such a bad idea. He knew when to joke and when to be quiet, when to listen and when to interrupt. That made him a good friend. His aim and quick mind made a him a perfect partner. It wasn't until the bomb in the bowling alley episode that I started thinking of work without him. I didn't like to admit it, but the sight of him bent over that bomb scared me. When it was disarmed, I allowed my self to think about what would have happened if it had gone off. That was when I realised that Doyle was more than a partner to me. He was a friend.

I don't know how that happened. My entire life, for as long as I can remember and probably before, I have been working to keep people at arms length. But Doyle changed all that. I supposed it could be a side effect of having people waving guns at us almost every day, and knowing that one slip could mean the death of the person next to you. But I've been in that situation before. No. I have to admit it, Doyle is a good friend.

And the idea of someone killing him took my breath away. He lived through it, got on with his life, but I don't think I could do that. I've never let anyone get as close to me as Ray. I could never have another partner. I'd probably drop CI5 altogether. Knowing me, I probably wouldn't go to hs funeral. I'd go to his grave some point after everyone else had left and say my good-bye. I know he'd understand me not being at the service. That wouldn't come up whilst I was talking to him, I probably wouldn't even say all that much. Just good-bye, maybe a little more, but not much.

Then I d take a few days off, maybe go away somewhere, but that's not likely. Then my time off would be over and I'd still not go back to work. Some of the others my come see me, try to talk, but I wouldn't be much company and they'd leave eventually. Eventually I'd tell Cowley that I wanted to leave. He may accept that, he may not, it wouldn't make any difference. If he wouldn't let me go I'd just up and leave anyway. I've still got a bolt hole or two he doesn't know about. Ray knows them all of course, but Cowley only knows the two.
After a few days there, Id get in touch with one of my old friends and get out of Britain all together.

All because someone died! God, I can't believe it. If someone who knew me in Angola knew how far apart I'd fall if Ray was killed they'd crack a rib laughing. I find it hard to believe myself, but it's true. I knew even before he threw that question at me, but I've never admitted it before, not even to myself. But when Ray growled that question at me, even though I know he didn't mean for me to take it to heart and answer it, I started thinking about it, and immediately knew the answer.


Well, as always, we've reached the part where I get down on my hands and knees and beg for reviews. Incase you hadn't noticed, I'm not getting many for these stories, so pleeeeeeeeeeeease tell me what you think. I have no idea if what I'm writing is any good and wont know unless you tell me. So tell me. ^___^