Title: Cry Me a River
Author: Amanda, nihongogirl2003.whichever
Rating: This chapter is probably more a PG than PG-13, but to be safe.
Characters: Jack and Irina, little bit of S/V later on
Disclaimers: They aren't mine, I just want to play with them for a while. A/N: This is my first ever Alias fic and people liked it so much it became a series. I hope you enjoy. This came to me while listening to Justin Timberlake; I don't really know why, but once I got the idea, it wouldn't leave me alone. All the parts in this series will have songs in the beginning. First is Cry Me a River, by Justin Timberlake, then Criminal and Shadowboxer, both by Fiona Apple. Last is Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps, sung by Doris Day. Please read and review.
You told me you loved me Why did you leave me, all alone? Now you tell me you need me When you call me on the phone Girl I refuse, you must have me confused With some other guy Bridges were burned Now its your turn to cry Cry me a river
Irina Derevko stood on the roof of her prison, guards surrounding her on every side. It was so nice to be able to go outside and get fresh air. She would have to thank her daughter again.
She heard something behind her and turned to face her husband. "Jack," she said with a slight smile. It had taken time, but he was finally starting to trust that she wasn't there to hurt him or Sydney again.
"Irina." He said her name with no emotion, no sign of what he was about to do. "I have, unfortunately for me, been forced to speak with Dr. Barnett since you've been back. She informed me that I would make no "progress," as she called it, without talking to you about what happened first. As you well know, I hate rehashing things that have happened in the past. But, in order to get away from Barnett, I have no choice but to do this now."
"Okay." She was a little bit scared of where this conversation would take them. She knew she had always loved Jack and their little girl, that it killed her when she was forced to leave then, but he didn't. And he would probably never believe her, no matter how hard she tried to make him.
"So," he began. "As Laura Bristow, you loved me and our daughter."
"Yes." She didn't have the nerve to tell him that it wasn't only Laura who loved him; it was Irina Derevko as well.
"But in reality, you were sent here by the KGB to trick me into loving you so you could gain information on the CIA." His voice was cold, with no emotion at all.
"Yes." She had been dreading this conversation since well before she turned herself in. She was mildly surprised that it had taken him this long to find the courage to bring it up. "It started out that way. I was to marry you so I had access to information that would be very useful to the KGB. Somewhere, though, things began to change."
"What do you mean, change?"
"I started to become Laura. I wanted to be a good wife, with no secrets to hide. I wanted you to know the truth. I didn't want to hurt you or Sydney. Being a spy became the last thing I wanted to do."
"And yet you continued to do it," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "What was stopping you?"
"In a way, my family. The KGB knew something was changing. I started to report to them less and less. I refused to go searching for things that you wouldn't willingly tell me. Once they realized they were losing their hold on me, they decided to tighten their grip harder than before. They threatened you and Sydney. Told me I'd never see either of you again if I didn't comply with their wishes. I couldn't.I wouldn't let them hurt you. I had no other choice but to do what they wanted of me."
"I seem to remember a time when you asked less about work and more about me and Sydney."
"Yes. That was me being stupid, trying to get away from the life that I once knew. I was trying to get rid of Irina Derevko and become the Laura Bristow that you loved." She was on the verge of tears, but she refused to let then fall in front of Jack.
"So you began to spy again. What I don't understand, Irina, is why you wanted to become the Laura I loved. So, please, do tell." His voice was back to the cold, calculating tone that it had been before.
"Because, Jack, you idiot..I had fallen in love with you. It was me, terrible Irina Derevko, that was in love with you. There was no loving Laura Bristow during our marriage. It was me. I had done what I never thought was possible. I had fallen in love. I had a loving husband and a beautiful little girl. I never wanted to leave you, but the KGB gave me no choice." She turned and started to walk away, tears beginning to fall.
Jack followed her and gently grabbed her arm. "Look at me," he said. His voice was a little shaky. He had to pause to steady it. "If you had really loved me, you would have done whatever you could to stay with me and our daughter."
She looked at him, a little surprised. It was the first time he had ever referred to Sydney as their daughter. "Don't you understand? There was nothing I could do. I tried everything. Anything I could have done would have resulted in you and Sydney being killed. I couldn't handle that.not after it took me so long to realize that the two of you were all I had ever wanted from life. I had to leave." She removed her arm from his grasp and began to walk away again. She couldn't handle this conversation anymore. She was close to a breaking point, and she was pretty sure she didn't want to reach it on the roof of a building surrounded by armed guards and her husband.
"If you still hate me so much Jack, why haven't you pushed for an annulment? We are still married." She decided she had to change the topic.
"I don't really know why." He noticed the topic change and just let it go. He was sure he didn't want to continue the other conversation either. "Maybe it's because I don't hate you as much as I let on."
Irina turned and stared at him. "What did you say?"
"You heard me."
"No, I didn't."
"I said, maybe I don't hate you as much as I let on." He was not enjoying this conversation at all any more.
"What do you mean by that?" She wiped the tears off her cheek and stepped closer to him, waiting for him to answer her.
"I. I don't have time for this conversation. I have to be at SD-6 for a meeting." With that, he walked away leaving Irina alone on the roof. Well, alone plus a couple agents.
She had no idea what had just happened. Jack was just about to open up to her and then.he was gone. He had just left. Her tears began to come faster and more abundantly. She turned to the guard closest to her. "I'm ready to go back to my cell now."
She was led back to her cell where she laid on her bed and cried herself to sleep.
It was a few days later. Sydney had gone an SD-6 mission and it was a success, for the CIA at least. The CIA had gotten the intel that Sloane had wanted and it was a great benefit to them. She was very proud of her only daughter.
Irina had been visited by Sydney and even Agent Vaughn, but not the person she really wanted to see. She had been waiting for him to come so they could finish their conversation. Four days and he still hadn't come. She guessed that he wouldn't come to see her unless he had official business so he wouldn't have to have that conversation with her.
She was sitting on the floor, eyes closed when she heard the buzzer on the gate. She stayed sitting and kept her eyes closed, waiting for the person to talk.
"Irina."
He had finally come. Unfortunately for her, he probably wouldn't stay long. She opened her eyes and stood. He had grabbed the chair and was sitting in front of the glass, waiting for her to acknowledge him.
"What do you want, Jack? I'm really not in the mood for you to start a conversation and then leave right in the middle of it when we should be hashing certain things out." She stood across from him, arms crossed, ready to fight if necessary.
"I am here because I was told by Dr. Barnett that I had to be. She is on her way down and we are going to have a 'counseling session' as she called it. I can assure you that I am in no way here for my own reasons." He stared at her standing above him, no real expression on his face. "I told her about our last conversation and she and Kendall insisted that she be present the next time we talked. I told her there would be no next time and she informed me that there would be as many 'next times' as needed to resolve this."
"This being what? What exactly is going on here, Jack? I told you that I no longer wanted to be a spy, that I wanted to stay with you and our daughter." Jack flinched at the words 'our daughter' but said nothing. Irina continued, "I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours, but I know I don't need a shrink."
Jack scoffed. Irina was about to continue but the gate buzzed again and Dr. Barnett walked in. She walked up to where Jack was sitting and looked down at him, smiling. She turned to the glass, the smile fading as she locked eyes with Irina.
"Ms. Derevko."
"Dr. Barnett." Her voice was dripping with disdain. She was already not looking forward to having this conversation, let alone with her there to hear every word that was being said.
Barnett pulled another chair up and set it next to Jack's. "We are here to try and find some way for you two to work together. It will be beneficial to all involved if you can actually stand to be in a room together."
Jack and Irina looked at each other, neither one amused. "I'm sorry Dr. Barnett, but I'm not quite sure how my relationship with this woman has anything to do with the CIA," Jack stated.
"Agent Bristow, I must disagree. You went to extreme measures to make it look like this woman had set up her own daughter, to make it look like she wanted to kill her daughter. As a result, Ms. Derevko here was sentenced to death. I'm sure you can see why the CIA would think it necessary to keep her alive. She can be very helpful to us."
"Umm.excuse me.could you stop talking about me like I'm not two feet away from you, please?" Irina asked. She was already annoyed by this woman and she had barely spent 5 minutes with her. How could Jack stand to talk to this woman every week, she wondered.
"I'm sorry," Barnett replied, turning towards the glass. "I am here to try and forge a working relationship between the two of you. You don't have to become best friends, but Devlin, Kendall and the rest of the CIA would greatly appreciate it if you could at least talk civilly to each other. This is in case you, Ms. Derevko, are required for another CIA mission to help bring down SD-6."
"There is no way in hell she is ever leaving this cell again, Dr. Barnett." He had nearly yelled, but was able to contain himself, somewhat.
"That is not up to me, Agent Bristow. Now, we won't actually get into anything today. That will have to wait until tomorrow. I just wanted you both to be aware of what was going to happen. If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment." She put her chair back and walked to the gate, thinking about how tomorrow would be a very interesting day.
After Barnett left, Irina went back to sitting on the floor with her eyes closed. She was expecting Jack to leave any minute, but for some reason she had yet to hear the gate buzz for a second time. "I'm sorry we weren't able to finish our earlier conversation. The one we started on the roof. I really would have liked to finish what we started." After she realized what she had said, she didn't know whether she was referring to the conversation or their marriage. It easily could have been either. She stood up and walked toward the glass, stopping before she reached it, not wanting to be too close to him for some reason.
"Yes. I had a meeting with Sloane that couldn't be missed." He was still calm and collected. "Look, I know that neither one of us wants Barnett down here asking questions. So, why don't we just make this easier on both of us and agree to some sort of truce?"
"A truce? I never thought I would see Jack Bristow of all people declare he wants a truce. Are you sick?"
"Very funny. I think we should agree, for Sydney's or whoever's sake, to work together and not bait each other all the time. It would calm Kendall down and get Barnett off our backs. What do you say?"
"Now I know there is something wrong with you. The Jack I knew would never want to compromise, especially with someone that he sees as extremely dangerous." He started to protest, but she cut him off. "And I know that is what you see me as, so there is no point in trying to deny it. So tell me, what exactly are you so desperately trying to hide?"
Jack stared at her. She had seen right through him.Laura had always been able to do that. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh come on, Jack. You are hiding something. You came up to that roof the other day for a reason, one that wasn't just to please Dr. Barnett." She said the name with some disgust in her voice. "We were starting to get there but then you abruptly left. I hit a nerve when I told you I wanted to be Laura, that I no longer wanted be a spy, so you left. You didn't want to get in over your head. I can understand that, but sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with it. And from your actions so far, I can tell you'd like it to be sooner and without the interruption of some CIA shrink." She sat down, waiting for him to respond.
"You're right. I left because I didn't want to hear what you had to say anymore. I couldn't listen to you lie to me over and over again. I couldn't bear it anymore. I have been lied to by you too many times." His voice was steadily growing with every word he said.
She was hurt by his words. Every word of what she had said was true. She did want to become the woman he loved. She still did, even after all these years. "I know you don't trust me Jack, but everything I said up on the roof is true. So what are you really hiding? I know you Jack. I can read you like an open book. I."
He stood, a little too forcefully, and the chair was knocked over. "You don't know me!" he yelled. "I am not the same man I was before and that is because of you. This person you see before you right now is only the remnants of what Jack Bristow used to be! I broke when you left me. I had to spend six months in solitary, away from my daughter whose mother had just 'died.' Six months I was away from her. She thought her father had left her too and that is because of you." He had somewhat calmed down, but he was not quite completely rational yet.
Irina stepped closer to the glass, her eyes narrowing. "How do you think I felt? I had to leave the family, the home that I loved. I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't get to explain to my husband or daughter why I had to leave them." She was yelling, but she didn't care. "It killed me to get in that car that night, knowing I would never see either of you again, knowing that Sydney would have to grow up without a mother. I knew my leaving would kill you and you want to know how I knew that? I felt the exact same way!" Tears were starting to flow and she didn't want Jack to see so she turned away from him. She continued talking, only this time in a whisper. He had to lean against the glass to hear her.
"I loved you, Jack. Hell, I still do even after all this time. I love you." It seemed that every word she spoke was more and more quiet. Her tears were still coming, but she didn't care anymore. She turned around, needing to see his face, his reaction.
At first, he did nothing. Then he began to walk away from the glass. "I'm through with this, Irina. I can't take it anymore. I'm done. I'm done wondering what could have been, what it would have been like for Sydney had you been there. But above all, I'm done feeling hurt and I'm done crying over you." He started toward the gate.
"Jack! Come back here.this is not finished," she begged. He paid no attention to her.
"Now it's your turn to cry." The buzzer sounded, the gate lifted and he was gone.
"Don't be so quick to walk away, Jack." Irina pounded on the glass, yelling as loud as she could. It didn't help; he was still gone, probably never to return willingly.
"Why doesn't he understand," she whispered to herself, tears streaming down her cheeks, "that I already have."
She lay down on her bed and cried herself to sleep for the second time that week.
Author: Amanda, nihongogirl2003.whichever
Rating: This chapter is probably more a PG than PG-13, but to be safe.
Characters: Jack and Irina, little bit of S/V later on
Disclaimers: They aren't mine, I just want to play with them for a while. A/N: This is my first ever Alias fic and people liked it so much it became a series. I hope you enjoy. This came to me while listening to Justin Timberlake; I don't really know why, but once I got the idea, it wouldn't leave me alone. All the parts in this series will have songs in the beginning. First is Cry Me a River, by Justin Timberlake, then Criminal and Shadowboxer, both by Fiona Apple. Last is Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps, sung by Doris Day. Please read and review.
You told me you loved me Why did you leave me, all alone? Now you tell me you need me When you call me on the phone Girl I refuse, you must have me confused With some other guy Bridges were burned Now its your turn to cry Cry me a river
Irina Derevko stood on the roof of her prison, guards surrounding her on every side. It was so nice to be able to go outside and get fresh air. She would have to thank her daughter again.
She heard something behind her and turned to face her husband. "Jack," she said with a slight smile. It had taken time, but he was finally starting to trust that she wasn't there to hurt him or Sydney again.
"Irina." He said her name with no emotion, no sign of what he was about to do. "I have, unfortunately for me, been forced to speak with Dr. Barnett since you've been back. She informed me that I would make no "progress," as she called it, without talking to you about what happened first. As you well know, I hate rehashing things that have happened in the past. But, in order to get away from Barnett, I have no choice but to do this now."
"Okay." She was a little bit scared of where this conversation would take them. She knew she had always loved Jack and their little girl, that it killed her when she was forced to leave then, but he didn't. And he would probably never believe her, no matter how hard she tried to make him.
"So," he began. "As Laura Bristow, you loved me and our daughter."
"Yes." She didn't have the nerve to tell him that it wasn't only Laura who loved him; it was Irina Derevko as well.
"But in reality, you were sent here by the KGB to trick me into loving you so you could gain information on the CIA." His voice was cold, with no emotion at all.
"Yes." She had been dreading this conversation since well before she turned herself in. She was mildly surprised that it had taken him this long to find the courage to bring it up. "It started out that way. I was to marry you so I had access to information that would be very useful to the KGB. Somewhere, though, things began to change."
"What do you mean, change?"
"I started to become Laura. I wanted to be a good wife, with no secrets to hide. I wanted you to know the truth. I didn't want to hurt you or Sydney. Being a spy became the last thing I wanted to do."
"And yet you continued to do it," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "What was stopping you?"
"In a way, my family. The KGB knew something was changing. I started to report to them less and less. I refused to go searching for things that you wouldn't willingly tell me. Once they realized they were losing their hold on me, they decided to tighten their grip harder than before. They threatened you and Sydney. Told me I'd never see either of you again if I didn't comply with their wishes. I couldn't.I wouldn't let them hurt you. I had no other choice but to do what they wanted of me."
"I seem to remember a time when you asked less about work and more about me and Sydney."
"Yes. That was me being stupid, trying to get away from the life that I once knew. I was trying to get rid of Irina Derevko and become the Laura Bristow that you loved." She was on the verge of tears, but she refused to let then fall in front of Jack.
"So you began to spy again. What I don't understand, Irina, is why you wanted to become the Laura I loved. So, please, do tell." His voice was back to the cold, calculating tone that it had been before.
"Because, Jack, you idiot..I had fallen in love with you. It was me, terrible Irina Derevko, that was in love with you. There was no loving Laura Bristow during our marriage. It was me. I had done what I never thought was possible. I had fallen in love. I had a loving husband and a beautiful little girl. I never wanted to leave you, but the KGB gave me no choice." She turned and started to walk away, tears beginning to fall.
Jack followed her and gently grabbed her arm. "Look at me," he said. His voice was a little shaky. He had to pause to steady it. "If you had really loved me, you would have done whatever you could to stay with me and our daughter."
She looked at him, a little surprised. It was the first time he had ever referred to Sydney as their daughter. "Don't you understand? There was nothing I could do. I tried everything. Anything I could have done would have resulted in you and Sydney being killed. I couldn't handle that.not after it took me so long to realize that the two of you were all I had ever wanted from life. I had to leave." She removed her arm from his grasp and began to walk away again. She couldn't handle this conversation anymore. She was close to a breaking point, and she was pretty sure she didn't want to reach it on the roof of a building surrounded by armed guards and her husband.
"If you still hate me so much Jack, why haven't you pushed for an annulment? We are still married." She decided she had to change the topic.
"I don't really know why." He noticed the topic change and just let it go. He was sure he didn't want to continue the other conversation either. "Maybe it's because I don't hate you as much as I let on."
Irina turned and stared at him. "What did you say?"
"You heard me."
"No, I didn't."
"I said, maybe I don't hate you as much as I let on." He was not enjoying this conversation at all any more.
"What do you mean by that?" She wiped the tears off her cheek and stepped closer to him, waiting for him to answer her.
"I. I don't have time for this conversation. I have to be at SD-6 for a meeting." With that, he walked away leaving Irina alone on the roof. Well, alone plus a couple agents.
She had no idea what had just happened. Jack was just about to open up to her and then.he was gone. He had just left. Her tears began to come faster and more abundantly. She turned to the guard closest to her. "I'm ready to go back to my cell now."
She was led back to her cell where she laid on her bed and cried herself to sleep.
It was a few days later. Sydney had gone an SD-6 mission and it was a success, for the CIA at least. The CIA had gotten the intel that Sloane had wanted and it was a great benefit to them. She was very proud of her only daughter.
Irina had been visited by Sydney and even Agent Vaughn, but not the person she really wanted to see. She had been waiting for him to come so they could finish their conversation. Four days and he still hadn't come. She guessed that he wouldn't come to see her unless he had official business so he wouldn't have to have that conversation with her.
She was sitting on the floor, eyes closed when she heard the buzzer on the gate. She stayed sitting and kept her eyes closed, waiting for the person to talk.
"Irina."
He had finally come. Unfortunately for her, he probably wouldn't stay long. She opened her eyes and stood. He had grabbed the chair and was sitting in front of the glass, waiting for her to acknowledge him.
"What do you want, Jack? I'm really not in the mood for you to start a conversation and then leave right in the middle of it when we should be hashing certain things out." She stood across from him, arms crossed, ready to fight if necessary.
"I am here because I was told by Dr. Barnett that I had to be. She is on her way down and we are going to have a 'counseling session' as she called it. I can assure you that I am in no way here for my own reasons." He stared at her standing above him, no real expression on his face. "I told her about our last conversation and she and Kendall insisted that she be present the next time we talked. I told her there would be no next time and she informed me that there would be as many 'next times' as needed to resolve this."
"This being what? What exactly is going on here, Jack? I told you that I no longer wanted to be a spy, that I wanted to stay with you and our daughter." Jack flinched at the words 'our daughter' but said nothing. Irina continued, "I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours, but I know I don't need a shrink."
Jack scoffed. Irina was about to continue but the gate buzzed again and Dr. Barnett walked in. She walked up to where Jack was sitting and looked down at him, smiling. She turned to the glass, the smile fading as she locked eyes with Irina.
"Ms. Derevko."
"Dr. Barnett." Her voice was dripping with disdain. She was already not looking forward to having this conversation, let alone with her there to hear every word that was being said.
Barnett pulled another chair up and set it next to Jack's. "We are here to try and find some way for you two to work together. It will be beneficial to all involved if you can actually stand to be in a room together."
Jack and Irina looked at each other, neither one amused. "I'm sorry Dr. Barnett, but I'm not quite sure how my relationship with this woman has anything to do with the CIA," Jack stated.
"Agent Bristow, I must disagree. You went to extreme measures to make it look like this woman had set up her own daughter, to make it look like she wanted to kill her daughter. As a result, Ms. Derevko here was sentenced to death. I'm sure you can see why the CIA would think it necessary to keep her alive. She can be very helpful to us."
"Umm.excuse me.could you stop talking about me like I'm not two feet away from you, please?" Irina asked. She was already annoyed by this woman and she had barely spent 5 minutes with her. How could Jack stand to talk to this woman every week, she wondered.
"I'm sorry," Barnett replied, turning towards the glass. "I am here to try and forge a working relationship between the two of you. You don't have to become best friends, but Devlin, Kendall and the rest of the CIA would greatly appreciate it if you could at least talk civilly to each other. This is in case you, Ms. Derevko, are required for another CIA mission to help bring down SD-6."
"There is no way in hell she is ever leaving this cell again, Dr. Barnett." He had nearly yelled, but was able to contain himself, somewhat.
"That is not up to me, Agent Bristow. Now, we won't actually get into anything today. That will have to wait until tomorrow. I just wanted you both to be aware of what was going to happen. If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment." She put her chair back and walked to the gate, thinking about how tomorrow would be a very interesting day.
After Barnett left, Irina went back to sitting on the floor with her eyes closed. She was expecting Jack to leave any minute, but for some reason she had yet to hear the gate buzz for a second time. "I'm sorry we weren't able to finish our earlier conversation. The one we started on the roof. I really would have liked to finish what we started." After she realized what she had said, she didn't know whether she was referring to the conversation or their marriage. It easily could have been either. She stood up and walked toward the glass, stopping before she reached it, not wanting to be too close to him for some reason.
"Yes. I had a meeting with Sloane that couldn't be missed." He was still calm and collected. "Look, I know that neither one of us wants Barnett down here asking questions. So, why don't we just make this easier on both of us and agree to some sort of truce?"
"A truce? I never thought I would see Jack Bristow of all people declare he wants a truce. Are you sick?"
"Very funny. I think we should agree, for Sydney's or whoever's sake, to work together and not bait each other all the time. It would calm Kendall down and get Barnett off our backs. What do you say?"
"Now I know there is something wrong with you. The Jack I knew would never want to compromise, especially with someone that he sees as extremely dangerous." He started to protest, but she cut him off. "And I know that is what you see me as, so there is no point in trying to deny it. So tell me, what exactly are you so desperately trying to hide?"
Jack stared at her. She had seen right through him.Laura had always been able to do that. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh come on, Jack. You are hiding something. You came up to that roof the other day for a reason, one that wasn't just to please Dr. Barnett." She said the name with some disgust in her voice. "We were starting to get there but then you abruptly left. I hit a nerve when I told you I wanted to be Laura, that I no longer wanted be a spy, so you left. You didn't want to get in over your head. I can understand that, but sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with it. And from your actions so far, I can tell you'd like it to be sooner and without the interruption of some CIA shrink." She sat down, waiting for him to respond.
"You're right. I left because I didn't want to hear what you had to say anymore. I couldn't listen to you lie to me over and over again. I couldn't bear it anymore. I have been lied to by you too many times." His voice was steadily growing with every word he said.
She was hurt by his words. Every word of what she had said was true. She did want to become the woman he loved. She still did, even after all these years. "I know you don't trust me Jack, but everything I said up on the roof is true. So what are you really hiding? I know you Jack. I can read you like an open book. I."
He stood, a little too forcefully, and the chair was knocked over. "You don't know me!" he yelled. "I am not the same man I was before and that is because of you. This person you see before you right now is only the remnants of what Jack Bristow used to be! I broke when you left me. I had to spend six months in solitary, away from my daughter whose mother had just 'died.' Six months I was away from her. She thought her father had left her too and that is because of you." He had somewhat calmed down, but he was not quite completely rational yet.
Irina stepped closer to the glass, her eyes narrowing. "How do you think I felt? I had to leave the family, the home that I loved. I didn't get to say good-bye, I didn't get to explain to my husband or daughter why I had to leave them." She was yelling, but she didn't care. "It killed me to get in that car that night, knowing I would never see either of you again, knowing that Sydney would have to grow up without a mother. I knew my leaving would kill you and you want to know how I knew that? I felt the exact same way!" Tears were starting to flow and she didn't want Jack to see so she turned away from him. She continued talking, only this time in a whisper. He had to lean against the glass to hear her.
"I loved you, Jack. Hell, I still do even after all this time. I love you." It seemed that every word she spoke was more and more quiet. Her tears were still coming, but she didn't care anymore. She turned around, needing to see his face, his reaction.
At first, he did nothing. Then he began to walk away from the glass. "I'm through with this, Irina. I can't take it anymore. I'm done. I'm done wondering what could have been, what it would have been like for Sydney had you been there. But above all, I'm done feeling hurt and I'm done crying over you." He started toward the gate.
"Jack! Come back here.this is not finished," she begged. He paid no attention to her.
"Now it's your turn to cry." The buzzer sounded, the gate lifted and he was gone.
"Don't be so quick to walk away, Jack." Irina pounded on the glass, yelling as loud as she could. It didn't help; he was still gone, probably never to return willingly.
"Why doesn't he understand," she whispered to herself, tears streaming down her cheeks, "that I already have."
She lay down on her bed and cried herself to sleep for the second time that week.