Title: Shadowboxer
Author: Amanda, nihongogirl2003.whichever
Rating: This chapter is probably more a PG than PG-13, but to be safe.
Characters: Jack and Irina, little bit of S/V later on
Disclaimers: They aren't mine, I just want to play with them for a while.
A/N: This is my first ever Alias fic and people liked it so much it became a series. I hope you enjoy. This came to me while listening to Justin Timberlake; I don't really know why, but once I got the idea, it wouldn't leave me alone. All the part in this series will have songs in the beginning. First was Cry Me a River, by Justin Timberlake, then Criminal and now Shadowboxer, both by Fiona Apple. Last is Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps, sung by Doris Day. Please read and review.
Once my lover, now my friend What a cruel thing to pretend What a cunning way to condescend Once my lover, and now my friend Oh, you creep up like the clouds And you set my soul at ease Then you let your love abound And you bring me to my knees
Oh, it's evil babe, the way you let your Grace enrapture me When well you know I'd be insane To ever let that dirty game recapture me
You made me a shadowboxer, baby I wanna be ready for what you do I been swinging all around me 'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move
Jack Bristow sat on a plane, on his way to France to meet with one of SD- 6's contacts. His mind, however, was still in LA, at Irina's cell. He kept thinking about their last conversation. The one where she said she still loved him. It couldn't be true, could it? No, he thought. It wasn't possible because she had never loved him in the first place. Or had she?
He pushed his thoughts aside.he shouldn't be thinking her, he should be thinking about his upcoming meeting with the SD-6 contact. He was to take everything he learned right back to the CIA. The information would be helpful in the takedown of SD-6, which Jack was looking more forward to everyday.
As hard as he tried to keep thoughts of Irina at bay, they kept creeping back. He kept going back to her cell, the way she had sounded when she was yelling at him to stay and talk. She had sounded so.he didn't know what. But he had to walk away; he couldn't take listening to her lie to him again and again. Had she really been lying? The way she sounded calling after him.it sounded genuine. But you never really know with her, do you, Jack? he thought. She has lied to you for this long already, what is there to stop her from lying a little bit longer?
Jack sighed, angry with himself for thinking about her again and again. He thought he had known Laura, his wife. But somewhere during their marriage she had become Irina without his knowledge. He remembered that he was supposed to be at a meeting with Barnett and his 'wife' at the moment. Oh well, he thought. I'm not sorry to be missing that.
He could remember every detail about their life together. This was not the time or the place to have a remembering session, but he couldn't seem to stop the memories from flooding into his head. The day they met and talked for hours, their first date, when he proposed to her, their wedding, Sydney's birth. It all came rushing at him without a warning and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
*FLASHBACK*
He sat at the bar of the Bronze, relaxing after a hard day at work. He had just finished his drink when another appeared in front of him. "From the lady at that table," the waiter said, pointing to a table off to Jack's side.
"Thanks," Jack said. He got up and walked to the table. "And what did I do to deserve this?" he asked the woman at the table. He thought she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.
"You look like you need it," she answered. "Have a seat. I'm Laura, by the way."
"Jack." He sat and they talked for four hours, until the owner of the restaurant came out and told them they were closing. They left and walked around the city for two hours. He walked her to her door.
"Would you like to have dinner next week?" he asked. He looked like he didn't really want her to answer, afraid of what she would say.
"I would love to."
He seemed relieved. "Okay. How about we meet at the Bronze at 8 on Saturday?"
"Sounds good. I'll see you then. Good night, Jack."
"Good night, Laura."
*END FLASHBACK*
He still thought she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever met. Over the years, he had always compared women he met to her and they never even came close. He leaned back into his seat and took a drink, hoping the alcohol would clear his mind of thoughts of Irina. It hadn't worked so far, but he still had hope. The memory of their first date washed over him as he settled in to think about his upcoming meeting with the contact. Why couldn't he get her out of his head?
*FLASHBACK*
It was a little after 8:30 and she still wasn't there. That was not a good sign. She had probably said yes as a joke. He was about to get his coat and leave when she walked in. She looked even more beautiful than the first time he had seen her, if that was possible. She walked up to him in a rush.
"I am so sorry I'm late, Jack. I got caught up grading papers and lost track of time. Please forgive me?" She had really been on the phone with Cuvee, discussing her upcoming dinner plans, but Jack didn't really need to know that.
"Of course, Laura. Our table is this way." He led her to the table and pulled her chair out for her. He was determined to make a good impression.
They ordered and ate, easily talking through their meal. The house band had just started to play again after taking a break. Jack stood up and offered her his hand. "Would you like to dance?"
"I would love to," she said. She stood up and almost tripped over herself, but Jack was there to catch her and stop her fall. They walked to the dance floor and began to dance. They were perfectly comfortable in one another's arms, like they were made for each other. They danced and continued to talk, oblivious to the other dancing couples around them. After what seemed like an eternity, Jack led her back to the table where they ate dessert.
After dessert, he walked her home. On her doorstep, he asked her out again. Then, he kissed her on the cheek and wished her good night.
*END FLASHBACK*
Jack didn't know why these things kept coming to him, but he knew that he had to find a way to make them stop. He couldn't have his mind on his past with Laura or his future with Irina. Wait a minute, he thought. What future with Irina? He certainly wanted nothing to do with her after all that had happened between them. Yet here he was, on his way to a meeting with an important man and he couldn't stop thinking about her.
He once again tried to push thoughts of Irina out of his head. He picked up a magazine and tried to read, but he just couldn't see what was written on the page. He kept visualizing Irina in her cell, yelling after him to stay and talk. He almost had, too. He had almost turned around and gone to her, almost let her explain herself. He wanted so badly to believe her, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not after what had happened to his heart the last time. He had loved Laura with all his heart and soul and she had betrayed him. "But it wasn't really Laura," he said quietly to himself. No, that was true. It had been Irina. Laura never really existed.
He didn't know if that should make him feel better, but somehow it did. Somehow, knowing that if Laura had really existed, she would have loved him completely made Irina's betrayal easier to handle and understand. He wasn't quite sure why, though. He was trying to think of a reason why that would be when the captain announced they were coming into Paris so everyone should be sure to put their seats belts on, etc.
Jack was still musing on this when the plane landed and he walked into the airport. He got his baggage and went to meet the car that was waiting for him. As he was only in Paris to meet with the contact, he didn't have to go to a hotel. He sat in the back of the car with his eyes closed while the driver drove him to his destination. He was again trying his hardest to get thoughts of Irina and Laura out of his head.
She kept coming back to him, wouldn't leave him alone. On the plane it had been their first meeting, their first date. Now, it was their first night together, their wedding day, the day they saw the first sonogram of their child, her birth.
He could remember everything about the day Sydney was born. Irina had seemed so happy, not at all like this beautiful baby was going to ruin anything. He had held her hand and kissed her tears away. He was with her throughout the delivery, through every step of the way. He had assumed that the tears he saw in her eyes when she held Sydney were tears of joy, but looking back on that day soon after he had found out the truth about Laura, he saw that they could easily have been tears of anguish. Maybe she had been upset because having a baby was not part of her mission. Maybe she had been upset because a baby would only get in the way.
No, he couldn't think like that. He didn't think it was possible for someone, even Irina Derevko, to not feel even a little love for someone she had carried in her womb for nine months. There was no way she could be that cold and hard-hearted.
Before he knew it, Jack was being awoken by the driver. They had arrived at the park where he was to meet his contact. Somewhere between the airport and there he had fallen asleep. He got out of the car after thanking the driver and telling him to wait, that he wouldn't be more than 15 minutes.
He met with the contact, only half paying attention to the conversation. His mind was back in the car, thinking about Irina's tears when Sydney was born. He kept asking himself, "Could they have been real?" Soon, the meeting was over and Jack was back in the car, on the way back to the airport.
Back on the plane, Jack's thoughts turned to the 10 years that Irina and he were married. Was it possible for someone to live a completely fake life for that long? Or maybe Laura wasn't completely fake. Perhaps Laura had just been a little bit of Irina, the nicer part. She had to have been at least a tiny part for Irina to live that life for so long.
Jack was beginning to understand, a little bit anyway. Laura was not some made up persona, she was part of Irina. He had fallen in love with that part of Irina; he was still in love with that part of her. The only thing wrong with that: did she love him before and does she still love him? She said she did and was, but could he trust that?
He spent the rest of his flight pondering this. He was on his way home when his pager beeped. It was Kendall. He turned his car around and headed to CIA headquarters.
A/N: Sorry about the format of the previous chapters. I don't know what happened. Anyway, I've decided to post the next and last part of this series separately because right now it's 17 chapters and it's not done yet. It's called "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" and I should have the first few chapters up soon.
Author: Amanda, nihongogirl2003.whichever
Rating: This chapter is probably more a PG than PG-13, but to be safe.
Characters: Jack and Irina, little bit of S/V later on
Disclaimers: They aren't mine, I just want to play with them for a while.
A/N: This is my first ever Alias fic and people liked it so much it became a series. I hope you enjoy. This came to me while listening to Justin Timberlake; I don't really know why, but once I got the idea, it wouldn't leave me alone. All the part in this series will have songs in the beginning. First was Cry Me a River, by Justin Timberlake, then Criminal and now Shadowboxer, both by Fiona Apple. Last is Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps, sung by Doris Day. Please read and review.
Once my lover, now my friend What a cruel thing to pretend What a cunning way to condescend Once my lover, and now my friend Oh, you creep up like the clouds And you set my soul at ease Then you let your love abound And you bring me to my knees
Oh, it's evil babe, the way you let your Grace enrapture me When well you know I'd be insane To ever let that dirty game recapture me
You made me a shadowboxer, baby I wanna be ready for what you do I been swinging all around me 'Cause I don't know when you're gonna make your move
Jack Bristow sat on a plane, on his way to France to meet with one of SD- 6's contacts. His mind, however, was still in LA, at Irina's cell. He kept thinking about their last conversation. The one where she said she still loved him. It couldn't be true, could it? No, he thought. It wasn't possible because she had never loved him in the first place. Or had she?
He pushed his thoughts aside.he shouldn't be thinking her, he should be thinking about his upcoming meeting with the SD-6 contact. He was to take everything he learned right back to the CIA. The information would be helpful in the takedown of SD-6, which Jack was looking more forward to everyday.
As hard as he tried to keep thoughts of Irina at bay, they kept creeping back. He kept going back to her cell, the way she had sounded when she was yelling at him to stay and talk. She had sounded so.he didn't know what. But he had to walk away; he couldn't take listening to her lie to him again and again. Had she really been lying? The way she sounded calling after him.it sounded genuine. But you never really know with her, do you, Jack? he thought. She has lied to you for this long already, what is there to stop her from lying a little bit longer?
Jack sighed, angry with himself for thinking about her again and again. He thought he had known Laura, his wife. But somewhere during their marriage she had become Irina without his knowledge. He remembered that he was supposed to be at a meeting with Barnett and his 'wife' at the moment. Oh well, he thought. I'm not sorry to be missing that.
He could remember every detail about their life together. This was not the time or the place to have a remembering session, but he couldn't seem to stop the memories from flooding into his head. The day they met and talked for hours, their first date, when he proposed to her, their wedding, Sydney's birth. It all came rushing at him without a warning and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
*FLASHBACK*
He sat at the bar of the Bronze, relaxing after a hard day at work. He had just finished his drink when another appeared in front of him. "From the lady at that table," the waiter said, pointing to a table off to Jack's side.
"Thanks," Jack said. He got up and walked to the table. "And what did I do to deserve this?" he asked the woman at the table. He thought she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.
"You look like you need it," she answered. "Have a seat. I'm Laura, by the way."
"Jack." He sat and they talked for four hours, until the owner of the restaurant came out and told them they were closing. They left and walked around the city for two hours. He walked her to her door.
"Would you like to have dinner next week?" he asked. He looked like he didn't really want her to answer, afraid of what she would say.
"I would love to."
He seemed relieved. "Okay. How about we meet at the Bronze at 8 on Saturday?"
"Sounds good. I'll see you then. Good night, Jack."
"Good night, Laura."
*END FLASHBACK*
He still thought she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever met. Over the years, he had always compared women he met to her and they never even came close. He leaned back into his seat and took a drink, hoping the alcohol would clear his mind of thoughts of Irina. It hadn't worked so far, but he still had hope. The memory of their first date washed over him as he settled in to think about his upcoming meeting with the contact. Why couldn't he get her out of his head?
*FLASHBACK*
It was a little after 8:30 and she still wasn't there. That was not a good sign. She had probably said yes as a joke. He was about to get his coat and leave when she walked in. She looked even more beautiful than the first time he had seen her, if that was possible. She walked up to him in a rush.
"I am so sorry I'm late, Jack. I got caught up grading papers and lost track of time. Please forgive me?" She had really been on the phone with Cuvee, discussing her upcoming dinner plans, but Jack didn't really need to know that.
"Of course, Laura. Our table is this way." He led her to the table and pulled her chair out for her. He was determined to make a good impression.
They ordered and ate, easily talking through their meal. The house band had just started to play again after taking a break. Jack stood up and offered her his hand. "Would you like to dance?"
"I would love to," she said. She stood up and almost tripped over herself, but Jack was there to catch her and stop her fall. They walked to the dance floor and began to dance. They were perfectly comfortable in one another's arms, like they were made for each other. They danced and continued to talk, oblivious to the other dancing couples around them. After what seemed like an eternity, Jack led her back to the table where they ate dessert.
After dessert, he walked her home. On her doorstep, he asked her out again. Then, he kissed her on the cheek and wished her good night.
*END FLASHBACK*
Jack didn't know why these things kept coming to him, but he knew that he had to find a way to make them stop. He couldn't have his mind on his past with Laura or his future with Irina. Wait a minute, he thought. What future with Irina? He certainly wanted nothing to do with her after all that had happened between them. Yet here he was, on his way to a meeting with an important man and he couldn't stop thinking about her.
He once again tried to push thoughts of Irina out of his head. He picked up a magazine and tried to read, but he just couldn't see what was written on the page. He kept visualizing Irina in her cell, yelling after him to stay and talk. He almost had, too. He had almost turned around and gone to her, almost let her explain herself. He wanted so badly to believe her, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not after what had happened to his heart the last time. He had loved Laura with all his heart and soul and she had betrayed him. "But it wasn't really Laura," he said quietly to himself. No, that was true. It had been Irina. Laura never really existed.
He didn't know if that should make him feel better, but somehow it did. Somehow, knowing that if Laura had really existed, she would have loved him completely made Irina's betrayal easier to handle and understand. He wasn't quite sure why, though. He was trying to think of a reason why that would be when the captain announced they were coming into Paris so everyone should be sure to put their seats belts on, etc.
Jack was still musing on this when the plane landed and he walked into the airport. He got his baggage and went to meet the car that was waiting for him. As he was only in Paris to meet with the contact, he didn't have to go to a hotel. He sat in the back of the car with his eyes closed while the driver drove him to his destination. He was again trying his hardest to get thoughts of Irina and Laura out of his head.
She kept coming back to him, wouldn't leave him alone. On the plane it had been their first meeting, their first date. Now, it was their first night together, their wedding day, the day they saw the first sonogram of their child, her birth.
He could remember everything about the day Sydney was born. Irina had seemed so happy, not at all like this beautiful baby was going to ruin anything. He had held her hand and kissed her tears away. He was with her throughout the delivery, through every step of the way. He had assumed that the tears he saw in her eyes when she held Sydney were tears of joy, but looking back on that day soon after he had found out the truth about Laura, he saw that they could easily have been tears of anguish. Maybe she had been upset because having a baby was not part of her mission. Maybe she had been upset because a baby would only get in the way.
No, he couldn't think like that. He didn't think it was possible for someone, even Irina Derevko, to not feel even a little love for someone she had carried in her womb for nine months. There was no way she could be that cold and hard-hearted.
Before he knew it, Jack was being awoken by the driver. They had arrived at the park where he was to meet his contact. Somewhere between the airport and there he had fallen asleep. He got out of the car after thanking the driver and telling him to wait, that he wouldn't be more than 15 minutes.
He met with the contact, only half paying attention to the conversation. His mind was back in the car, thinking about Irina's tears when Sydney was born. He kept asking himself, "Could they have been real?" Soon, the meeting was over and Jack was back in the car, on the way back to the airport.
Back on the plane, Jack's thoughts turned to the 10 years that Irina and he were married. Was it possible for someone to live a completely fake life for that long? Or maybe Laura wasn't completely fake. Perhaps Laura had just been a little bit of Irina, the nicer part. She had to have been at least a tiny part for Irina to live that life for so long.
Jack was beginning to understand, a little bit anyway. Laura was not some made up persona, she was part of Irina. He had fallen in love with that part of Irina; he was still in love with that part of her. The only thing wrong with that: did she love him before and does she still love him? She said she did and was, but could he trust that?
He spent the rest of his flight pondering this. He was on his way home when his pager beeped. It was Kendall. He turned his car around and headed to CIA headquarters.
A/N: Sorry about the format of the previous chapters. I don't know what happened. Anyway, I've decided to post the next and last part of this series separately because right now it's 17 chapters and it's not done yet. It's called "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps" and I should have the first few chapters up soon.