Spot's Kilt
By: Bottles
Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies. I don't own kilts. I don't own this song. Plus I don't own any money so it really doesn't matter.
AN: Yes, I realize that the chances of this happening are not existent. But I was just sitting listening to the song and was inspired. I thought it was funny. I might be the only one. Usually in song fics I don't really read the song but it actually is helpful to read it. Then again I don't usually read that many author's notes so…
I'm not sure who wrote this song but to hear this song go to this link: http://www.mobyinthemorning.com/scotsman.ram
Spot's Kilt
Well a Scotsman
clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle
die dee oh
Ring die diddly die oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Spot Conlon stepped out of O'Kellie's Bar in lower Manhattan. He really should not have had those last four shots of whiskey on top of the many he had earlier, but Spot could never resist a good bet. A brief gust of wind reminded him of that. He looked down to his bare, unsteady legs and silently cursed himself. "Last week," he thought, "Racetrack must have cheated at poker when he beat me." He could still hear Race's taunting voice, "Spot has to wear a kilt to the next poker game." Spot smiled when he thought of how he shut Race up with a fist to the mouth. However Spot was a man of his word and wore a kilt to the next meeting, which just happened to be that night at O'Kellie's.
Stumbling awkwardly as he tired to make it back to Brooklyn, Spot felt the world spin and decided to lie down for a little while.
About that time two young and lovely girls just
happened by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in
her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"
Ring ding diddle diddle
die dee oh
Ring die diddly die oh
"I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"
Specs and Dutchy were returning from an evening on the town. They had gone to dinner and then later gone to a local bar and had a few drinks. Needless to say giddy didn't even begin describe their mood. Specs suddenly called out, "Hey Dutch, come look here. It's Spot – he's drunk, passed out, and he's wearing a kilt." Dutchy replied, "He can't be wearing long johns, I heard once that you don't wear anything beneath kilts."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as
could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle die dee oh
Ring die diddly die oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him
with upon his birth
Specs and Dutchy snuck up on sleeping Spot. They knew that they were flirting with a good soaking, if not death, if Spot woke up to find them. However, after the great night they had together and their somewhat inebriated state, rational thinking was out of the question. Dutchy leaned over and lifted up Spot's kilt to reveal – well nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.
They marveled for a moment than one said, "We
must be gone,
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonny star the Scots' kilt did let them show
Ring ding diddle diddle
die dee oh
Ring die diddly die oh
Around the bonny star
the Scots' kilt did let them show
Dutchy's mouth hung wide open while he and Specs saw a side of the Brooklyn leader they never expected to see. Suddenly Spot began to shuffle in his drunken coma and Specs said, "Dutchy we must be going. If he wakes up he will kill us." They started to get up to leave when Specs was struck by an idea. "Dutchy, let's leave Mr. Brooklyn a present and make him wonder. With that Specs grabbed a blue ribbon from his pocket and tied it into a bow, leaving it there for Spot to find when he awoke. Dutchy wondered, "Specs why do you have a blue ribbon? Wait—I don't want to know. Let's just go back to the lodging house and get into bed. This whole affair has left me yearning."
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled
towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Ach, lad I don't know where ye've been but I
see you won first prize!"
Ring ding diddle diddle
die dee oh
Ring die diddly die oh
"Ah, lad I don't know where ye've been but I
see you won first prize!"
Shortly after the departure of the two boys Spot awoke. He went over to an alley to relieve himself of some of the liquor that had worked its way through him. When he lifted up the kilt he was met with a blue ribbon tied to his "bonny star". Startled he looked around for whatever culprits may have been lurking. Seeing that no one was around he said in his Irish brogue, that he usually covered with a thick New York accent, "Ah, lad I don't know where ye've been but I see ya won first prize."
Wow... that was kinda weird. Oh well. Please review!
AN: I know the spacing was off on the first part but I couldn't get it to center.