Title: Artemis Fowl – Babysitter Extraordinaire
Disclaimer: Mr. Colfer, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOUR WORK! Ahem. Everything in this work belongs to Eoin Colfer, Miramax, possible Puffin. Whatever, not me. And I don't own much else, so if you sue me I'll just end up in jail, frownies for everyone.
*I am not gonna type out everything, might be considered plagiarism or something
Chapter One: Boom
She was so close. So close!
If there was one thing that D'Arvitted centaur should have taught Opal Koboi, it would have been this, 'It is not over til the heavy goblin wails'. Unfortunately, she never listened to beings lower than herself.
She leaned back into her Hoverboy, her small fist curled around a glass of nectar.
In a moment, all of Opal's obstacles would be knocked down. She was killing two pixies with one shot.
Opal Koboi was one step closer to the world.
Artemis exhaled, a small bead of sweat running down his cheek. He was typing furiously, his decoding skills at a loss.
The email had come in from Foaly five minutes ago. Five minutes before his impregnable systems had crashed.
Naturally, that was virtually impossible. For a moment, Artemis Fowl Junior had been shocked, but then he dismissed it as a coincidence.
One might have been puzzled at this. A fifteen year old boy trying to decode an ancient unknown language on one of many computers. That is because Artemis Fowl is a very unusual boy.*
His parents were on a one week long vacation to Hawaii, a celebration of their anniversary. Artemis had opted to stay at home, saying he had school work to do. School work, of course, meaning helping the Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance Unit against goblins. Artemis Sr. and Angeline had even left Juliet, Butler's little sister, at home, they wanted complete privacy.
"Come on," he murmured.
At that moment, his manservant and bodyguard, Butler, opened the door.
"Got it!" Artemis crowed.
Butler frowned. "Artemis," he said, "Someone's trying to get in, I can feel it. What did Captain Short say?"
Artemis eyes were furrowed as he read the decoded message. He turned to Butler.
"It's Koboi!"
"That's not good," said Butler. "She'll probably come after you."
"Precisely. Holly and another captain are coming in two minutes for my protection or something. You'd better invite them in."
He turned back to his keyboard, another message had to be decoded.
It was then that the sparks flew.
Holly Short grit her teeth. This was not going according to plan.
"Trouble!" she shrieked into her helmet's communicator.
"What's your position?"
She ducked to avoid a laser.
"D'Arvit, Holly, I'm right here," responded her partner, Captain Trouble Kelp. "How the Frond did the D'Arvitted Bwa Kell know we were headed for the Manor?"
Holly shielded. "Don't ask me, only Beetroot and Foaly knew about this one."
Trouble swore again.
"Look," he said, panting, "The house is right up there, make a dash for it, alright?"
They were distracted by a disturbing humming sound.
Her communicator crackled. It was Foaly.
"Holly!" he said. "Holly, come in."
"Foaly, this is not a good time," she said. "We're under attack by goblins."
Through her anti-shield visor, she could see Trouble holding up his fingers. Two..three.
They took off.
"Not by goblins," said Foaly grimly. "It's Koboi, she's trying to take over the world again."
"D'Arvit!"
"That's not the worse thing," the centaur continued, more urgently.
"Trouble, you too. Do not go into that space, repeat, do not go into Fowl Manor."
Trouble, several feet behind Holly, stopped.
"What do you mean, Foaly?" he growled, crouching.
Holly stopped as well.
"It's a trap! Opal's right behind you, she's cloaked. She's put some sort of spell on Fowl Manor, it's meant for you and Fowl himself, if you step into the border you'll be-,"
There was a buzz as the communicator fizzled out.
"Take cover!" Trouble yelled. He was promptly stunned.
Holly swore. She picked him up and found herself two centimeters from the borders of Fowl Manor. Her eyes widened and she turned to run in another direction. Foaly had been serious, something uncommon. She took it seriously.
Butler ran, trying to ignore the sounds of a battle outside the borders of Fowl Manor. Through his visor he could see the Captain running away.
Running away?
"Captain Short!" he yelled.
Holly turned around.
"Come inside! I invite you in! What are you running away for?"
Holly opened her mouth to answer him.
"Foaly-," she said before she was hit.
Her eyes widened, and her body toppled forward.
Somewhere, Opal Koboi giggled.
The big one called Valet or something like that rushed forward, managing to catch the captain in his arms.
Trouble was left outside. Artemis was running out now.
Opal sniggered. She cared not. Very, very soon, her greatest enemies would be crippled. Crippled!
But wait.
Her eyes narrowed as she leant in to inspect her monitor, then she frowned.
Artemis had been pushed back by the Waiter. He was on the ground.
The magic was passing on to the gorilla through the elf.
Opal screamed in rage, this was not supposed to happen. She was drowned out by a blinding white flash as the spell took effect.
Foaly pumped his fist into the air.
Artemis was not hurt. His systems would be down, and it seemed that Holly would be out for a while as well as Butler and Trouble Kelp. But Artemis remained, so not all was lost.
He pushed a button. "See you, you sore loser," he muttered, as Opal Koboi's shuttle was captured.
"Waaah!"
Artemis opened his eyes.
Something slimy and warm and not altogether pleasant had just landed on his face. He was looking up at an unfamiliar creature.
A toddler.
His forehead furrowed.
A toddler?
Groggily, he pushed himself onto his elbows. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach.
The boy toddler was playing with a rather big Sig Sauer. Next to him there was…another toddler. A girl toddler.
Shocked, Artemis got to his feet. His stomach was sinking at a rather alarming rate.
Not quite sure of what he was doing, he looked at the second toddler's ears.
His stomach dropped.
They were pointed.
"Butler?"
Baby Butler looked up at him with big black eyes.
"Holly!"
Baby Holly stuck her thumb into her mouth.
Artemis fainted.
Well????
My first AF fic…be nice!!think about all this while you…REVIEW