Yay! It was midterms week for me, so I actually had time to write... ^_^ Yes, that sounds ironic, doesn't it? Well, anyhoo, here's Chapter 8 (quite an odd chapter, methinks). Enjoy!

Chapter 8: In Which Lily Finally Realizes Some Things

Lily tried to remember what she'd read about pure-magic spells. First, close your eyes and look for your magic...

It was dark. Lily hated the dark... she wanted to get out... open her eyes... so dark, get out... out!... where's the light?... light?... can't find a light...

Lily started to panic. Where was her magic? It should have been there, a pool of white light, just beneath the surface of her conscious mind... but it was dark.

So dark...

It was a hard struggle to keep her eyes closed, a struggle she almost lost. Her extended arm was shaking uncontrollably, her hand close to dropping her wand, and her legs felt numb. It was so dark... so deep... so vast, empty... falling...

She caught herself just as she was about to topple forward, and righted herself once more, telling herself to breathe deeply.

Lily, you are a witch. And a pretty damned good one, too... breath in, breathe out... your magic's here. You just haven't found it yet... it's here, Lily, it's here...

"They put Mudbloods in St. Mungo's, you know," Tiffany Ciera sneered. "Because they're not really magic. They're just freaks of nature. Like you." ...

Lily shuddered— that was one of her worst fears. To find out she wasn't really a witch, that she was just a freak of nature... to lose the only home she really had, where she felt she belonged.

Breathing in deeply, Lily began to search for memories— the shock of seeing an own fly through the window and receiving her Hogwarts letter, the exhilaration of waving her first wand around and seeing sparks fly... the thrill of having levitated her feather up to the ceiling of the Charms classroom on her first try...

And finally she saw it. A brief glimpse, but one which dispelled her fears. She wasn't a freak. She was a witch. She was magic.

Lily dove deeper, heading towards the spark of light she had glimpsed. It was almost within her reach... just a bit more...

She reeled back in surprise. Wasn't magic supposed to be white?

Then why did hers have colors?

Out of curiosity, Lily reached towards the nearest wisp of light— a gray, ghostly beam that flitted and glimmered, threaded evasively through the mass of shimmering colors— and suddenly felt a wave of confusion. Dizzy... what was this?... where?... memories... no memories...

Shaken, she shook free of the magic's hold. A snaky beam of blue reached for her... so nice... peaceful... no worries... sleep... sleep...

Then yellow... warmth... so nice... hotter... no, burning!... Burning!...

She stumbled back from the yellow into a pool of white. Nothing wrong... so clean... pure...

Lily never saw it until it hit her. The wall of black— dark, looming, dangerous, powerful. Visions of death slammed into her with a force that left her immobile. So much death... destruction...

A face so much like hers... pleading, screaming... a voice, harsh, cold... a beam of green... death...

The cry of a baby... so much like James...

Lily stumbled back in shock, falling through the sea of colors back into the real world of consciousness. As her eyes flew open, she felt something... tugging... and a blinding flash of light exploded in front of here.

The pain coursing through her drove her to her knees, fighting not to scream and gasping desperately for breath, tears running helplessly down her face.

Lily had just managed to curl herself into a ball, harsh sobs racking her body, when James began to stir. At the first sign of movement, the ropes binding him disintegrated into a pile of ashes on the chair. Tired... so tired... hurts... rest... James's broken thoughts rang in his head, pounding painfully. He just wanted to sleep, to forget about the awful pain for a little while, but the sound of muffled sobs reached his ears, and he opened his eyes.

The first sight he saw was her bowed head resting on her arms, red hair tumbling haphazardly over her knees. She was crying, and James's first instinct was to go put his arms around her and hold her close, kissing away her tears. But then everything that had happened in the past few days rushed back to him, and he closed his eyes, waiting for the anger in him to erupt and flow forth, a massive tidal wave of pain and fury.

But it didn't come. He felt nothing but a hollow of emptiness and longing in him as he looked at her. Where had all his anger gone?

James clenched his jaw and shut his eyes once again, desperate and determined to find that anger. He needed it— it would be like a wave of adrenaline, a source of strength for the time being. It would help him get through this all without falling apart. Dammit, where was it?

But he couldn't dredge it up from the dark mines of his heart, so when he gathered the strength to speak, his voice was hoarse, but not angry.

"Isn't Chase's arm going to be lonely? Why aren't you there draping yourself all over him?"

Lily's head snapped up in shock. His voice sounded so emotionless, so... cold. And his eyes... She shuddered. In them was the look James reserved for gits like Snape and Lucius Malfoy. It struck Lily hard to know that she now ranked with them on James's List of Loathing.

Lily opened her mouth to say something— exactly what, she didn't know, but she couldn't stand the silence and seeing the disgust in his eyes— but James's voice, flat and sneering, cut her off. "Oh, but I bet you're as good a bed warmer as an arm ornament, right?"

It was too much— Lily couldn't take it anymore. She stumbled to her feet, eyes narrowed and fists clenched by her sides. James stood up as well, casually getting to his feet and towering over her. The same aspect that had once made her feel pleasantly delicate and feminine was now a weakness as she matched him, eye for eye.

It was then that James pretended to just have noticed she'd been crying. He reached out a hand to tip her chin up and wipe away her tears, but it was not meant to be an endearing gesture. His touch was cold and impersonal, like one would brush an unwanted fleck of dust off a desktop, and his eyes were full of contempt. "Oh, has Lily-kins been crying now?" he mocked. Lily flinched as if she'd been struck at the use of her nickname, but James plowed on mercilessly. "Did she get in a fight with her boyfriend? Guess now it's time for her to run to her other lover for comfort now, isn't it?"

Lily's eyes flooded as she jerked away from him, swallowing convulsively as she tried to stem her tears. Unable to speak as she slumped against the wall, she could only watch as James flashed her one last look and spun on his heel, vanishing through the portrait hole.

~*~*~

Remus slowed his broom as he began to close in on Sirius. What to do now? He could try launching a full-frontal attack on Sirius to get the Map, using the element of surprise to his advantage, or he could shoot a couple well-placed spells from here, and hope that he could get the Map and escape before Sirius retaliated.

Hmmm...

"Hey Remmy!" Remus groaned. Apparently, Sirius has spotted him, and was grinning from ear to ear. The uncanny resemblance to a dog baring his teeth was really rather unnerving, Remus remarked to himself with a small grin. Well, there goes the element of surprise. Not that that method would have worked anyhoo... not against Sirius and his super-Beater skills, at least. So here goes Plan B...

Remus, wand concealed carefully in his sleeve, waved, and then simultaneously shot off a few random spells at Sirius.

Blinking at the beams of light shooting past him (plus the random bird that nearly crashed into his nose), Sirius started, "Errr... Moony... what the hell—"

"Impedimenta!"

The jet of light hit Sirius in the stomach, causing him to nearly freeze in mid-air. The broom kept going forward, though, and had almost shot out from beneath him when Sirius came to his senses and quickly reached out a hand to grasp the end and hang on. "Moony—"

Sirius was suddenly pushed flat on his broom, held firmly down as a hand riffled through his robes. "And this is what you get for running off with the damned bloody Map when I needed it, Padfoot," the voice spoke matter-of-factly in his ear.

The hand abruptly released Sirius, and Remus flew off a little ways, halting a couple yards in front of Sirius. "And now," Remus grinned as he brandished his wand dramatically, "the grand finale."

"Trahe cadere!" Followed by, "Phobia aquae!"

Remus waited expectantly to see the shock on Sirius's face when he was yanked off his broom and began to develop a sudden, intense fear of water as he fell into the lake below. He wasn't prepared, however, for his own shock when his own wand vibrated, grew burning hot, and threw him off his broom as well, plunging headfirst into the waters.

~*~*~

"Mind you don't drip all over the carpet now, boys," squawked the Fat Lady as she opened the portrait hole, eyeing them disapprovingly.

When they were on the other side of the portrait, in the common room, Sirius turned around and did an imitation of the Fat Lady— falsetto and all. "Mind you don't drip water from your dirty selves and pollute the pretty carpet now, boys," he mocked in a high, nasal-sounding voice, striking a pose and fluffing his hair. The effect, however, was ruined when Sirius's voice squeaked at the end.

Remus snickered. "Very nice, Padfoot."

Together, they padded into the common room towards the glowing hearth, leaving a trail of water and soggy footprints behind them.

As Remus chose the chair nearest the fire and sank down into it, he noted resignedly that James had already been freed. Ah well, he thought, it was worth a try.

Sirius shook his head, sending water droplets splattering everywhere, and then started to wring out his hair right in the middle of the common room.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Errrr, Padfoot? You sure that's a good idea? I don't think you know how to dry that, and," he pointed out tactfully, "that puddle is growing by the second."

Sirius looked down, appearing to just have realized the fact that he was responsible for the puddle. "Oops," he said, with a small grin at Remus. After thinking for a second, he grinned again. "Problem solved, dear Moony." He then promptly started to take off his robes.

"Oy, Padfoot, no stripping in the Common Room!" Remus covered his face dramatically with a pillow and flung another in Sirius's general direction (never mind that it landed a couple yards from its intended target).

Sirius paused midway, smirking at Remus. "Jealous, Moony? Want to keep it all to yourself?" He then continued peeling off his clothes, taking care to do it as dramatically as possible. "Sirius Black stripping in the Common Room!" he shouted, snickering. "Who wants to come join Moony and watch!"

Remus threw another pillow at Sirius, this time hitting the target right-on. "Have you no shame at all, Padfoot?" he laughed. "I was just trying to preserve the virgin eyes of any unfortunate person who might witness your— lewd— acts."

" 'Unfortunate', Moony? Nah. More like 'privileged'." Sirius dropped his robes on the floor, over the puddle by his feet. "See? Bow to my ingenuity. Problem solved." A second later, "Besides, there isn't anyone in here right now...

"... is there?" He looked around the room, and Remus could have sworn there was a faint blush on his cheeks. Then again, knowing Sirius, it might have just been the glow of the fireplace...

"Trying to regain some of your non-existent modesty?" Remus snickered. "I don't know, look around. Tell me if there're any permanently blinded people that need to be rushed to the hospital wing."

Sirius stuck out his tongue at Remus (oh how mature! ^_^  **the voices yell "Hypocrite!"** Ah, hush you.) and looked around. Suddenly, his features hardened, and his voice became strained. "No, no innocents around here, Moony."

Remus sat up, confused by Sirius's complete change in attitude. "What, Sirius— oh, hi, Lily."

Lily slowly stood up from where she had been curled, unnoticed, against the wall. Noting her red eyes and tearstained cheeks, Remus made a mental note to ask James if he'd had anything to do with it later. Warily, her eyes traveled in Sirius's direction, where he looked like he was barely restraining himself from doing something drastic. "I don't mean to bother you, Remus, Sirius, but could I ask you a question?" Her voice was soft and tentative, as she waited for some sign of acknowledgment, eyes slightly wary.

When Sirius opened his mouth, most likely to snap something, Remus shot him a warning look. "Go on, Lily. I'll make sure this mutt here keeps his trap shut," he said pleasantly. Sirius turned to Remus at this, miming biting and snapping motions, and Remus whacked him upside the head, grinning. However, when Sirius's gaze returned to Lily, he once again became silent and motionless, a statue with wary, calculating eyes.

"I was wondering— about James—"

Here, Sirius cut her off, eyes blazing. "What more do you want with him, you bitch?" he snarled.

Remus laid a hand on Sirius's arm, warning him with his eyes.

Sirius's angry contempt brought Lily out of her meekness. Standing taller, matching Sirius's furious gaze, she responded hotly, "I was just wondering if either of you might've had anything to do with the bloody Restricted Curse someone put on him, that's all—"

Remus's hand slipped off Sirius's shoulder as he whirled around. "What?"

Her eyes cold, Lily answered, "You heard me. Restricted Curse, as in possible time in Azkaban." She saw Remus's face pale slightly, and guessed it wasn't just from hearing that one had been put on James. "Well? A Marauders' joke go a little too far this time?"

Sirius started to move towards Lily. "You don't know that, Evans, so shut your trap or—"

Once again, Remus put out an arm to stop Sirius. "If you can't control yourself, get your arse out of here," he said quietly to Sirius. He then turned back to Lily. "Someone could have cast it over my—"

Lily snorted. "Really, Remus. Think about what you're saying. There aren't that many people around here who can cast Restricted Curses without ending up maiming themselves in the process."

"You're one of them, aren't you?" Sirius's cold voice interrupted. "And so's Chase."

"What are you implying, Sirius?" Lily's eyes narrowed. "That either Chase or I would be immoral enough — not to mention bloody damned stupid— to do it?"

"And what if I said yes?"

"Listen, you—"

"Stop." Remus stepped bodily in between Sirius and Lily, blocking them both. "Just shut up, Padfoot, for once in your life, will you? And no, Lily, we're not accusing you or Chase of anything." He sighed. "I'm just— confused— about all this. I put a Binding Spell on James. Not the first-year one; one that's a bit more advanced, but nowhere near impossible to break. Oh, when you say 'a Restricted Curse', I take it you mean the binding one, right?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, that one. Did you know it produces a side effect like the Cruciatus when someone tries and fails to break it?" Her hands were trembling.

"Oh god. You mean James got put through—" Remus found himself unable to go on, to state something like that so... blandly. The implication hung over them.

When the silence became unbearable, Remus spoke up again. "Lily—" He stumbled, trying to figure out how to get the words out of his mouth. "Lily... do you think I did it?"

Once again there was silence, this time broken by Lily's soft voice. "No... no, Remus, I don't."

Remus looked relieved. "Well, I suppose all we can do is think about this rationally." He began to pace around the center of the room. "There are a few possible scenarios. One, someone else put the Curse on James, over my Binding Spell. Two, I screwed up my incantation, somehow, and it... errrrr... mutated?" He paused, looking sheepish. "Ummm... Lily, can you think of a third?"

"Well..."

Suddenly, an explosion sounded from somewhere above them, most likely from the girls' dorm. There were a few shouted swears (which Sirius raised an eyebrow at, trying hard not to smile), then a fifth-year girl came racing down the stairs.

Spotting Lily, she shouted, "Lily! Thank god!" She paused to catch her breath. "Can you help me here?" The girl lifted up her right hand, to which her wand seemed to be stuck to.

"Dessie, what on earth did you do?" Lily cautiously prodded the wand and then examined Dessie's hand, wrinkling her nose.

"Errrr..." Dessie (short for Desdemona, which she hated to be called) mumbled. "I..."

"Never mind, I don't think I want to know. But I'm afraid I can't do anything about this; you'll have to go to the Hospital Wing, I suppose." Dessie groaned, and Lily stifled a laugh. "Hey, well, blame Rich. He thought it was funny to screw around with your wand yesterday. Then again, you should blame yourself, too, for being too lazy to ask a teacher to fix it for you."

Dessie sighed, making a face at Lily. "Okay, well... ick, off to the Hospital to be tortured like a lab specimen now..." She turned around and disappeared through the portrait hole.

"Lab specimen?" Sirius inquired at Remus, expecting to receive another "It's a Muggle thing, Padfoot" type of response, but asking anyway.

However, Remus didn't hear Sirius's question. He was too busy grinning and looking like his birthday had come early. "Lily, I've got it!"

"Hmm?"

"Well, I think I might have an explanation..." Remus then proceeded to outline to Lily everything that had happened during the afternoon, leaving out only that the whole thing had been a ruse to get her and James back together. When Remus said he'd "needed the Map", she had known better that to ask what for, so there was no problem with that. He finally ended with, "See, it fits. I think someone might have tampered with my wand."

Lily nodded, thinking. "Yes, it does make sense, in a way, but who?"

"... I have no idea..."

~*~*~

Lily sank down onto her bed, fighting the urge to cry. Had she meant so little to him? So little that he could just forget everything that had happened— that he could forget her— so quickly?

She opened the small compartment in her nightstand, and took out a miniature picture frame. On it was a picture of James.

As she looked at the picture— a non-moving Muggle picture taken with her own camera— a tear slipped down her cheek. Her heart wrenched at the sight of his face— so happy, so carefree, so handsome it made her heart ache.

Another tear slipped and fell, followed by another, and another.

All she could think of in her head was James, standing up to go ask Jessie Fitzroy out, in the middle of the Great Hall during dinner. The Hall had been deathly silent, James's voice unnaturally loud. When he uttered the fateful words, also handing Jessie a beautiful red rose and kissing her on the lips, hundreds of eyes had turned to Lily to see her reaction. She hadn't known whether to be impassive, or to scream, or to cry. All she'd wanted to do was to— to— She hadn't known then, and she still didn't know now. All she knew was it had ripped her heart to pieces, to see James give a rose to another girl, like he'd once given her. To see James kiss another girl, like he'd once kissed her.

To see that her ruse had worked.

To see that James was finally gone, torn from her grasp, never to return.

The tears were flowing freely now. Lily made no attempt to stifle them, as she looked at the small picture in her hand, remembering. Remembering, and cherishing; remembering, and hating.

She fumbled around blindly on her bed for her wand. Finally locating it, gripping it so hard her knuckles were turning white, she uttered the incantation.

And watched as the flames crawled over his face, eating and tearing and destroying, leaving her with nothing but a pile of ashes.

Gone, never to return.

Stumbling to her feet, Lily opened the window, and flung the ashes out to the winds. Crying uncontrollably, she sank to the floor and rested her head on her knees.

Finally gone, never to return.

Once and for all.

Forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Yes, finally done with the chapter, and it actually reached the point I wanted it to. Sorry for the long wait between chapters— I would have posted sooner, but I really wanted to put the last part in, and I never got to write it. So finally, I did just now, from the top of my head right into my compy, and tada! Here's Chapter 8! **grins**

Please do review...